Why don't guys really express their feelings? And what am I supposed to do?

[thatgirlrinrin]

Okay so for context me and my boyfriend have been together for almost a year now we live kinda far from each other but he's amazing but my boyfriend is depressed which I knew already so that's nothing new but when he's feeling at his worse he talks to me less I've noticed he says is because he doesn't wanna put down he wants me to be happy and not depressed bc he's depressed but that only worries me bc because I know that he's suicidal there was 3 separate occasions where he told me he was possibly going to kill himself but I don't know if he's actually attempted to or not and yesterday he literally said he said he feels like he's losing himself again and he told me to have a good rest of my day and I was asking him if he was okay he looked at it last night but he didn't reply and I haven't talked them today yet I just worry about him. And then he'll apologize for not talking to me but it's like why are you apologizing for being depressed and I don't know what to do cuz I don't want to force him to talk about something he probably doesn't want to talk about but also I just want to make sure he's okay I don't want to lose him.

Updates

11 mo

He spoke to me not to long ago but he's been drinking and he's drunk

[Anonymous]

You need to push harder and make him talk to you. I do this when I'm depressed and it's a self sacrifice thing. You love the person and you feel so awful you don't want to spread it. In his mind he's protecting you from himself. This sadly often leads to relationships failing which makes it worse because you start feeling deficient and un lovable as a result and eventually you start to feel cracked then broken. The best thing you can do is make him talk to you whether he likes it or not. This is a case where you need to force him to open up for his own good. Don't judge him for his thoughts either if he tells you them. There are shocking things in my head that I don't tell people about on a daily basis that sound deafening at stressful times. They're awful unwanted images and thoughts most of the time that you have no intent on following through on them or any control over thinking them. He's in a bad place if he's suicidal and the last thing he should be doing is isolating himself from his loved ones. The reason you see people surrounded by loved ones kill themselves is because they think they're so worthless that killing themself is taking a burden of the shoulders of the people they love. Thats also why you see a lot of poverty suicides they feel like they failed in life because in capitalist countries money = human value.

Isolating himself in these situations is not only bad for him it's dangerous. Right now he needs someone who won't take no for and answer when they try to help him. Right now you need to take the lead in the relationship and be the strong one because he's not standing on his own right now at all. I would recommend you get in contact with him as soon as possible and force him to be with you and talk about why he hurts.

Hold him, stroke his hair, kiss his forced head let him put his head in your lap, rub his back basically give him emotional comfort and touch. Assuming he doesn't have touch related disorders. I also highly recommend tea and some of his favorite foods but whatever you do don't let him drink or do drugs right now. That could push him over the edge. Honestly the best thing you can probably do right now is treat him like he's really, really sick because in the head that's how he feels. I speak from personal experience, I'm struggling with a lot of the same things as him. Something you have to keep telling yourself as dark as it is sometimes is "Every day I don't kill myself is a win." That said you need to also remind him of the things he has to live for. Sometimes when you're really depressed they can be genuinely hard to think of even if they're right in front of your face so telling and reminding him will make sure he processes those reasons to live because his brain won't let him.

[Pterodon]

Feelings are very hard for most guys of any age to express. Makes some feel vulnerable plus teens really don’t know or understand what they’re feeling. Just promise him you’ll always listen with no judgement, you won’t ever discount his feelings and you’ll listen whenever he’s ready without badgering him. It’s about all you can do

[Abbycado]

You’re focusing on the wrong things. Yes he should be open with feelings, but if he’s suicidal as you mention, a relationship is not a good idea for him.

He needs to get himself better before he can focus on others.

[thatgirlrinrin]

What if leaving makes it worse I'm scared that happening am I overthinking it

[Abbycado]

I’m not saying leaving is the answer. It’s about being supportive and making sure he gets help.

[Abbycado]

A good person to weigh in is @HollyK21 And @SueShe to back up what I’m trying to say about priorities for him right now.

[thatgirlrinrin]

Okay

[HollyK21]

Just finished reading the post and I agree with Abby that if he’s as suicidal as you mentioned then a relationship isn’t a good idea for him at this time. You shouldn’t feel responsible for someone else’s mental health or feel trapped in the relationship out of fear that he’ll harm himself. That’s so toxic. He should be single, and seek professional help if he hasn’t already. This isn’t me saying you can’t or shouldn’t be there to support him, but maybe just as a friend, without a relationship in place.

[SueShe]

Thanks @Abbycado for the hint.

Let me try to give my 2 cents worth of opinion.

Psychologically, if someone states that they want to commit suicide, it is a direct scream for help. People that really want to commit suicide do not go publicizing it. So, while I would take it seriously, I would not start to panic but think straight.

What I can suggest is the following.

The essence of a relation is in communication.

If you feel that the situation is tense, why don't you make a list of topics you feel both of you have an issue and besides each item, you bring a reply that you think would help the situation. Then ask him to do a similar list and also to write down how he sees improvement.

Then, if you can, you sit together and attempt to find a consensus, bearing in mind that none of you should be angry or upset. That would falsify the outcome and rather than to help, this would only make things worse. Also, trying to impose one's view onto the other is not the right solution because the one or the other is under pressure to act on that imposition. Good luck.

[thatgirlrinrin]

I understand

[Abbycado]

Thank you to both you ladies for your advice. Good luck to you @thatgirlrinrin. This is no easy situation to deal with at your age, or any for that matter.

[HollyK21]

Anytime🤍 and good luck Rinrin!

[SueShe]

Hope that @HollyK21 @Abbycado and I could help a little. Take good care of yourself and be safe.

[Abbycado]

Ty for mho hun 💕

[AI Opinion]

Hey sweetheart, I'm here to help! First off, it sounds like your boyfriend is really going through it, and you're doing an amazing job being there for him. Silently shouting from the sidelines isn't fun. Encourage him to chat with a mental health pro because a little extra help never hurt. 💪 Plus, try sending sweet messages without expecting a response. It's like showering him with love without the pressure—a win-win! Only professional help can really address his serious feelings. Keep being the loving, supportive partner you are, and take care of yourself too! ❤️

[thatgirlrinrin]

I've asked him about getting help before he said he didn't need it and I can't force him to so

[Vneila21]

@thatgirlrinrin Have you considered getting therapy yourself? Showing him that there's nothing to fear might nudge him. Plus, the therapist may know what to do in this situation.

[thatgirlrinrin]

@Vneila21 no I haven't but maybe I'll try

[Vneila21]

@thatgirlrinrin I've also taken suicide prevention training, and it is recommended to get help no matter what they think.

[jahaims]

Guys do. If your guy doesn't he is immature

[Anonymous]

I usually express my feelings.