I want to send this message to my guy to know what the situation is. What would you think about it if you received it? do I come across well or bad?

[Pinkcreamlove]

The easiest way for me to communicate is to put all my thoughts together in a coherent way. I told you honesty is a core value for me. I’m quite uncomfortable saying certain things but I’ll do so to stop wondering. I read all conversations and I just have an impression that in the beginning you were more keen, initiating more, pursuing me. And I feel like now I’m the one who cares more and is pursuing you.
I might not be telling you all the positive things but I do care a lot about you and I always think about you. Some people might be saying a lot but the more serious I am, the less I say it but I do feel it.
And just because I’m genuine I don’t want to play any games, start ignoring you to see if you’re gonna message me or tell me what your plans are. I prefer to ask directly.
I’m not an attention seeker but a stability seeker. So I just want to feel relaxed and comfortable.
And after all I believe you know that I like you for who you are as a person and how you treat me exclusively. That’s what made me care so much. Not because where you come from, where you live or the financial situation...
So I want to make sure what the situation is like and if you actually stop losing your interest or I’m wrong. You know I’m very patient with you but there’s a difference between being patient and not knowing where you stand on.

shall I change anything? I want to show I care, I’m mature and not overreacting or giving a negative energy

[VIVANT]

Well I think if that is how you feel and you want to communicate there’s nothing wrong with that.

One thing is are you feeling he’s losing I interest or just being different?

bc relationships have ebb snd flow and the dynamic shifts constantly.

it isn’t suppsed to be one person chasing the other. And in my opinion it doesn’t matter who makes gestures or when. The point to me is everyone should feel their gestures are welcome and reciprocated overall. Not like a rally system. Just overall sense of feeling cared for.

you don’t need to worry bc he’s not chasing you but I don’t think that’s the issue I think you feel he is indifferent.. I don't know if I’d stress the fact yes changed bc people do and he might take it the wrong way.

the main thing is you want to know if he’s in or out bc you are not sure.

i think it is pointless to worry he will take advantage of you bc that doesn’t happen from any one action and if that is the kind of person he is it will come out letter or no.

in my opinion It’s dangerous Game to pretend to be who we are not in hopes of bringing out the best in someone else. I think often advice on here dress from that vantage point.. It never works and we can lose ourselves in the process. So you go write your letter 😊

... if he doesn’t care the message won’t change that but hopefully he will be honest with you 💗💗

[Pinkcreamlove]

Hold on I’m gonna edit it. I like your points and I’ll show you

[Pinkcreamlove]

What I mean is he was trying harder in the beginning and making more plans than now. So i don’t know if he’s in and out. And I asked him a while ago and he said he went to see my mother so he’s in. But he seems
Hesitant.

[Pinkcreamlove]

It’s mainly about his work he works here as an officer. To marry a foreigner he needs to ask for a permission etc so it’s more difficult but doable in most cases. And if he moves to my country, he can’t work as an officer. So I think it’s because of that. But as we say, if there’s a will, there’s a way.

[Pinkcreamlove]

I read old conversations and I just have an impression that in the beginning you were more keen, initiating more. And I feel like now I’m the one who cares more. I don’t need you to chase me but I just feel like you’re a bit indifferent/hesitant. It’s about actions matching words.
I might not be telling you all the positive things but I do care a lot about you and I always think about you. I’m genuine I won’t play any games, start ignoring you to see if you’re gonna message me or tell me what your plans are. I prefer to ask directly. I just want to feel relaxed and know if you’re in or out.
And after all I believe you know that I like you for who you are as a person and how you treat me exclusively. That’s what made me care so much. Not because where you come from, where you live or the financial situation...
So I want to make sure what the situation is. You know I’m very patient with you but there’s a difference between being patient and not knowing where you stand on.
Does it sound any better?

[VIVANT]

I forgot to add

It takes a lot of courage to do what you are doing. It’s easy to be fake and aloof ( until it destroys you) it takes guts to be open and honest. I just wanted to say that bc people don’t often confuse facade with reality. And somehow believe self censorship is leverage.. we have one life why lie through it 🤷‍♂️💗💗

I’ll read your points to my points in a bit When my hands are more free ( I’m on a farm atm lol)

[Pinkcreamlove]

Thanks

[Marilynjuana]

I will go against the others here, there is nothing wrong with meaningful heartfelt messages but yours has some very bad roots - you think he is losing interest in you. 90% of the time, we are right when we feel that way. A long heartfelt message doesn't do much for people who are losing interest, reaching out to them usually pushes them further away instead. I don't suggest playing games but personally I'd meet him, make it short and get to the point very clearly. But this is entirely my personal experience, maybe gives you something to think about. You know the guy better than I do, you'll know what's right.

