Why do some men feel uncomfortable with calling other men handsome?

Question

It’s not gay for a man to think another man is handsome based on his looks

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

No it isn’t gay. But being labeled gay when your not is really insulting to most guys. Even in our modern culture it’s still a deep insult.

So guys have to be careful how this is said. Either when it’s pointing out the obvious (guy is dressed in a tuxedo at a wedding) or jokingly. Dude gets all dressed up and must be a “lady killer”. But men get much less leeway to compliment each other on this. If we see a random guy who’s got a cool haircut or is dressed well we will say “hey no homo but that jacket looks cool”.

Women on the other hand can compliment each other to the point of being a lesbian infatuation and still not get their sexuality questioned.

Anyway women can do a better job of not teasing or questioning a man’s sexuality. I remember once trying to approach a pretty girl at a bar with my wing man. She jokingly said “oh you must be gay and so is your friend”. I laughed and then she got serious for a second, looked me in the eye and said “hey I know your not gay” and then I joked “well your not gay if your own top”. She laughed hard but of course she knew I wasn’t for real gay.

While she was joking the truth is there was a back handed insult with all of this. She was basically saying “I think you are dorky and awkward. While I’m not intimidated by you I’m also not attracted to you. That’s why I feel confident teasing you.”. Sure enough she took another one of my friends home that night. She flat out my other friend “let’s go home baby” right in front of me. She never teased him about being “gay”. I admit i felt very jealous. I just told myself “you win some you lose some”. But it burned and that “gay” comment even though it wasn’t meant as an insult suddenly became much more insulting.

But anyway ladies be careful about what you say to guys on this one. If he likes you do NOT tease him about his sexuality.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I think it's because we don't know what handsome is when it comes to other men.

We're uncomfortable doing things we are unsure of.

Women never seem to accept the answer "I don't know if he's good looking or not" but it's true. We have the media to tell us someone like Chris Evans or Brad Pitt is good looking, but point to a random on the street and ask us if he's good looking - and chances are high that we just don't know. And from experience, that answer is never accepted, and is often mocked. That's what leads to being uncomfortable, because it's a question we can't answer.

The only way I can prove this, is to point to mtf transexuals. I have no problem saying "women" like Bailey Jay or Vaniity are good looking, despite the penis. I'm judging them on their body type, face, breasts, etc.. I'm in my skill zone. I can also say when a transexual is not good looking and can't pass, because again I'm using my skillset to judge a females looks. But (and this is key) if you put a good looking woman and make her up as a man, and ask me if she makes a handsome man... I still can't tell you. And that's when it's a woman. There is zero homo panic in this case and I still can't do it. I just don't know what a handsome man looks like.

MelaninQueen21 · Accepted Answer

Not too long ago, I had this conversation with my male coworkers and friends about this. Lol!

LinaDaGoddess · Accepted Answer

I don’t understand this either.. it’s always made out to be homo.

hahahmm · Answer

It's not that I'm uncomfortable. It's that:
1.) I never grew up rating men or learning anything about how to rate men. I know if a guy looks like someone famous but that's not the same as really knowing (or caring) if he's "handsome".
2.) I can look at a woman and I instantly know her rating on a subconscious level. It's just nothing like when I look at a man.
3.) What's in it for me?
4.) I heard women are wired to be able to rate other women's looks to help them be more competitive in the looks department. That said...
5.) Women suck at rating other women from a male POV. You just have your own ideas about it which have little to do with a man's ideas. That's why the typical woman thinks a certain woman is fugly/meh while maybe 90% of men find her "hot". And the reverse happens too.. women will say she's hot and guys think "meh".

lucasnabizada · Answer

I don't feel uncomfortable doing so unless they are in the vicinity when i do it lol... No it's not necessarily gay but if you do it in the person's presence it directly is interpreted as an intimate attraction 'of some kind' and to straight people that's not something you want to outwardly display to another man because it is misinterpreted into you ultimately having romantic feelings for them, which there is nothing wrong with, however if you are straight you don't want that confusion to happen i guess wether consciously or unconsciously which is why you avoid doing that
... I have no problem calling actors celebrities etc etc attractive as men though

horatiohornblower · Answer

I have no issue with it. I’m perfectly capable of recognizing another man is handsome and remain straight.

Recognizing it doesn’t mean you’re attracted to the dude. You just recognize it. Because you know he’d attract women or you wish you looked more like him.

Now I’m not going to tell a man he’s handsome. But if someone asks if so and so is handsome. I’d give my answer.

Since I’m not a woman. Nor am I attracted to men. I get it wrong a lot too. Men who I think are funny looking women go crazy about. While other men I think would be really handsome don’t rate as highly.

Same thing happens with straight women recognizing pretty women. They’ve got a pretty good idea. But often don’t rate features like a man would.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Its just not really a concept men think about or care about or even fully understand. Good looks has a lot to do with sexual attraction and if you're not attracted to men, none really look appealing to you. That being said i can look at some men and go "damn thats an ugly fucker" mainly because they give me a feeling of disgust. I can objectively judge a man on looks like "he's tall he's fit he has good teeth... therefore he must be somewhat attractive" but i dont personally feel he is handsome im just trying to make an objective judgment.

