If a guy pays for a first date, and she doesn't want a second date, should she pay him the money back?

[RingOfFire]

[D_Bone_Steak]

I think the guy falling for the trap of "dates" is the first major mistake. You impress women by spending money... what will you get from that?

I'd expect that you'd end up with the type of woman that wants to be wined and dined just to decide if she wants to get blown out. Sounds like a way... the perfect way... to find a chick that will divorce rape you for all the cash and prizes.

Dates are just too formal and serve only the purpose to show off money in most cases that I imagine. I ask a chick to just come over and hang out... isn't that a freaken date? I'm not impressing her with what cash can buy for the night though. I don't dress up, I'm just wearing a wife beater... I don't buy her a bunch of food, she can get some chicken off the grill with me. We can just talk and chill... no awkward bullshit caused by all the bullshit places that probably has some dude in the bathroom also begging me for a tip just because he drys my hands and handed me a stick of gum... lolz, some of them will spray you with cologne. Those places are awkward as all hell. You simply can't be yourself in that environment... and here is the dig, she can't either. What does that mean?

That means you won't even know who you're with until you run out of money or she tries to have you murdered because she wants the house and put life insurance out on you.

I'm just here to shit on the concept of dating in general. My kind of dates, yield better results and I wear a tank top and shorts to them.

At least she uses condoms. Take note you dirty Americans.

[blueonblack22]

I always look at the first date as a wash when it comes to spending money. I believe the person who asks for the date should pay for it. But I always keep the first date cheap and simple. If she’s expecting some grandiose excursion and/or an expensive dinner then I want nothing to do with her anyway. An inexpensive first date verifies if she’s truly interested or not.

Guys if you spend a whole boatload of money on a girl on a first date and she turns out to be a POS freeloading “meal ticket” it’s on you. Hate to say it but you can avoid that.

Fewer women would attempt mooching off guys if men would quit enabling thar bs. Not to be a hypocrite because I got taken a few times when I was much younger.

But this old school approach of “spoiling” a woman is very risky nowadays. There was a time decades ago women respected chivalry more but nowadays there are unfortunately lots of opportunistic women out there. They don’t feel any shame either.

Plan ahead to avoid that. Go with your gut. If you feel she might do that then you just don’t waste your time and money.

[Twincapersredmomma]

This is the way I always did it

On the first date when the bill came out, I’d always ask, “should we split it?”
If he said no, I took that as he wanted to see me again
If I want to see him again, then I’d say, “ok but next time is my treat.” Which usually made him light up
If I wasn’t interested in seeing him again I would insist on paying my half.

If a guy asked to split it, I took that as he wasn’t interested. So I’d happily pay my way, then call it a day.

That never steered me wrong.

[RingOfFire]

Interesting strategy. Makes sense.

[Pinay_ako]

First of all, I’d want to pay for myself on the first date regardless if it’ going to be the last time or not. A form of courtesy. Why the hell would I expect a stranger to pay for my food? We’re both still trying to feel each other out to see if there is any chemistry or attraction between us after all that online flirtation.

[Paul09]

That is because you are polite and respectful. And I thank you for that.

[Pinay_ako]

@Paul09 you’re welcome

[loveslongnails]

Hmm... why would you or any woman even accept a date invitation if there wasn't some initial chemistry or attraction? This is an endless, individual discussion that's almost entirely based on cultural norms or the era.

In my grandparents and parents time, it was practically unheard of for a woman to offer money or pay her own way on a first date. In fact, back then it had a distinctively negative connotation in the eyes of the woman. "If HE asks ME out, and he can't afford or is too cheap to buy me an ice cream cone, what does that say about the future?"

Stranger or not, if I ask, I'm definitely paying.

[Pinay_ako]

@loveslongnails to each their own. Why are you so angry? 🤣

[loveslongnails]

I'm not. Perhaps you're mistaking a passionate response for anger? I just stated both an opinion, and some historical facts as a frame of reference.

[Pinay_ako]

@loveslongnails historical. 🤣 I’m talking about ME, MY choice. And MY opinion. And I’m passionate about MY positive answer. What I think has nothing to do with any other person but ME.

[loveslongnails]

Ok, but what does THAT have to do with you thinking I was so angry? I brought up a side point that you didn't respond to, which is that I don't believe women accept dates from men they have NO attraction to or a twinge of chemistry with. I do believe they have enough spark to want to find out more, but that's another topic. I understand it's YOUR opinion, and YOUR way of looking at it. I'm not angry you have that opinion, it's just not mine. :)

[Pinay_ako]

@loveslongnails I don’t remember asking for YOUR opinion about MY opinion. I simply answered the poster’s question. So please 🙏 stop talking and mind your business. Thank you bye ✌️

[loveslongnails]

Hey rude girl, I made the following point about something you said in your reply: "Hmm... why would you or any woman even accept a date invitation if there wasn't some initial chemistry or attraction? " This is a forum for discussion, that's what people do. They don't always simply answer the poster alone, they FREQUENTLY comment on other comments. Soooo sorry it triggered you... no, I'm not.

