Why won't guys admit when they have strong feelings?

Question

I've been seeing a guy for about 9 months. The relationship started out as pretty casual but feels like it's gotten more serious over time. He calls me at least a couple of times a day, we talk for hours, we share a lot of personal stuff, etc. and the sex is blow your mind amazing. The weird part is that we have not discussed our feelings for each other. He has made some general comments about girls getting more attached in relationships (I feel like he is fishing to see how I feel) and he has said he loves everything about our relationship on multiple occasions and wants it to continue. If he loves me, or even has strong feelings I want him to say it first. Would a guy call this often, and make comments like this if he didn't love you or at the very least have strong feelings? Trying to figure out if he is testing the waters or if I'm reading too much into it. Would a guy do this hoping I'll say something first?

nightdrot · Accepted Answer

As a general rule, women are more verbal than men. There are all sorts of evolutionary - and cultural - reasons for this. However, I'll spare you unless you are curious.

A woman will say "I love you." A guy will not. Rather, he will do things for you. He'll do favors. He'll help around the house. He will express himself through his actions.

In a way, you are asking him to behave against the way men are hardwired. He may get around to saying it, but on average, don't expect him to say it often.

Rather, pay attention to the things he does for you. Also, if he takes you to meet friends and family, that is another huge indicator. A man's family and friends are hugely important to him. If he is taking you out and introducing you to family and friends, it is a fairly safe assumption that he is VERY serious about you.

As for sex - you've already said that you have a great sex life. That is also important to a man. Remember the old rule, "For a woman, there is no sex until they are sure there is love. For a man, they don't believe it is love until there is sex."

It is almost assured that now that you have had sex he almost takes it for granted that you love each other. Again, it is sort of the nature of male psychology.

Bottom line, as men are not great communicators - and are very weak when it comes to getting signals - your best bet is to ask him. Flat out. "Do you love me?"

In a way I know that is not what you want to hear - but he needs to know it is important to you. Because in his mind, everything he has done with you - and the sex - prove his love.

You want to hear it, but he thinks he has shown you. It is a basic difference in male and female psychology, and rather than let your frustration fester, it really is best to say, "Honey, I love you and I am sorry, I know it may seem silly, but I need to hear, do you love me?"

Then tell him that you appreciate all that he has done for you - the old saying is that if you praise a guy you will get a million more miles out of him - but that you hope he understands that you just need to hear it from you.

Almost assured. If he loves you, once he knows it matters to you - even if he does not fully understand why - he will say it because your happiness will make him happy, too.

ErnestSamuels · Accepted Answer

Don't expect him to say it first. You aren't entitled to that shit. Men aren't good at emotions, either...

You say it first. Put the ball in his hands. If he wants to keep playing, good. If not, then you know, and you can stop wasting time.

Besides, if he were to confess his undying love to you, I can almost guarantee you'd lose a bar of respect for him, and you wouldn't be as attracted to him as you were before. Sure you'd think that very sweet, but I doubt you'd find it sexy. Wanting a man to say he loves you is a way of kind kf sissifying a man in your own head, an unintentionally and subconsciously manifested sabotage of your relationship. Women do this all the time. Man love is different from woman love. Women love men deeply and with great admiration. Men love women differently. Instinctively, we just want to protect you and guide you. We don't really deal with emotions as muc, or as well, as women.

Look at the present situation. His ambiguity has got you all riled up. You don't know where you stand. I'd say you're rather emotionally excited right now, anticipating how this will all unfold. Does he love me? Will he tell me? Why won't he tell me? He act like he loves me...

The moment he tells YOU I LOVE YOU, ah, now the roller-coaster drama is over, and you're left with a sense of wanting.

So I'd suggest you be the one to take the leap. Don't expect him to do it.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

guys are soul less robots from outter space. he is tricking you. break up and become a nun asap

GingerGuy · Answer

Why do you want him to say it first? It's the exact same reason YOU won't. It's making him vulnerable and open to rejection. He doesn't know for sure how you feel (he'll doubt it even if you're giving him all the right signs). It's hard to do (talk about). Plus, if he's not ready to get that serious with you, then that will be stopping him as well. But I'm 40, have developed feelings for someone and have been trying for weeks to tell her how I feel and can't do it LOL. It doesn't get any easier ever! If you can "get over" wanting "him to do it first", tell him how you feel. Or even if you can help him along with it. Say something like "I'm curious, has your feelings for me changed?" Helps open the door :)

