It's been over a week and my boyfriend is still ignoring me after a fight even on my birthday? Is this really just jealousy?

[missanna22]

Its been over a week now since our fight and he's still angry at me because I braided another guys hair and didn't tell him. Like I said in my previous questions, I sincerely apologised on last Thursday and he wanted space until Sunday. It was hard but I respected his wish and gave him the space he needs. Yesterday on Tuesday I texted him again saying "Hi babe". I thought why not start a normal convo and see where this goes. He read it but didn't reply at all.
Todays my birthday and I haven't received anything, no text, no call, absolutely nothing. His problem is that I didn't tell him. But it was so meaningless and absolutely nothing happened.

Up to this day our relationship was perfectly fine. We hardly ever fight, we get along really great and we were planning on staying with one another forever.

Yesterday I even talked to his mom about this, we are very close too and since she knows him best, I asked her because I just don't know what to do anymore. He doesn't even let me talk to him.
She said that he's a very jealous guy and that I need to fight. His dad is just like this too.

I mean is this really just jealousy? What do you think? I'm just trying to understand what is going on. It makes me really sad

[crystaaal]

if your relationship asides this particular issue is very stable, and his mom also confirms that he is jealous, he might truly feel jealous. As long as it is a healthy type of jealous where he does not hurt you back emotionally or physically because of it, you can only do your part to apologize and initiate how much he means to you. Just send a message telling him that you had no idea it hurt him that much and you will be more careful and considerate in the future because its something at affects him. At the same time, make sure he does not make you feel bad about it. If he blames you for it constantly, then you should move on. I've learnt from my own experience that red flags will only get worse if you let it slide. Catch it from the beginning or end it. No one should feel like hurting someone they love even if they've been hurt, that's selfish. And if he loves you, he will know that you did not mean it and he will eventually forgive you and truly move past it. Depending on how long youve been together or how stable your relationship is, i would say 2 weeks of him ignoring you is enough time for him to think. Anything beyond that i personally think is more than enough of your time waiting around. You can send him a last message saying that if he doesn't reply anymore you understand and its okay to assume that he doesn't want the relationship anymore. And for your benefit, I suggest that if he does not reply to that to just move on and don't take him back easily even when he comes back to message you days after. Don't let it slide that he can get mad at you, ignore you, and can come back to you anytime. Trust me, it will happen again if you let it slide. You have done your part, apologised gave him time, him ignoring you for that long is not exactly fair in my opinion especially for what happened. You're not obliged to owe him anything if he's left you waiting even after you reached out. And you should deserve a proper talk if he wanted to get back with you. Really consider the self respect and love you deserve and don't let him feel that it is ok to just walk over you. That's all I have to say for advice, but I'm sure you'll figure out whats best for you, i wish you luck. :)

[pierre7i]

@missanna22, this advice from @crystaaal is sensible and very wise

It may hurt but if his silence persists I truly feel you must move on because if he treats you like this now just imagine if you were married to him and his jealousy turned to violent rage?

His own mum said "he's a very jealous guy", that's a huge red flag !

[pierre7i]

@missanna22 happy birthday by the way 🎂🥂🎁

[lumos]

You know what, this is not normal. Being a little jealous is fine as long as you still understand when it's justified and when it isn't. This is clearly a situation where his jealous is not justified. Would he have reacted this way if you had braided another girl's hair? Probably not, so why is it any different from you braiding a guy's hair? Braiding someone's hair is not even sexual or in any way romantic, geez.

What he is doing would be considered emotional abuse in my book. Giving someone the silent treatment for this long over such a pointless thing is incredibly immature and hurtful, way more hurtful than you braiding someone's hair ever was. It's such an overkill reaction to something that was completely meaningless.

Even if he was somehow justified in feeling hurt, this is not how you're supposed to approach it in a relationship. You're supposed to communicate these things with your partner. If you're upset because of something your partner did, you need to explain why you're upset and then have a discussion about what could be done to make you feel less upset. You don't give your partner the silent treatment for over a week and somehow expect things to just solve themselves. That's just how you create more problems and more hurt feelings.

Honestly I would seriously consider breaking up with him if I were you, if he doesn't get his shit together soon. This is an incredibly massive flag, even if things have been fine up until this point. Not only is that an insane overreaction to have to something that's completely innocent, but he has also showcased just how incapable of communicating he is. It can't just be chalked up to jealousy or stubbornness. It's incredibly immature and shows that he has no business being in a relationship. And frankly I'd have no patience to put up with any of that. In an adult relationship, you're supposed to communicate your feelings and talk things out. It's the foundation of a healthy relationship. Without it, the relationship will just fall apart.

