Is it true guys can’t be friends with a girl without them having feelings?

[rosie_kisses2]

Because I have a lot of guy friends and sometimes they flirt but they never say they like me romantically. Like one of my guy friends, we talk about our separate interests in people we like but sometimes he likes to cuddle with me or put his arm around me like we’re a couple…I’m confused…

[MrOracle]

Men (and by that I mean men who are STRAIGHT and SINGLE and not asexual), with rare exceptions, cannot be platonic with women unless they don't find that woman attractive (and in most cases where they don't find the woman attractive, they don't have any desire to be friends anyway). As I said, there are some exceptions - sometimes if you grew up together as kids, or if you dated one of his close friends or something, then he may see you as "off limits" in his mind, but exceptions are just that.

Evolution has wired men's brains to constantly be seeking sex and sex partners. If you look at the gay community, where you have no women saying "no", you'll find that a large percentage of gay men are INCREDIBLY promiscuous, simply because they can be. Women are the ones who keep men's sex drives in check, but with gay men, there's nothing holding them back, and a whole lot of them take it to insane levels routinely.

When a woman meets a man, she generally puts him in one of three categories:

A very few are hot/attractive enough to merit "relationship potential", and the ones who aren't, but still have some attractive qualities get put in the "friends" category, with roughly half being put in the "no interest at all" category.

Men do almost exactly the same thing:

except that the vast majority of men do not have a "friends" category (in that they aren't intentionally seeking female FRIENDS) - instead, men have a "relationship potential" category, a "not interested at all" category, and in place of a "friends" category, men have a "girls I just want to have casual sex with" category.

Now, you might think "no way, I have guy friends, and they've never hit on me." Trust me here, that means NOTHING. Lots of men who desire a woman sexually will not approach her, or will hang around her waiting for "the right moment."

There's a podcast on YouTube and they talk about this very issue a lot, and there are always girls who say "I have a close guy friend who I've known forever, and he doesn't think about me that way." They always tell the girl to call the guy - on camera - and offer him sex and see what he says. So far, over 18 months or so of this "test", exactly 100% of those "close guy friends" have jumped at the chance to have sex with their female "friend."

I'm not saying there are NO exceptions - I know some legitimate exceptions exist - but they are FAR more rare than most girls realize. And here's the thing: if your "guy friend" wants to bang you, YOU ARE NOT PLATONIC, and his desire for you is ALWAYS going to color his behavior towards you, whether you realize it or not, and one day, he's not going to be able to hold back anymore, and the situation is going to come to a head. I've seen it hundreds of times.

Men are men. Don't have any illusions as to what that means if you're a woman. Your "guy friends" are virtually all guys who are really guys in your "friend zone" who at the very least want to bang you, and some of whom want to date you. I guarantee it.

[RosieMelts]

This was sooooOoo helpful! I just realized this recently! This is something to hang on a plaque. This is golden. THIS SHOULD BE INCLUDED IN YOUTH SEXUAL ED CLASS COURSES. Both need to know how each works. It’s always been clear how girls work because they are open and rant and everything, but they never understood guys well.. and THIS helps explain a lot without making any one male vulnerable. It’s just clarity and understanding. Massive thanks to you. Like truly Amazing. I can’t downplay this at all.

[RosieMelts]

This need to be MHO AND how can I bookmark this?

[MrOracle]

@RosieMelts Thanks for the feedback. Most women don't like to hear this, or refuse to believe it, but I'm just tellin' it like it is.

As far as bookmarking, you can't do that in the app, but you can bookmark it in your web browser.

[RosieMelts]

Another well said reply! Super helpful. I’m glad that you have explained everything I had just realized, so perfectly, and I’m just grateful I realized this on my own- without a guy breaking this down because it’s like a rare phenomenon LoL! I’ll definitely look into bookmarking this page! Many thanks for your contribution!

[BullShark]

Even though I got the MHO which I'm happy for, but I would say that you deserve it just as much. You pretty much summed up whatever I wanted to say, but more in detail.

I agree with almost everything you said, but I will disagree to one thing where you said that all men are hardwired to constantly seek sex and sex partners, and they can't just be friends with women. In my experience, that hasn't always been the case, or maybe I guess I'm just one of the chosen few who isn't this way.

