I'm not saying this to hype myself up or anything. And I'm not claiming to be perfect I'm scatterbrained and have a lot of emotional baggage but for some reason any time I make friends with a male key words friend's they always cut me off saying they can't stand being just friends with me saying they want to be more than that and that it's better if they just go then mutter something about they hope my boyfriend realizes what he has. It's not like this has happened once it's happened like 5 times so far I have only ever had 2 guy friends who didn't do this and both are online one is 50 year's old and the other has a girlfriend so I don't understand I'm not anything special I walk around in PJs I don't ware makeup and I'm overweight emotional so for god sakes so why do they keep leaving saying they want to be more if they don't want to be around me why not just say I don't want to be around you?
Well try and think about it from their perspective. You may have thought they were just your friends, but obviously, they had feelings for you, whether you wanted them or not. You did not return those feelings. Neither of you owe each other anything.
Would you want to sit by and be "friends" with the guy you like while he brings other women around, and kisses/holds them in front of you. Sitting there wishing that it was you? It's not a healthy thing to put yourself through.
But you want what you want, and they want what they want. If they weren't giving you that emotional support you crave, would you want to be their friend? Would they have the right to be upset with you for not wanting to be around them in that case?
Also, I hate to say it. But men generally don't want to be just friends with women. My male friends are just much better friends. They understand my problems better and don't come with a bunch of emotional baggage as you put it. Sure there are some women out there I would be friends with, but you don't sound like one of them if I'm being honest. You sound like too much. And men don't like that. Especially if sex is not involved.
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I'm just being bitchy because I'm tired of being alone all the time girls don't want to be my friend because I don't like to do what they like and guys don't want to be my friend either. I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong that litterly nobody wants to be around me. I don't gossip even if I absolutely hate you ill still be kind to you. I don't really get mad no matter how much you push me around. And I do have baggage but who doesn't but I don't openly talk about it. Everyone in real life always says that I sweet or friendlier unapologetically myself but none of them want to do anything I just want to have a friend or two go bowling or swimming with me or we can watch movies or something. I even offered to let a few people use my pottery wheel and I could teach them a few tricks. As for would I be friends with someone I like. Yes I would and have infact i took a liking to a guy in highschool but quickly realized he didn't feel the same way about me when he asked if I could get my class mate's number. And as much as I wanted him to choose me I knew he wouldn't so I even helped hook him up with her. But I'm not the best person to ask I have a stupid sense of loyalty my fiance cheated on me twice and I'm still with him I have never claimed to be perfect but it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt that I can't have friends. I may not be everyones cup of tea but I try really hard and I don't know what else I can do
Well if both men and women are having an issue with you then it is you. Maybe you could ask some people you are close with to be honest, you are noticing this and need to know why. Don't accept the you are fine answer, really push for something.
But I will say just by the way you talk. You just sound like a bummer. No fun to hang out with. It doesn't really matter how nice you are, if you aren't fun to be around, and if you can't keep a positive attitude you will have a hard time making friends. Stop trying so hard, and just try and have a good time.
Just because I don't have friends doesn't mean I don't have fun I went to the zombie walk and got 4th place for my costume I go swimming in bowling by myself even gone roller skating a couple times by myself even though I look like a dying newborn giraffe. And I have lots of hobbies I work with ceramics resin wood archery and several others I have asked coworkers and my fiance and family members if there is something about me that I'm not seeing but they never give me a straight answer. Maybe I'm just a buzz kill cuz I don't like alcohol and I don't smoke or get high. I laugh and horse around a lot I make my coworkers laugh all the times well except the one's my age.
If people don't want to be around you, then it is something you are doing. You can either continue to make excuses and nothing will change, or you can do your best to figure it out and do something out it. Maybe you won't want to change, and you can just say fuck it. But I get annoyed when people ask a question on here and then just argue with the answers everyone gives them. Do what you want with the info I provided. Good luck.
Because it hurts a guy, that's why. It hurts to be near someone you have feelings for and be put in a friend zone position where he has to be your friend but never more. He has to sit there and hear your problems with other guys and hear what things you did with other guys and be thought of as a sexless eunuch by his "friend". Most guys who became friends with a woman did so only after being shot down and friend zoned. So, some guys choose to avoid putting themselves through that agony of being so close, yet helplessly far away because it's torture.
