When someone you thought was a friend deceives you, how do you react?

[Anonymous]

how to move on?

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+1 y

You know what really irks me, is that some of my closest friends don't want me to succeed in life and have always tried to meddle in my business to see to it that I don't succeed. This is what I call deceit. I don't know if I should tell them off or just

[SweetHeart09]

I've been there,

Thought this girl was someone who would never do anything to intentionally hurt me, especially after I'd been such a good best friend to her, gave her money because I was more "fortunate" than her, came to her "rescue" when people made fun of her weight, answered her calls at four in the morning to listen to her cry about her boyfriend at that time, kept all of her secrets, brought her into "the group"...but boy was I wrong about that two faced back stabbing little hussy lol...we were best friends for over four or five years..then senior year she gets mad at me because I was invited to something and she wasn't, so she goes to one of my other friends and talks about how I'm such a bad friend and called me a billion names, so I stopped talking to her for like a month just to let things die down, she wrote me some bs letter about how she never said any of those things but I knew she was lying, but I was going to forgive her anyway until she started talking about me to a bunch of girls who didn't like me very much, she took things to far over something that wasn't my fault, and its been 3 years since we've spoken I can forgive her but I'll never be her friend again...then again I'm not even sure I can really forgive her...but if I were you I'd just let them go and find better friends, friends are suppose to pick you up when you're down not cause your "downess" (yes I made that word up lol)

[Anonymous]

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Depends on the person and the situation. Some people you don't want to p*ss off... like if they're malicious and vengeful or have dirty on you. You might let the person know how you feel about the situation, and take a few steps back but still remain friendly. Over time, distance yourself even more. Though, typically, when you call those types of people out, they will lay low for a little while anyway, unable to directly and honestly deal with the issue.

If the person isn't particularly close, and not in any position to make trouble for you, there's no problem with telling him/her how you feel and staying away from them. Just remember that choosing the former means you'll be carrying around a little of that negativity for a while. I'm not what I would call a "fake" person. If I don't like you, I have no problem letting you know. But, certain circumstances call for extreme measures. Emotional and immature people who are prone to becoming unhinged need kid glove treatment. It may sound like a bit much but I've dealt with those types before, and had to learn my lesson the hard way the first time around.

[cun7n1nja]

I recently experienced a different kind of deception from someone I considered my closest friend. I sent her a long text explaining that I knew, and how I felt about what she did [knowing how badly it would hurt me] and her decision to purposely hide it from me. I poured my heart into it. And she never responded. I haven't spoken to her since, and have pretty much cut her out of my life.

It's not that I don't want to continue being friends. I just feel that I've said what I needed to say, and that the ball is in her court now. If she chooses not to say anything, then she's the one who is discontinuing our friendship, not me. I refuse to keep trying to initiate contact, because to me that's basically begging, and I'm not going to beg when I was the one who was wronged. All I want is for her to acknowledge what she did and how she hurt me, and understand that I DO still want to be friends, but she needs to realize that I lost some respect for her, and may never be able to trust her the same way again. I don't take her kind of betrayal lightly in a friendship.

[ArtistBboy]

Honestly, I don't think it's the action of deceit that every really got to me.. I'm used to disappointment and bullsh*t.. I think it's the fact that it's coming from someone I could once call a friend, and THAT'S what really gets to me. I'll never understand the actions of some people..

Moral of the story: Don't let people be parasites to your life. If your moving forward and they're trying to stop that, kick them to the curb and keep moving forward. Find new friends if you have to.

~ ArtistBBoy

[Asker]

good answer. but does that kicking to the curb part come after telling them off? or do you skip that?

[ArtistBboy]

I skip it.. Really it's a waste of my time to "inform someone" about them being kicked to the curb. It's so much sweeter to watch them freak the f*** out, in a frantic manor, when they try to come back in and I stop them saying: "Dude, think back to how you acted, turn around, and walk away".. Typically they bring up fighting words or whatever, and that's where I tell them off.. But 9/10 times, no one has ever taken it that far with me.. the immediate "frustration" and "upset calls" I ignore

[Asker]

I've been really down for a while...and as a result, I've lost a lot of self confidence. So now one of my friends seems to have a huge head around me. He treats me like crap and calls me stupid from time to time. I got sick of this to the point where I cursed him out. I didn't know what else to do. When soemnen gets a big head around you, it's usually very difficult to make them deflate it...any thoughts?

[ArtistBboy]

To be frankly honest, I'm very artful with my words.. I can make or break "esteem" in literal seconds. But I mean, if this guy is bringing you down "that much".. Then just get away from him. The last thing you want to do, is to go "head to head" with someone who's an air-head that's full of himself.. Your gonna get no where, fast.

Is it "possible" to get away from him?

[Asker]

Yes I did get away from him. We used to talk on AIM, and now I blocked him.

How do you use your words to make/break esteem?

[ArtistBboy]

Exactly "How" just comes from socializing and having intelligence. You'll see patterns in behavior, if you look for them, and find the "soft spots" that people don't normally show.. Just like an open wound, if you pour salt on it, you can light a fire.. But you can also suture the wound and help it heal. All based on your tact in dealing with the issue at hand. If you'd like an example, I can provide one for you.

[Asker]

Yes, I'd like an example... =)

[Asker]

it's hard to see people's soft spots...well maybe I don't socialize so much...

i mean, you can call a fat person fat.

[Asker]

...and this particular guy thinks he's ugly...not that he told me...but I figure out he's not so happy about his appearance

[ArtistBboy]

I was out socializing, and I noticed a girl was turning down every guy in the room who approached her. But what I did differently is that I didn't approach her, I approached her friends first, and had fun with them (not like hitting on them, but just having a good time).. She got drawn in because naturally, she trusts her friends, and we talked for a while.