I've always known pretty much, what I wanted in a suitable partner. I do know a couple of women that I find attractive but I don't think about having sex with them if they don't tick all my boxes and I'm perfectly content with them being just friends, because I don't see them any other way myself.

I guess you could say according to the pie charts, they'll probably be placed under my "not interested" category, but that doesn't always mean I want nothing to do with them either. Some women still have their uses as just friends, as colleagues or otherwise, that's all I'm saying.

[MrOracle]

@BullShark Would you say that you are typical of the men you've known in your life, or the exception?

[BullShark]

@MrOracle when you put it like that, I guess I might be the exception, probably. Because some guys whom I've known do fit into the sex hungry description you mentioned completely. Not all, but definitely some

[MrOracle]

@BullShark Right. There are always exceptions, but you cannot give advice or create usable policies based on the exceptions - you have to make them based on the rule, and then acknowledge that a few exceptions will always exist.

I'm not saying this about you specifically, but it's VERY common that when someone hears a generalization that they don't like (usually because it describes them), they immediately protest and describe an exception - often the most extreme possible exception - as if that invalidates the rule; it doesn't.

We can't survey every person on the planet, so we can't talk about anything beyond an individual, specific event without making generalizations - which means 90% of questions asked here couldn't be answered if we didn't use generalizations.

You're occasionally going to be an exception to something (everyone is an exception sometimes) - maybe you don't like fried chicken even though most people do - but you can also recognize that the fact that you don't like fried chicken IS an exception, and that nearly everyone you've ever met does like it - and thus the rule is valid. It's not wrong to mention the exceptions - they can be talked about - just acknowledge that it IS an exception.

[RosieMelts]

@MrOracle hey you got the superb opinion 😍🥰 so happy you did. Fitting choice ofc

[MrOracle]

@RosieMelts Thank you. :D

[BullShark]

I can't talk for the other guys, but for me yes, I can be friends with a girl without catching feelings for her because I have specific standards and preferences.

I don't mean that in a derogatory term, if anyone's getting the wrong idea here. What I mean by standards is that I know what I can want in a girl's personality or otherwise, and then I'll see if she fits the bill. This also means that I can find her physically attractive too and still not catch feelings for her, and if that's the case, I won't even try or put an effort in flirting with her or giving her any wrong ideas or mixed signals either, and I'll save that for the girl who I truly like and see as girlfriend or wife material.

As for the guys in your life that you mentioned, I really don't see the point in flirting with someone you aren't attracted to unless you're a psychopath and you love messing with other people's heads ans gibe them false hopes, and the guys who are like that (because there are quite a few) are all petty for being this way.

[Justaguy501]

Human nature some people will act interested flirt suggestion even especially if they can benefit from you it's called being fake

[bennies_819]

In my opinion that's definitely not true a lot of girls a lot of guys become friends for one or two reasons for one just to be true friends have no feelings for each other but most of the time feelings begin to spark and things lead to one thing and then another but if you true friends you really wouldn't have those type of feelings towards one another you just be friends and keep it that way and respect each other's boundaries as such but most of the time when people who call friends it's either to get their foot into the door of becoming more than just friends and at least toxic relationships sometimes just because people don't want to be by themselves I don't know how to be by themselves but if you are truly friends with someone you wouldn't have us have a feelings for them and they'll be more like a friendship that you what you wouldn't want to see go away and there's no sexual feelings towards anyone. Most of the time the feeling should be mutual for this day and age is definitely not everybody likes toxicity and that's nothing but the devil and his demons which is disgusting and you should rebuke it at all times only if you just want to be friends with him.

[bennies_819]

Sorry I just read my comment and it didn't really make sense but basically what I was trying to say was girls and guys can be friends. Just make sure you're just trying to be friends with that person.

[PrettyPriya]

I don’t believe that is true. I have guy friends that have never made a pass at me. The reason is that they are friends. I’m currently in a relationship and none of my guy friends would dare flirt. They know my boundaries and respect them. That’s what friends do.

I suspect this flirting and physical contact is happening because you let it. Nowhere in your details do you mention you have told him you don’t appreciate that contact and ask him to stop.

Why haven’t you told him it makes you uncomfortable? This really shouldn’t be confusing. Simply tell him that it is not appropriate and that it is making you uncomfortable. If he doesn’t stop, that isn’t much of a friend.