Then you asked why I was so angry, and I replied. Then you replied. Next time, don't reply. Your responses helped me realize why you're alone, and why break up and divorce is your specialty. Thank you, bye. :-D

[Paul09]

@loveslongnails It's 2023 not 1950. Times keep changing and evolving out of old mentalities.

[loveslongnails]

@Paul09 Meaning what? You do what you want on a first date, I did what I wanted, she can do what she wants. The year it happens to be matters little to me.

[Pinay_ako]

@Paul09 thank you! Anywho, I politely told him to stop talking and he called me names. How mature 😂. Anddddd assume I’m alone. Hahahah

[OlderAndWiser]

I always pay for the first date, regardless of how it develops. I can afford to pay, I suggest the restaurant, and I never think twice about it. But that is just how my generation is.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Anyone who makes sick a big deal about who pays or expecting a refund just shouldn’t date🙄 paying for someone’s meal doesn’t entitle you to ANYTHING from ANYONE…people really need to grow up…

[BADASS22]

I agree with you...
I mean wtf is wrong with dudes you can't even buy a just a fucking lunch for her n dreaming of she give you true love..

I mean seriously 😂

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@BADASS22 lol 😂

[coachTanthony]

Couple cups of coffee and maybe a croissant shouldn't be anything she would have to pay back. Now if you spent more than that then that is on you.

[AviatorTom]

Not necessary. If the shoe is on the other foot and she pays for the first date, I'm not going to pay her back.

[ObscuredBeyond]

I refer back to my "Where are we eating in the first place, and what's the price range?" rule. I'm not taking just any woman to Red Lobster casually and regularly. No way I can afford that. And if she wants to go, then unless it's her birthday, both are paying. Now, if it's a Taco Bell night, because we're both bored out of our minds, then whatever. If she wants to pay her share, I really don't care. If she's a little short once in a while, I can afford to spend $4 extra to make sure she gets a taco.

[RingOfFire]

Don't forget to get YOUR taco too! 😎

[dynamicyandere]

I don’t think this should be an expectation.


But, it would be a very thoughtful and considerate gesture.


It says, “I may be many things. But one thing that I am not is I am not the kind of woman that would take advantage of you.”


Which hits deep and speaks volumes.


In turn, the polite thing for the man to do is decline, which says, “It was my pleasure treating you. There is need to reimburse me. It was meant to be a gift. Please, keep it.”


Sadly, etiquette and manners are a rarity nowadays.


But, it would be wholesome if this was regular practice, and those who participated truly meant the symbolism behind the gestures.

[Billlewis]

Are you kidding? Hell, no, he shouldn't dare to ask such a ridiculous question. If anything, he should inquire as to possibility of paying for her subsequent dates with her other prospective boyfriends.

[RingOfFire]

🤣
...

[molonski2]

Well its a little " Indian giver " to expect to be paid back in my view , a date was accepted , a date set , this date did not come with conditions it was a request , on the assumption that he wants the 2nd date and she doesn't , I still dont think its fair to request 50% back. I'm always of the opinion dont spend much on a first date , but I certainly would not be asking for a refund , as obviously the 1st engagement was not that good for her.

Bad luck , move on - next , chalk it to experience.

[Sarahr123]

Umm if I am meeting someone for marriage talks then apparently it is custom for the man to pay in Eastern cultures. I am not comfortable with it but I have been told that if a man refuses to pay it is a red flag and shows he is not a provider. Since I want to be a housewife after having children it’s different for me and I am not looking for relationships but rather courting to eventually get married within 6-12 months. Generally if it gets to the stage of meeting someone if means 70-80% odds of that ending in marriage.

[Mallic00]

Isn't it also a custom in eastern cultures that the man surrenders all his money to the woman and she gives him a meager allowance? Look I'm sorry but I want a woman who's willing to go Dutch. You say if a man is unwilling to pay he's not a provider? Well personally if a woman isn't willing to split the bill it tells me that she's gonna dip the moment things get bad financially.

[Sarahr123]

@Mallic00 A woman who wants to get married and have children and build a life is very different to Western women so you cannot compare the two. I am looking for a different kind of life and although I was raised in London I was raised in a conservative culture so I’m not in this equation.

