If a guy pays for a first date, and she doesn't want a second date, should she pay him the money back?

Question

D_Bone_Steak · Accepted Answer

I think the guy falling for the trap of "dates" is the first major mistake. You impress women by spending money... what will you get from that?

I'd expect that you'd end up with the type of woman that wants to be wined and dined just to decide if she wants to get blown out. Sounds like a way... the perfect way... to find a chick that will divorce rape you for all the cash and prizes.

Dates are just too formal and serve only the purpose to show off money in most cases that I imagine. I ask a chick to just come over and hang out... isn't that a freaken date? I'm not impressing her with what cash can buy for the night though. I don't dress up, I'm just wearing a wife beater... I don't buy her a bunch of food, she can get some chicken off the grill with me. We can just talk and chill... no awkward bullshit caused by all the bullshit places that probably has some dude in the bathroom also begging me for a tip just because he drys my hands and handed me a stick of gum... lolz, some of them will spray you with cologne. Those places are awkward as all hell. You simply can't be yourself in that environment... and here is the dig, she can't either. What does that mean?

That means you won't even know who you're with until you run out of money or she tries to have you murdered because she wants the house and put life insurance out on you.

I'm just here to shit on the concept of dating in general. My kind of dates, yield better results and I wear a tank top and shorts to them.

At least she uses condoms. Take note you dirty Americans.

blueonblack22 · Accepted Answer

I always look at the first date as a wash when it comes to spending money. I believe the person who asks for the date should pay for it. But I always keep the first date cheap and simple. If she’s expecting some grandiose excursion and/or an expensive dinner then I want nothing to do with her anyway. An inexpensive first date verifies if she’s truly interested or not.

Guys if you spend a whole boatload of money on a girl on a first date and she turns out to be a POS freeloading “meal ticket” it’s on you. Hate to say it but you can avoid that.

Fewer women would attempt mooching off guys if men would quit enabling thar bs. Not to be a hypocrite because I got taken a few times when I was much younger.

But this old school approach of “spoiling” a woman is very risky nowadays. There was a time decades ago women respected chivalry more but nowadays there are unfortunately lots of opportunistic women out there. They don’t feel any shame either.

Plan ahead to avoid that. Go with your gut. If you feel she might do that then you just don’t waste your time and money.

Twincapersredmomma · Accepted Answer

This is the way I always did it

On the first date when the bill came out, I’d always ask, “should we split it?”
If he said no, I took that as he wanted to see me again
If I want to see him again, then I’d say, “ok but next time is my treat.” Which usually made him light up
If I wasn’t interested in seeing him again I would insist on paying my half.

If a guy asked to split it, I took that as he wasn’t interested. So I’d happily pay my way, then call it a day.

That never steered me wrong.

Pinay_ako · Accepted Answer

First of all, I’d want to pay for myself on the first date regardless if it’ going to be the last time or not. A form of courtesy. Why the hell would I expect a stranger to pay for my food? We’re both still trying to feel each other out to see if there is any chemistry or attraction between us after all that online flirtation.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

I always pay for the first date, regardless of how it develops. I can afford to pay, I suggest the restaurant, and I never think twice about it. But that is just how my generation is.

Brainsbeforebeauty · Answer

Anyone who makes sick a big deal about who pays or expecting a refund just shouldn’t date🙄 paying for someone’s meal doesn’t entitle you to ANYTHING from ANYONE…people really need to grow up…

coachTanthony · Answer

Couple cups of coffee and maybe a croissant shouldn't be anything she would have to pay back. Now if you spent more than that then that is on you.

AviatorTom · Answer

Not necessary. If the shoe is on the other foot and she pays for the first date, I'm not going to pay her back.

ObscuredBeyond · Answer

I refer back to my "Where are we eating in the first place, and what's the price range?" rule. I'm not taking just any woman to Red Lobster casually and regularly. No way I can afford that. And if she wants to go, then unless it's her birthday, both are paying. Now, if it's a Taco Bell night, because we're both bored out of our minds, then whatever. If she wants to pay her share, I really don't care. If she's a little short once in a while, I can afford to spend $4 extra to make sure she gets a taco.

dynamicyandere · Answer

I don’t think this should be an expectation.

But, it would be a very thoughtful and considerate gesture.

It says, “I may be many things. But one thing that I am not is I am not the kind of woman that would take advantage of you.”

Which hits deep and speaks volumes.

In turn, the polite thing for the man to do is decline, which says, “It was my pleasure treating you. There is need to reimburse me. It was meant to be a gift. Please, keep it.”

Sadly, etiquette and manners are a rarity nowadays.

But, it would be wholesome if this was regular practice, and those who participated truly meant the symbolism behind the gestures.

molonski2 · Answer

Well its a little " Indian giver " to expect to be paid back in my view , a date was accepted , a date set , this date did not come with conditions it was a request , on the assumption that he wants the 2nd date and she doesn't , I still dont think its fair to request 50% back. I'm always of the opinion dont spend much on a first date , but I certainly would not be asking for a refund , as obviously the 1st engagement was not that good for her.