I think you just need to be more assertive in what you find acceptable between friends. Don’t let these guys dictate that. Stand up and don’t be pushed around or taken advantage of. That is the reason they keep making these advances. They know they can get away with it.

[MrNameless]

But they would make a pass on you (maybe) if you weren't in a relationship

[PrettyPriya]

@MrNameless nope. I have known them before my current relationship and for long periods of time when I was single. Never once did those three ever make a pass or try to flirt.

[Dboy97]

Yes it’s true, but with a couple caveats. First of all, feelings, and wanting to have sex with you are two separate things. Guys can be your friends without having romantic feelings for you, but if they find you attractive they definitely want to have sex with you. The only time a guy can be your friend without romantic feelings or sexual interest is if he legitimately does not find you attractive. In which case usually they just won’t pay attention to you anyway. Even if you have a boyfriend, if a male friend finds you attractive he’s sticking around to see if one day something will happen. The reason for this is we literally cannot help but think with our dick. Some of us can control it better than others, but I promise you that’s what they are hoping for. For evidence google the countless YouTube videos of YouTubers having random girls call their male friends and pretend they want to hook up. Every single time the guy says yes.

I can tell you from my own experience and talking about this subject with male friends that It’s a widely known truth among guys. Some just try to hide it from girls. I would bet you anything I have that if you were dating one of the guys who says this isn’t true, he would have a problem with you having male friends like you do. Why? Because he knows what those guys want. For example, In relationships I’m probably the far end of the spectrum when it comes to loyalty stuff. I wouldn’t even look at hot girls who walked by me and my friends because to me that was a form of cheating. And I didn’t maintain friendships with girls I thought were attractive because I knew in the back of my head even if I would never act on the opportunity, it was the reason my brain was interested in talking to them in the first place. I do however have a couple friendships with women who I do not find attractive at all, and one of them is the one who I talk to about girls. The point is even the most loyal guys cannot change how their brains work.

[JamesDiaz11]

It's not feelings, per se, it's that they want to have s3x with you. If you're even remotely attractive (if this guy is cuddling you, you're attractive), all your guy friends in the very least want to sleep with you.

You may not be their type, or who they want as their girlfriend, but if you texted any of them that you wanted to hookup, they'd be on you in a heartbeat.

I hope this didn't come as a surprise, but I also hope that you're not naïve enough to think that they only see you as a friend.

[CaptainOverthink]

I used to have mostly female friends..
That said, even the ones I never saw myself ever dating I still thought sexually about at times.
But the thing is, wether or not there's lust is not the same as having interest. Maybe not all guys are able to be friends entierly but it's not impossible, it's largely about mindset, I think.

Also it's like with everything else about being human. You are not your thoughts, you don't control them, they don't define you. You are your actions and the way you choose to let yourself be affected.
In this way it's what you do with your interest in people and how you let it affect you that defines if you're a friend or not.

Guys can definitely be friends with girls but if they're young enough, say up until 25 then chances are definitely higher they might not feel they're able to not catch feelings.
But some guys surely can be friends.

[Abchahaha]

Guys can be friends with girls without romantic feelings, tho feeling sexual attraction is not that uncommon, sometimes things are not that black and white. Some people even have different sexual references, like demisexual, asexual etc so yeah, it's pretty possible for you to have an opposite-sex friend.

Personally, I will never do those things to my female friends (cuddling or putting arm around waist). Some people just lack boundaries or simply too open to sexual or intimate acts.

[dynamicyandere]

That’s not true.


I have had female friends that I’m not romantically attracted to and female friends who I literally just enjoy talking with them and hanging out without anything getting weird and if they’re with someone that treats them well, I’m happy for them and I’m not jealous at all.


I also have had female friends that I was attracted to, but didn’t pursue anything because I knew it wouldn’t work in the end.


I’ve also had female friends where we sort of being friends with benefits—but those can be really tricky to navigate.


And, lastly, I’ve had female friends that I ended up being in a long term relationship with. In fact, all 7 of my long term relationships started off as a friendship first.


But, again there’s still that 1st group where we can be friends and be completely platonic.

[dynamicyandere]

It’s a whole spectrum.

