What does it mean, when my male friend is distancing himself from me, when nothing went wrong between us?

[Anonymous]

We've been buddies for a while and seemed to enjoy each others company as friends. I am in a relationship, he us single. Everything was fine last time we had coffee, now he is very distant and doesn't pursue hanging out. Any thoughts why? I genuinely miss our conversations and friendship.

[akihon]

Are you serious, you're over 30 and seriously have no idea.

Ok then here goes, he's developed feelings for you and knowing that you don't or can't reciprocate them he's distancing himself until the emotional response wears off and he can see you as a friend again.

He's met somebody who is fast becoming his world and he doesn't want to ruin it by making her develop the feeling that she has to compete with another woman even one who is a friend, women are the worst of enemies towards each other and jealousy doesn't care about rationality.

You screwed up in some way and he doesn't want to say anything while he's angry about it because he still values your friendship and he's taking time to cool down

[MrCommodore]

I'd say it's likely one of two things

1. He has strong romantic feelings for you, and seeing you with your boyfriend is soul destroying for him.

2. He is busy with someone (New girl) or something (Project or hobbie) and doesn't have much time right now.

Assuming you have been in a relationship for a while, it wouldn't be that, which could rule out him liking you romantically. Although maybe he only recently realised he has deeper feelings for you, that could do it.

Need more info really, like what changed between your last coffee with him and him avoiding you.

[Asker]

Interesting perspective, thank you. Last time we had coffee, it felt normal. Usual fun back and forth banter. Nothing seemed unusual, although we talked a bit about my boyfriend, which we usually don't do often. A third possibility: he mistook our chatting as me being flirty (I wasn't, laughing and being open has always been my deal), and that freaked him out, him thinking may be I "like" him. If that's the case, I'm not sure how to come back from that.

[MrCommodore]

No, I don't think you simply laughing or even being a little flirty would freak him out. I mean he still knows you are not available, so even if he didn't feel the same he would not panic.

Something definitely has happened though, if you notice such a shift in his behaviour.
It's still possible he really likes you, and maybe you chatting about your boyfriend to him freaked him out a little, like maybe it finally sunk in that you are taken and he won't get a chance to be with you now.

You could just ask him out straight, and so long as you do it privately, he will probably be honest with you.

[Asker]

That makes sense. The only way I will know for sure is to ask him honestly. I have to gather the courage to do it. I value him as a person, so I will.

[MrCommodore]

Ok, well good luck.

[KrakenAttackin]

Leave the poor guy alone and let him live in peace.

[craybabez]

I think that it's pretty clear that he likes you. When you were single, he was fine talking to you even though he was into you. however, when he saw that you started to date someone other than him, that was a bit too much and he couldn't bear to talk to you anymore. because talking to you reminds him that he can't have you because you're with someone else.

[_food_lover234]

i think i he might have feelings for you, but didn't want to risk the friendship

[Chaipa]

he doesn't want to allow the confusion that it could go further

[itsforfun]

1) He might have started feeling for you and knowing you are in relationship, he is distancing himself.
2) he is just busy and you are overthinking
3) he might be hurt if he is sensitive kinda

[Anonymous]

Could be busy
Maybe he started talking or hanging out with another girl he is interested in dating
Could have started to catch feelings

[milind13]

You are correct. its really possible

[kamalravi25]

Either he had feelings for u
Or
He don't want to come between u n ur partner.

[milind13]

There might be chances that he got to know he is in love with you and you are in relationship so he dont have any option except creating distance.

[Asker]

Why not put feelings aside for the sake of friendship?

[KrakenAttackin]

Seriously? This is a question I would expect a 14 year old to ask. Who TF wants to be around someone who you are crazy about but she is busy banging some other guy.

Are you really this clueless? Are women in general really this clueless?

[Asker]

@KrakenAttackin yes, so are. I'm not asking strangers in the internet for kicks.

[craybabez]

@KrakenAttackin you're very rude. this woman is asking for help... if you're not gonna have patience and help... why are you even here?

[outside_Toronto]

Clearly something did go wrong; you're just not seeing it

[coolhotchacha]

U married him or not the first scenario. If u r nnot it is quite possible for ur happiness he is making distance or he attract on another girl..

[itsallaroundtheworld]

He knows you are in a relationship and thinks now you are busy with your boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

He either wants something more with you, or he found someone else he wants something more with. Either way, male-female friendships don't exist

[Anonymous]

He probably found a woman he's interested in

[aleahbriggs]

Maybe he likes you