Now with women i can tell if she beautiful because i find her sexually appealing so thats totally different and very simple process.

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

Well a lot is we don’t look at a guy all the time and think he’s handsome.

Also it’s not really a conversation thing if I turn to one of my friends mates and tell him he’s handsome.

first off her would assume I was taking the piss and secondly, why give praise for something random?

i really would not want other guys telling me I am handsome, would be weird, also how guys judge a person being handsome or is usually different to a girl and definitely different to each other.

Anonymous · Answer

They have no problem talking about it when it relates to the context of conversation, but you don't just call other guys handsome for no reason -- especially when it's something consistent about them. Like if a guy has fancy new clothes you can comment on it, but if a guy has typically attractive features then there's no reason for me to comment on that randomly. He's not interested in hearing such comments from other dudes and I'm not interested in giving them. That kind of talk is used to express interest in people, there's no reason for straight guys to be using that language with each other just out of the blue.

KingofCups · Answer

Although there are definitely objective and standard measures of attractiveness such as the frame and aesthetics, many of the other qualities are subjective... someone's style, thier conduct, appearance, presence etc.

So in a sense to tell another man that he is good looking is the same as saying, you consider him to be attractive. Which no doubt happens, you are attracted to all your friends on some level. Otherwise you wouldn't associate with them. This is because Atraction and Aversion represent a polarity.

Men you are attracted to your other friends who are men, are you so attracted that you might display sexual interest in them, well that would make you gay. Same goes for women, they are attracted to all their friends, and if the try to get with them then they are lesbians.

Men understand this. Woman understand this. It's kind of a subliminal, unspoken understanding.

humpbackjack · Answer

I sure as hell ain't calling another dude handsome or cute or any of that crap I mean I’ll say yeah he’s a good looking dude for realz…. Just goofing man it’s all just words but handsome is not a word I ever really use It feels like a word my mom or grandma used and is a word you might use to describe a chick that’s not hot but is “cute”

BossThe2nd · Answer

It absolutely is gay for a man to find another man handsome.

If you are straight, you don't see your own gender that way.
You see them the way you see lawn furniture or kitchen appliances.

I understand it's hard for a typical woman to understand because a typical woman is bisexual, but that's not how heterosexuality works.

ohshee · Answer

Lol this is funny I was talking to one of my friend and his 18 year old son.. and I told the son your a good looking kid and the kid looked at his dad his dad kinda laughed . he's told the son dont worry about it . When you know who you are and your a real man you can say what you feel. Then his said you could learn a lot from Steve * that's me *

DonkeyDan · Answer

I think guys who have fragile masculinity or are not comfortable in their sexuality find it a bit gay. Also some guys don't like to hear it from another guy, I've had guys at the gym tell me I've got a great body for an older guy lol, I just say thanks and laugh. I know what they mean and what they're after, but it doesn't offend me and I still find it flattering even though I'm not interested 😂

RichSD · Answer

Because some men find NO other men handsome. I can understand why women find some men's looks appealing, but I personally find zero attractiveness in any man on the planet. That doesn't mean they can't "look good" in a nonsexual way, but I would never consider another man handsome from my own perspective.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

Handsome is a term of attraction.

Straight men don't refer to other men as handsome, simply because we don't find any guys at all to be handsome.

In fact we don't think anything is handsome, thats a thing women and gay/bi men think.

greysweatsking · Answer

A man should only call his child handsome nothing more. Thats a lady job to call a man handsome. Thats borderline flirting its a double standard im comfortable with my sexuality and i only call my sons handsome its other ways to compliment another man from a mans prespective and the term "handsome" just isn't one of them.

horsenrhinounicorn · Answer

The word is too fancy to be used man to man and should be saved for something special. I think its good if a grandparent or mother uses it, but not the same aged man.

Men love it when their woman tells them this.

JSmuve · Answer

Because, generally-speaking, guys don't call women pretty or gorgeous unless there is underlying sexual attraction. So if a guy calls another man handsome (the male equivalent of pretty), then it's generally implied that he's sexually attracted to that guy. Hence why guys are uncomfortable with it and think it's gay. Women can compliment people without it meaning anything, which is why compliments from women don't mean much. Men can't.

Adam1978 · Answer

Why would we? We aren't women so we don't go around and compliment each other so it would be weird if someone suddenly starts doing it. They would assume the guy is making a move, ie the gay thing.

CindersFire · Answer

Well I dont know about other guys, but personally i find most conventionally attractive men just look weird and kind of fucked up so I just stay away from it to avoid making myself look like an idiot.

PrettyPriya · Answer

I think that mostly they think others will question their sexuality. I could be wrong. Just my guess.

N192K001 · Answer

Accusations.  I will enable such a thing again. Likewise  (except for family-members),  I complement the looks of no-one  on principle.

Better_off_here · Answer

because we live in a society where men are meant to be masculine and were afraid of what others may think too. no, it is not gay i myself have given compliments on other men's hair cuts and such and it was not meant to be in any way other than a compliment.

RolandCuthbert · Answer

Not sure why. But many men think they are unattractive. So that could be part of the problem. Our issues isn't with being called gay.

