Just wondering if I am overreacting any opinions would be very appreciated?

[Anonymous]

I will try keep this as short as possible my partner has a project car. I love that he has this project and I try support it as much as I can but over the past few months he has putting all his money towards the car and leaving no money for anything else. I find I am left to make ends meet with bills, rent and groceries. Anytime I try to talk to him about it I find he gets very defensive and says I’m against his passion but really I am just sick of everything being on my shoulders financially as I am getting quite stressed out.
I want to fix this issue but I have no idea how to approach it without him thinking I have a problem with his passion. Thank you so much in advance :)

[MTC29]

A man's projects or his hobbies, can strain a relationship. I once did a complete motorcycle restoration, but primarily to take my mind off a failed relationship. I'm also wasn't hurting for money, which is not true in your case.

Every couple handles their finances differently, including married couples. Obviously you are the responsible member of the partnership so take charge and make it plain that keeping food on the table and a roof over your heads' comes before the car. Don't let him feed you a line of bull shit that you don't support his passion. That's his pathetic way to manipulate you through guilt- and it seems to be working.

I read posts from so many young women in you age group who are reluctant, or unable, to claim their place as an equal partner in their relationship. You've given him a free ride by always being their to pick up the slack and make things work. He's not going to make any changes without his being told to make them. The longer you wait to deal with this, the more difficult it will become.

[ChrisMaster69]

This is a red flag for going forward both for you both and for him as an individual.

I've had numerous project cars over the years, my current track car was a object.

it’s all about finance and time management.

you need xx amount of cash to live a normal life, anything that say goes over £1000 becomes Y money.

if you have Y left over, then you have Y for your project.

As Y runs out, you cannot and must not use anything from money xx to replace it.

you wait until you have Y money spare.

same with time management, you have a partner, family etc, you spend a certain amount of time with them, a certain amount with work, if you have free time then it’s project time.

but you do not take time from other areas.

can’t meet finance and time, then don’t do a project.

[ChrisMaster69]

@ Pretty Pink Anon thank you most appreciated.

[SueShe]

No, you are not overreacting.

A partnership is a type of relation where you share things equally, that is 50/50. He invests all his funds on a hobby and leaves you to settle for the important things like food, rent, insurance and other things that should be shared equally.

You should sit together and go over all the incremental bills you have and that concern both of you equally. Then you prepare a budget that is balanced and that is not leaving you to pay for his share.

Whatever amount is left over is the amount or funds that he can dispose of for his hobby.

If he disagrees, then you know that you will always be second to his hobby and you should take the appropriate steps.

[Siren777]

A major red flag. As the relationship progresses and becomes more serious you will be the one providing while he uses all his money on himself and for his benefit. Yes being supportive is fine but not by depleting yourself having to support his passions only. When he cannot provide or help with basic necessities, think twice before continuing your relationship or kick him to the curb. You're not overreacting. If this burdens you, it isn't good for you regardless of how much you love him. You need to end the manipulation of using the 'you're not supporting my passions ' as the main excuse for conditional love.

[Searlas]

No, is it projected to bring-in cash in return? If am correct, project cars are things done for leisure and specifically when you have extra savings. Ain’t no primary requirement or need and if you can argue this over a basic requirement, you f***. His financial management sucks you gonna be doing family and basics when he’s busy doing personal stuff. So think twice, in my opinion, you need to leave this relationship ASAP. 🚩🚩🚩🚩

[Iron_Man]

Well first of all are you married and if not are you’re you living together?

[Asker]

We are not married we just are renting together.

[Iron_Man]

Then he should split everything with you 50-50

[Anonymous]

Pay for your half only. When things gets cut off he’ll come to his senses

[nolabels]

Neon red flag!
Get out of there.