Guys, Really sad... I think he just sees me as a friend?

[Anonymous]

So I found out that my guy friend hung out with a friend the other day. basically she has been friends with him longer than I have, so I think they consider each other really good friends. Anyways, she texted him asking if any of our friends were in town. I guess he then texted everyone (including me) if we were doing anything. All of us said we were busy. So he texted my friend back saying that and she replied with "oh man.. okay" and he replied back saying "wanna grab food from another city?". (This city has a toll as well so he spent $20 just on tolls for her). So he picked her up and they went to this place for 2 hours and ate and talked I guess (this was from 8pm to 10pm). And I don't know if he's ever flirty with her when they're alone. she has a boyfriend by the way and i'm pretty sure he knows... unless he doesn't.

How he hangs out with me:
I'll ask him if he wants to do something and then he'll pick me up and we'll do the activity, then he'll suggest to go back to his place and eat dinner then watch a movie or random videos. While he is with me, he'll be touchy and flirty and sometimes even says flirty things. and we usually spend 7 hours together. he's even come with excuses twice, recently, to come to my place to use my wifi because his wasn't working (he could've used his phone to do what he needed to I feel if his house wifi was not working). he's said random things to me like "i'm not dating anyone" and he will make random penis comments (he's done it twice so far). I've been friends with him for only 3 months now. and i've noticed he never initiates plans with anyone... he also is always down to hang out when it's either me or the other girl. sometimes when I ask to hang, he'll say he's busy bc of studying or doing something else. he also shares with me all his family and personal info. My friend said he doesn't talk about that stuff with her. He also will reply to my texts fast. by the way he never has took me to another city to hang out

[NarutoUzumaki007]

if you have so much problem with it , you should have said yes when he asked you if you are free

if you were genuinely busy at that time , then why don't you ask him this time? I am pretty sure he will say yes

[Asker]

I was busy. but my question is if he treats me the same as my other friend... does it mean he doesn't like me? he just sees me as a friend? and if he really had more interest in me, wouldn't he ask me to hang out? i've been initiating all the hang outs with him so far so i'm confused if I'm the only one with interest

[bluetoblack99]

Reading this again. Well considering all the time he has spent alone with you it’s:

1) he’s only semi attracted to you. If he wanted more he would of put you on your back by now. He’s has had plenty of chances. He would probably hook with you if drunk.

2) he’s gay.

Not sure how else to put it. Guys who spend that much time with girls are usually one of those scenarios. If I was into you I would of made a real move by now.

[Asker]

@bluetoblack99 thanks. I think he has confidence issues. you think that could be the case? someone mentioned that possibility but I thought i'd ask another guy

[Asker]

only bc sometimes I feel like he drops hints around me but I don't get them till I come home and reevaulate them lol. seems like he wants me to make the move? but he's so outgoing so I don't get it. plus he's never dated girls

[bluetoblack99]

That’s better context. How old is he?

I was semi like that when I was younger. I had neurotic mother who pounded into my head to put women up on a pedal stool. I was raised very religiously (not a bad thing in many aspects I’m still a believer) but I never met a girl at church I was attracted to. I was a “nice guy” and I had girls treat men like complete crap for it.

BUT I would have my moments. I would a impulse and a urge to make a move and be confident. I lost my v card at 16 with one of those moments.

Anyway if you really like him I think it’s up to you to make a move. Just start with some light touching and tell him he’s cute and you like him. He might get nervous but be patient. If he kisses you then the testosterone will kick in.

[bluetoblack99]

Wait you are in your 30s. Please don’t tell me this guy is in his 30s.

[Asker]

@bluetoblack99 no no we're in our 20's!

[Asker]

I would make a move but I don't wanna risk the friendship if I'm interpreting the signs wrong and he just sees me as a friend and nothing more, you know?

[Asker]

that's why I'm tryna confirm if he does have interest in me or I'm just imagining things lol

[bluetoblack99]

“I don’t wanna risk the friendship if I'm interpreting the signs wrong”

Right there is the problem. Right there. That’s a naive young females idealistic thought process on st8 male/female platonic relationships.

Let me let you in on a secret. Men don’t think the same way women do. We value female friendships for sure but you will never be his real best friend. Ever. Only another straight male buddy has that kind of loyalty and deep understanding.

If you can handle the frustration of him never making a move than keep doing what you are doing. But he won’t get creeped out the same way if he’s not interested vs the roles being reversed.

[bluetoblack99]

But from what I’m seeing he’s most likely not interested. He’s spent plenty of time with you alone and hasn’t done anything. If he thought you weren’t interested he wouldn’t torture himself hanging around you. The friend zone to guys is not just about sexual frustration and heartbreak. To us it’s an issue of respect and you seeing us as a real man.

Anyway sorry you got a tough cookie here.

[Asker]

@bluetoblack99 ohh noo, so he's not interested? that's the thing. him hanging out with me so much made it seem like he was interested. maybe he's just scared to make a move? he's always touchy and flirty with me along with the hints that he gave like "im not dating anyone right now" and some other things he has said that I can't remember off the top of my head right now

[bluetoblack99]

Do you want to date him. Yes or no? Sounds like you definitively have a huge crush on him.

[Asker]

@bluetoblack99 I mean yes I do like him. but he's probably just as scared to ask me as I am to ask him, dont you think? why else would someone spend so much time with a girl

[bluetoblack99]

This is bizarre. I was very good at dating in my early 20s. I had undiagnosed ADHD. But I would of made a move by now.

Can you DM me? Have a few questions I don’t want to post here.

[bluetoblack99]

Best case scenario for you is that he thinks your smoking hot but “out of his league”. Worst case scenario is he’s just not interested but maybe feels that spending time with girls in itself gives him more experience (actually counter productive.). But DM me.

[bluetoblack99]

Yeah your friend zoned. Sorry. If it bothers you just block him out.

[Asker]

wait are you sure? Sorry, i'm not trying to say you're wrong but i've asked a couple of people on private message here and my friend and they all said it's not a big deal and that all the other signs point that he actually likes me. could you look over my post again and tell me if you still think the same?