Why do some men feel uncomfortable with calling other men handsome?

[Anonymous]

It’s not gay for a man to think another man is handsome based on his looks

[Anonymous]

I think it's because we don't know what handsome is when it comes to other men.

We're uncomfortable doing things we are unsure of.

Women never seem to accept the answer "I don't know if he's good looking or not" but it's true. We have the media to tell us someone like Chris Evans or Brad Pitt is good looking, but point to a random on the street and ask us if he's good looking - and chances are high that we just don't know. And from experience, that answer is never accepted, and is often mocked. That's what leads to being uncomfortable, because it's a question we can't answer.

The only way I can prove this, is to point to mtf transexuals. I have no problem saying "women" like Bailey Jay or Vaniity are good looking, despite the penis. I'm judging them on their body type, face, breasts, etc.. I'm in my skill zone. I can also say when a transexual is not good looking and can't pass, because again I'm using my skillset to judge a females looks. But (and this is key) if you put a good looking woman and make her up as a man, and ask me if she makes a handsome man... I still can't tell you. And that's when it's a woman. There is zero homo panic in this case and I still can't do it. I just don't know what a handsome man looks like.

[uwotm8e]

Pretty much this. If we knew what was attractive we would try to make ourselves that way. I could think a guy looks pretty good, and no woman would agree. Someone I think is just average could drive them wild. It's like face blindness.

[Anonymous]

No it isn’t gay. But being labeled gay when your not is really insulting to most guys. Even in our modern culture it’s still a deep insult.

So guys have to be careful how this is said. Either when it’s pointing out the obvious (guy is dressed in a tuxedo at a wedding) or jokingly. Dude gets all dressed up and must be a “lady killer”. But men get much less leeway to compliment each other on this. If we see a random guy who’s got a cool haircut or is dressed well we will say “hey no homo but that jacket looks cool”.

Women on the other hand can compliment each other to the point of being a lesbian infatuation and still not get their sexuality questioned.

Anyway women can do a better job of not teasing or questioning a man’s sexuality. I remember once trying to approach a pretty girl at a bar with my wing man. She jokingly said “oh you must be gay and so is your friend”. I laughed and then she got serious for a second, looked me in the eye and said “hey I know your not gay” and then I joked “well your not gay if your own top”. She laughed hard but of course she knew I wasn’t for real gay.

While she was joking the truth is there was a back handed insult with all of this. She was basically saying “I think you are dorky and awkward. While I’m not intimidated by you I’m also not attracted to you. That’s why I feel confident teasing you.”. Sure enough she took another one of my friends home that night. She flat out my other friend “let’s go home baby” right in front of me. She never teased him about being “gay”. I admit i felt very jealous. I just told myself “you win some you lose some”. But it burned and that “gay” comment even though it wasn’t meant as an insult suddenly became much more insulting.

But anyway ladies be careful about what you say to guys on this one. If he likes you do NOT tease him about his sexuality.

[MelaninQueen21]

Not too long ago, I had this conversation with my male coworkers and friends about this. Lol!

[LinaDaGoddess]

I don’t understand this either.. it’s always made out to be homo.

[hahahmm]

It's not that I'm uncomfortable. It's that:
1.) I never grew up rating men or learning anything about how to rate men. I know if a guy looks like someone famous but that's not the same as really knowing (or caring) if he's "handsome".
2.) I can look at a woman and I instantly know her rating on a subconscious level. It's just nothing like when I look at a man.
3.) What's in it for me?
4.) I heard women are wired to be able to rate other women's looks to help them be more competitive in the looks department. That said...
5.) Women suck at rating other women from a male POV. You just have your own ideas about it which have little to do with a man's ideas. That's why the typical woman thinks a certain woman is fugly/meh while maybe 90% of men find her "hot". And the reverse happens too.. women will say she's hot and guys think "meh".

[lucasnabizada]

I don't feel uncomfortable doing so unless they are in the vicinity when i do it lol... No it's not necessarily gay but if you do it in the person's presence it directly is interpreted as an intimate attraction 'of some kind' and to straight people that's not something you want to outwardly display to another man because it is misinterpreted into you ultimately having romantic feelings for them, which there is nothing wrong with, however if you are straight you don't want that confusion to happen i guess wether consciously or unconsciously which is why you avoid doing that
... I have no problem calling actors celebrities etc etc attractive as men though

[horatiohornblower]

I have no issue with it. I’m perfectly capable of recognizing another man is handsome and remain straight.

Recognizing it doesn’t mean you’re attracted to the dude. You just recognize it. Because you know he’d attract women or you wish you looked more like him.

Now I’m not going to tell a man he’s handsome. But if someone asks if so and so is handsome. I’d give my answer.

Since I’m not a woman. Nor am I attracted to men. I get it wrong a lot too. Men who I think are funny looking women go crazy about. While other men I think would be really handsome don’t rate as highly.

Same thing happens with straight women recognizing pretty women. They’ve got a pretty good idea. But often don’t rate features like a man would.

[bamesjond0069]

Its just not really a concept men think about or care about or even fully understand. Good looks has a lot to do with sexual attraction and if you're not attracted to men, none really look appealing to you. That being said i can look at some men and go "damn thats an ugly fucker" mainly because they give me a feeling of disgust. I can objectively judge a man on looks like "he's tall he's fit he has good teeth... therefore he must be somewhat attractive" but i dont personally feel he is handsome im just trying to make an objective judgment.

Now with women i can tell if she beautiful because i find her sexually appealing so thats totally different and very simple process.