TheUglyMan · Answer

He won't admit it because he's not sure if you have the same level of feelings as him. And rightfully so he is a cautious and wise investor. He know he's getting a decent return now (sex , long calls etc...) so why take the risk and go all in to make a lose (rejection and relationship not being the same). You need to tell him how much you care then once the investment is safe then he'll tell you how he feels. But if not then it;ll take a while for him to tell you how he feels. Thats what it i think

Tdieseler · Answer

Its really not our thing... we don't like to talk or take words seriously like women do. If we do have strong feelings... it shows through actions. If he is taking time out of his day to communicate with you (when he could be doing other shit)... just take it as the feelings are there. he doesn't have to say it.

Chaz269 · Answer

If you're feeling it, you should say it. It's childish to say, "He should say it first," and more so to actually behave that way. Maybe he's feeling the exact same way as you, maybe not. If he is, then you're both actively sabotaging the relationship by not being completely honest with each other instead of playing silly games.
In the end, he's not going anywhere unless you chase him off. So if the relationship is more important than the words, and it absolutely should be, then relax and enjoy each other. If you can't go on without hearing the words, then put on your big girl pants and tell him exactly how you feel. He'll most likely return the favor anyway.

Humbledman74006 · Answer

Men by culture are more reserved, and in today's world with the perceived feminization of men, this brought up in a male dominanted atmosphere tend to give the pretense of a bit more reservation. It's a shame.

Emotional intelligence is not something openly and regularly. Communication of emotion is often perceived as providing an opening. Many men guard this opening due to poor emotional intelligence.

He may not also fully understand his feelings.

There is the chance too, that he does not feel that strongly, yet.

Anonymous · Answer

Love you? after 9 months? he doesn't even know you. You wanting him to say it first is simply ego. The question is, why you can't just enjoy it without trying to label it.

This is where so many people go wrong. They get hung up with semantics, or worrying about who says what first. All of that comes from the mind and ego, and kills so much.

If you think a man can love you after only 9 months, then it's worrying.

Caaarl · Answer

I dont know what you're taking about if he said he loves everything about the relationship on multiple occasions is that not enough? You have unrealistic expectations if you think he has to do some kind of grand gesture to show that he loves you. Everyone shows their love differently just because he's not acting the way you expect him to act doesn't mean that men are emotionally damaged.

Kreneman · Answer

He is starting to have feelings for you and it sounds like that he is taking it very slow with you because usually when men are dating a woman, they don't usually expect to run into a good woman so soon and now that he is with you; he is being patient until the time comes to tell you; plus are Pride and fear of Love are the main reasons why men dont admit their feelings (Some men).

Fractacular · Answer

So... you're upset because he hasn't admitted that he has strong feelings for you.

And yet you haven't admitted your feelings either, because you want him to say it first.

Does that not strike you as just a teensy bit hypocritical?

JCLaird · Answer

I do. But it has also scared girls away who aren't looking for a relationship. It's a balance and there may be other I securities at pls. But I can't say a general reason. Most it's b3cause they're unsure where they stand in the eyes of their partner.

Harsh_5299 · Answer

He has fear of rejection, and so do you... it depends on how long till it takes until one of you will becomes desperate and proposes first
If you don't like to wait, then propose... if he accepts, good for you
If not, you just saved a lot of time

Too_Damn_Tall · Answer

Because from a young age we're taught by family, friends, acquaintances, media, and everything else to jot have emotions, and that having them is weak, and makes us weak, and less desired to be around.

Ken_Starangel · Answer

He's afraid of losing face by admitting he loves you first

lMike · Answer

Cus ur a girl and girls read way too much into whats going on in a guys mind.. So i would say yes your reading too much into it.

FlamingoJones73 · Answer

I'm pretty damn blunt, I also don't know how to play the game...

LasPlagas · Answer

I would but some stupid unwritten social rules say men have to stay strong and show no feelings

booblove · Answer

No after so much.. he should have said u if he really is in love with u.

Anonymous · Answer

At least guys are capable of falling in love... all girls care about is getting random cock, and cheating...

scooogy · Answer

In my experience, that makes girls run away faster than anything else

Nice222 · Answer

I always have. But sometimes when you admit you have strong feelings it can chase the other person away.

Why won't guys admit when they have strong feelings?

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