[aintme]

guys can actually be friends with girls without catching feelings. if they see you strictly in a bro way, the friendship’s forever platonic.


but if they’re attracted to you (and they’ll know they are right from the beginning), they wouldn’t say no to the idea of hooking up or getting together with you. that’s when it gets confusing because there are going to be times when their actions are way past the friendship boundaries.


in your situation, i guess it’s really obvious that there are some sexual tension between you two. you have to communicate things out with him when things get confusing and messes up with your head.

[Marushka]

I'm bi so by that logic I couldn't have friends at all. It's a myth that only because there's the possibility of sexual interest or romantic feelings a platonic friendship isn't possible. Of course some people can make it uncomfortable and it's up to you to make your boundaries clear. If you're uncomfortable with the behaviour of your friends, male or female tell them. No matter if it's them flirting or touching you in a way you dislike. If they're good friends they'll respect it. in my opinion physical contact can be great between close platonic friends but not everyone likes or enjoys it.

Of course there's the possibility that some of your friends would be interested in more than just friendship and try to see if you're receptive towards romantic behaviours while trying not to alienate you by straight up confessing their feelings. If you aren't interested or feel uncomfortable like I said establish your boundaries towards them.

[godfatherfan]

100% when you are younger. When you get older, that changes. Men and Women can be friendly. It can seem just like friends. But you women that think "I have all these guy friends and none of them want to have sex with me", you are all out of your minds. Every single one of them that is straight has thought about all the ways they want to have sex with you. That doesn't mean they will ever act on them, esp i they are with a partner. But in the back of a guys mind there is that little voice that says "I keep her close, and if both of us end up single down the line, boom". 100%

[hahahmm]

it's like asking, "do guys go to restaurants to eat or just to look at tables." See, guys know that if they want something unrelated to sexual attraction they can just hang out with other dudes & it's actually a lot easier to hang out with guys because other guys tend to understand him and make less demands. His guy friend is sufficient and is also judged totally based on his character and actions while females often get to act poorly simply because they look good. Speaking of which, a guy could like to spend a LITTLE time around an attractive female but NOT enjoy a relationship with her. It's totally different than male-male relationships.

I'm not saying it's impossible for a guy to be friends with a female without feelings but it's very, very, very rare AND even when it happens she will probably accuse the guy of having feelings/being sexual when he wasn't so he eventually learns it's not worth it with most of these females.

[PeteBy]

Hmm. This is a good question.

I have many female friends. I have feelings for them in a sense that I care for their well being and enjoy their company. Am I physically attracted to them? Most of them yes. Most of them know it too but as mentioned elsewhere on here. There are boundaries.

I've seen it way too often when a woman's male friend suddenly starts romantic overtures as soon as she breaks up/has a divorce etc. All of a sudden they see themselves as the replacement in her life.

[globetrotter22]

At your age many guys actually believe that being friends first with a woman is the early stages of romance. Just the sound of your voice makes them feel good. Also lots of girls your age are pretty good at playing dumb for their own benefit when it comes to this (some women continue to do this crap as they get older but that’s another story).

Anyway I truly believe that men and women can be friendly but not real friends unless there is zero attraction on both sides which is rare.

The truth is no man will ever seek out women to become platonic friends with. We might become friends by happenstance (school, work, activities). However female friends are of much lesser importance to us than vice versa.

[RosieMelts]

It is a very sad concept. I sympathize. Guys can somewhat understand but just enjoy sex with them too. It’s sad because sometimes you just want to know how they think while they’re not mean to you but not trying to make moves. Ahhhhh anyways I love men for how they are. Nobody can replace them. My sister (s) a- I do sympathize <:)

[Anonymous]

Both genders usually feel awkward about their feelings with the chances of being rejected. Usually, people do get rejected, small % take the next step. I’m extremely hesitant to admit my feelings for a girl because the culture and society we live in today is retarded. If a guy likes a girl oh he’s trying to get in your bed and he’s a simp. I think society is teaching to destroy men and guys. We all have sexual feelings and feelings of lust. Obviously, harassing or sexual assault are never okay, never. But just for a dude to pursue a girl and say a few lines like can we have coffee…OH he's A FUCKING SIMP! Personally, I don’t want to be friends with girls. I don’t see the sense to. Why would I want to waste my time talking to girls? And about what?

