What advice would you give?

[Empress86]

My ex after 4 years ended our engagement abruptly. I experienced a lot of body shaming while he looked at other women. He broke it off after I expressed my concerns as well as me saying that it didn't feel like we were moving forward. Like I stated in a previous question he demanded the ring back so I gave it to him. I gave him the ring plus all the gifts he had ever gotten me. He text me and said that he only wantedthe ring back and that I was a good person but I argued too much. He didn't want me to be mad because he left and he asked me not to have ill will. How can you not have ill will after this experience?

[FunkyMonkee]

If he was worth it and REALLY CARED about the relationship, he would've stuck by you and TRIED to make it work!!

[Empress86]

I agree. Tough to realize but it's true. I did the best that I could do.

[FunkyMonkee]

You've been in this for 4 years and it's NOT like you're a couple of love-struck little kids playing Post Office anymore!! 4 years is bad enough when it comes to wasting someone's time. I know what it's like! My ex wasted 10 years of MY life!!
If I were there or you were here, I'd offer you a great big hug and would be perfectly fine to just sit and hold you for a while, if you needed it!!

[TheBootyChest]

You should have ill will. That was bullshit. He is just trying to cover his own ass. He is a loser.

[Empress86]

I agree. How could a person not be upset about all of that. He had asked my father and grandfather for my hand in marriage.

[TheBootyChest]

He left you so you get to keep the ring. He is just looking to reuse the ring or get his money back. That cheap skate.

[Empress86]

He told me that there was no use in me keeping the ring and for him to keep paying on it and we were not getting married. It wasn't worth that much so I gave it back along with all of the gifts he had ever given me by mail. This is what caused him to text me after receiving everything and he told me he only wanted the ring and asked me not to be mad at him for leaving me and asked for us not to have ill will against each other. I didn't respond and blocked him everywhere I could.

[TheBootyChest]

Good for you. You don't deserve him and he deserves to be blocked. He is just trying to save face. And he shouldn't get to feel good about it.

So what are you going to do now moving forward?

[Empress86]

For starters I have been going to therapy because this honestly was a bit traumatic and hurtful. I wanted to heal the right way so that I could be Ina healthier relationship in the future. Currently I have been exercising to get in the best shape of my life.

[Empress86]

I am not sure why he would want to save face after he clearly made the decision

[TheBootyChest]

I am so proud of you for going to therapy. I have done it for years (tho not currently, sadly).

Make sure that the healthy lifestyle you are going for is of your own choosing and none that your ex or some magazine tell you that you should be. Do what's comfortable for you. Then you will gain more confidence in yourself and you will attract the right guy then. If you slip and do what a magazine says and you don't like how you feel, it will show through and men might not find that inviting.

[TheBootyChest]

He might want to save face for his own confidence. Not specifically for you unless he wanted to keep the option that he might be able to worm his way back into your life later when he realizes he fucked up.

[Empress86]

You are absolutely right. I was on a health journey while I was in the relationship but the stress caused me not to be able to focus. So I have put that energy into a workout routine that works for me. Also, I realized that it is not my job to help my ex save face because we all have to face our own consequences

[Empress86]

I see what you mean. I can say that he kept saying repeatedly that he would always love me and how much of a good person that I was. He was also smirking when he was breaking up with me. I can remember calling his name when he walked to his car and he turned around and he was smirking while my heart was breaking.

[TheBootyChest]

Yeah it just proves he was a jerk and an asshole too.

[Empress86]

That's true. I was totally embarrassed by his actions. He sent his family cards thanking the for treating me like family and that I will never forget how kind they were to me especially his grandmother. After I did that I blocked him completely even blocked his family not that they did anything to me. One of the family members made a new account and contacted me and told me that I didn't have to pay her back because I did for a dinner that he didn't pay for during an outing that we all went to. She said I was always welcomed which was nice.

[TheBootyChest]

It sounds like he was saving face so his family thought he was the good guy in all of this. Otherwise they would have been on his ass for being a jerk.

[Empress86]

I forgot to mention that I spoke to his mother before I blocked him. She told me that they were having a hard time with him. She also said that someone was supposed to be talking to him I guess his older brother or a church member. She wanted me to hang in there but I decided to let it all go. She then told me that he didn't know what he wanted and that he wanted wanted someone to agree with him.

[Empress86]

I paid each of his family members back and also the church because there were times he would invite me to dinners that he wouldn't pay for and I felt like I was freeloading I would tell him this. So in the end, I paid all of them back

[TheBootyChest]

That boy was spiraling out of control obviously. And the family wanted you to be there for him when he got his footing again.

Would you be okay with "following" my profile? Cause then I can message you.

[Empress86]

Okay

[Anonymous]

He was a miserable jerk. Hope you overcome all of this soon.

[Empress86]

I hope so too. Thank you for responding. It was very painful and I still don't understand it.

[spartan55]

How can you be engaged for four years? Red 🚩flag.

[Empress86]

Together for 3 years and 1 year engagement. I should have clarified this.

[spartan55]

Did you have a wedding date?

[Empress86]

No wedding date. When I asked about a wedding date or moving forward he would go silent. He told me that he needed to save more then enough money before having a wedding. When I finally told him how I felt i told him that I felt like he was trying to lead me on and also addressed the fatshaming comments and lingerie Instagram model pics on his phone he became enraged.

[spartan55]

Wtf... you don't propose if you can't afford a wedding! Hopefully you learned a lot from this relationship. He was showing you who he was right away, and you ignored it.

[Empress86]

Exactly. I learned a very painful lesson💔 and I was treated cruelly

[spartan55]

Don't dwell on it, just take it as a learning experience moving forward. I always try to take something positive away, even if it was a car crash of a relationship.

[Empress86]

Thank you for your kind words. Incredibly painful but each day gets better

[spartan55]

You're welcome, take your time in your healing and try not to dwell on it too much. It doesn't matter what you would have done different... the guy is just not a quality human.

[Empress86]

Will do. I ignored so many red flags but I am much aware now. I thank so much for being so kind. I have been embarrassed by this for so long

[spartan55]

You are welcome. If you need any advice moving forward feel free to message me. Give me a follow too if you'd like.

[Empress86]

Okay cool! Thank you so much