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Some of the friends are people my boyfriend introduced me to it's not like I bought them a drink and tried to swoon them before saying oh by the way im engaged. i also try not to complain to my friends I just try to help with their problems give them a hug or fix them a drink or something if they need it. I don't like talking about my problems because I know bitching about it won't help me. I just want to have a friend who doesn't abandon me. And make me feel like I did something wrong I don't know what I can do
I get that and it sucks that you aren't able to find a friend but @wtf636 was correct. Imagine you're a girl who has feelings for a guy and he said that he doesn't feel the same but wanted to be friends. Then you are his friend and over time you grow to care for him and have even stronger feelings for him. All the while, he's telling you about the girls he's dating and about the girls he's sleeping with, what he did with them and so forth. It's agony. You're having to sit there as a friend with a smile on your face while he's absolutely killing you. You tell yourself, maybe he might love me someday, knowing that's really never going to happen. So, a lot of guys choose, very difficulty, to force themselves not to be friends because it would hurt way too much.
I know the feeling because I have done it I stayed friends with a guy I was attached to him even though I knew damn good and well he wanted my class mate I even got her number for him and I stayed friends with him until he decided to ditch my sorry ass to
It's terrible. š You hurt and it's your friend and crush that's doing the hurting. Are you ever feeling anything with any of these guys that won't be friends? Maybe you can date and see if there's anything with one?
All those things you mentioned that you like to do are fun things to do with a group of people. Maybe you can go with people from school or a study group if you're in school.
I'm not in school anymore and I tried I invited 15 people to go to a water park in town that I would be paying for everyone said yah sounds fun and then I was standing at a water park alone because not a single freaking person showed up. And yah of course I felt something for a few but I wouldn't cross those lines because I'm not a cheater I am engaged so rather I find you romantically appealing or not I wouldn't cross those lines the same way my fiance did
Oh, didn't know you were engaged, sorry. Well, like the other person said, plenty of places to meet good people, church, take a night class, do volunteering at a local charity, workplace, etc.
Don't know what else I could try I've tried at a church I've tried at school I've tried in a psychology club a science club and art club volunteered at the library and then also volunteered at the animal shelter. I also took a cake decorating class a ceramics class. even though I didn't need to. I even work in the public I work at a grocery store. Even went to a church camp for a month at one point when I was 13 I stood outside in the park and gave everybody free snow cones. I tried making friends in driver's ed to I brought everyone food I made from scratch every class " twice a week" and my coworkers every year I get everybody I work with a Christmas present a Christmas present I have actually put thought into. Like one of my coworkers she had a grandbaby that passed away and she associates this child with elephants so I got her a necklace of an elephant in a heart holding a ball that says always in my heart.
Even gave a girl a ride home on my bike and gave her my jacket because her mom didn't pick her up from driver's ed didn't make a friend and lost my favorite jacket
You did all those things and you didn't find friends? I'm at a loss. Sounds to me like there should be quite a few people who would have become your friend from those things. I don't know why not? Is there something else, maybe you're giving off bad vibes or making poor impressions? I'm not sure.
I honestly don't know what when I kept switching school's and would change my appearance or personality to see if it was something I was doing but no matter what i changed about myself I'd still remain the outcast. Thought maybe I seemed lazy because I wore PJs a lot so I started dressing to the nines high heels make up still ignored. Tried tshirts and jeans ignored even tried putting on my cousins personality since he's a social butterfly and always has friends but still ignored maybe I'm just boring or something give off hate me vibes
Oh my cousin is not really friends with me anymore either he turned 15 and ditched me for the party scene you know drugs alcohol ass and I didn't go that route. My fiance on the other hand says there's nothing wrong with me but I also talked to him for 4 years online before I ever met him in person
I don't think there's anything wrong except that you're trying too hard. It's supposed to happen naturally and it's hard I know because I don't have friends either, but I'm told that when you're doing you're thing, it's supposed to happen. If people sense like you need them, they'll be put off. If you're going about your life doing your thing and just being friendly to those you meet, it should happen. Sorry, don't know. Wish I knew.