And the fact that he even let this continue over your birthday... wow. He's an ass. Nah, you know what, dump him. He's not worth it.

[lumos]

Also something worth noting: I've heard that people do some really stupid shit sometimes when they want to break up but are too much of a coward to do it themselves. They do stuff like this and basically push their own partner to be the one to "pull the plug" on the relationship. Considering that a) this is a completely ridiculous scenario and b) he's clearly pushing you away, it wouldn't surprise me if he on some level wants to break up with you, but is too scared/lazy to do it himself, so he's trying to push you to come to that conclusion yourself.

[HornyyEveryday]

I remember that day you posted about losing your virginity, years ago.

[cavmanier]

The answers on here are predictably self righteous. Many of these people do similar emotional things in relationships like your boyfriend is doing.

Yes it seems like your boyfriend feels jealous and is probably quite angry and may be questioning your loyalty. I'm not saying it's objectively wrong to braid another guy's hair. I don't know how I would feel about it. It doesn't seem that bad other than touching his head but I suspect you may have done it alone at his a place or something which could make it worse. I bet you left out some details that could change the context of the story because of course you see the situation from the more positive side of your perspective.

What I find most concerning is you contacting him after almost a week and him not replying back to you. That's clearly really bad. Also it does sound like the guy has an anger issue but that's not really not that uncommon. Lots of people feel angry for things like this. He needs to be able to communicate with you though. That's really really bad. I hope you two work it out.

[Kaneki05]

Wtf that's dumb he be way out of line.

One of the best lessons i have learned in realtionships is don't fight for someone, if they cherish everything about you like they should they wouldn't make you fight for them.

They would be greatful that they even have a chance just to have you. And you don't want a realtionship every time something small happens you have to be the one stepping up that's unhealthy af.

Plus you legit did nothing wrong. And him not even messaging you on your birthday the guy who claims to love you more than anyone in the world wouldn't at least text you on your birthday.
Sorry to say it but that guy is a dick and clearly don't love you he is probably a clingy jealous guy which is fine if he did love you but his actions show otherwise. And even if he does believe 100% he loves you actions show more than thinking something, when are thoughts change everday and love is a hard thing to grasp if it is love or just liking or just needing someone.

[brilliant135]

So, first things first, you braiding another guys hair sounds a little fishy, because it's not something you would do in public or at a gathering with other friends, which means you were hanging with this guy alone, this would be why he's having a hard time dealing with it.
Second, you apologized, true, but did he accept it? And if so, did he forgive you? These are all different stages... Sounds to me, he has not forgiven you.
What you need to do is talk to him in person, find out what you need to do for him to get passed this and make it happen.
Explain to him how you feel about him and that it's not fair for him to punish you for ever. You regret what you have done and you want to fix things, but it can only work if he's willing to do the same, and if he's not, then you both need to move on and just end things.
Once he looks at the alternative, it will be a wakeup call and I'm sure he will be more receptive of your apology.
Right now he's still angry, but he doesn't realize that his actions could be doing irreparable harm to your relationship.
Not wishing you a happy birthday, no matter how mad is kind of a low move, so you might want to think long and hard about trying to salvage this relationship.
Good luck

[LightEnd]

Ok, so let me try to make this understandable. Whether its right or not is not the issue. Its TRUE. Men have this idea in their head of a woman that they love that only has the hots for them. I know this is unrealistic. There are a lot of hot guys etc. But if you like this guy you should take care to protect his idea of you. Yes I said it. You need to manage his idea of you. So many women these days are untrustworthy and hypergamous. Yes, maybe it was an innocent thing. But to him, it is not innocent. Learn quickly or lose him. To him, you disrespected him, you were "intimate" with another guy. Yes it may seem insecure. Etc etc.

Dont listen to the bullshit that is preached by the mainstream. If you really like this guy and you want to keep him you need to RESPECT him. It's not so much insecurity l, he feels like you disrespected him. Men need respect, like women need attention. If you do not respect him he will change his posture of you in his mind from adoration to resentment.

This may not be what you want to hear, and it's not what the mainstream preaches but it is THE TRUTH.

[egarcia1360]

It's hard to take a side on the original concern of you braiding this other guy's hair without knowing more about the situation. It may have been meaningless from your perspective, but some people may consider it a romantic/flirty/cutesy thing to do. Whether or not it's a problem could depend on factors like who the guy is, how long you've known him, what your other interactions are like, whether you play with everyone's hair or it was just him, what previous talks you may have had with your boyfriend about similar topics, how long you've been together, etc. It seems like either he's far too insecure, or there's something we're missing that makes him so overprotective and averse to you hanging out with a guy like this.