[ChrisMaster69]

Well a lot is we don’t look at a guy all the time and think he’s handsome.

Also it’s not really a conversation thing if I turn to one of my friends mates and tell him he’s handsome.

first off her would assume I was taking the piss and secondly, why give praise for something random?

i really would not want other guys telling me I am handsome, would be weird, also how guys judge a person being handsome or is usually different to a girl and definitely different to each other.

[Anonymous]

They have no problem talking about it when it relates to the context of conversation, but you don't just call other guys handsome for no reason -- especially when it's something consistent about them. Like if a guy has fancy new clothes you can comment on it, but if a guy has typically attractive features then there's no reason for me to comment on that randomly. He's not interested in hearing such comments from other dudes and I'm not interested in giving them. That kind of talk is used to express interest in people, there's no reason for straight guys to be using that language with each other just out of the blue.

[Opinion Owner]

How do you imagine a guy calling another guy handsome?

[KingofCups]

Although there are definitely objective and standard measures of attractiveness such as the frame and aesthetics, many of the other qualities are subjective... someone's style, thier conduct, appearance, presence etc.

So in a sense to tell another man that he is good looking is the same as saying, you consider him to be attractive. Which no doubt happens, you are attracted to all your friends on some level. Otherwise you wouldn't associate with them. This is because Atraction and Aversion represent a polarity.

Men you are attracted to your other friends who are men, are you so attracted that you might display sexual interest in them, well that would make you gay. Same goes for women, they are attracted to all their friends, and if the try to get with them then they are lesbians.

Men understand this. Woman understand this. It's kind of a subliminal, unspoken understanding.

[humpbackjack]

I sure as hell ain't calling another dude handsome or cute or any of that crap I mean I’ll say yeah he’s a good looking dude for realz…. Just goofing man it’s all just words but handsome is not a word I ever really use It feels like a word my mom or grandma used and is a word you might use to describe a chick that’s not hot but is “cute”

[BossThe2nd]

It absolutely is gay for a man to find another man handsome.

If you are straight, you don't see your own gender that way.
You see them the way you see lawn furniture or kitchen appliances.

I understand it's hard for a typical woman to understand because a typical woman is bisexual, but that's not how heterosexuality works.

[ohshee]

Lol this is funny I was talking to one of my friend and his 18 year old son.. and I told the son your a good looking kid and the kid looked at his dad his dad kinda laughed . he's told the son dont worry about it . When you know who you are and your a real man you can say what you feel. Then his said you could learn a lot from Steve * that's me *

[DonkeyDan]

I think guys who have fragile masculinity or are not comfortable in their sexuality find it a bit gay. Also some guys don't like to hear it from another guy, I've had guys at the gym tell me I've got a great body for an older guy lol, I just say thanks and laugh. I know what they mean and what they're after, but it doesn't offend me and I still find it flattering even though I'm not interested 😂

[RichSD]

Because some men find NO other men handsome. I can understand why women find some men's looks appealing, but I personally find zero attractiveness in any man on the planet. That doesn't mean they can't "look good" in a nonsexual way, but I would never consider another man handsome from my own perspective.

[Trevorrow]

I think that because men are not as social to themselves, and that they also find it gay calling other man handsome. Am I correct?

[RichSD]

@Trevorrow I don't know if it makes you gay or bi or something else, I just know that me personally, the concept of good looking and men do not mix. I can tell if a guy has a cool look, but I couldn't tell if anyone would call him attractive or not. For example, the actor who plays as Superman in the movies looks cool, but whether a woman considers that actor even good looking or not, I have no idea.

[Trevorrow]

Oh he is good looking... Smile.

[greysweatsking]

A man should only call his child handsome nothing more. Thats a lady job to call a man handsome. Thats borderline flirting its a double standard im comfortable with my sexuality and i only call my sons handsome its other ways to compliment another man from a mans prespective and the term "handsome" just isn't one of them.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Handsome is a term of attraction.

Straight men don't refer to other men as handsome, simply because we don't find any guys at all to be handsome.

In fact we don't think anything is handsome, thats a thing women and gay/bi men think.

[horsenrhinounicorn]

The word is too fancy to be used man to man and should be saved for something special. I think its good if a grandparent or mother uses it, but not the same aged man.


Men love it when their woman tells them this.

[JSmuve]

Because, generally-speaking, guys don't call women pretty or gorgeous unless there is underlying sexual attraction. So if a guy calls another man handsome (the male equivalent of pretty), then it's generally implied that he's sexually attracted to that guy. Hence why guys are uncomfortable with it and think it's gay. Women can compliment people without it meaning anything, which is why compliments from women don't mean much. Men can't.

[Adam1978]

Why would we? We aren't women so we don't go around and compliment each other so it would be weird if someone suddenly starts doing it. They would assume the guy is making a move, ie the gay thing.

[CindersFire]

Well I dont know about other guys, but personally i find most conventionally attractive men just look weird and kind of fucked up so I just stay away from it to avoid making myself look like an idiot.

[PrettyPriya]

I think that mostly they think others will question their sexuality. I could be wrong. Just my guess.

[Slingblade1126]

You're right. I've been called a "good looking" guy by men before and thought it was fine but before they said it, they would always say, "I'm not gay or anything like that". They wanted to make sure I knew they weren't gay.

[Whytepowerhanma]

That’s gay

[N192K001]

Accusations. I will enable such a thing again.

Likewise (except for family-members), I complement the looks of no-one on principle.