What would your advice be?

[PointTaken]

I have a couple of friends. They are a couple and been together for about 8 years. The bad part, her and I started to really like each other. We admit it to each other. She still loves her boyfriend and is wanting to stay with him. I don't want to break them up. We went on a small outing which we were in the car together with me driving for an hour each way. He basically ignored her. I tried to hint at him to not, but still did. They vape but he held onto it and never offered it to her unless I said something. He sat up front to talk to me. We get along great. We stopped at a store and she asked him to go inside with her. He refused. I had to ask her questions to get her involved a little with the conversation. I tried small hints that he should pay some attention tonher. He never looked toward her to see that she wasn't doing well. She says it's his anxiety that makes him that way. I don't see it that way. Apparently he won't go to therapy. She's hurting every day from his lack of interest. What would you do? What will fix their relationship? How can I get him to see what he's doing?

[SnowedIn]

My advice would be to stay out of it.

Your intentions are noble and your heart is in the right place. But unless you are a professional counselor or therapist you shouldn't get involved (and if you did, you couldn't be their friend).

The answer was in their response to you: they resisted your hints and advances to participate. They know what they're doing/not doing.

So, don't invite drama down on your head. Be friends with them and enjoy the time you have with them and let them worry about themselves.

[SnowedIn]

Thank you for MHO!

[Selene1600000]

A sudden change in energy usually means something shifted, but it does not automatically mean she lost interest or is talking to someone else. Since she still initiates contact and called you first, it sounds more like inconsistency, stress, or emotional distance rather than a clean withdrawal. The best thing you can do is calmly tell her you have noticed the change and ask directly where her head is at, then pay attention to her actions over the next couple of weeks instead of chasing reassurance every day.

[DizzyDesii]

Lmao this is why I dont do friends anymore. Nahh, y'all admitting y'all like eachother but still hanging out with him? I mean he might be in the wrong but so is she for not telling him straight up that she feels neglected. I just hope she has the guts to break it off with him. You say you dont want them too, but what you and her said to eachother is highly inappropriate and she should just end things with him before she ends up having a secret affair.

[PointTaken]

She's told him many times. I've tried to hint that he is. I've seen it. We're friends. Won't do anything until she's single. That part is up to them. I won't break them up.

[DizzyDesii]

Either way its messed up. Like are you his friend? Her friend? Or there friend? Cause thats messed up if you were his friend first and met her through him. I just do would not trust folks around my significant other cause stuff like this be goin down in secret

[DizzyDesii]

*their friend

[PointTaken]

I was her friend. Met him through her. We work at the same place too. I'm backing away but also want to help keep them together. Together for 8 years. I want to let him know that he's neglecting her but how to bring it up. Just from what I saw.

[DizzyDesii]

She already admitted to having feelings for you PLUS she's unhappy. Even if she doesn't get with you, she needs to get out. she's expressed her sorrow and a good friend and/or boyfriend would both encourage her to leave for the same of her own mental health

[DizzyDesii]

*sake

[PointTaken]

Yes. We talked about that some today. A few times. I sent her a link to a weekend resort. Also said she might need to stay with one of her friends for a bit. She needs "me" time to sort herself out.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea I hope she leaves because he's not whats best for her

[PointTaken]

She was crying today. She told me later. I don't know what happened. Thing is, she keeps blaming herself for how he's treating her or blaming his anxiety. How does anxiety keep someone from showing love to their SO of 8 years when they're alone?

[DizzyDesii]

I mean she should blame herself from staying. If you noticed someone has changed and are not trying to fix themselves for the sake of the relationship, then you’re silly to stick around. I’ve been in her place when I was younger and I rightfully blamed myself for just allowing it to continue

[DizzyDesii]

*for staying

[PointTaken]

Thank you. He has made no attempt. She tried to get him to go to therapy but he refuses. I appreciate all this. Do you think it would be wise for me to talk to him about what I've witnessed?

[DizzyDesii]

Maybe but if he's not listening to her, I doubt he’d listen to you since he only knows you through her. It will take his parent or sibling to tell him about himself

[PointTaken]

His parents don't like her and they're living with them atm

[DizzyDesii]

I bet they’re the negative influence. They ruined a lot of my stuff because the moms felt threatened by their son being cared for by a good chick

[PointTaken]

I'm trying to help them find an apartment too. Hopefully that will help. Not too sure at this point.

[DizzyDesii]

No dont. That would be encouraging them to stay together. My mom shacked up wih someone bad for her for 8 years. Every day me and her parents reminded her that she'd regret it. She deserved better

[PointTaken]

Good point. Ok. I'll just sit back, kinda watch but help a little.