Guys, can you have deep feelings for a girl- but date others because you can't have her?

[Pennypolish]

We've been friends for a few years.

He usually Ask to hang out when I am ever free and tells me everything!
But just last week when i saw him - he seemed flirtatious?

-When I put my foot on his chair- he grabbed my foot and gave me a sqeeze...
-I told him to kiss my ass as a joke and he said "i just might do that!"...
- When I got up from the table he said "i better get one last look at u before ur boob job"...
- When I told him I'd be a Dcup next time he saw me he said "I like D's!"

BUT---- He tells me about girls and one he is talking to and Chats about other girls being "fine" and he is actually going out to clubs and trying to get girls. He even has one he's kinda chatting with now. Which is cool because her can't have me. Whats ur option?

[serious]

I will reply in parts:

1. "He usually Ask to hang out when I am ever free and tells me everything!"

It is a common thing to do among friends. Quite normal especially if the trust level is good.

2. "But just last week when i saw him - he seemed flirtatious?"

Most men are and especially if the woman is attractive.

3."When I put my foot on his chair- he grabbed my foot and gave me a sqeeze...
-I told him to kiss my ass as a joke and he said "i just might do that!"..."

This is not a normal thing to do among friends. The kind of tone used is not normal as well.

4."BUT---- He tells me about girls and one he is talking to and Chats about other girls being "fine" and he is actually going out to clubs and trying to get girls. He even has one he's kinda chatting with now. Which is cool because her can't have me. Whats ur option?"

Nothing serious to do with you, I mean he only likes talking to you in that way and more so since you also like to talking in a over friendly and a casual manner with him.

That's all

The answer to your title question is YES. It is possible that a guy can have deep feelings for a woman but goes on date with others if he cannot have that one woman he has feelings for.

At least it is applicable for some men.

[Reaperbot666]

these might help. to understand the male brain more.
www.psychologicalscience.org/.../...over-time.html
www.webmd.com/.../how-the-love-hormone-works-its-magic
www.medinstitute.org/.../
pauldavidphd.com/.../Pair-Bonding.pdf

[Pennypolish]

great references... but... I've never had sex with him lol Nor would I plan on that. We've only ever had a friendly hug.

[MrOracle]

Yes, of course. If we can't have someone we would really like to have, some men just accept the Friend Zone and do what they can to hang around the girl and hope for an eventual opportunity and put their remaining love life on hold, while others will accept the situation and date other people - who perhaps they don't feel as strong a pull to - on the assumption that they won't ever get a chance with the one they really want. And some of this latter group will still hang out with the girl.

[Pennypolish]

Hmmm. Nice reply. yea... I mean, Im pretty sure he had a big crush on me back a couple years ago- but I never thought much on it because he always brought up other chicks. But did u find this was him flirting?

[MrOracle]

Almost certainly, yes.

[Jjpayne]

It's tough... If you watch new girl the tv show. That's actually what this reminds me of. It's a mixture of friendship and romance, that does not have a visible or clear line. It's a weird place to be...

[Pennypolish]

Yep. Like I think- wow he’s flirting big time. Then he mentions another girl and I think “oh he can’t like me” then he flirts again. It’s so weird. I don't know what to think...

[Jjpayne]

To make this even more confusing, I've heard of guys talk about other girls with either girlfriends. Including my dads past girlfriends with my mom.

[magiusX26]

it's a tactic to try making you jealous and "realize he is the one you want", at least in his head. to be honest though, the foot at his lap type of thing can sorta be leading him on too.

[Pennypolish]

Ohhh no I picked my foot up so I’d stop accidentally kicking his. And I put my foot up on the booth he was in - not anywhere near his lap. That’s when he grabbed it and gave it a squeeze. But then moments later he said “yeah that girl sends me foot photos as a joke cause I said I like feet”. So he turned it to that girl. I don't know. It’s weird. But when I asked how he felt about her- he said “I’m passive.” So yeah. Just weird. I don't know what to think.

[winterfox10]

He find you physically attractive, but I don't think he has feelings for you, bo

[Pennypolish]

Well dont forget we’ve been close friends for like 3 years now. He told me I’m the one who knows him more than anybody and he trust me. He’s even said he loves me a few times in some scary/sad moments. So I think it’s more than attraction.

Whats kinda weird too, is when he described his IDEA girl- I didn't necessarily meet those requirements. lol. So I question the attraction part

[winterfox10]

He likes you a great deal, but he doesn't see you in a romantic light

[Pennypolish]

Ok lol. So now there is no attraction towards me? like 2 years ago he would tell me im beautiful, that if im ever single to call him up, all kinds of crazy things. And then he made those comments posted above that are flirty... see why I’m confused lol

[winterfox10]

😂 You can be attracted to someone without wanting to date them, silly! At the end of the day, people don't form friendships with the opposite gender if they don't feel that the person somehow adds to their social caché

[winterfox10]

Look, it sucks but a lot of a woman's value to a man is in how she looks. Personality is more important, of course, but if the girl isn't appealing; guys aren't going to see much benefit in continuing the friendship.

[winterfox10]

The reason is that being friends with a good looking woman is going to add to his social caché with other women.

