Why would my friends with benefits ask if he can take me out for dinner?

[Anonymous]

He told me his friend suggested that he should take me out and treat me to remind me that we are friends first and it’s not just about sex to him. However he has also told me flat out in person that he has feelings for me so I think he could be lying about his friend suggesting that and just didn’t know how to bring it up himself?

[Anonymous]

I find with ‘Friends with benefits’ is it usually is the case that one person doesn’t feel romantic feelings and just wants fun and the other person thought they could handle that and ended up falling, leaving the other person feeling awkward or unhappy about the situation. Then it all go’s pair shaped. I’ve been there twice and yes, I was the idiot to fall for both people, but after them being extremely intimate with me, there was a lot of mixed signals (saying they like me and feel like I’m close to being a partner). I also experienced mind games they played, narcissistic behaviour, the need to rub stuff in my face or ridicule my feelings, the laughing and dismissing me with their friends, the need to sweet talk me back when they were horny (which I now feel they used me). One got a boyfriend after telling me he wanted to stay single and the other went on a date the day they stood me up. Yet, prior to this, we practically spent half a week together, slept cuddling and kissed a lot. So, you know; it’s no wonder I started feeling something. These are just some examples of how I feel they strung me along or done stuff to spite me. And don’t get me wrong, I was an idiot for allowing it to happen. I’m not claiming to be innocent. I let my feelings get in the way of my clear judgement. However; the point of me telling you this is basically to give you some advice. Be clear of your intentions, if it’s gotten to the stage where they really like you and or tell you they want a relationship, then it’s probably wise to remind them of what your relationship is (friends with benefits). If you have to let them go, let them down slowly. If it’s not what you want or it is an absolute no, no (due to work), don’t be afraid to tell them that and try to help them understand. Just don’t let it linger on or do any of the above actions. This is someone’s feelings at stake. Focus on yourself and do what’s right for you. It may hurt them, but it’s better than to string them along for years and then find ways to break them. In the long run it would do you both a favour to be direct and upfront. Also allow this person to speak and to be open with you, if you care at all for this person you would allow them to express themselves (whether it is to your liking or not). Communication is key and as adults, you should be able to have a civil conversation. Honestly though, you might enjoy sex and friends with benefits, but nothing is forever, if you do want it to last and to remain this way, allow him some space and ask him nicely to try and work through his feelings. If he can’t then it will need to come to an end. Don’t let it reach the point of toxic.

[KellsKells]

To me at least it sounds like it was just him and he's trying to get more emotionally close to you.

If I were you I'd either just really talk to him about where you guys are and what you both want or just stop having sex with him. If he already likes you its just going to make him like you more and if you don't feel the same, he's just going to get hurt.

[bluetoblack99]

Hey might have a guilty feeling that you feel used. Sounds like that isn’t the case and you don’t mind the arrangement (I’m sure he doesn’t).

But the more thoughtful guys out there sometimes get this “toxic guilt” complex after getting sex without going through hoops. We have heard countless women complain about scumbag guys, how every girl wants a relationship, blah blah blah. Truth is some women don’t mind friends with benefits. Sounds like you were both forthcoming so no harm no foul.

The other reason is might be having feelings for you. Believe it or not many guys are just about “pump and dump”. We CAN get attached after sex sometimes. Just depends. Maybe he wants to make something more.

My advice is too tell him that’s sweet but you don’t have a problem with the current arrangement. Tell him he did nothing wrong but if he wants to get you dinner you would enjoy it.

If he wants to make you his girlfriend he will bring it up. He already knows you intimately so it’s less stressful for him to take another risk.

[nonratracereality]

The hardest thing is to realize that you may not be as real as you think you are. Because we are getting away from standards and codes of humanity that we dont fully examine the complete scope of what we're involved in. So as a result we change the routine, as well as the expected expectations and the the awkwardness that follows due to non communication. So again the three actions necessary to insure your own firm ground; maturity, integrity and responsibility. As a result it progressed into something no one thought about or was prepared for so now you got to wing it the best way you can. It changes cause it cannot be viewed in the same way anymore. The game has changed.

[missy47]

Sounds like a date, and like he likes you. You can go for dinner with him, but remind him of what you want. If you don’t want to date, tell him. If you notice it being frequent, then you should stop all together. That means stop doing for dinner with him and stop having sex with him. He’ll get his feelings hurt, and that wouldn’t be fair.