Regardless of whether that was a good idea, though, the fact that he's been ignoring you for so long — including on your birthday — is a sign of immaturity. If he's refusing to talk to you over a small disagreement, he might as well just break up with you at that point. In fact, he might be doing exactly that and ghosting you. Then again, it's possible he's just in his feelings and needs more time and space than most people to get over his anger.

Ultimately, you need to think about whether what you're getting out of this relationship is worth the strict territorial antics you'll have to put up with. That'll guide you towards deciding how long you want to wait for him.

[Herbie_Otch]

Yeah, there's more wrong than just the fact that you braided another guy's hair. It could be jealousy, but it sounds like he doesn't believe it was just innocent hair braiding, or he's got bigger issues trusting you. If, as I glean from your previous asks, you found a secret Tinder account he was using, he could be resentful of that. It's pretty common for cheaters to assume their partners are cheating, or to project their own guilt in their partner who called them out.

Ordinarily, I'd say a very honest conversation is in order, to find and address whatever is making him feel so insecure about your relationship. But if he won't even talk to you, I'd say you should probably decide how long you want to put up with this abuse, and tell him your limit.

I wouldn't beg him to talk. If he sees you're hurting or getting desperate, he'll know his abusive head game is working and keep it up. My advice is to tell him very plainly and directly something like:

"A partner who won't talk to me isn't a partner. I have owned my mistake, and respected your request for space. Now we need to talk how we get past this, or I will leave."

If he won't talk to you, start packing. Getting even or punishing you is one thing. Sustained emotional abuse because of his own insecurities is definitely another.

I hope there's someone who knows how to treat a friend and can take you out for your birthday, and you are able to enjoy yourself for a while. Best wishes, I'm sorry this is how your birthday is going so far, and best of luck to you.

[soleil2666]

She hasn't owned up to that braiding being a mistake at all - this questions was a beg to label him as jealous so she can feel better about getting into intimate space with another guy.

[Herbie_Otch]

She said she's apologized. I would have thought that was plenty as well. Braiding someone's hair is "getting into intimate space?" Insecurity is so ugly.

Look, I wasn't there. I don't know how innocent any if it was, but it seems a little strange to me to try and call her out for crossing done kind of like, when her boyfriend has been an abusive child for a week, straight through her birthday. His behavior is far less reasonable than hers even if you don't believe her about her apology, and he's definitely putting more strain on their relationship than she did by braiding some hair.

[Herbie_Otch]

Dammit. *done kind of like=some kind of line.

[soleil2666]

@Herbie_Otch I get where you are coming from - I just don't get why it hasn't been seen as obvious the guy took it as a breach of trust and shut off. I don't think it's silent treatment, I think he genuinely shut off - be it an overreaction or not.
She might not want him back, and it's fine. But if she does, she'll have to accept that is beyond his boundary. Boundaries are healthy, aren't they - and not only when women set them (they were used against me a few times, and nastily so, so I whine...)

[Herbie_Otch]

Ok, let's talk boundaries. Homeboy had a Tinder account he didn't tell her about, active while they were dating. We're supposed to feel sorry for him that she touched some dude's head?

I agree, setting boundaries is good. It doesn't sound to me like he did that. If what's written here and in her other asks is true, this dude has some serious baggage. I believe it would behoove him to acknowledge her apology and at least be open to discussing things. Indeed, things like boundaries. When he's this insecure, I'm not sure how frequently he'll have a lady this worked up about him. I don't know too many that would put up with this kind of treatment.

[soleil2666]

@Herbie_Otch Indeed - if the tinder account was there, he might have brought it upon himself. I'm not saying he is right, but that he is offended. Not only women are super-sensitive. Haven't checked her other q's though (it's obvious there is baggage involved here). If he is good looking, he'll have a lady worked up about him in a heartbeat. Especially the high baggage guys the women can rescue get attention easily. I can, if I try. It's ridiculously easy, I just don't want to mess with anyone's life and emotions unless I really want to be with them.

[Herbie_Otch]

@soleil2666 - Even on this question, she said, "like I said in my previous questions, I sincerely apologised" If he won't even talk to her, how do you propose she "own up?" A sincere apology for hurting him isn't "owning up?"

