Guys, Why don't men talk about their feelings and what can I do to change that?

[Anonymous]

How can I get him to open up? He is a tough guy I guess/ jokester. Known him for over 10 years in the past he used to open up more but after all his ex gfs things have changed. His heart is way more guarded..

[Chazmatazz269]

You can’t do anything about it except let him know you’re a safe outlet. He likely won’t believe you because probably every woman has told him as much and still betrayed his confidence after the fact. But he got hurt because he eventually broke down and confided in them anyway. He’ll probably do the same with you. Just remember, no matter what he says or how he says it, it’s NOT about YOU. Men don’t talk for a few major reasons. Usually nobody will listen, men or women. If they do listen and they disapprove of the feelings being expressed, the manner in which they’re expressed or the reasons for the feelings the listener always devalues the man expressing himself. It’s a sign of weakness and weak men are useless to our society. Lastly, of the very few people who can and will offer a man a safe space to meaningfully express his feelings, the vast majority of women will always make it about themselves in some way. You’re hurt, scared or distressed by something he said or did, or how he said it or did it, and as a woman you’re comfortable expressing yourself fully and immediately. Now he has to guard himself to be your protector again.
What we as men really need is more strong, understanding men in our lives. There are some men’s groups out there for us, but they’re fewer and farther between than ever. If they don’t get labeled as a hate group and shut down, then they’re forced by law to allow women in or they’re violating women’s constitutional right to invade men’s spaces. Ell oh ell!

[Asker]

Ill take your advice and keep this in mind. Thank you.

[bamesjond0069]

Men dont often even have complex or obvious feelings. Typically a man in a good place is experiencing little to no emotions on a regular basis. Sure happy i hit my gym goal or work goal but its less emotional and more rational happiness. When a man is experiencing lots of emotion it means something is wrong even 99% of the time. So maybe he doesn't even have anything to say? Even if he did many men dont find it enjoyable and its actually far worse to have to share emotions. Shit id be depressed asf if i had to share about my emotions even if it was joy 😂

[Asker]

This helps. Thank you.

[bamesjond0069]

you're welcome. The main this is that women and men experience emotions drastically different. So because when you try to put yourself in his shoes you assume hed have things to share and a lot of emotions. But he's not you, a woman, he's a man. Men make the same mistake and assume a woman is ok and nothing to share because we wouldn't in their position but y'all women always got emotions to share 😂 because you're women not men.

[Asker]

YES! So very true. Great insight. Ill keep what you said in mind.

[Reaper1985]

most boys are raised to believe that talking about or sharing feelings with others is a sign of weakness or feminine behavior.

[Asker]

Got it. Thanks.

[BarryLiverstone]

Because guys get penalized for doing so. If you can build up trust with him you can slowly ask him to open up more.

[BarryLiverstone]

What emotions do you wanna hear from him?

[Asker]

I see. Like I've been gone for about a month so I'd like to hear "I miss you," "I love you." were not in a a romantic relationship right now but he used to say that all the time.

[BarryLiverstone]

Oh in that case he doesn’t miss you or he doesn’t realize that he does. Do you tell him you love him?

[Asker]

I said "I love you and miss you" in a text after he sent three texts in a row upset at me because I was the only one consistent on the media team at church and I then switched churches so he was stating his frustration but then I offered to fix it by having afriend do it and me training her and he still was upset. So I sent the texts to my guy cousin and he says "I think he misses you lol." so then I said I love and miss you and he didn't respond. I was trying to be the bigger person!

[BarryLiverstone]

Ya he is frustrated so he’s not going to reply that he misses you.

[BarryLiverstone]

Also it’s text, meant to communicate facts and check in. Why not give him a call?

[Asker]

Well since then, I've gone back to the church and he's approached me several times positively. he's gotten over it. But still didn't want to admit that he missed me. But I am just going to let it go. He doesn't like to talk over the phone so only call him every blue moon. How we are is I call or text him 1st and he approaches me 1st in person all the time. We see each other 3xs a week.

[BarryLiverstone]

Ok so it’s all good

[Asker]

Yes we are good. Thank you so much.

[BarryLiverstone]

You are welcome. by the way how big is your crush on him?

[Asker]

Pretty big. Why?
I honestly have to push myself and be more open as well. Like when he flirts with me I tend not to know how to respond.

[BarryLiverstone]

I asked because it sounds like you want him to initiate when you could ask him out

[Asker]

Hmmm... I'll ask him to come over. Does that count?

[BarryLiverstone]

If he’s been there before yes

[Asker]

Yes, he has. We will just chill he can play VR and we can watch Hulu :-D

[Anonymous]

Boys are raised knowing they will be penalized for showing their feelings. And that's not going to change because men will always be viewed as weak for showing feelings the way women do.

[Asker]

Got it. Thanks.

[TheFlak38]

Men who talk about their feelings get friend zoned shamed.

[Asker]

Maybe thats why we never dated bc he used to be a lot more sappier. Either way we are still not together. I think he needs to heal his heart 1st.

[FilmGuy93]

Men don't talk about their feelings because every single one of us has countless experiences of people throwing our feelings back in our faces. If you want to get your friend to open up, you have to demonstrate that you won't do that.

[Asker]

Gotcha! :-D Will do.

[SiberFox]

Nothing, if he trusts you he will talk to you. Otherwise don't even try. Guys don't open up because women make fun of them for it, even if you don't. You don't like it, well you have other women to blame for that.

[Asker]

Okay

[driven159]

They made it that way, so he has a guard on his heart it is a natural thing

[Asker]

Thank you. I understand.

[driven159]

Being a jokester sometimes cover deep hurt in the heart that's a way of coping

[Asker]

Yes, I see that in him.

[In_Trance]

They do. But men, just like women, don't give all information to all people.

[Asker]

This is True. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Control him you say? If he's smart, you can't. Any guy that has had any experience KNOWS you tell her what she wants to hear. Never let her in your kitchen. Most women don't want "KNOW YOU". Most women just want to know how to manipulate you. Once she knows your weaknesses it's game over.

[pizzalovershouse]

Tell the guy I don't know what you think not less you tell me say we girls think different than you do

[Asker]

Okay, will do. Thank you.

[pizzalovershouse]

Your welcome