Girls, really attractive but incredibly shy guys... what's your take?

[Anonymous]

Have you ever met a guy who was really attractive but was quite shy when it came to being forward? Would you make the first move if you liked him, but would you think that he just always wanted to be your friend?

Updates

+1 y

I've had a kind of epiphany. I thought I was a nice guy with an ugly face. Actually I'm an ugly guy with a nice face. I've been stringing all these girls along. I've never really stopped to consider their emotions, being too wrapped up in my own. I can't even begin to imagine how all those girls must have felt. I've be a jerk for too long now. Today is the day I start making changes. Only baby steps. And that means being upfront about my shyness right from the get go. So they know.

[woohoo_friday]

I have met a few guys like that. They're often the ones I'm attracted to. Problem is, I'm quite shy as well. Which results in him not approaching me (because he's shy) and me not approaching him (because I'm shy). It's kind of a lose lose situation I'm afraid...

There was this one guy who was the older brother of a girl that I played soccer with for five years. He was very shy and reserved. I had a crush on him from the get go, but being only 13 when I first met him, I was way too inexperienced to do anything about it. Even though throughout those five years I would always see him staring at me and showing other signs of interest, I was, like I said, so inexperienced that I didn't know what to do. Finally when I was 18, and his mom and siblings had moved away, and he had stayed here to live by himself (he's only a year older than me), I saw him walking down he street (his best friend lives in my neighborhood), and so I decided to send him a message, just saying "Hey, saw you walking down the street the other day. Didn't recognize you at first, but it looked like independant living agrees with you!". He responded, and I was ecstatic. I sent him a reply back to his message, and that was it. I never heard back. I was prety dissapointed, but mostly just in mydelf that I didn't do something sooner. And now I'm still stuck in this shyness rut that I don't know how to get out of.

Wow, this wasn't supposed to be this long. I guess I needed to vent. Sorry about that!

[Asker]

Why is it so hard for your to believe that I used to be ugly. Ended up pretty. But somewhere in the middle I kind of lost my confidence in myself in other than asking girls out. And that when more an more said yes and yes, that I had no idea what to do next because in my past there had never been a next.

Do you evern know what this has been like for me?

[Asker]

Sorry, wrong person I replied to.

[vmw2008]

Looks just don't outweigh personality. And for me at least, an outgoing personality is important. I have met some very attractive shy guys before. I dated one actually. And to be honest, he grew less and less attractive to me over time. His looks just didn't seem as great as it did before because his personality wasn't what I was looking for. We inevitably broke up. Not all girls feel the way that I do, but for me, looks only go so far. If their personality isn't what I'm looking for, they can actually grow to appear very average in my eyes, instead of very attractive.

[Asker]

Say that guy had a really nice personality as well, but was just utterly afraid of rejection that he never made any advances towards you, because in his eyes, he didn't see himself as being attractive, he was that shy.

[vmw2008]

I'm sure he's probably a great guy and I don't mean to make it sound as if he's not. He just wouldn't be a good match for me at all. I'm a sucker for confident, outgoing guys. We just get along the best. Like I said, I dated a guy who was "that" shy for a few months and it wasn't good at all. It made me exhausted and frustrated the entire time. But I'm also more outgoing as well. So perhaps a shy girl would understand you better =)

[vmw2008]

Also, if we're still speaking honestly, I'd probably never notice that guy to begin with. Good looks aren't worth killing myself to pull a guy out of his shell, when there are plenty of other decent looking nice guys out there who are putting in more effort. They're putting themselves on the line for rejection and I respect that a lot because I know how difficult it is.

[Asker]

Ok, that guy is me. I'm not shy at all, until it comes to making a move. And then, I just clam up. I guess this is very confusing for girls. I ask them out, they come along, and then when they get there I never make a move on them, ever. They always tell me "friends", and then I never see them again. It's been making me feel very ugly. I confided in my friends that I felt ugly. They all just looked at me like I was crazy. I never figured it could be exhausting and frustrating. Thanks.

[vmw2008]

The problem really is just the way our society is set up with gender roles. The man is expected to be the one who makes the move. He's supposed to be the one who is ready to be physical before she is. He's the one that looks like a man for making a move. The girl on the other hand, is supposed to wait. She's not supposed to be ready for a while, and she's considered desperate, pushy, or slutty for making a move. I'm not saying it's right, it's just the way it is for most women. On top of that

[vmw2008]

if the guy doesn't make a move, we are very confused. We assume it's because he's not attracted to us. It's taken as a rejection and she'll probably move on out of embarrassment. We also may assume that he's just to scared and shy, and she doesn't want to be the one making the moves. So she'll see you as a friend, and move on to a guy who will take the reigns a little more. Those are the only reasons I can think of for how women operate.