[Pinay_ako]

I had a lot of guy friends back then but at least one or two will have feelings for you! The ones who are more caring and touchy feeling are the ones who have some feelings towards you. I had one guy friend, I’d hold hands with him, cuddle with him and even go on “dates” with him but we never really did anything else. I knew he like me too but our friendship was too precious to risk losing. We’re still friends to this day.

[Mess96]

I have a male friend like that too, more caring and touchy feeling. I spent the night with him, we made love, I cuddled him all night and I really felt at home with him where I didn’t wanna leave. With how he is with me a lot of the time, I’m pretty sure he has feelings for me too but he just doesn’t wanna admit it or anything

[Pinay_ako]

@Mess96 oh we didn’t make love or kiss. Just cuddled and held hands. But we both felt happy just whatever we were

[Mess96]

@Pinay_ako that’s sweet

[Mess96]

Cuddles are the best

[Pinay_ako]

@Mess96 yea I thought he was the one that got away but I’m happy for him. Love is being happy for someone even if it means you’re not part of theirs…

[Levin]

It depends. Are you attractive. Is there an emotional connection? Then of course, feelings cam be natural. Like one should not be so surprised or offended that someone likes someone. Doesn't mean you have to act on it though, depending on the circumstances.

[spartan55]

I do not understand what could possibly be confusing you here. Honey, no guy wants to be your friend, and friends certainly don't cuddle each other. "They never say they are intersted in me romamtically"... lol... because they aren't.
However, every last one of them would love to fuck you.

[Blueeyes81]

At your age its fairly common. I had a lot of female friends that I grew up with and knew before puberty kicked in. am As a result I never considered them as sexual beings. As an adult I have female friends that I have 0 physical attraction towards and thus absolutely no feelings. The thing is if I find you attractive and I like your personality, which is often the case with friends, then I'm bound to catch feelings.

[HaveNoName]

First prerequisite: There HAS to be some kind of visual switch about the girl.

It doesn't necessarily need to be a romantic feeling. It's just that he will ALWAYS be looking for weak moments. Doesn't mean he will be looking to get in her pants all the time or at all. Just the constant physical contact of subtle flirtatious nature will be good to keep his libido charged up.

Some girls like that attention. Most don't

[goodgirlsteven]

Yup! girls will say its bullshit but its true! most guys are either in total love with you or they jus want to get between those lovely legs of yours! If a guy truly is just your friend he's gay! Sorry! Proof: next time your with your so called friend, confess that you always loved him and wanted more! (BEWARE this will kill your relationship with him) AFTER HE ADMITS HE ALWAYS LOVED YOU TOO! you can admit it was just a joke!

[Twalli]

I am only friends with one girl I have romantic interest in. All my other female friends are just friends. My girlfriend was a friend, so before I was dating her, I had two. The reason why I am probably not attracted to most of my friends is because I let friendships develop organically. We just liked the same things so we hung out without being friends first. Repeated contact made us friends

[ManOnFire]

Most men want sex or a relationship with their female friends. Even I've wanted sex with some of mine before, and only had it with one. But most of my female friends are not really attractive to me like that.

[Bluemax]

Yes, we can be friends with women but not have feelings for them.

That's being said, a man who flirts with women probably does have feelings for her. I don't cuddle with anyone outside of family for whom I don't have feelings for.

[melanieeeB]

Nope, but mostly they do hope for something but I do have one male friend where I would hold my hand into fire that we are truly just friends, with no single intention for anything else

[Faith18letsgo]

That’s definitely not true. I think friends are people that you care about, and it’s natural to want to cuddle with them and be close.

[Revenant_Titan]

I can’t speak for all men but I certainly can’t have a female friend that I don’t have intentions with, that’s just me though. Outside of that I don’t see what I have in common with a woman that we could build a friendship over.

[Orange85]

You don’t see what you have in common with a girl to have a friendship? How u gonna have a girlfriend? You just use girls for sex?

[Revenant_Titan]

More like a mutual exchange! But sure, if it suits your narrative!

[YollyM]

Guys can be friends with girls without having feelings for them.
But it's quite a task for some guys to be so
because they're conditioned to not see a girl's value besides sexually pleasing them (obviously a girl that's not related to them).

[Lynx122]

No I do think it's possible but at 17 probably not.

[Autember]

I think it'd be tough to be friends with someone and not develop feelings, but it isn't impossible. Platonic soul mates and all that do exist!