I don't think anyone is trying to tell you (or more importantly the asker) her boyfriend wasn't offended or that she didn't cross a line for him. It's pretty clear he is, and she did. But it sounds like she's looking for advice because she still wants to salvage the relationship. So perhaps I'm missing your point, but I don't understand attacking her or trying to explain away his lousy behavior. It's more than possible that she'll be better off without him, but I don't see what new perspective you're trying to reveal by saying she hurt his fragile feelings (because that's obvious), and playing up her mistake which she apologized for. But sure what you think she should be doing differently to "fight for him."

[soleil2666]

@Herbie_Otch Oh, that's easy, salvaging this, if she ACTUALLY wants to do so - first she has to own up to what she had done not being on. Not to apologise, no one cares about the token gestures - but to own up to it and outlaw anything of the sort in her own behaviour. I am presuming she can full well ask him to be equally committed.
The fact the braided guy told her guy about it in an OFFICE means there's a lot of connection here. She could have an angry fit at him. Ask him to remove his braids. There's always a way if you are interested. Her guy is playing a girl and asking her to work for it.

[Herbie_Otch]

The fact that you acknowledge he's wrong but still take his side and tell her she's doing it wrong is at least shedding some light on the kind of ridiculously toxic stuff that might be going on this guy's head, so thank you for the additional insight. It's one thing to recognize he's being manipulative, and another to encounter a man who can argue his side against the people telling her he's being manipulative.

Dude's way out of line, and my advice stands. If she wants to give fixing things a try, in a way that is actually sustainable,, she shouldn't play his game and go ape on braid guy or any other form of caving in to his petty games. She should let him know he can't get away with that nonsense. As I said, I think she should give him an ultimatum.

My advice is still to say:
- sorry I hurt your feelings
- I respected your request for space
- let's talk about this like adults, or I am leaving

And if that doesn't work;
- Peace, crybaby.

[Flower7]

Ignoring you on your birthday is way too much. It's very excessive to do that just to prove a point. And he's already gone far past his time of needing space until Sunday. Sorry, but I just don't think this is going to work out.

You could decide to try and continue to "fight for him" as his mom suggested, but I honestly don't think this is even worth the effort. You'd be better off with someone you don't have to "fight for" over something this small. And if you do happen to "win him over" (which you shouldn't have to do), this type of thing will most likely happen again later. This seems very time-consuming, especially if it happens more than once.

You should find someone new to focus on. He's lost his chance with you by being immature. It's not your responsibility to cater to his extreme amounts of jealousy. Especially if as you say, nothing even HAPPENED with this other guy. There's no reason for you to jump through hoops to get him to forgive you for a situation that wasn't even cheating.

This is a huge waste of your time. My suggestion is to find someone new who can behave more normally, treat you better, give you more attention, and not punish you by ignoring you on your birthday.

[bubbles328]

Erm not acceptable. I was in an abusive relationship. While I am not saying yours is abusive as I don't know the ins and outs enough one thing he did was fall out and leave me every birthday and Christmas. I now believe any man that doesn't make a song and dance about my bday won't see another one of them. Don't care I deserve to be a princess on my bday and if the guy doesn't like it that's tough. I later found out it's because it was a day about me and I didn't deserve those in his eyes. I think yours is doing it to punish you too. His behaviour is petty I'd just get rid I get people need space but he's taking it too far.

[soleil2666]

What would you think if another woman braided your boyfriend's hair? Acceptable, fine, no worries?

[bubbles328]

@soleil2666 I don't know depends on their relationship I have guy mates my boyfriends have had girl mates I trust people. And if they did something I didn't like I wouldn't ignore them for a week and not contact them on their birthday that's just stupid, selfish and petty. He lacks communication skills.

[soleil2666]

You haven't answered the really simple question though. All the female responses here are way out of line with what those same females would think if their boyfriend was being braided by another woman. That much intimate contact is way further than flirting. It's closer to petting.

[bubbles328]

This was my problem with my last one. My day to day job puts me in some compromising positions and sometimes I have to get very close to the men I work with. Because of the nature of the job we are bonded in a weird strong way does that mean I open my legs to them? no you got to trust the person you are with and unless you start kissing someone you're not doing any wrong. I have guy mates they are like brothers nothing sexual and if you can't be the same with girls then you're giving me reasons not to trust you

[bubbles328]

@soleil2666 would it be different if she braided a females hair?

[soleil2666]

Would it be different for you if your boyfriend had his hair braided by a man?

[soleil2666]

You're still avoiding answering - why?

[soleil2666]

That's deflecting from what is a double standard that is showing behind the deflection.