[Pinkcreamlove]

It’s interesting. The only reason why I want to send a long message is because he told me earlier that my long messages make him feel more confident. And I want to get a clear answer not just yes or no. I want to understand him better that’s why I express myself well to encourage him to do so too. What do you think?

[Marilynjuana]

Since he has told you that it makes him feel more confident and content, YES, send it!!

[zeitgeist057]

Seems like a very stable and mature message.

My one thought if I were reading this, I would think to myself that there will always be in a relationship one person who cares more than the other, who is a little bit more "needy". This message kind of declares that it is you. Not that you are needy per say, but that you are wanting him more than he is wanting you, or at least that's the vibe I'm getting. That he has lost interest or is not pursuing like before and you miss that energy.

Which is a hard thing to ask for. I know for me, I am always going to start off stronger than I settle into in the long run, so if you ask me to bring and keep the energy and interest level I had at the start of our relationship... all I can say is that is not what is naturally happening, and I don't really have the power or inclination to fight that natural progression. I think part of the beauty of a relationship in the long term is seeing where it goes and develops.

But that initial "twitterpation" falling in love time is something that happens in the beginning and then starts to fade, in my experience. Maybe I am missing something? Maybe there's a way to have that forever? I do like the feeling and there was a point where I would just bounce from girl to girl for 1-6 months at a time and keep going through those initial stages of twitterpated bliss.

[Pinkcreamlove]

Thank you very much for sharing so much with me. Actually it’s about the progress. Since the beginning I told him I want to get married in the future. He met my mum because he asked twice if I told her about him. And he promised we’ll see his before I leave. So I don’t know if these are empty words or not.

[Pinkcreamlove]

I want to add something like ‘ So I want to make sure what the situation is like and if you actually stop losing your interest or I’m wrong’ not wrong but ‘you got more comfortable or...’ I don’t know how to express it but I want to include your part about a different energy etc as a healthy sign

[Pinkcreamlove]

@zeitgeist057 i don’t need the same energy but he’s not arranging plans with me like before that’s why I’m a bit worried

[zeitgeist057]

I know you said "... I don’t want to play any games, start ignoring you to see if you’re gonna message me..." and I think that if your relationship is going to go the way you are hoping for with marriage it's definitely best to be your best genuine self.

My thought though is that if he is not making plans like before and withdrawing a bit, maybe it's a good idea to let him withdraw, give him time and space. Not as a game, but as an emotionally intelligent response to the cues you are picking up. It's also okay to ask if the cues you are picking up are accurate.. is he in fact withdrawing? Does he recognize the lower level of interest and lack of plans? etc.

[Pinkcreamlove]

The thing is I’m leaving in 2.5 weeks and already haven’t seen him in two weeks. He works six days per week but he should be trying hard to see me twice before I leave. I don’t have time to lose now

[Pinkcreamlove]

So I already gave him like two weeks. We were still taking almost daily but come on

[Pinkcreamlove]

I’m not telling him to put a ring on it

[zeitgeist057]

Okay now I know a little more about the situation I would also recommend for this that you have a conversation with a richer medium... that is, face to face is the best, but zoom/Skype okay and at least voice. Maybe request that so you can get a feedback or his thoughts after he reads your message?

My other thought.. and this is more my personality is that if I had a girl like this that I hadn't seen in two weeks who knows I'm leaving and isn't trying to see me for the last two weeks, I just let her go. I mean, if I am really into her, maybe I do like you are doing and put a last final message out there to make sure it's not some misunderstanding but it feels like the distance is there because he wants distance there. Again, I don't know the details so I could be way off.

