Girls who get CONTINUALLY used by player-like guys...are simply stupid imo.
As harsh as this sounds...this is what guys genuinely think, including me. If I hear of a girl like this, I simply think she's making bad decisions, rather than this "being a victim" nonsense that I hear females say about the same girl in question.
If a guy is genuinely nice & gets no dating success, imo that's more out of his control.
Why?
Because I truly feel that women control the dating game. Nobody gets to the na-na without her consent.
A girl that rejects genuine nice guys, but continually falls for (yes, I did say "falls for") guys that are good-looking and charming yet have obvious traits from the past 5 guys that sexually used her...
...that's an idiot.
I don't date idiots. Genuine guys also shouldn't try to date a hot idiots (which happens more than these guys would say).
So in a nutshell...guys get more empathy because they're not chosen by the females.
The girl, in the final verdict GETS TO CHOOSE...& if she CONTINUALLY chooses the wrong type of guy due to superficial good-looks & charm...then she's an idiot bitch not worth my time.
P.S. I also must put this disclaimer...if a girl gets used one or maybe twice, that is simply a "mistake". I'm referring to girls who, in the final verdict, CHOOSE hot & charming jackasses & want empathy. Pardon me for my harsh tone throughout this response, but this type of sh*t REALLY pisses me the f*ck off.
P.S.S. To the QA...these females should p*ss you the f*ck off, too, cauz they make your gender look bad.
Dude, this makes no sense whatsoever. In what universe are men not free to CHOOSE a woman? You are saying that the final verdict goes to a woman to choose, but women get rejected all the time as well, so guess what? A guy has CHOSEN not to date her... and no man is forced to accept a woman just because she has chosen him. Get this straight.
Those aren't equivalent at all. The female equivalent to the nice guy would be for her to ask out (not wait for him to make a move, actually ask him out) a guy that says he's not interested in a relationship, only to have him turn around and ask out a hotter, slutty girl.
The obvious reason for what you're talking about is that guys here have more empathy for each other than they do for girls. The majority of the guys that frequently visit here are the "friend zone" guys, so we know what it's like. Most of us don't know what it's like to get played, though.
As for girls that get played, I sometimes have sympathy for them, but not usually. For one, most girls who get played don't get played just once- they'll continue going for the exact same type of guy for years, and repeatedly get played because of it. For two, it's pretty common that these girls will rant and rave about how all guys are assholes/jerks, but repeatedly reject actual good guys in favor of better looking and charming ones. For three, many of them do stupid stuff that leads to them getting used, like putting out on the second meeting. For four, trying to be "the one" that changes the player is extremely common (and foolish)- just take one look at some of the questions on this site and it's obvious.
Prof_Don shut the fuck up man. You're a resentful prick, and if you looked after yourself properly maybe you would not be one of the 'nice guys'. I'm a girl here, and I'm just gonna say... if you aliens have no sympathy for nice women, then I got zero sympathy for nice guys. There is literally nothing different about these two situations. At the end of the day, both sides get rejected and it hurts.
Killfest400 - I got something to say to you. AT LEAST WOMEN DON'T FUCKING PLAY YOU.
That's the difference I think you were trying to articulate.
Men seem to have this entitled fuckery in their brains that make them think it's okay to use a girl and then BLAME HER for being the IDIOT that fell for his manipulation. And you say that most nice guys don't know what it's like to be played as if it's a bad thing?
That's so fucked up. It's kinder to say no to a dude from the beginning, not drag him through months or more of wasting his time. It hurts even more after that.
I have been played, but I am not an idiot, and I refuse to accept that horrible stereotype. It just makes no sense that you would rather blame women for going for someone of a certain type, than say to dudes to just reject her from day one if he's not interested in her for real.
Maybe you're not a player, or maybe you are, but they are masters at manipulation and making their cases sound very convincing. Who is the idiot here? The woman, or the cruel human being who is taking what he wants?
Guys have loyalty to other guys. They don't give a f*** about girls unless it's their mom/sister/close friend/etc other than that they don't care about you because they empathize with other men. Guys don't have empathy for women because for the most part they don't see us as people. the only exceptions are relatives, old women and close friends. If you are not 1 of the 3 then you are either an ugly chick or a girl they want to f***, not an actual person to them. They feel bad for guys who can't get p**** because they emphasize with them because they feel that all guys should get p**** and will actually think badly of girls who reject them and call them "bitches". A girl who is used by a player doesn't get sympathy because (a) most guys will think she's stupid for not going for a guy like him instead and (b) guys are always happy to see another guy get laid and (c) women are not people to them.