Anonymous · Answer

"Are you gay?" Those kinds of toxic masculinity. I've heard them myself. I was asked that. But if they ask me this question again, I'll simply answer with "Yes" next time. Then they always shut up 😂. I do not seek any approval of others in such a moronic manner.

Anonymous · Answer

I honestly don't have a good sense for which men are or aren't handsome. I mean, I can see the obvious things like fat or ugly guys versus fit and healthy guys, but I am consistently surprised by which guys women have told me are or are not handsome.

I think women are just generally much more sexually attracted to other women than men are to other men. It's nature.

_piotr · Answer

It is shame that some can not understand that there is difference between talking about aesthetics and a sexual attraction. They automatically, falsely think that this is the same, and that the teller is gay.

xamm89 · Answer

Because they were raised to think being gay is bad. I'm straight. But I will gladly call my best male friend a sexy bitch. Also would go gay for Jason Momoa and Ryan Reynolds

TallAnon · Answer

I might be the odd one out here, but I genuinely don't know what's considered attractive on guys. More often than not I genuinely think a guy looks hilariously bad and suddenly there's girls talking about him.

genericname85 · Answer

Because other men are competition. Nobody likes praising their competition.

DaveJord · Answer

Guys don't like admitting some other guy is better than they are.

LegendaryIcon · Answer

Yes, it's gay for a man to tell another man he's handsome. Why in the world would we want to COMPLIMENT OUR COMPETITION

Jay3344 · Answer

It’s weird unless it’s like your father or grandfather, those are really the only two men it would be comfortable coming from. At least in my area, it’s not socially acceptable amongst men.

shaysh87 · Answer

Trust me guys know which guys are handsome and which ones are ugly. They just won’t say it

Ailito · Answer

I have no idea. I think it's stupid.  Men should have enough confidence and security to be able to give a compliment.

wkozak · Answer

It's fine if it's just to encourage him and make him more self-confident, maybe it's ok if we are joking and having a good time but without any reason it will be too gay.

Freespirit777 · Answer

It feels gay, like another guy checking out your penis at the urinal.

Somegirl678 · Answer

to be honest i feel uncomfortable calling other women pretty sometimes

Phoenix98 · Answer

I’m not uncomfortable with it I just see no reason to do it. Also I’m kind of an asshole.

cky1225 · Answer

Im not sure about other men but I have no problem saying a mans handsome. Andrew Lincoln is especially handsome to me. I also have no problem saying if Id do sexual stuff with them.

Shy_Steve · Answer

Because we do want to be thought of as Gay by anyone if we aren't.

Xoirwinkan · Answer

Men rarely give other men compliments, because that's not how we talk to our friends, and we certainly aren't used to receiving them.

Paul09 · Answer

I'm not. I know what i see. I'm not blind, I can tell if a dude is good looking too. I have complimented other men. I also like when I receive compliments too, but mostly from women it's a bigger compliment. The men that can't, are very insecure.

Ekke118 · Answer

We don't have an internal compass of telling what looks good beyond what we learn somewhere else.

FR_Ruby · Answer

Many people are homophobic & it's all too much of a bother & it's just a superficial comment anyway.

Browneye57 · Answer

Cuz they're probably just not. Guys don't try to judge like girls do. I guarantee it.

Trevorrow · Answer

Cause it feels gay to them. Men are not as social as women.

Anonymous · Answer

Why, would you call another man handsome... unless u swing for the opposite team"hey batter, batter,"it ok it 2021,

livingnightmare · Answer

i dont think its gay but other people might get the wrong idea

FlyMulatto · Answer

I don’t think it’s gay as long as it’s one of your homeboys and your boosting them up, I’m not about to call a random guy handsome though that’s weird.

anylolone · Answer

Women, mostly. But I'm not scared of stating a guy is hot/handsome/what ever. And I trust my judgment call on it, and usually I'm right, but not to the same degree as when I evaluate chicks.

litty · Answer

Only if it's a joke. If it's done seriously, it can be taken as getting hit on.

Anonymous · Answer

If we're straight we never really feel the nee to mention it about another man.

faithtofallbackon · Answer

It's not gay. I know a couple guys who are straight that call each other handsome to boost each other's confidence.

Darksign · Answer

No idea? I'll call a dude good looking to his face. doesn't mean I like dick. Maybe they're insecure about theyre sexuality?

Shiningtempest · Answer

Some men feel uncomfortable with calling other men handsome due to their insecurity.

Anonymous · Answer

Guys, dont start calling other guys handsome. This is another case where girls will use that against you later and call you gay.

noohair · Answer

The "Gay" label is a huge threat to the average male ego.

Wise4myage · Answer

They are afraid some people will think they are gay.

certifiedalphafemale · Answer

It’s not in their nature to compliment other guys. They we’re wired to only focus on females when it comes to beauty.

Therisinghero12 · Answer

I agree, I try to give my friends and guys compliments regularly, though it may help that I'm bi-curious xD

MJtheCoach · Answer

Because it’s called social construct men in the west across any proving to each other that they’re not gay!

Why do some men feel uncomfortable with calling other men handsome?

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