Bad luck , move on - next , chalk it to experience.

Sarahr123 · Answer

Umm if I am meeting someone for marriage talks then apparently it is custom for the man to pay in Eastern cultures. I am not comfortable with it but I have been told that if a man refuses to pay it is a red flag and shows he is not a provider. Since I want to be a housewife after having children it’s different for me and I am not looking for relationships but rather courting to eventually get married within 6-12 months. Generally if it gets to the stage of meeting someone if means 70-80% odds of that ending in marriage.

Pacquet · Answer

I would never ask but if she offered to pay me back for a meal or something I’d probably take the offer. As a guy though I always suggest something that isn’t expensive for a first date like coffee or something so that you’re not breaking the bank on someone you don’t know. Also I tend to make first dates hangouts to relieve her and myself any pressure, for example I’ll invite her out to somewhere I’m already going like an event so I’m not obligated to pay and she doesn’t feel like she owes me something.

Billlewis · Answer

Are you kidding? Hell, no, he shouldn't dare to ask such a ridiculous question. If anything, he should inquire as to possibility of paying for her subsequent dates with her other prospective boyfriends.

madhatters4 · Answer

no. it makes dating seem too transactional. like every action requires an equal counter action. if a person chooses to pay for a date they do so on their own accord. there is no reimbursement necessary for it.

pass_the_celery98 · Answer

I think a first date should be something simple. I think it’s ridiculous if a woman or a girl expects to be treated like a princess with some pricey meal. Times are tougher now with employment and inflation on food. I would prefer taking a girl to a nice cafe for some good tea ☕️ and dessert 🍮 to talk and get to know each other. If she agrees to a second date. I would pay again. If she agrees to the third date, I think it’s clear if she’s genuine, she likes the guy. Personally if I paid for a girl on a first date I’m not going to expect the money back. But that’s why I think the cafe idea is better. Spending $30-40 compared to $150+ on a steak dinner is a big difference. That’s my perspective.

DWornock · Answer

Of course not. In the first place, a guy is not going to ask that a girl pay him for the money he spent on a date. In the second place, when a guy asks a girl for a date, in effect, he is asking for some of her time and her company. In exchange, he promised to take and pay for the date. Therefore, by giving the guy her time company, she 100% fulfilled her obligations. If he doesn't like what he paid for and asks the girl to pay, that is the same as a guy buying a Big Mac and after eating it, deciding he didn't like it and asking for his money back.

ohsheeT · Answer

F*** no what the f*** wrong with you guys man and if she wanted a second date I would pay for it too and I would pay for the third one and the fourth one and the fifth one and the sixth one and the seventh one and every place that we went because if I'm going to go out on a date with her it's because I like her
And if I like somebody what in the f*** am I going to make them pay for I can't believe this is even a question I can't believe there's so many cheap m************ guys out there

Kayla45 · Answer

The way I see it is if the guy in question offers to pay on my behalf, then he must also acknowledge that the relationship may or may not turn out in his favor after the date has concluded.

Not all first dates work out, if the guy insists on paying then it's his responsibility to uphold that promise regardless of the outcome. It's called being a gentleman, anything otherwise such as expecting her to pay it back is incredibly petty in my opinion. 🤷‍♀️

HelpfulWoman · Answer

Nope. If the dude pays for the date with the implication it must be repaid in a certain way, he has no business trying to date.
(before the incels get their rabies out, I believe in pay for you own on any date unless previously discussed and confirmed)

Juxtapose · Answer

Just take her out for some coffee or go to Wendy's and you won't have to worry about this shit.

AnusNdaPainus · Answer

No because you aren’t paying her you are paying for the date

both parties wasted their time if no second date is desired

that being said if I just met you why would I ballout trying to show a stranger a good time

coffee date ftw💯

Mangospacho · Answer

Yes, but only if he saves the receipt. He needs to submit his expense report with receipt and parking receipt if the parking wasn’t complimentary. She should NOT reimburse him for the valet because it’s not her fault he can’t park his own car and that’s probably why there won’t be a second date.

XXblack88 · Answer

If a guy chose to pay for the first date, he shouldn't get his money back just cause it didn't work out. If you're worried about this then make the first date cheep or tell her to pay for her half before the date. 🙄

Riverdog · Answer

No if you have offered that’s your choice or make it clear at the start that the bill will be split ( pay your own ) . You can’t really demand payment after just because someone feels differently to you. personally I never expect a man to pay for a date and alway at the very least offer to pay my cost and often pay the whole bill my self. I think it’s awful that some women expect the man to pay without any intention of a second date just to use him

provokeesmokee · Answer

No. If you don't want to pay for the first date, go Dutch.

If you pay for a date, you're giving up that money.