I know in ceramics I didn't really talk to anyone because I'd spend probably 6 hour's a day working on my projects because I just love ceramics every now and then someone would ask how to make a handle or how to center clay but that's about it
I think do what you like to do, make your ceramic crafts, let others see them, maybe enter them in a fair or competition, just stay involved in your life and people should come to you if you're an interesting person with a life.
Just because I don't have friends doesn't mean I don't have fun I went to the zombie walk on Halloween and came in 4 place with my costume and performance. I wasn't originally supposed to be alone my cousins and dad were supposed to go with me but they all bailed last minute as usual so I said fuck it I'll have fun without you.
60% of my friends are guys, I make friends with them better than girls in most cases.
If a guy though wants more, friends with benefits or romance it can be tough for them and that is when they want to leave if they feel like they will never get it.
I don't know you, so I don't know why they always want more. They do not seem like good friends if they just up and leave you like that.
Maybe before it gets to that point, you need to have a good friendly talk with them about what has happened before and ask them to please understand and to not just ghost you, to be police and what is wrong with either you or them.
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I would but I'm normally not aware of the feelings they get because I make it a point not to think of them in that way I'm engaged
It is more if you sense something, like I sometimes sense if a guy wants more and then will try to talk to him about it, like I want to stay friends but I don't think of you that way.
It is all you can do, he may leave anyways because he can't handle it.
You probably are someone whom they love to be around and yes very few will actually accept the friend request. It's hard to be friends with guys a lot want to be more
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Well that makes my life very difficult because most girls don't want to be friends with me either
Well if you could tell me ware to find different friends I would sure try but I have been to 13 different schools in 9 different states but have been unsuccessful in making friends
Only thing I accomplished at church camp was having a sugar high because I lived on pixie sticks and potato chips cuz I'm a picky eater along with a camp counselor continuously making me look like Ethel from I Love Lucy
I am to a degree but I have pushed myself to make the first move many times with guys and girls but never worked out even walked up and asked a couple people I'd spoken to before if they wanted to go bowling with me and my cousin I'd be paying for the bowling food and drink and still nobody wanted to go. Talking to people gives me straight up fear but I do it anyway
I mean we are all a work in progress maybe you can come of more happy and positive. Maybe they sense your insecurity. I'm sure you can work on it, try to make that your goal this year. Look up some youtube videos on how to make friends or you can be my virtual friend if you'd like :) but yes there are plenty of videos you want to work on something look it up. You are not alone and many people struggle with different areas
Yah I've looked at those YouTube videos for years but honestly at this point I just give up I have gone almost 10 years without friends so what's like 40 more. I got my animals my clay my books and my hobbies what else you need in life
Don't be so negative maybe go to places where you enjoy and meet people there. It's easy to make friends it's hard to keep them gotta reach out and text, set up dates and such
I have done that everyone always bails last minute. I've done ceramics I've been to coffee shops I've done cake decorating flying drones art classes psychology club science club volunteered at the library volunteered at the animal shelter I work in the grocery store I don't think I could be more in the public if I tried. And the best I ever accomplished was some creepy dude in the library watching my ass
We talk everyday for a while then they start talking like every other day until they get to the point where they stop responding to me entirely. Brendan Ian Josh Leo crystal Stephanie Olivia brialin Jack Christopher Tyrone tina Sarah and a few others to name a few I actually made arrangements to meet up with them but never paned out
Did you try to reach out again? I know it happens with a lot of my friends that one is so busy working and school. So she doesn't text much usually it's me reaching out but I know she doesn't like to text. I am more of a texted than a caller but we will meet up when we can. You seem young too so maybe they are going to school or are busy. So many things can happen
Oh my birthday is always a shit fest last year my birthday cake got stopped into the floor while mom tells me what a useless daughter I am while everyone else is yelling at each other
Yep two alcoholic parents one schizophrenic aunt plus an aunt and a cousin who are high on meth an emotionally manipulative grandmother along with a manipulative grandfather sounds like fun right oh because my mom called me a b**** took my cake and then slammed it on the floor and stomped it told me to have fun and then went to her room
