Why can't a guy and girl pay for each other on dates?

Question

one of my guy friends wanted to pay 50/50
and he literally got demonized
receiving insults left and right
he was forced to close his Facebook
people called him all sort of names
and every insult on the book

sorry for my bad English

YourGirlGigi · Accepted Answer

Help me understand... If you ask a woman out (your invitation) she should pay? Can I say this if it's a woman that you want to impress and you really wanted to be with or your "ideal woman" would she have to pay? It's like a woman being expected to cook for a guy to show she's "commitment" material (girlfriend or wife) Or, she cooks for him to win him because the saying goes "A way to a man's heart is through his stomach". I think what happened is that the so call "If I take you out, I get something in return" which usually doesn't happen as one would like. Plus, if you know how to relate to women, you don't need to buy or doing anything special to have sex with her if you know what to say and how to appeal to her sexually. She will have sex with you with no question. But, there lies the issue too. Women are having sex without being brought to do so. So, the paradigm is shifted and confused at the same time. Men feel "Why do all that when I can get plenty of women to suit my needs without doing anything for them." If, a guy has found a jewel, he will not question who will pay, he will do anything and everything to win her. The one's he meet along the way "not so much"

Now, I feel there's nothing wrong with either paying if one invites another somewhere. Especially, the beginning stages where you are trying to develop rapport with each other. Also, society played a big role due to the fact men were the bread winners. Men had to prove in many ways they could provide and maintain what the female was use to with her father or better. Now that women have, the need to show this is not the same. Both should make sure one is financial stable and wise with their finances to have a family. And, with daycare being expensive these days, a couple should talk about how they would manage a family. Meaning will someone stay home or work from home and get a nanny, etc. But if you want to take her out where you got to pay, you should pay. If you don't want to pay, take her somewhere nice and enjoyable that it's free to be there.

AlienParasite · Accepted Answer

Because cultural traditions are hard to be changed. In many countries there's a sort of dating system, and in most of them men have to pay for the woman, otherwise he is considered a bad man.

I find this silly, as I come from a country which doesn't have a dating system with weird rules, in which is not expected for anybody to pay something for anybody but oneself, and in which I believe we don't even say "I have a date". The word date is something I believe I only hear it in US movies. We more likely hang out with a person to have a coffee or have beer, and chat like friends do, and that can develop into something else or not.

I actually never met in person a girl that feels entitled to have a free meal because she went out with a guy, though I saw girls like that in videos from other countries and in this website, and I don't get this behavior.

Neither I get why a guy would like to pay for a girl in a first date. I think that paying for someone creates a kind of debt, like the other person owes you a date. And nobody owes anyone any shit. Plus I believe that if a girl dates you a second or third time without you paying for her ever, you can be sure she's interested in your persona and she's not dating for a free meal or because she feels in debt or like she owes you a date.

Honestly I don't understand why people demonize your friend, but if where you live there's this culture of the man paying, people are going to behave this stupid.

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

So, at least in Western culture, we've had equality (or as close as is reasonably possible, given our biological differences) for 50+ years, and many women are fine with splitting the bill or paying their own way, and that's fine. The tradition of men paying for dates is borne out of the time when few women worked outside the home and generally didn't have their own money - young girls were usually paid for by their fathers, and older girls by their husbands (or potential husbands). That's obviously not the case anymore.

But there are women who think they're entitled to all of the benefits of equality, but are still owed all of the benefits of traditional relationships too, such as the man paying for everything. And they get pissed off when told that they don't get to have it both ways: if you want the benefits of equality, that also means taking full responsibility for yourself. If you want the benefits of a traditional relationship, then that also means taking the traditional role where the man is fully in charge and earns the money, and the woman stays home and takes care of the house and him virtually 100% when he's not at work, etc. You don't get to get all of the benefits and none of the responsibility - few men are that desperate or that stupid, and these days, they'd rather be single than fall for that crap.

beetie · Accepted Answer

Well if you invite someone out per definition you have to pay everything. Otherwise you wouldn't be inviting them. Counts for both girls and guys by the way. If you mutually decide to go out it should be split up.

The thing about guy inviting girls out comes from the times when women werent expected to work so werent expected to have as much money as men. Women aren't just housewives anymore but the myth about the man paying stayed in many minds. Like some girl friends of mine keep saying: "Equality is only good if it benefits the woman." 😄

MannMitAntworten · Answer

My last girlfriend and I never did, “50/50”. We just try and beat the other when reaching for the check is all :p It was endearing really. Granted there was a point where we thought we were to marry so the money would have eventually been pooled anyway. Somit wasn’t like either of us ever kept track of who picked up the tab more. Hell, I was just enamored that she even did it all when we first starting seeing one another. First woman I ever dated who didn’t trip on a buried bar. No, she dug the bar up and raised it several meters. Going to miss that One.

nelly83 · Answer

Listen ladies , let the guy pay. A man who pays for a lady on dates signifies he is a gentleman and a good husband who will take great care of you in marriage. I have done online dating for years , every single guy insisted on paying for me. Except one who didn’t want to pay for me Ans he did turn out to be an asshole.

You can do 50/50 but you can’t test out a guy that way

Cherokeehp · Answer

There’s nothing wrong with going 50/50 but you should let your date know in advance. Some women automatically assume the guy will pay and so they don’t bring they’re own money. Many people just assume that the person who initiated the date should pay.

