Why would a guy say he doesn't want anything serious yet flirts with me?

[Anonymous]

I always had a thing for my coworker and a few months ago he broke up with his ex. we started talking and hanging out after work. I started to develop feelings for him and he told me couldnt be in a new relationship and that he wasn't ready yet. I respected his wishes and kept my distance afterwards. I was still nice to him, but not flirty anymore.

However he still flirts with me every chance he gets. It hurts me because he knows i like him a lot and it feels like he is giving me false hope. Why does he want to meet up, talk to me and constantly flirt around with me if he doesn't want anything?

It really hurts my feelings because everyday I try to get over my feelings for him but i can't

[smilinjackal]

First never date someone you have to see. Work or school kinda thing.
Second flirting is fun. Safe flirting is the best fun. You get to flirt with out a worry things will get awkward. But he is not doing safe flirt. Cause you like him.
As I see it you have two options.
1 flirt and enjoy flirting. Put any hope of it going past that, flirty friend zone, on the way back burner. And try not to let it meas with you
This will likely fail and end badly
2 talk to him about it. Know what you want and where you are drawing the line. Be prepared to deal with the outcome.

Sorry boys are confusing. Honestly we have no clue what we are doing.

[Asker]

Thats a great tip! I did actually adress it and he said its good that i express my feelings so that i dont get hurt unnecissarily. He then pulled away for a bit and now he's back at flirting as if he doesn't know i am into him...

[smilinjackal]

Well option 1 looks like where your at. Let liking him go. Your not even in the realm of hooking up and already the games. Not a boyfriend material for you. No matter how sweet and cute he might be.
If you really want him to stop... go the extreme. Next time he flirts, in a private setting, walk up to him in a flirty way... grab his balls... a little too hard. Bite his ear... a little to hard and whisper I can't wait for you to show me. He will either snap back in surprise. And call it quits. Or you will get a hot one night stand. He will be done after that. But if that happens you make damn sure you get your orgasm out of him. It damn well better be worth your while. Tie him down and go and go until your satisfied. He asked for it.

[DWornock]

When he is horny he need someone to fuck. Nothing more.

[btbc92]

You don't mess with coworkers. Period. He only does it because you allow it and yet he is leading you on because he knows that you are still available. He will only stop when you make boundaries and detach from the guy, or when you in a relationship with somebody else. Either way, he is being selfish, and this is why I don't agree with flirting, let alone dating strangers, a coworker is a bit NO-NO, or somebody who isn't your friend that you at least have had for maybe 2 years if not more. Feelings and such takes timeto develop. Nothing wrong with being friends. But this is clear this is not about friendship but something sexual that he wants.

[Asker]

Yeah i agree with everything you said... but the way he talks and acts is so convincing. Its hard to explain but he will say things like: "im having a family dinner, you would love it" or "as soon as the restaurants open (due to covid) im gonna take you out to a nice place for dinner". These are the things that give me false hope i feel like

[btbc92]

He's a flirt. Guys like that use charms and smoothness to get you to chase him to feed his ego. It's messed up.

[btbc92]

This guy doesn't care about how you feel. He cares what he is getting out of it.

[Asker]

Everything you say is spot on. If my friend told me this story i would tell her the same. But for some reason i just can't take my own advice. He will do sweet things like hold my hand and offer me rides and as soon as i stop giving him attention he starts chasing me again

[btbc92]

You need to tell him no. Because he is doing it out of hidden intent, not out of kindness and sincerity which doesn't have hidden intent.

[btbc92]

You need to just tell the guy you're done. You're not playing his sick game. And you need to start being more assertive about it. There is no excuse. You already understand what this is about.

[Asker]

Thank you!!!