@popcrazy215 ok since no male would say it id like to intervene as he's said not all men are like that I feel bad for a woman who's got her heart broken or has been played but your acting as if both genders don't get the same treatment you think we get consoled after these things no because the male stereotype is that we can't feel hurt or cry so we have to suck it up and deal with it sadly both genders got there stuff to deal with but down to the point no this is plain wrong you can't base a few experiences in your life and put it on the entirety of males
Opinion
13Opinion
I'm sorry I can't give empathy to someone who has ignored or been to oblivious to recognize the advances of a so called "player". A nice guy Is generally a very loving kind generous person; operates his life on the values that his mother has taught him: holding the door open, buying meals for a girl, lend a helping hand whenever possible. Sadly in our society girls like yourself would probably ignore this guy. Its not your fault of course. Guys who are ass holes are more confident, strong, sexual beings. confidence and strength are traits valued in life they take people far and more like leaders. No doubt they also attracts women. Men who are sexual beings also attract women for if you are a sexual being asking many women for sex you are bound to get lucky with one for women also want sex and can get their fixings with your so called "players" vs. The nice Rube of a girl who has been used by a player has been too dumb to not withdraw from blatant sexual advances. Sorry honey girls CAN say no, thus no empathy for some whiny bitch who 'f***ed' up. Be nice to the nice guy for he is having trouble with the opposite gender. Furthermore you have continually told other responses for him to simply change his attitude. who the f*** do you think you are? A major phycological change how simple. pssh quite whining bitch
You're the whining bitch, actually. Stick to canada we don't want you here in the US.
you expect me to not defend myself? people are attacking me because they're assuming I've been played. moron, read the question more closely next time.
Yay more americans helping their worldwide standing by being racist. :) I'm still right. nice guys get cut slack because they are unsuccessful with the opposite gender. girls are'nt because for the most part its their fault. whether reading too far into a situation or being dumb.
it's not about intelligence always. maybe the girl is inexperienced or unassertive. in any case, learn some new adjectives and learn how to talk to women.
haha I can gaurantee I have a much larger vocabulary than you. Then these girls should gain attributes that will benefit their lives in and outside of dating. Instead of your ingenious solution of just completely decimating their psychological upbringing, and starting from scratch
Why would you listen to your mother, OK yes some of the things she says like holding doors, being polite all that crap yes, but anything that deals with dating hell no, you need to learn from your father or a father figure, women don't fall for mamma's boys, but they do fall for real men.
Here we go again. The woman is the one to blame for not reading a man's mind. Jesus Christ...
How about you tell your 'bad guy' comrades to stop using women? How is that for an idea?
What would be the most logical solution for this. Hmm... let me think. Oh yes, let's just tell the women to stop falling for it.
Meanwhile... players keep on existing...
Oh another women fell for his games? Stupid her!!
Meanwhile... players are still allowed to play...
Dang, they got another one! Dumb bitch... she should have seen the signs and let him go play someone else.
Meanwhile... players STILL playing.
Am I the only one getting this here? Shouldn't we be telling people not to treat others like this? Wouldn't the problem go away if we get to the root and start telling men that it's a) not okay to treat humans this way, and b) to respect themselves enough to find someone that they actually LOVE to date?
Agree with the guys. Women who constantly get played are making bad decisions.
A nice guy is one that approaches women genuinely. He is himself and he likes you. He may be nervous depending on how much he is attracted to you. This is the man who gets constantly rejected.
In a lot of cases he eventually he builds animosity towards women. He begins to get what I call "***k it" in his system. He begins to not want to be the nice guy. He can't stand how women always go for assholes, stupidly so, the ass can even already be known for being a player, they think they can change him and their in love.
Now our guy just doesn't care anymore, why try? What happens next? He lands a girl. Funny how that works.
He winds up trying and fails. Why? Because women always want more, just like how men cheat are never satisfied with what they have. Not all but.. yeah
He realizes that when he holds back his desire to be the girls prince charming/drone/etc. He gets way better results. His whole attitude changes towards women. He is now playing you as well.
(Here's two comments letting me know you make bad decisions)
Comment 1:
"he's being nice to ingratiate himself with her. if he didn't like her, he wouldn't be so nice. so... that's not being himself, that's courting her. think about it. after a few months of a relationship, he stops trying that hard. so a lot of the "nice" is fake."
Did he stop trying or did you expect more than what he was offering?
Comment2:
"haha. against his will? if something's not working for him, he should change his behavior."
You don't want a nice guy. You want to be played. Its as simple as that.
Wow, again, another man making excuses for the man who DECIDED to use a woman.
Come to reality. It is a bad decision on the MAN'S PART for USING her to begin with. Don't you agree?