[Mallic00]

Hey I'm just asking if you're the type of women who will only love a guy so long as he has money?

[Sarahr123]

@Mallic00 I’m not trying to marry a rich man and I am not materialistic. As I have gotten older I have realised that it is important for him to have a job and be able to provide the bare necessities for a wife and children. It doesn’t mean that if he doesn’t have money then I will not love him. If that was the case I would have married a 70-year-old rich man. I just want an attractive young man between 31-36 years old to start a family with. You can’t paint all women with the same brush.

[Mallic00]

Fair

[Pacquet]

I would never ask but if she offered to pay me back for a meal or something I’d probably take the offer. As a guy though I always suggest something that isn’t expensive for a first date like coffee or something so that you’re not breaking the bank on someone you don’t know. Also I tend to make first dates hangouts to relieve her and myself any pressure, for example I’ll invite her out to somewhere I’m already going like an event so I’m not obligated to pay and she doesn’t feel like she owes me something.

[RingOfFire]

Wise

[madhatters4]

no. it makes dating seem too transactional. like every action requires an equal counter action. if a person chooses to pay for a date they do so on their own accord. there is no reimbursement necessary for it.

[RingOfFire]

Totally agree.

[pass_the_celery98]

I think a first date should be something simple. I think it’s ridiculous if a woman or a girl expects to be treated like a princess with some pricey meal. Times are tougher now with employment and inflation on food. I would prefer taking a girl to a nice cafe for some good tea ☕️ and dessert 🍮 to talk and get to know each other. If she agrees to a second date. I would pay again. If she agrees to the third date, I think it’s clear if she’s genuine, she likes the guy. Personally if I paid for a girl on a first date I’m not going to expect the money back. But that’s why I think the cafe idea is better. Spending $30-40 compared to $150+ on a steak dinner is a big difference. That’s my perspective.

[DWornock]

Of course not. In the first place, a guy is not going to ask that a girl pay him for the money he spent on a date. In the second place, when a guy asks a girl for a date, in effect, he is asking for some of her time and her company. In exchange, he promised to take and pay for the date. Therefore, by giving the guy her time company, she 100% fulfilled her obligations. If he doesn't like what he paid for and asks the girl to pay, that is the same as a guy buying a Big Mac and after eating it, deciding he didn't like it and asking for his money back.

[ohsheeT]

F*** no what the f*** wrong with you guys man and if she wanted a second date I would pay for it too and I would pay for the third one and the fourth one and the fifth one and the sixth one and the seventh one and every place that we went because if I'm going to go out on a date with her it's because I like her
And if I like somebody what in the f*** am I going to make them pay for I can't believe this is even a question I can't believe there's so many cheap m************ guys out there

[Paul09]

You are part of the problem. Crazy how you don't see it one sided. So you like her you pay for everything. Then if she likes you she pays nothing? How does that make any sense? Unless you think she'd a object you buy or rent. Lol

[Kayla45]

The way I see it is if the guy in question offers to pay on my behalf, then he must also acknowledge that the relationship may or may not turn out in his favor after the date has concluded.

Not all first dates work out, if the guy insists on paying then it's his responsibility to uphold that promise regardless of the outcome. It's called being a gentleman, anything otherwise such as expecting her to pay it back is incredibly petty in my opinion. 🤷‍♀️

[Paul09]

Exactly! "Not all first dates work out" . So both should pay for themselves. And if it works out , then you can start paying for each other all you like. And not just one person losing out.

[HelpfulWoman]

Nope. If the dude pays for the date with the implication it must be repaid in a certain way, he has no business trying to date.
(before the incels get their rabies out, I believe in pay for you own on any date unless previously discussed and confirmed)

[Juxtapose]

Just take her out for some coffee or go to Wendy's and you won't have to worry about this shit.

[RingOfFire]

That one deserves MHO!
👍
Funny!

[Juxtapose]

Thanks haha 😂

[AnusNdaPainus]

No because you aren’t paying her you are paying for the date

both parties wasted their time if no second date is desired

that being said if I just met you why would I ballout trying to show a stranger a good time

coffee date ftw💯

[Mangospacho]

Yes, but only if he saves the receipt. He needs to submit his expense report with receipt and parking receipt if the parking wasn’t complimentary. She should NOT reimburse him for the valet because it’s not her fault he can’t park his own car and that’s probably why there won’t be a second date.

[Riverdog]

No if you have offered that’s your choice or make it clear at the start that the bill will be split ( pay your own ) . You can’t really demand payment after just because someone feels differently to you. personally I never expect a man to pay for a date and alway at the very least offer to pay my cost and often pay the whole bill my self. I think it’s awful that some women expect the man to pay without any intention of a second date just to use him