[bubbles328]

@soleil2666 I don't know what question I am deflecting from answering

[bubbles328]

@soleil2666 What would you think if another woman braided your boyfriend's hair? Acceptable, fine, no worries?
I don't know depends on their relationship
And if they did something I didn't like I wouldn't ignore them for a week and not contact them on their birthday

Believed I answered it worst internet troll award goes to...

[soleil2666]

Well to you, clearly, the troll award. You came up with that dimension.

So if your boyfriend was braided it depends, but in this case his response is unacceptable. The thing is, you don't get to be choosing what is acceptable when you are unacceptable to someone else.

[bubbles328]

I love a good troll what made you pick my comment to start on? what ex got up your ass? how bad was your day that you had to jump online and start with someone? get a life, you commented on my post twisting stuff which makes you the troll

[dantheman1990]

@soleil2666 stop trolling the cute girl

[soleil2666]

@dantheman1990 Yeah, she wish

[bubbles328]

@soleil2666 Troll troll troll troll troooooolllllllll

[soleil2666]

@dantheman1990 she'd wish I was interested. I'll go cosy up with another girl and see if mine would be offended. She'd probably be over it for a birthday - women are (self) permissive, men are not. Someone's go to be serious in the house, not just touchy-feely we're-all-magic-friends.

[dantheman1990]

@soleil2666 It's guys like you that give guys a bad name

[soleil2666]

@dantheman1990 Do elaborate on that, wise one

[dantheman1990]

@soleil2666 you just said you would cosy up with other girls behind your girls back and your comments make no sense. Why don't you answer this young lady's questions instead of trolling me

[bubbles328]

@dantheman1990 wouldn't that defeat the object of being a troll lol

[soleil2666]

@dantheman1990 Why don't you mind your own business and write your own comments to her or to me?
She has answered her own rhetorical questions herself.
She was in an abusive relationship. I was in one - god forbid I glanced over another woman, let alone TOUCH her HAIR. She'd never say anything - she was just fuming on the inside. The usual female hypocrisy. She can braid - god forbid you do.

[dantheman1990]

@bubbles328 this guys crazy and bitter look at his other questions he's either a joke or bitter beyond belief

[dantheman1990]

@soleil2666 Think I am a more welcome commenter than you don't @ me if you don't want me to reply or were you hoping i would pick your side when you're being an idiot

[bubbles328]

@dantheman1990 I wouldn't give him my time by looking at his profile. The guy is a troll they come here to gaslight people when they don't have any narcissistic supply in their life. "I was abused but come online to abuse people" if you were abused you wouldn't come online to abuse people yourself

[dantheman1990]

you sound like you know the type

[bubbles328]

@dantheman1990 Yes I've dealt with them before. Idiots that don't seem to understand their stupid abusive conversation is all in black and white for the world to see. I'll block him now

[dantheman1990]

I would block the idiot too

[bubbles328]

@soleil2666 I braid my children and other children’s hair it would be sick if I found braiding hair intimate

[Anonymous]

Unless “braided another guy’s hair” is code for “let another guy fuck me in the ass raw” then your boyfriend is a fucking psycho. Move on.

”You need to fight” says his mom. Yeah, no. Fuck that bitch for not bothering to teach her kid how to behave like an adult. You want to end up like her? With a guy who gets pissed when you don’t relate to him in detail every meaningless interaction you have with other men in your life?

Fuck that shit. You can’t fix guys who are broken this way. Be glad you found out now.

[soleil2666]

So according to you unless a guy fucks another woman that way he is not cheating, right?

[Kdude010]

Actually he is being the adult. He's giving her what she wanted (freedom). Now she wants to act like a child ("why doesn't he talk to me?"). gtfoh wit that lol

Y'all girls need to make up your mind about what you want

[Opinion Owner]

@soleil2666 I didn’t say that, but thanks for twisting my words like a fuckwit.

[Shuri]

No, this isn't normal. Maybe a day or two of needing space is okay after a fight, but for something like braiding hair, this sounds very trivial. He needs to grow up. I'm surprised you're still trying to get him to chase you. You need to go on about your life. He'll contact you when he's ready and when he does, you let him know that his behavior is immature, not okay, and will not be tolerated again, especially after you already apologized.

No offense, but your boyfriend sounds like a pussy.

[AlienParasite]

If you just braided hair, your boyfriend is sick. I braid my friends' or even classmates' hair anytime they let me, no matter the gender. It relaxes me. There's nothing romantic or sexual in it. Just friendly.

Honestly, if he gets this jealous and angry for such a naive and little thing, he must have a lot of trust issues and probably a very low self esteem.