[KellsKells]

YES that's what I'm saying

[Citizenkirk]

Based on my own experiences, I have advised people too establish the parameters of their platonic friendship with someone thy are chums with, before engaging in romantic explorations. Platonic intimacy doesn't have too interfere with romantic intimacy, if you keep the two separate and don't experience the wrong type in your established relationship parameters.

[ZackBan]

It's not rocket science. Clearly the coochy has finally gotten to his brain and now he sees your face wherever he goes.

He wants more but is trying to be subbtle about it so he doesn't ruin the friends with benefits situation

[PerkyPython]

Yep it could be possible he's just trying to tell you he may have feelings for you. If you want to go the relationship way, then go to dinner with him and find out!
If you don't want to, but still want to go to dinner and do friend stuff with him - go along and have a good time. If he tries to tell you that he wants more than an friends with benefits, then tell him how you feel. It'll be fine! 💕

[spartan55]

You are already fucking him, going to dinner won't make things more complicated. You have it backwards. Good luck with that mess.

[djmzes]

Simple

[Mohima97]

Is it such an alien of a thing for two people to eat dinner together? If you’re friends with benefits it’s even better. You get treated to a wine and dine meal and then get benefits for deserts.

[scott04sa22]

Sounds like a date. Friends with benefits don't go out to eat. Also Friends with benefits don't last too long. If it lasts longer than the usual period then their partners.

[Petra150]

Ohh just one of those expression I'd never learnt who mean, friends with benefits, what excatly does it mean , to a Danish girl who never heard it before

[Legacy95]

Here in the US a friend with benefits a friend that you just have sex with but are not dating you do your own thing

[Petra150]

@Legacy95 like to cheat with a guy? Or casual sex, usally we women aren't supposed to just seek out sex, and pleasure , we were ment to have sex for one reason , to regenerate our tripe , and therefore we tried to make us self good looking , so the best guy would chose you to give you he's spearm. Usally them men could choose who ever they want, and first much later did marriage accur. Now we talking mainly about us women being like the men in the stone age , quite scarry we never become wiser !!!

[Petra150]

@Legacy95 thanks for your replies I'd just put my personal comments on it, no hard feelings just my observations

[Angleina]

It sounds like he loves you but is scared of rejection

[Wise4myage]

Taking you to dinner considered a benefit, but if he says he has feelings for you, then its goes beyond that.

[winterfox10]

I mean... does it really matter who the idea came from? The guy is having sex with you, and he is presumably enjoying it... is there any reason that you wouldn't want to get dinner with him?

[Asker]

I do want to but by him asking me that I feel like he is hiding what he’s feeling or what he wants from all of this. Yes he did tell me he has feelings but we both know that if we’re coworkers we can’t date so I’m not really sure what the point of going on what seems like a date. Won’t that just complicate things?

[winterfox10]

You guys are already doing the most intimate thing you can possibly do with another person. Going on a date isn't gonna make things more complicated.

[venomhbk1313]

If you think it would be okay then go for it I got a feeling it could be harmless and you two go home together again

[TrustOfWorthington]

because he has strong feeli gs for you and wants to keep you as a girlfriend

[Wewladdy]

Why would you be having sex outside of a serious relationship?
Why do you ask stupid questions like this post?

[Iron_Man]

Who knows but those things never work out in the long

[MansuYoo]

He definitely wants something more serious with you and is coming up with an excuse because he's not sure how you feel.

[gandolph3]

ask him which it is, and there is no harm in having dinner with a friend

[Asker]

I know there’s no harm in it but I feel like if we do that then we’re both going to be confused about where this is going. We’re also coworkers (I know lol) so I’m afraid it’ll start making things complicated

[gandolph3]

Do what you are most comfortable with

[SexyAshh]

Sounds like he's catching the feels

[AmeerX]

He obviously loves you

[In_Trance]

Because he wants to take you out for dinner

[red324]

What's wrong with going out to dinner? I didn't know friends with benefits meant I could show up whip my dick out, stick it in then walk back out the door. You still have to treat them like a person.

[Anonymous]

He has started liking you

[scooogy]

Maybe it's his way o inviting to eating pussy 😏

[mich15smith]

he might like you

[Anonymous]

Maybe he wants more