[Pinkcreamlove]

Basically I’m a foreigner and he works for the police. He likes me but he’s worried about his job. He said he needs time for everything because the situation is perplexed. If he moves to my country, he wouldn’t be able to work as an officer, and if he stays here, he’d need to ask for a permission to marry me

[Dougzy]

Why are you begging this person he is using a technique called social proofing a way to raise his value and undermine yours (ie become his doormat if you send that your begging for a hard time and entering the world of abusive relationships, I think you liked my reply to dominance, re-read it and take a mo, to think! as a quick question, my question would be why do you need to do this fear or is fear, or is it fear, remind me later to take a look at your profile pictures I`m curious to see what the issue is here ).

[Pinkcreamlove]

Send me a private message please

[VIVANT]

Communication doesn’t mean begging. If he doesn’t respect it she can move on. What you are suggesting us for her to be afraid to communicate bc it looks weak. That’s just another form of slavery-self censorship. And it’s still fear. If you really are against fear you wouldn’t be encouraging her to be afraid to do what she wants. 🤷‍♂️

[Pinkcreamlove]

I’m not begging. I want to know where I stand on. And I want to reassure from my side that the relation is important but it feels weird to me. Because I don’t want to be putting my energy somewhere where I’d waste it on

[Pinkcreamlove]

It’s me in the profile picture - I don’t think it’s about my appearance as I get a lot of attention but I rarely like someone

[Pinkcreamlove]

@VIVANT thank you very much! I was confused with the other opinion. But I guess everyone has a reason for it

[BeckyN]

I think that it's perfectly logical. I myself have sent a message similar to almost every guy I have dated, it our way of getting what they actually want.

[Pinkcreamlove]

So If he’s serious about me. He’s not gonna take the message in a bad way?

[BeckyN]

If he truly loves you he will simply say that you have it all wrong

[Pinkcreamlove]

❤️ hope so

[BeckyN]

I wish you the best of luck

[Pinkcreamlove]

Thank you

[Warmapplecrumble]

Just tell him simply how you feel then take it from there. I guess no matter how much you'll practice it won't sound right. So just say how you feel. It always helps.

[Pinkcreamlove]

I feel like this. Is the message too long?

[Warmapplecrumble]

You can bullet point the points, so it's easier to understand I guess

[TwoToTooTutu2]

I like this a lot. It's exactly how I feel about someone right now. It can be very difficult to understand what you are when you never discuss. I just wish more peoplr understood.

I think it is fine. Send it as it is.

[Pinkcreamlove]

Thank you ❤️ Hopefully I can inspire you to write a similar message

[TwoToTooTutu2]

I have tried so much but she is stubborn.

[Pinkcreamlove]

Maybe she isn’t comfortable with you or just hides some intentions

[TwoToTooTutu2]

I don't know, it feels like she is hiding everything.

[WhiteGlaze]

I think if he has a negative reaction at all to this then he doesn't deserve you and you shouldn't keep being patient. Its a well and honest message. But men can take advantage of that.

[Pinkcreamlove]

What type of advantage? I basically come to this country three times per year and spend quite a lot of time here. So I want to ensure it’s for a long run and he’s not just trying not to come across as an asshole and just being nice till I leave. And then abandon me

[WhiteGlaze]

Emotional advantage, the kind that'll cut deep and feel real when it isn't. Look at it as a race, and see if his actions match up with someone keeping an upperhand and trying to stay ahead of the game as you mentioned. Its very common in the US to constantly do whatever it takes to stay ahead and sometimes it involves dragging someone along emotionally and maintaining that power of that persons well being. Gives the ass hole in the situation a high. Being that you are in and out of the country is another red flag to me at least because he has plenty of time spent that he can lie about and so forth. You have to truly believe in the guy in order to keep a long distance relationship like that and takes a lot out of both of you. Just its a lot of chances and risks and if you have a lot of reason to doubt him already I'd say its better to cut it off and put that wonderful amount of care and understanding somewhere it deserves to be and is given back to you in full. I really hope this helps.

[Pinkcreamlove]

I actually trust him about being loyal. But not about being interested as before. Thanks. I’ll see what he says.

[Truthatanycost]

If you ever have to tell a partner how they should be treating you, then it is already over...

[Pinkcreamlove]

If people break up over small things like this, nobody would be married nowadays

[Truthatanycost]

It's not a small thing, it is one of the foundations of the entire relationship. When someone respects you, you will never have to tell them how to respect you...

[Anonymous]

:( I wish she said that to me