Just stop blaming women for being human, please... it's distressing. We can't know everything, and we certainly can't read a man's mind. If we knew that a man was going to play us, don't you think we would run for the hills?
Women who reject nice guys - sure, it may hurt and possibly be a mistake if he really is gonna make her happy. But at least women say no from day one. They don't lower their standards to sleep with someone they are not really that into or attracted to, unlike men who clearly seem to do this. They know that it's better to not waste his time, ultimately. Unlike MEN, who seem to think it's okay to do this.
Men need to learn to treat relationships with respect, and to treat ALL human encounters, especially intimate ones, as relationships - whether they want to admit it or not, it's true. Men need to respect themselves more too, and actually look for a woman they really like to sleep with, and have a possible future with. Stop playing this ridiculous numbers game as if it's part of your biology! It's not. This much sexual freedom has not always been a part of human history, and it's probably for a reason. We might say we are progressing... but I just think we are getting confused. :/
I have empathy for everyone. And that is not just a line.
We're all the same inside soul-wise - we just communicate differently.
Who cares about 'getting some' or 'hooking up'? The people focusing on the purely physical acts of pleasure miss out on the deep soul connections necessary to live life and not just survive.
I don't feel bad for 'nice guys that can't get any' because they can be patient enough to wait for that soul connection.
Sometimes the world doesn't make sense at times, but it always does in the end.
well so many guys always hear girls say my boyfriend is a jerk on and on, so they attempt to be generally good people. then get rejected for whatever reason by those same said girls. he gets rejected flat out and feels destroyed inside.
the girl taken by the player I truly think is different, here is some guy pressuring her for sex after 1 date etc. if your not ready you think they would know better. yet this girl gives this guy who is acting like a huge jerk another chance in fact he is probablly one of the guys the nice guy is oging to have to hear about.
That's a good point - she gives the jerk another chance. I think in that circumstance, it's prob. only because she's already fooled around with him, so she feels attached. From the outside looking in, it's obviously an irrational move on her part.
yeah exactly but I have seen so many questions by girls like this, "i had sex with him now he doesn't talk to me" etc.
that's different though. guys are so wishy-washy nowadays you have to expect that kind of outcome.
Well I would guess that nice guys don't have empathy for women who were used by players, is because they probably already mentioned to the girl that the guy she was going after was a player, and he will use you, and yet you still went for him.
It's just kind of like if someone says hey don't touch the stove it's very hot and will burn your hand, and well if you went and touched it, what do you really want a person to say besides I told you so.
Who knows what the scenario is. You just gave one possibility of many.
i guess that would be a harsh thing to say to a friend.
see, if only people were than honest. but they're so subtle in everyday life that their input is practically useless.
> Just seems like the male version of the girl taken by a player.
But it isn't. A male version of the girl being taken by a player would be some guy coming here crying that the girl he had been dating turned out to be a slut and was only in it for the sex. Do you think many people would empathize with that guy? Of course not, he'd be told stuff like "Well at least the sex was good, right?" and "Next time be more careful who you date", and then he would be expected to get over it and move on.
I think people on here would empathize with that guy.
The other guys on this site would say things like, " ya know what? I feel for ya man. girls these days are all sluts " and he'd get 5 up arrows.
naw I see reactions like that on a daily basis between men, its too bad woman can't have each others backs.. but then again we don't treat the gender of a person as the key factor to whether or not we empathize with them
It only takes getting screwed over once, or twice at most to learn your lesson. Insanity is repeating the same action and expecting different results.
"Nice guys" on the other hand aren't allowing themselves to be victimized - as the girls you speak of are - but instead generally are put in the friend zone because many women look for overly confident, somewhat insensitive, etc guys - who just so happen to fit the bill of many users!
Maybe said girls should give the nice guys a try. Just a thought.
So yeah, no. They're kind of the opposite. No double standard there.
Uh, what? Not allowing themselves to be victimised? Hello, can anyone else hear the chorus of men complaining and howling like dogs that all these 'bitches and sluts' are rejecting them and 'not giving them a chance'. Sounds like a victim mentality to me.
Here is the thing. I will tell you the absolute truth as a woman. Most 'nice guys' ARE acting like victims, and because they lose all of their self esteem, they don't bother to look after themselves or work on themselves. Rather than doing that, they just blame women for not choosing them and accepting them as they are.
We have been socialised to tell women that they have to be hot and perfect, and guys will still be able to get girls no matter what they look like. But this is unfortunately a lie that has been perpetuated through the media and celebrity culture. We see often in movies, or in reality, men who are average get model-looking girlfriends. But the difference is this: it's either fiction, or these guys are super powerful, influential, rich, or charismatic in some other way.