[Pennypolish]

Ok I get that. But we only hang out alone. I mean-it’s at like a house or a restaurant-but not where he’s out getting girls. Not sure how I’d add to his wingman stats there. 😬😬😬

[AmeerX]

You need let him kiss you down there and see the results. If you like him get fucked by him

[Pennypolish]

Ummm no lol. I’m not like that.
I just wanted ur opinion how what u think is going on in his mind with this mixed behavior :)

[AmeerX]

I think he is just shy. He likes you pretty much but doesn't want to loose you over something like sex and relationship

[AmeerX]

He is happy being in friend zone

[Pennypolish]

If he likes me-Then why the other girls? Is it because he can’t have me he just accepts my friendship and is open about his dating life? But deep down he has feels?

[AmeerX]

He loves but deep down. That's what he thinks. He wants to stsy your friend no matter what

[Pennypolish]

Hmmmm ok. I just always tossed that out the window because of the girls he talks about all the time lol.

[AmeerX]

Well, that is stupid. Just don't worry he will remain your friend always

[Pennypolish]

Lol. Ok thank you for listening to me and replying. So. Just w ages to confirm. You think he has romantic feelings for me?

[AmeerX]

He does have feelings for you. Why can't you understand that

[Cryptic-Game]

I guess they could but it doesn't make a lot of sense to do it.

[Pennypolish]

Yep. Like I think- wow he’s flirting big time with me. Then he mentions another girl and I think “oh he can’t like me” then he flirts again. It’s so weird. I don't know what to think...
What do I say about my situation?

[sensible27]

I guess some people can be like that..

[Pennypolish]

yea... I mean, Im pretty sure he had a big crush on me back a couple years ago- but I never thought much on it because he always brought up other chicks. But did u find this was him flirting?

[sensible27]

It's a manipulation tactic to make you think he's socially valuable, not very uncommon (at least in my perspective).

[Pennypolish]

hmmm. So, u think deep down he has feels for me- but is trying to move on with other girls because he can't have me?

[sensible27]

Yeah, no what I said. While what you're saying might be true, he just might be trying to show you since other people find him attractive or valuable you should too. And thus you should like him too.

[Pennypolish]

haha he's been traveling them for like 3 years---with moments of him not flirting much. But last week was like 4x in a row. lol OR maybe im reading it all wrong and Im like his big sister. He is deff talking to one girl- told me all details, showed me pics,, etc. BUT I don't know... maybe he's like in love with me or something. Who knows. lol I doubt he will never say

[sensible27]

Maybe he's not so sure himself? I don't know...

[MiamiMadness]

Why can't he have you?

[Pennypolish]

In a committed relationship---with his family member lol thats how i met him.

[MiamiMadness]

Oooh yea that would do it then lol I don't know but it's extra weird that he's being flirty now 🤔

[Pennypolish]

yea... I mean, Im pretty sure he had a big crush on me back a couple years ago- but I never thought much on it because he always brought up other chicks. But did u find this was him flirting?

[MiamiMadness]

It definitely seems like flirty/extra friendly behavior but you'd have the best sense of that since you know what he normally acts like. Is he usually a flirty kind of guy?

[Pennypolish]

Well it used to be BAD- like 2 years ago he would tell me im beautiful, that if im ever single to call him up, all kinds of crazy things. Then he basically stopped- but we still hung out. We go to the same university thats why we hang. Anyways... he had not said anything too crazy in a while... until this week with all those comments.

[MiamiMadness]

Nvm then he's definitely attracted to you lol he's just not going to push it tooo far since you're dating his family member but I think he's wishing it was him 😅 😂

[Pennypolish]

Hmm. ok. Whats kinda weird too, is when he described his IDEA girl- I didn't necessarily meet those requirements. lol. Also= if he wanted me secretly, then why talk bout all the girls?

[MiamiMadness]

I think it would give it away if he's describing his ideal girl and you match every detail, which is why he probably tweaked it lol and guys generally tell girls they are lowkey into about other girls to get them slightly jealous

[Pennypolish]

hmmm. So, u think deep down he has feels for me- but is trying to move on with other girls because he can't have me?

[MiamiMadness]

I don't want to tarnish his reputation but that's how I'd read it for sure, guys won't make comments like that to a girl they don't at least find attractive. These are dangerous waters ye be traveling

[Pennypolish]

haha he's been traveling them for like 3 years---with moments of him not flirting much. But last week was like 4x in a row. lol OR maybe im reading it all wrong and Im like his big sister. He is deff talking to one girl- told me all details, showed me pics,, etc. BUT I don't know... maybe he's like in love with me or something. Who knows. lol I doubt he will never say

[Fuentes]

If i can't get her she gets ignored

[Pennypolish]

Yeh. Totally get that perspective. He is obviously not ignoring me—-so what do u think of this situation? Like why is he all over the place?

[Fuentes]

Aren't u that married chick u needa chill

[abc3643]

Oh, of course!

[Pennypolish]

yea... I mean, Im pretty sure he had a big crush on me back a couple years ago- but I never thought much on it because he always brought up other chicks. But did u find this was him flirting?

[abc3643]

I have no idea.

[Tonythecreator]

He likes you

[Pennypolish]

Then why the other girls? Is it because he can’t have me he just accepts my friendship and is open about his dating life? But deep down he has feels?

[Tonythecreator]

Yeah maybe because he can’t have you or he loves your body. Or both

[Pennypolish]

That’s the funny part. When he describes his idea woman- it’s not me lol. He’s so mixed with his behavior. I have no doubt he wants me around, values my option, and loves to be around me. But it seems like he’s not attracted to me—-yet—-his flirting says otherwise. Lol.