[thatgirl013]

I think they can be friends but I prefer friendships with gay guys over straight guys

[fonduegirl]

Of course. Not everyone wants to sleep with their best friend, or be more than friends with a girl they find attractive.

Any man who believes otherwise is toxic.

[shark58]

You should consider that people express themselves. Not everybody is able to like sy. Examine his other relationships... parents.. friends.. some are abusive too... they want to receive but are not able to give

[Dinklex3]

No.

I have quite a few male friends who are happily married. No other feelings between us.

[FilmGuy93]

It could go either way. Opposite sex friendships are difficult that way though. Most of the time, either the male or female friend will have feelings for the other.

[joeldalton]

If they find you attractive, they would have sex with you regardless of how you feel about your relationship. If that, to you, means you're not "friends", then yeah - guys can't be friends with girls.

[BPanda]

I don’t think it true. My boyfriend does this thing where he “flirts without realizing it” and thinks it harmless.

[Danny_dan92]

Unless the guy is gay, men don’t tend to be “friends” with a girl unless there’s an alternate motive. Aka wants to insert his sex stick in her sex hole

[Browneye57]

That is correct. Well, unless they're gay. They would do you if you asked them - otherwise they wouldn't even bother to talk to you. It's the T.

[In_Trance]

Depends if they find them physically attractive or not. And it works both ways.
Chances are if there's no physical attraction the friendship won't last, in which case it's not really a friendship anyways

[Fuentes]

I don't think I ever had a chick that was a friend who didn't like me more then friends. I tell them we can fuck but like I get bored fast and will stop talking to you so it's better we don't engage in that.

[desperatelyhungry]

In my experience one either has feelings for the other or one (usually the guy) wants to fuck

[Reaper1985]

https://www.youtube.com/embed/zywIR_ZFLts

[menina]

Not for me. My best friend in high school was a guy and we never had feelings for each other.

[Anonymous]

No. They can have zero romantic interest in their friends. They can also want to fuck them.

You have to learn that men don't necessarily equate sex with feelings.

[BlueScorpio]

For a lot men it's impossible to be friends with women they find sexually attractive.

[Chazmatazz269]

That is not true. I’ve had lots of female friends from whom i wanted nothing more.

[DOGU8585]

no, ım not agree with this ı have had normal regular girlfriends before, ıt may happen really, but on the other hand, are you extremly sexy? :)

[JPresidente]

If you have guys friends they’re all gonna think about having sex with you unless they’re gay or soy boys.

[Juxtapose]

Some of my best friends are women I know I will never get with so I don't flirt with them. It's pretty fucking easy.

[Justaguy501]

So true don't think anybody truly flirts with real friends

[Juxtapose]

@Justaguy501 yeah and with me being bisexual am I supposed to not have any friends? Seems like a silly line of logic to me.

[Justaguy501]

@Juxtapose silly definitely,,

[GlassTop]

It must be so fun to be young and ignorant. Having young people to learn these basic relationship concepts.

[TonightYouu]

The girls I’m friends with ( lesbian and straight ) date so many bastards and cunts that they always end up developing feelings for me because I’m a shit show of a boyfriend but a great friend

[sheikalana]

Not true. I have a few male friends are we are pretty close to each other.

[FunkyMonkee]

No, it's not. I've had LOTS of girl friends. So far, I've only fucked one of them.

[Anonymous]

A lot of times men try to be friends w the cute girls. Because in our mind maybe one day she will get w him. Not so much the ugly ones.

[EndGame55]

Totally false in my opinion. I see every woman who isn't my sign oth as a sister or aunt.
Only. Thing is. I don't have a sig other.

[Jay3344]

I don’t think so. I had a few girls that were good friends that I had no romantic feelings for. It all depends on the type of person.

[TroyDT]

As in romantic feelings? False. I have several female friends with whom there is nothing but friendship.

[Anonymous]

I've only had one genuine male friend in the past who didn't have feelings for me

Besides him, literally every guy I have tried to be friends with admits they like me sooner or later :(

[MikeInHawaii]

I know of cases where this has worked, but usually with a girl who was ugly as sin.

[Libertycityguy]

Yes they can be friends. Some people you can't be cause they don't know boundaries.

[annabananna]

My guy friends that are gay def don’t have feelings for me lol