In the every day life of us however, this translates to...
Man: I don't need to work on myself, a nice woman will come along and accept me as I am.
Woman: I need to change myself to be accepted by a man.
Both lose horribly in this equation.
Men who are nice guys, may very well be nice. But most of them are fat, unfit, unshaven, dress awfully, eat terribly, and STILL SEXIST and acting like an ENTITLED VICTIM.
There is no chance. Sorry. No lady is gonna accept him, so I suggest he get off his ass and work on his presentation. You have to get used to the idea that women are sexual creatures too, and we DO CARE ABOUT APPEARANCE.
It's not our 'duty' to settle. It is your duty to raise your own bar and get in the game.
because it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, and only a small handful of guys, or just more guys struggle than girls do
The guys you meet have short "sticks" - time ti hit the bars again.
are they nice girls? you said "girls" you never said "nice" girls
what's a nice girl in your opinion? a virgin?
thats why your question sounds hypocritical. cause you made it sound like all girls get the short end. but only "nice guys" do. you have to be more specific next time
nice just means, mature, (shy). usually a virgin (but I know some girls who are mature but aren't virgins. basically everything a "nice" guy is. with exceptions
Because the proverbial "nice guy" who can't get a date is in that situation against his will, whereas woman who "gets used" willingly sets herself up for it.
haha. against his will? if something's not working for him, he should change his behavior.
I'm not going to get into a discussion regarding the differences in difficulty between pursuing and getting pursued. It has been done to death, and anyone who doesn't understand the difference should not be on an advice website.
Good. I don't need you to explain that to me because "change your behavior" can be applied to most life problems, including this one. A nice guy could just stop being so nice. Problem solved.
Changing behavior is essentially "doing things differently" but that takes practice and the things necessary to practice "gaining the attraction of a female" need plentiful resources (girls) to try on as it's a one-time only change for an eternity.
It sucks making people alienated from you forever whom you could know, just to practice manipulating them, considering they otherwise will not ever like you.
why should a guy change who he is just for a girl. " a nice guy could just stop being nice". shouldn't a girl like you, for you. not who she wants you to be?
he's being nice to ingratiate himself with her. if he didn't like her, he wouldn't be so nice. so...that's not being himself, that's courting her. think about it. after a few months of a relationship, he stops trying that hard. so a lot of the "nice" is fake.
The blatant sexism is staring us all in the face. No human being 'willingly' sets themselves up to be used. I say this to both sides. NO decent minded person would purposefully waste another person's time and ditch him/her months later.
The problem is the player, not the playee.
Haven't you been following the recent discussion about rape? It's a different conversation, but the basis of thinking is much the same. 'She was asking for it', is the general consensus. So, rather than telling men that this behaviour is not okay, we still tell women to cover up and don't walk out on the street.
That way of thinking is what you're advocating here dude. She was just sooo stupid, and should have read his mind.
It's the most shameless dismissal of taking responsibility and being held accountable that we have ever seen - why? Because by now, we should know better, and the only 'wilful ignorance' going on is that deep down, we know that the doer of horrible things is the one who should be held responsible and shamed in society, not the other way around.
at least you get dates easily, better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all
finding dates with guys who treat you like a hoe is nothing to be proud of lol
Stop bitching, I have no empathy for you.
I didn't ask for your empathy. When did I say this is about me? You are the example that supports the point I made in my question.
As soon as nice guys use their brains and learn how to play the game.
All this question is, is a plea to pardon your inability to make rational decisions.
I know some "nice guys" on this site who were born unlucky, and they cannot play the game because girls would never invite their ugly mug. I see no reason to rub salt into their wounds, while the girl who is getting laid acts like a prima donna.
You are such a sh*t. This isn't about me. actually killfest400 has better ideas than you . go read.
"As soon as nice guys use their brains and learn how to play the game."
You want a guy with "game"...that's code for "I ignore the a**hole qualities of guys as long as they're good-looking, yet I still complain because I'm an idiot."
That statement says A LOT about you, QA. A "nice guy" honestly deserves better than a game-playing sex toy for douchebags.
Grown men don't play women.
You can also add your opinion below!
Girl's Behavior 
Guy's Behavior 
Flirting 
Dating 
Relationships 
Fashion & Beauty 
Health & Fitness 
Marriage & Weddings 
Shopping & Gifts 
Technology & Internet 
Break Up & Divorce 
Education & Career 
Entertainment & Arts 
Family & Friends 
Food & Beverage 
Hobbies & Leisure 
Other 
Religion & Spirituality 
Society & Politics 
Sports 
Travel 
Trending & News 
Most Helpful Opinions