Same concept: Guy thinks he's all that.. Show him he's not. Become everything he wants, and turn your back on him.

[Asker]

the problem with me is that sometimes I trust the wrong people and I tell them my soft spots. I can guarantee that 99% of the time, these "friends" use those things against me at some point or other. it turns into me feeling inferior to them or dependent on them...and if I try to break the cycle, they yell at me or say some very hurtful things to me...and then I end up cutting them out.

[Asker]

how do you break/make esteem with words?

[Asker]

I'm more interested in learning how to say things...

[ArtistBboy]

i can't really give you a diagram cause it's all in my head, but if you think about the logic of a situation, everything works and fits perfect

To make your esteem: Your taking the audacity to open up to new people; in the real world, very few people still do that so late in life. So obviously your doing something that barely anyone else is doing. And I think that takes a lot of courage to at least stay on the course that you've chosen, even though you may not be seeing results.

[ArtistBboy]

And to break your esteem:

- It really does sound like your a people pleaser. Your a good hearted girl but your burning yourself out on douchebags. If you spent more time validating people, to see who's good for your life, then you wouldn't need to feel like this. Ever again. So in essence, your putting yourself in these shoes. And now it's your choice to dig yourself out of this rut and change, or to continue doing the same unsuccessful thing and go crazy.

[Asker]

and if you tell people your problems, they lose respect for you...at least that's what's happened to me.

[Anonymous]

I have been in the same situation. It is likely that they are very jealous of you. If I were you I would create a distance between myself and them and slowly let it grow over time. It is a classy and subtle way and they cannot reciprocate to it without sounding funny and making a fool of themselves.

[Coriander95]

True friends will want you to succeed and be there for you, take it as a learning lesson, and put one foot in front of the other, repeat. It may sounds stupid at the simplicity, but I have gone through the same thing many times... I've come with the fact one TRUE friend is more valuable than 100+ friends that don't really care or want you to succeed

[oneforthetruth]

It might depend on what it was they tried to decieve me about, but first I would confront them, and if I was not convinced I'd walk away...sorry but I treat my friends the way I would want to be treated, and I wouldn't ever hurt or insult or decieve my close mates.

[JenTen]

you should just give it time to move on... and not think about them.. it is harddd but yuu need to try.. adn friends accept yu faults and all they aren't year friends if they are jealous of yu ! I know how it feels.. because it happens to me all the time... friends I've told the deepest things too want to hurt me you just have to know not to giive them all year trust and attention

[slipslender]

i evaluate the situation, try to understand what could have motivated him/her to betray my trust like that. depending on the gravity of the deception, I'd have to see whether or not the friendship is worth salvaging. I might forgive, but I find it really hard to forget...

[Anonymous]

im going through it right now and I've just distanced myself from her...she doesn't make me feel like she has my back, she's really bitchy and selfish sometimes and doesn't even talk much anymore...its best to just move on and meet new ppl...its part of life and we have to move forward.

i agree with what coriander93 said...

[JennyInLove]

happened to me already. didn't even say a word to her, I just looked at her with that look that says "how could you" and walked away. not my friend anymore.

[playa_pan]

You can go the gangsta way, religious way, or your way.

Gangsta way: throw molotov cocktails at their house, talk sh*t to them

religious way: forgive & forget... bless their ignorance

your way: what you would do

[girlaskin]

completely cut them off. This sounds like a B**** thing to say but it works and is the best way. You don't need people like that in your life. CUt them off. Delete them off your contacts, FB, ignore them.

[palek]

Deceive me once, shame on you, deceive me twice, shame on me.

[Butterfly_kisses09]

I say f*** you, and find a more trustworthy friend:)

[Dom163]

This

[Asker]

do you actually tell them f7ck you? or do you stay silent and drop them?

[Butterfly_kisses09]

No I actually do say f*** you. I'm not the type to hold anything back. If someone does me wrong, I tell them off. That's just how I am.

[Asker]

ok, read the update too...

[gummybear888]

i've had 'friends' like that. I just cut them out of my life. blocked numbers, blocked on facebook and I deny every knowing them. if they aren't healthy for you, cut them out of your life.

[minx101d]

I have had many, many friends do this to me over the years and it hurts to say the least.

Time was the only thing that helped me move on.

[Anonymous]

I stop all contact with them. Sometimes I tell them how bad they are before I stop talking and other times I just never talk to them again and assume they know it's because they're an ass.

[Asker]

You know what really irks me, is that some of my closest friends don't want me to succeed in life and have always tried to meddle in my business to see to it that I don't succeed. This is what I call deceit. I don't know if I should tell them off or just drop them?

[Opinion Owner]

I would begin to distance myself from those people and try new activities and hobbies with a relative or another friend or coworker because you'll eventually meet a new network of friends through that.

[bazooka]

Had happened to me once, and I beat the crap outta him. Do not mess with me!

[Asker]

How did you not get charged with assault? Did he not contact the police?

[bazooka]

lets just say that law and order is pretty lax in my country

[Asker]

you're NOT from india.

[toulouse]

I stop talking to them. No drama. Just cut cut cut.

[slipslender]

dump those assholes. they are in no way friends to you.

[stevo]

I would want NOTHING to do with them. We're done. Finished. Through.

[teardrop06]

dump them to the curb

[theguynamedcute]

beat the sh*t out of him

[Asker]

yea right--we wish.

[InMyHeart]

just move on and never talk to them again.

[Anonymous]

F***ing rip their face off! :)

[Anonymous]

i stop being friends with them

[VoraVora]

Let him go

[Anonymous]

Leave him/her.