Why can't guys talk about feelings?

[Anonymous]

Like some of my guy friends will send emotional videos about feelings. When i bring it in a conversation they be like ”dont ask me about feelings, im not gonna talk about it”

[HighlyVolatile]

Personally, I don't even know what that means to talk about feelings. Feelings about what, you know? If we narrow it down to a subject I can talk about my feelings. Like if we want to talk about my feelings about pizza, I love pepperoni pizza and especially NY style! I want a slice right now!

[HighlyVolatile]

Like I can talk about my feelings about my work. I tend to love it overall but not every single day. Sometimes it gets very boring. You know, like that. Maybe you just have to ask about more specific subjects like his feelings about his favorite films, music, things like that.

[SladeTannon]

Those are thoughts, not emotions.

[HighlyVolatile]

@SladeTannon Oh, what would you consider the be in the emotional realm? I do feel emotions like happiness, anger, boredom, laughter, but I don't know how I would talk about it.

[HighlyVolatile]

For example, say I hear a funny joke and I laugh. Then I might say, "That joke was so funny!" I would consider that sharing our feelings but maybe still thoughts? Or should I say, "I find this joke is funny because [...]" and try to explain what I personally found funny about it?

[SladeTannon]

Like if someone says something to you, does it make you feel sad, or hurt, or guilty, etc. Saying a joke is us funny is opinion, saying that hearing and laughing about a joke makes you happy or nostalgic or wistful or silly would be different.

[HighlyVolatile]

@SladeTannon I see! It might be a tough case since most of my emotions tend to be on the cheerful and positive side. I'm a bit happy-go-lucky. Usually, if something bothers me or upsets me, it's also maybe only for like an hour. Then I get cheerful again. The only thing I find hard to recover from and shift back to cheerful are really huge things, like the death of a loved one.

But one thing I like to do is go into my childhood. I'm hugely nostalgic. So especially with things like 80s films and music, I can talk about how they made me feel the first time I watched them as a kid. Like the first time, I saw Alien with the chest-bursting scene! OMG! That was insane! I think I was like 5-years old in the movie theater and I thought it was the most awesome thing I ever saw. Then I ended up horrifying my teachers though because I kept drawing people's chests bursting open at school.

[SladeTannon]

Lol, I have almost the opposite personality. I can't get negative feelings out of my head usually. But yeah, nostalgia hits me hard as well.

[HighlyVolatile]

@SladeTannon One thing I find tricky with some women I've known (my wife is least like this) that might lead to a lot of misunderstanding is that many I've known bring their stresses home with them. So for example, a woman after a hard day at work might come home wanting to complain about how much she hates her boss, and perhaps that's considered in the realm of talking about her feelings, and I'm down to listen.

But I don't tend to have much to share if I have a hard day at work since my thoughts are like, "Whoopee! It's over!" I'm genuinely in a cheerful mood by the fact that it's over. And I've had some unpleasant bosses in the past but I don't *hate* them with any strong kind of emotion. They pay me after all.

[Asker]

by the way i really admire your cheerful outlook and thanks for sharing your thoughts, very refreshing

[HighlyVolatile]

Cheers!

[Joseph3253]

Maybe most buys have some fear on talking about feelings, to be honest I had that fear for a long time until I realize how good is to talk about it. I don't know why thia fear exist, but for some guys it exist.

[VaguelyAsianLisbeth]

men are taught they're not supposed to show emotion because its "weak" unfortunately a lot of girls think guys who express frustration or sadness are unmanly and worthless

[Vegasrunner]

Men are more logical women are more emotional. If nothing else this site has validated that.

[Lisaf7ffhfh]

Science says men don't usually share their feelings. Its because the messages society sends to men.

[SladeTannon]

They don't want to feel weak or vulnerable, especially around you. It's not even necessarily about how that might change how you think of them as much as it is internal.

[Asker]

Why not, if we are close?

[Asker]

He did end up sharing his thoughts after i said ”its okay blah blah”

[SladeTannon]

Because even if you're not close, he's still going to care about your perception. That's just ingrained in us. But he also doesn't want to feel that way to himself.

[awkward_author]

We're raised to believe we're weak if we talk about and express our emotions, so we just don't do it.

[Cluelessguy95]

Because showing your emotions is often percieved as weak and girls don't like weak men so we hide them.

[rabbitzzz]

All the music i hear a guy talking about feelings though.

[Waldoe]

we do not recognize feelings... just like a woman never notices the "Check Engine" light on the dash...

[Anonymous]

Men aren't allowed to have feelings. Women are turned off by it for sure.

[Anonymous]

It's not that we can't but there's nothing to be gained from it and a lot to lose from it. So you see there's no incentive

[bewilderedunfiltered]

I think society makes it difficult for men to open up.

[Ryfyle]

No one actually gives a fuck about a mans feelings, so why waste the time.

[nawtee_me]

because some guys don't know how to identify their feelings...

[blackwife]

i can, i jus dont want to, cos i dont feel things, i think things

[driven159]

they are not wired that way

[Sonorous]

Defense mechanism