People with low self esteem have trust issues and don't believe that their partner really love them and so they fear other guys (or girls) because they believe they are inferior and that any type social contact (non sexual) with other guys (or girls) would make their partner dump them and break their hearts after realizing they are not as good as other people.

Of course it's a theory and I could be wrong, but I do feel like your boyfriend can't trust you at all because he has self esteem issues.

[kindamanlyman]

What you girls don't seem to realize is that in the game it isn't hard to steal a girl from someone and u can't put it past someone to do so.
You made physical contact with a dude for extended time. If u guys were just friends that's fine but you're in a relationship. I also don't know the rules of your relationship but something tells me touching other guys wasn't allowed.

Some guys would be fine with it but he doesn't appear to be one.
P. S the birthday thing doesn't matter. It doesn't put u above or below in this situation.

[loveslongnails]

Sometimes I read these things and I simply can NOT believe what I'm reading. You braided another guy's hair, and your supposed boyfriend is freaking out. I feel like this is kindergarten. What's worse is, you'll probably stay with this jealous, controlling loser guy and later do a My Take on "Why are guys so controlling?". The advice from his mother is bullshit... you can't FIGHT his jealousy, nor do you want to. It's not worth it, and the fact that his dad is the same way does not bode well for you. The simple answer is, expect a lifetime of the same SHIT if you stay with this guy. What's going on is SIMPLE... he's insecure, he's childish, he's got a raging ego, and he's controlling. Does it feel like a turning point in your life? It should, and you should walk away.

[Aakash_Hangargi]

If the guy would had done the same with another girl would you be fine with that answer honestly put yourself in his shoes it is easier to blame someone from behaviour but i think anybody would react the same and girls would have shouted and insulted the guy at least his quite and respectful.

[loveslongnails]

@Aakash_Hangargi I don't understand your comment - " If the guy would had done the same with another girl would you be fine with that answer". Are you asking if the GUY had braided another GIRL'S hair, would I give the same answer if SHE freaked out? Absolutely. Since when did braiding someone's hair become an act of betrayal? Whoever freaks out over it the same issues apply, same answer.

[Aakash_Hangargi]

I understand your point of view, but why would a person just braid somebody else hairs simply so in his view he might have thought she might have feelings for the Second guy, and I don't think that even requestor of the question been in the guys place might have been quite, when in relationship
We have to maintain a distance
With opposite sex to have a good nurturing relationship once there is so much trust built then you can be free to braid hair or put nail polish on the guy the trust building part takes time so everyone gets jealous of such acts small or big doesn't matter according to me it is just possessiveness it will fade with time..

[loveslongnails]

@Aakash_Hangargi NO, that's ridiculous. She's 26 years old, I don't know how old he is. I don't know "why" she braided this guys hair, but I have to assume they are acquainted with each other in some way, maybe even friends? You're defending what appears to be jealousy and insecurity with the "rationalization" that a " ... distance with the opposite sex needs to be maintained." Perhaps it's like that in your culture, but not in the west. It's a simple hair braiding, and the guy needed "space" for days and he still hasn't replied in almost a week? That's a big red flag, which the mother confirmed and gave piss poor advice about fighting it? Momma is condoning the jealousy, and the bad behavior, like it's some lovable family trait. This woman should get herself free because possessiveness and jealousy does NOT fade over time, it only gets WORSE. I don't know WHY you would think it fades - it does not.

[Aakash_Hangargi]

It's not about Culture it stands true for any relationship. But it's fine I understand your point of view but not all are that open minded. Her Mother is casual about the fact his jealousy because she loves both of them with their flaws and jealousy is sprout out of love for someone it's common problem is when his super possessive. Anyways would like to stop the conversation here as don't want to confuse the questioner it is her life and she needs to decide what she wants thank you for your time and valuable input @loveslongnails.

[loveslongnails]

@Aakash_Hangargi Stopping the discussion about "her" is fine, but you need to examine your own ideas. LOVE does NOT sprout jealousy. Jealousy is NOT a by product of LOVE, not in any way, shape or form, imaginable. If you think so, you need to stop giving advice about relationships. There's NOTHING natural about jealousy, so please stop making excuses for it just because too many humans haven't learned to overcome it.

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Wow that's judgmental, thank you anyways but in short what I meant to say is that we have accept the people as they are if we love them unless they are abusive..

