How should I respond when my friend with benefits told me that he is married after he left me since 2 months ago?

[Anonymous]

Updates

+1 y

my instinct kept telling me that he is married. but my body can't accept the fact that he left me out of sudden.. which is made me became insomnia, has no appetite to eat, being stressful with fake friends as well however I just left toxic friendship, dealt with mom being rude to me.
and today I received a message from him and he responded me that he's married. and I'm not surprised at all , but I laughed because my instinct was right. and I feel numb to everything.

[MTC29]

As @HollyK21 already said, friends with benefits are first and foremost FRIENDS. You have to expect this to happen. For a few years I had a Travel Partner With Benefits. She and I had a great time traveling around Europe and going on cruises (where two can travel much cheaper than one) together. Eventually she met a guy, established a relationship, and they married. I wish I heard from her more often, but I'm happy for her.

If you're getting into a friends with benefits, never go in with the idea that it will become more, because it won't.

[Asker]

then what should I respond to him?

[MTC29]

The polite thing to do is to congratulate him and wish him and his bride all the best. Whether or not you actually feel that way is beside the point. Saying anything else will complicate the situation and make him feel uncomfortable. Honestly, you don't want that to happen.

[Asker]

okay. I'll do that.. I'm sad.. my mom kept making my life getting worst. as well

[MTC29]

I recognize that you're sad. You seem to be a very nice young woman, but he's now out of your reach. The very best thing you can do now but to show that you are indeed a friend and wish him well. Trust me, that will mean a lot to him, and you'll always be held in high regard in his mind. That's worth something.

[Asker]

can I dm you?

[MTC29]

Yes, if you wish.

[Asker]

I'm sorry. I changed my mind.. I wanted to tell you that I live with toxic mom but then I realized.. I can't leave this house.. 😔 and about that man, I already forgive myself. I should not like someone too much.

[Asker]

he just replied and said thank you. should I stop messaging him or say welcome?

[Interstate]

Keep going with life and don't give it a second thought. I would ask him what he is even doing contacting you after having the nerve to leave without notice and getting married. It just goes to show there are NO friends WITH BENEFITS.

[Asker]

you're right, and now you made me realized that but it's too late to ask him that, I was congrats him

[Interstate]

Well by Congratulating him, you are still being the bigger person 😏

[Asker]

yeah. and he said thank you. should I reply you're welcome or ignore him?

[Interstate]

I would say it is acceptable to say "you're welcome". You are keeping the civility. This next call is on you, but if it were me, I would possibly add "Take care in life" as a kind CIVIL way of saying, "Now please don't make future contact with me. You crossed the line with what you did, and now it is time for me to move on from you". That is unless you want him to keep in touch with you?

[Asker]

I don't know if I want to keep in touch.. my heart feels bitter now but still think of him (rarely). and my mind be like "do whatever you do, I no longer excited towards this guy"

[Interstate]

Then that is your indication to move on, and in time the bitterness will dissolve. There is also the possibility they will do the same to the new spouse.

[Asker]

thank you for your reply, I thought you've forgotten about this. I haven't reply to say you're welcome take care that guy. ugh.. 😔.. I don't understand why so many bad people i had to deal at the same time..

[Interstate]

I haven't been online in a few days. And you're welcome 😁

[Nazgol]

I know how you feel, I felt the same. I also had a situation like that and he's married now with a kid. Honestly, just move on. Those type of relationships are never serious anyway, if you can even call it a relationship. It was really difficult for me to grasp too that he's pretty much gone, but I have someone that loves me, though not always perfect. I know , it's tough

[Nazgol]

*it's tough & hurts really bad

[Nazgol]

& also I had endless tears. Until I decided enough is enough & I deserve better than settle for something like that

[Nazgol]

Once you move on and find someone to be busy with, you'll see that you moved on & the thought of him will be laughable

[Nazgol]

* will become laughable

[Asker]

you're right, and Im following your advice

[HollyK21]

What else is there to say? Since you two have parted ways, and you were only friends with benefits so it shouldn’t matter. That’s the whole point of such an arrangement: no strings, no expectations and no disappointments.

[Anonymous]

Okay so everyone has their own way of accepting and doing things, and thats fine.

BUT LADY, YOU can't COME HERE TRYING TO CLEAR YOUR GUILT. THIS IS YOURS TO BEAR.

[spartan55]

Yeah, she obviously left out any negative about herself. Then she couldn't play the victim.

[Asker]

I don't understand.. why it should be my fault?

[spartan55]

Why would ANYTHING ever be your fault?

[spartan55]

Yeah, and? Go ahead. Fucking a married guy is only slightly more trashy then friends with benefits.

[Asker]

but he didn't tell me about him got married.. and no ring in his finger before he left me. and I have no intention to fuck any married man

[spartan55]

Then why are we even here? If you have no intention of fucking him then WHY are you asking this?
Yeah, we aren't stupid. So, just stop. So, because he didn't tell you and he wasn't wearing a ring... means what exactly?

[Asker]

I mean how should I respond to his text after he wrote that he's married. but I found the answer already. you are so angry. I don't understand.. he lied to me, and I needed advice... but you got angry

[spartan55]

Uh... no... you don't what I think... but, of course, that doesn't stop you. Angry? Over? Doesn't even make sense.
Why would you need to respond at all?
So, I'm curious. Was the whole friends with benefits thing your idea? Ready to get in another one?

[spartan55]

*don't know

[Nazgol]

Chill and give the girl a break! You dont have to talk to people like your are their daddy! Sheesh take a chill pill or something🙄😒😂 all your answers have an aggressive tone

[spartan55]

Riiiight, because cheating on your spouse is no big deal right? Who cares if a guy is engaged... so gross.

[Wise4myage]

Go off on him and then block the asshole and move on.

[Ninani]

How do you feel about him?

[Asker]

my instinct kept telling me that he is married. but my body can't accept the fact that he left me out of sudden.. which is made me became insomnia, has no appetite to eat, being stressful with fake friends as well however I just left toxic friendship, dealt with mom being rude to me.

and today I received a message from him and he responded me that he's married. and I'm not surprised at all , but I laughed because my instinct was right. and I feel no anger towards him even tho my emotionally and body got worst

[Ninani]

So you have romantic feelings for him even though he was just a friend with benefits?

[Asker]

yeah..

[Ninani]

Sounds like you need to focus on you rather than him

[Asker]

that's what I'm doing now..