If you don't want to risk feeling broke if you don't get a second date, don't pay for the first one.

rachel776 · Answer

no it's for a chance to get to know each other, which you had

Anonymous · Answer

How are we supposed to even attempt that? In the U. S., a "date" now consists of taking out what's likely 1 of the millions of raging puffy eyes alcoholics who wear bug sunglasses to hide the hangover 5 days weekly. Before I could even ask, she'll already have had 15 drinks, misplaced her purse, dropped her money on the ground in the bar or forgotten where she is.🙄If I were to attempt to do that, I mean.

inhua · Answer

yes if it goes beyond a set budget if a guy intends to pay $100 for a date, he shouldn't have to end up paying $3000 because she wanted to use him for his wallet

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

Me personally, pay for what I ordered, so we never get to an awkward question like this one. Should she pay him back? No. He decided to pay, his choice. He doesn't have to. A gift. Gifts shouldn't be returned.

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Answer

Age: 68 Seems about right that you would turn dating and romance into a transactional affair.

NathanDavis · Answer

no wonder she doesn't want a second date... lmfao

Kaamraj · Answer

No, men should always pay. And she did you a favor by declining a second date as there are women who would make you take then on as many dates as possible for meals and experiences as they can get.

MikeInHawaii · Answer

Gifts are gifts, freely given with no strings attached. Tell a woman ahead of time that she can order the most expensive food on the menu, but you don’t pay for alcohol and that will weed out many of the problem women before the date.

Anonymous · Answer

If you ask her out you are paying. If I asked you to my home to dinner I wouldn't expect you to cook. If i offered you a lift in my car I wouldn't expect you to drive. If I offered you a bj I wouldn't expect you to suck your own dick.

Dargil · Answer

Nope. Like buying a lottery ticket, sometimes you win, sometimes not. I'm not talking about just sex. I'm talking if she interested him for an encore.

SaoirseS · Answer

Holy crap, people make this topic so much more complicated than it needs to be. Just talk like adults and work it out.

Subflics · Answer

No, it's honestly his fault. Men are so quick to ask a good on a date. He could have saved his time and money by getting to know her a little more. That said, she is a POS for using him as a 'foodie call'.

Fireguy17 · Answer

No. In 30 years will it make a difference? You went on a date, it didn't work out. We've all been there. It happens, so move on.

Anemone978 · Answer

That is why I usually pay if I know I'm not really into the guy..

BunBun369 · Answer

If thats the case why don't you split the check.. save the hassle

loveslongnails · Answer

What if you went for coffee and it was 5 bucks? Would it make you feel better to give him the money, or is it somehow the principle of the thing?

Grovermint · Answer

From a man's perspective, she doesn't owe anything. He asked her, paid for the date and now it's over. It didn't work out and sometimes that's how the cookie crumbles.

OG956 · Answer

First date is about getting to know each other, so that means, that when I had some date I always agreed on with the girl, that we'll take it simple, so that means being outside and enjoying time together.

Peter_Penetrator · Answer

Only if he is some pissed off asshole. Which is very possible since there won’t be a second date.

WhitneySnow · Answer

No. Why should she? And why would he be so rude as to ask for it back?

sheenagwapa · Answer

no just treat it like gambling you win some you lose some

jshm2 · Answer

To be fair, it should be a "split the bill" if the first date is a dud.

nawtee_me · Answer

Hell no…. There were no conditions to the first date. If the guy asked the girl out he should pay and if she asked him out she should pay asking nothing in return.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

No. He's a dummy for even offering to pay in the 1st place.  You never pay for a woman knowing she's most likely not going to be your girlfriend by the end of the week.

Anonymous · Answer

no. do either of you get your time back? nope. same with money. you invested, it didn't go well, so move on.

Sasha0426 · Answer

It’s not the girl’s fault the guy chose to pay for the whole date.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

Nope ofc not... He invited her so he pays and it's an act of goodness! Wether she wants a second date or not, he did what must be done!

butterly248 · Answer

Always half it. Or pay for yourself. Never expect a refund 😂

Unit1 · Answer

No, that's pretty rude. Just split the bill in the first date.

Anonymous · Answer

Nah. He's already wasted enough time on her why does he want to waste anymore collecting some ridiculously perceived debt. He needs to choose his dates better.

Fuentes · Answer

Lol tf I'm about my money too but it's just a date who cares if she don't wanna continue imma go move to the next. Another whack female avoided

Bobbybopeep · Answer

Should… maybe. But that’s got to be awkward asking if back. I sometimes want to give money back but that’s weird too

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Unfortunately it doesn't work that way. So don't be a sucka.

Staximus · Answer

Hahaha that's some chump bum shit. He should just get on with his life and forget about it

WhiteBorr · Answer

No. Don't be cheap. You don't take a girl out keeping a tab

PrettyCrumblBb · Answer

It's up to the girl. I wouldn't tho. He asked me out. Not my fault I didn't like him 🤷‍♀️

Kristopher97 · Answer

Of course. But I don’t pay for the first date so I don’t gotta worry about this. If I pay, I expect something in return.

JamesRandiDebates · Answer

She should just give him the customary first date BJ and be done with it.

If a guy pays for a first date, and she doesn't want a second date, should she pay him the money back?

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If a guy pays for a first date, and she doesn't want a second date, should she pay him the money back?

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