[loveslongnails]

@Aakash_Hangargi What is judgmental about my statement, and jealousy IS abusive. You don't have to get smacked around to be abused, it comes in all forms. You make a choice about who you love in life - yes, you do believe it or not, and you can choose NOT to love a jealous person, or controlling person, or negative person, and so on. People who just throw up their hands and think "you can't choose who you love" and accept abusive or destructive, non loving behaviors, has issues they need to overcome, NOT accommodate. There you go - now you've heard something "judgmental". :)

[Aakash_Hangargi]

You are strong on your views that's good but if we start picking every small thing and magnifying it probably there would be no meaningful relationship and also I would agree with you 100% if there was any verbal or physical abuse he is just acting like a child to seek her attention hope they sort it out or anyways they will always have an option to move on

[loveslongnails]

@Aakash_Hangargi I agree about not picking at "every little thing", but his actions as a result of his jealousy are not a little thing, they're a HUGE issue. This is not forgetting to put the toilet seat down, this is a personality issue that will pervade their whole relationship. So, I simply gave my best advice -- don't accept this as part of your relationship or future, because it will get worse... just leave. You obviously think my stance is too extreme on jealousy, but I won't be swayed. We can agree to disagree.

[Aakash_Hangargi]

🙏👌👏👏👏👏

[akihon]

His problem is that you didn't tell him, you say it was meaningless but clearly it wasn't to him, you also say that nothing happened but that's what you say.

So from his perspective then you've lied by omission by not saying anything and then made it worse by saying nothing happened and he is being jealous, so he then in effect doesn't have the right to have any emotional responses to how you have behaved, that you've hidden something from him, damaged his trust for you and then taken away or diminished what he was feeling. Well done with that, to be honest I'm surprised he's even read your message, personally it would stay unread and you'd be single but that's just me

[APEXGuerrilla]

Well, you braiding this other dudes hair is pretty reasonable grounds to get upset. He still should have wished you a happy birthday, but clearly he is very mad. & rightfully so. This ought to teach you to think twice before pulling this type of stunt again. As far as him being angry, just get him to see that you are only interested in him, & that this was a one-off thing. Males can be very possessive. It's in our genes. Talk to him, reassure him, & give him a nice back massage or blowjob & he will be right as rain again.

[_food_lover234]

ok so here's my take. you braided another guys hair- to me that seems harmless. i mean its not exactly something I've done, but you didn't flirt, make out or do anything else with him. so it was harmless.
in this situation, you sincerly apologized and gave him space, that is the right thing to do. it shows you respect the relationship.
now, what he needs to understand is that he asked for space, you gave it, he can't get made about that.
secondly, you sincerly apolodogized and it is your birthday. even if he mad he should still say a happy birthday. he's being a bit selfish
finally, this guy has some jealousy but also some imamturity. he's overreacting in my opinion and you did the correct responsibile thign of apologizing and respecting him by giving him space. you can try fighting, but if he makes you feel awful or sad, especially on your birthday, i would really think about some things.

[englisc]

To be fair, as much as everybody was calling him a moron for being pissed off, from your last question I can understand why he'd be pissed off about it given his past.

At the same time though, going for a whole week ignoring you on this "break" thing is also pointless. If it pissed him off that much he should have left you, but instead he's now acting like a child, taking this all way too far, playing these silly mind games with you, which is a red flag.

I'd say that you need to leave him, or at least be prepared to. If you still want to stay with him for some reason, which I don't think you should, you should tell him that if he doesn't snap out of this and have a conversation that you two are over.

[soleil2666]

He dumped HER - she wants him back - you recommend she dump HIM. Bravo.

[englisc]

@soleil2666

He didn't. In her last post he said that he wants a "break" for a week.

[RHK36]

Don't know him or you well enough to guess what he's thinking. Maybe he's been cheated on before or you have cheated in the past. He could just be the same as his father or maybe he's too immature for a relationship.

I'd talk to him about why it bothered him so much and tell him it won't happen again. If he's still pouting like a bitch then you need to move on because he needs to grow up. If you don't want to move on then don't complain or wonder about the man child that is your boyfriend.

[missanna22]

He got cheated on in the past a few times. I know because his mom told me, he's had bad luck when it comes to relationship but it has gotten better since I entered his life.
Maybe I hit a vulnerable spot?

To me this is childish too. I want to talk to him about this so bad but he's not really letting me. and he's not reaching out to me either..

[RHK36]

How long have you dated?

[missanna22]

A little over 7 months but we've known each other for over 2 years now

[RHK36]

I'd show up in person and tell him what you need to say. If he's not receiving it well then I'd leave the relationship. Either he's using it as an excuse to end it or he's too immature.

7 months isn't a long time, hell 2 years ain't shit. To him it's definitely not if that's his behavior. People that need time, breaks and space are full of shit. They need that because they are immature and refuse to communicate with the one person they should always be able to communicate to about anything.