[Asker]

When I was younger, no girl ever smiled at me when I smiled at them. I guess I was just an ugly kid. It's only recently that I've noticed that random girls smile at me in the street, or come and sit near me when I'm having a coffee. And it's increasing in frequency as well. And it's only recently that they say yes to my requests to come out with me. Thank you sweetheart, you've really helped me. I just need to be brave, and believe in myself to make that move. Thank you.

[vmw2008]

I'm very impressed that you're willing to try =) It will pay off I promise. Glad I could help and good luck!

[Asker]

To be honest, I'm just delighted. I've never been one for worrying about how I look, I just figured that I could only be the best person I could be. I've been asking out some seriously good looking girls lately, as I thought they would just say no. But they have been saying yes. Naturally for someone whose always considered themselves ugly, I never wanted to push it once on the date. But I couldn't understand why they still drifted off, even when they said we can be friends. Now I know why

[Asker]

Don't worry, I just want one girl. I'm not going to turn into a player. I'm just happy to know where I have been going wrong with it all. Oooh, I'm a bit nervous now, but I am so looking forward to making a few mistakes until I get it right. At least now I know I need to do something rather than just sit there and do nothing. thank you sweetie.

[Asker]

I'm not a great guy. I'm just a good looking guy that's been an ass for ages. If I ask a girl out, they are there because they want to be there. It's about time I made them feel like I want them there too, otherwise I am just being a jerk.

[barbados]

I have this 'problem' right now. I met this really attractive and interesting guy, he's really outgoing, has many friends (boys and girls) and at first he doesn't seem shy... but after he asked me out and we've been on a date he doesn't really make any moves. It is kind of confusing because he still calls and we saw each other again but I have no idea if I'm in friend-zone here or if he wants more... Maybe my hints are just very bad...lol...

By now I think that he's shy when it comes to girls like that. Still, I guess I just think if a very attractiv guy which also has a great personality makes no real moves... that he isn't really interested in me. And than that's the point were we for sure end in the friend-zone...

[Asker]

He sounds exactly like me! I wouldn't see any hints. You would practically have to jump on me! lol.

I never knew what my friends were laughing at when I would tell them my latest "disaster". They always say "you'll find someone, that's for sure, and she will be beautiful and perfect for you". I guess that will be the girl that grabs me and throws me against the wall and just kisses me and that's what the mean by being perfect for me.

[barbados]

Yeah, seems like you need a girl who takes the lead. and there is nothing wrong with that.

I came to the conclusion next time I see my guy I'll do something like that... maybe not throw him against a wall...lol... but some hint he CAN'T not see... and then we'll see. Sometime you have to risk something

[Asker]

Actually I need to stop thinking about my own feelings all the time. And start considering the person I have asked out. They wouldn't be there if they didn't want to be there. It's time I made them feel like I want them there as well. If that makes any sense to you.

[Anonymous]

lol @ your update. so you string girls along all the time, being a player, basically, yet you are also a shy guy who can't approach women and constantly gets friend zoned? yeah right. I smell b.s. somewhere.

Anyway to the original question, I've never really seen a "really attractive" guy who was also "incredibly shy" to be honest. The guys who are incredibly shy tend to be less attractive, or just normal, okay looking. I've seen some attractive ones but not "really attractive" incredibly shy guys.

And no, I probably wouldn't make the first move in this situation because looks are important but so are personality and compatibility. I'm not attracted to shyer personalities usually, whether its girls or guys. some of them are cute but even if I liked them, being the extreme extrovert that I am, I would think we wouldn't work well in a relationship and getting to know shy people, let alone incredibly shy people, in terms of building a relationship, would be tougher than usual.

[Asker]

Why is it so hard for your to believe that I used to be ugly. Ended up pretty. But somewhere in the middle I kind of lost my confidence in myself in other than asking girls out. And that when more an more said yes and yes, that I had no idea what to do next because in my past there had never been a next.

Do you evern know what this has been like for me?

[cyrus7]

I think most girls would be okay with it as long as you eventually come out of your shell