Anonymous · Answer

That's the way it should be, especially on the first date. I always pay half on the first date as a way to judge the girl's character. If she refuses to pay her half, or she won't do a second date, she has done me a huge favor by exposing her true nature before I have to get any further into a relationship with her.

After dating a while I think it's fine for couples to take turns of work out whatever arrangement works best for them. But on the date, any woman who doesn't insist on paying her share will not be getting a second date from me.

elisa_0 · Answer

I’ve never heard of that happening. It’s a more traditional habit like the woman being the one to clean the home and not work etc.

It’s common here for girls to pay for their own food. If a guy decides to do 50/50 no one demonizes him. It sucks that they do it in other places though.

godfatherfan · Answer

If a woman insisted on that every time, I would not continue to date her. I do wish I could afford to pay every time, but I can't. However, it would be way too awkward for me to do that every single time. If she pays 1 out of 3 or 4 dates, that is good with me. On the flip side, if she doesn't at least offer to pay in the first 3 dates, then I also don't continue.

Reaperbot666 · Answer

I typically say lets go 50/50 or dough while just basic dating. but once we're a legit couple. then I'll more commonly pick up the tab. but she can still help out.

MysteriousDarkness · Answer

To me there is only one way that is acceptable to pay on a first date and that is for each person to pay for themself. Not one person paying for all it or paying for half which coukd possibly end up with one person paying more than if they paid for themself and one paying less than if they paid just for themself.

BeachBabe96 · Answer

That's pretty pathetic. If my guy friend is insistent on paying I get that he's trying to be kind and a gentleman but never have I heard someone say anything negative toward me or any male friends if we split the bill or even if I take the whole check. That's so weird... sorry he's dealing with that.

princessde · Answer

I am a feminist so pardon me. Men who don't pay, are assumed that they wanna dig the girl and is taking advantage of her. Men who pay are caring loving and respect their woman and don't wanna loose her. Girl looses things after marriage like beauty, gets pregnant for you, gets fucked by you even if she doesn't want to and you want to. So all these thing, woman compromise later on more so men should love the woman more and more

Anonymous · Answer

Well I'm from a culture where it is expected that the guy pays on the first date and the next few ones. Only once a relationship is established, they can go 50/50 or the woman can offer to pay. However I do understand that some men are from different backgrounds and think different when it comes to this. I still firmly believe that the guy should at least pay for the first few dates as he's "trying to win me" and then I'll be more than happy to pay. It's more about the gesture rather than paying. If he's unable to afford so financially, then maybe just be extremely honest rather than cover up the fact by using another excuse. Honesty is always key. There's no right or wrong as to who should pay, it's all about culture and upbringing.

gaygod_19 · Answer

Well then those people are simply assholes. I pay 50/50 on dates all the times and there’s nothing wrong in it. It’s just fair.

SomeGuyCalledTom · Answer

It's a great way to expose toxic people's true nature. This will be good for him, coz he knows which people are fucking parasites, and to therefore avoid them

Paul09 · Answer

These people are closed minded. They are brainwashed by society, basically they are sheep's. And these people do not believe in equality. You are both adults, you both work and get paid. You are both investing time and money into meeting the right person. Why does the man have to invest every penny. Zero logics in that way if thinking.

DizzyDesii · Answer

Im not your parent. So you pay for yourself and i’ll pay for myself. Its fine every once in a blue moon if one of us wants to go all in. But it’ll be rare

Lambastus76 · Answer

Because people don't often think rationally, they cling onto cultural norms without thinking about whether that cultural norm is good or valid. This rule goes way beyond gender roles, to race, to sexuality, etc.

Zeynep1998 · Answer

They can, and should be able to "go dutch" if they want without social stigma! My husband does make way more money than me, but I love to steal the bill and pay a few times too.

Pyrofox · Answer

People just feel chivalry is entitled to women. People don't get than men are still people is seems. Its sad that women in a sense making men pay for them is actually making women seem more like item.

Unit1 · Answer

I suppose that's what somebody gets for not sponsoring a strangers meal, more so their fellow freeloaders get triggered. No idea why that's any of their business. How about he just blocks them and moves on in life?

asshole_ · Answer

Yeah, he was wrong. Guy always pays, but she needs to at least reach for the check If she doesn't, you won't be seeing me on a second date or more

RobieMon · Answer

I can afford to pay for both so I don’t care who pays, my ex was always broke so I was the one paying for everything.

Iron_Man · Answer

it's not fair to alternate dates because one restaurant can be me $30 dollars more than the other one then the guy gets stuck with the high price bill

Meatunnel69 · Answer

Thats a real beta thing for a man to do... the only way you accept her to pay her half would be if she insists and will with-hold sex if he does not comply

GlitterFairy16 · Answer

I've bought my boyfriend dinner before and a lot of the time we've gone 50/50

Arjunaguy · Answer

Yeah you can do that just say you believe in feminism and equality they won't say a word

magiusX26 · Answer

old antiquated gender roles are still ehat many many people go by.

Sabretooth · Answer

mostly just feminist nonsense. watch this:

rajk3644 · Answer

Because it's what guys do. They do nice gestures and its nice thing to do.

Rebeccalions · Answer

It's dumb. Just have one person pay

fred_durst · Answer

that guy is most likely from 3rd world country

NoLaKOOLKOOK · Answer

That is private, not public

michael1469 · Answer

Nothing says they can't.

Aphrodite_1998 · Answer

It’s how we’re raised and taught.

jessicarosen · Answer

Who says they can't?

ask4any · Answer

I don't get it.

Fuentes · Answer

Thats weird

lolcraft · Answer

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