[missanna22]

You mean that he's using this as a reason to end the relationship?
I've noticed many times that he can be very stubborn and likes it when things go his way. He can be very jealous and when he doesn't like something he'll straight up tell you. He's been always honest and very direct.
I believe if he would have wanted to break up, he would have already done so?

[RHK36]

Then he's as you saying using it to make you feel bad to have his way. Either way it's a shitty thing to do to someone for doing nothing wrong. Always honest? Don't think so. What he's doing is dishonest, no way in hell he's this upset over hair. Like I said if you are willing to put up with all the immature bs then don't complain or wonder because that's how he is and you stick around for it. I'm not trying to come off as mean I'm just being honest with you that he's not going to change. So either stick it out or leave.

[MzAsh]

Jealousy. Immaturity. All because you braided another guys hair and didn’t tell him? Does he want to be consulted every time you interact with another guy? He sounds ridiculous. Really I don’t know why some of you ladies put up with this insane bullshit.

[MoeFromMe]

Let him know you understand where he's coming from and that you'll let him know next time something like that happens.

Perhaps he feels as if there was a bit more that happened because you decided not to tell him. Maybe he's thinking to himself regarding whether to believe you or not.

a lot could be going on in his head, but it definitely hurt him pretty bad.

You say everything was fine, but you gotta admit you kinda crossed a line there.

It was fine up until that happened. He probably feels like his trust was taken advantage of and he doesn't know what to believe regarding you and another guy being together during a specific amount of time.

That's my honest take on it. Put yourself in his shoes, even if it may come off as immature.

[missanna22]

I really do understand where he's coming from and I'm really sorry for what I did. I really am. I regret every second and I never ever meant to hurt him.

I just don't know what to do anymore since he is ignoring me and completely pushing me away...

[MoeFromMe]

The point isn't you understanding. The point is showing him you understand.

Rather than start a convo with "hi", straight up send a paragraph of exactly how this makes you feel, how you understand the way he feels about it, what you would love to do to keep this from happening in the future, and finish by asking him to sit down with you sometime so you guys can talk about boundaries because clearly he has some but hasn't told you.

[missanna22]

I started like this because I wanted to see how he's responding to me and then I was going to talk about it with him or at least try but he completely brushed me off, didn't even give me a chance.
Should I can him? or go over to his place? I'm a little scared about showing up personally, I don't want things to get worse in case if he doesn't want to see me or if he's not ready yet

[MoeFromMe]

That's up to you. Do you love him? If you love him, you never give up.

Just breaking up when problems arise aren't the solution because relationships will always have struggles. His kom said that his dad is the same way right? They're still together though, so I'm sure you can figure it out with him.

I'd just show up though. Maybe he's being childish and waiting for you to actually show up and prove you love him.

It's just shit guys do sometimes. I used to do that before deciding one day that it's just toxic behaviour I need to change.

Don't let it go though. Push him to change that mindset because it's not worth having.

[missanna22]

I really love him.
We don't live together, he lives 30 min away from me unfortunately. I wish I could go over to this place now but I will I will wait a few more days, till the weekend? but before I do this I will call him and try getting him on the phone.

I hate this behavior and if this will continue then it will be really hard

[MoeFromMe]

I know it will be really hard. That's why you guys need to communicate how each of you feel. Don't let him be the victim because you're both in it together. Let him know you understand him, but he needs to understand you too.

And I wouldn't wait, I'd just go there.

If it comes down to it, let him know you'll leave if he doesn't love you enough to talk about it.

[missanna22]

Yeah you are completely right. I will do something about it this week, this just can't go on like this

[MoeFromMe]

You're strong, stay strong. You got this! 😁👊

[missanna22]

Thank you! :)

[Laozi]

There are various reasons why he's doing this.
1. May be he's too protective and possessive.
2. May be he's just too sensitive and what you did hurt him deeply.
3. May be what you did is small thing for you but not for him. And that's why he's doing this.
4. May be he don't want to be with you and that's why he's making use of this chance.
5. May be he's just testing your loyalty. And want you to fight for him and win him.
Whatever the reason is you should confront him. And ask him what is the real reason. And then sort it out. You can take help from his mother or your mutual friends.

[markscott]

A week is way too long a time over something like this. It suggests a deeper problem than the braiding of hair. You really need to consider moving on, as if this is any indication of how he will act in the future, then you will be better off without him.

[soleil2666]

Better off or not, that's her only choice as long as she thinks braiding another guy's hair is fine. If that's a deal breaker for her, she should find someone who is fine with it. The guy she is talking about isn't.