Wow Iām sorry to hear that. I had one alcoholic parent growing up and that was my dad and I grew a lot of resentment towards him. He did a lot of stuff but now that Iām older I choose forgiveness so that I can move on from it and be healed. Their parents were probably alcoholics as well and they donāt know how to show you love because they probably never got the same. I mean if we really ask them we can sure find a lot on it. My best advice is to try and work hard and move out. Donāt be in a place where you arenāt happy
A lot of times parents do not know how to show love to their kids because they never had it. Itās such a vicious cycle that itās up to us to break it you know. Show kindness even if you arenāt getting it. Sometimes we have to teach our parents things also. They arenāt perfect but trust me Iāve struggled also
Actually my dad's parents weren't alcoholics my dad didn't become an alcoholic until after his dad died my dad actually sobered up after I turned 13 but my mom had primary custody of me. So in my life I have been mentally abused physically abused emotionally abused sexually assaulted forced to take care of my aunt's kids because they didn't have a responsible adult and neither did I have a sociopath older cousin who murdered my dog just to watch me suffer and had had somebody attempt to kidnap me twice been fallowed home 4 time's and had someone attempt to drown me twice. Also had my fiance cheat on me twice once with a girl that I gave a place to stay because she had an abusive husband and I was a little bit about that knife to the back but I still never raised my voice And no I don't hate my family for anything I can't afford to have resentment and anger. On the bright side I'm pretty resilient can't do much to hurt me
Oh my gosh not the dog!!! š„ŗ and I hope your fiance is long gone. We all go through childhood trauma some donāt have it as bad as others but we all still carry something traumatizing
Yep gave he ground glass and had to watch my only friend bleed out in a bathtub for 6 hour's before I managed to beg for someone to get a gun and give her a murcy Killing because begging to take her for help wasn't working still have her collar. Nope still here still engaged and I'm still the only person in my life who knows he cheated told him if ever plays me like that again there will be hell to pay. I'm a forgiving person but I'm only going to take so many knives to the back. its honestly not something I care about anymore I'm pretty good at blocking the memories it's easier to let go when you don't hold on to the anger and betrayal. Just focus on the future and the present. My life was shitty but it also made the good moments even brighter
Honestly I think once my work week is posted I'm going to ask my coworker if she wants to go grab lunch with me she's a little bit older than me but not by much
Most of my friends are girls and I have zero sexual interest in them and them me.
we are friends first and foremost.
A lot of it is down to verbally setting boundaries.
itās a bit like training puppies, keep them happy but hit over nose with a rolled up news paper.
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But I'm not doing anything to lead them on I'm not kissing there cheek or saying I love you I call them dude most the time I don't even dress up around them I'm normally in PJs or a hoodie and they know I have a boyfriend from the start
Intersex exchange on the sexual marketplace has been for the man's commitment and resources for the female's sexual exclusivity and reproductive rights. When a man is friends with a woman most of the time (not all) the woman is getting the commitment and resources and the man is getting no sex. It is a poor position to be as a man and no man should thus be there.
Usually most people of the opposite gender can't entirely accept just being friends for some odd reason, trust me the same apply to girls I met a few who doesn't have any interest in hanging out with guys if they aren't dating them or if the guy isn't asking them out.
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Even when I did have feelings for a guy friend I never did shit about it and waited for my feelings to die out because I I like them as my friend
You just have to try getting into activities most guys prefer doing. Are you big on video games because there are tons of male and female who you can hang out with online in video games.
"Even when I did have feelings for a guy friend I never did shit about it and waited for my feelings to die out because I like them as my friend". And this is what is wrong with male-female friendships.
@Jamie05rhs Not like I did that with everyone I just knew they didn't like me in that way and I was waiting till I was 18 to date. Didn't want my family having any say in who I was with
Because women are not āfriendā worthy. Men can not be ourselves around women, women judge, shame, and attack men for anything they donāt like or understand. We canāt be honest with you and your rollercoaster of emotions and drama. The only reason a guy puts up with a girls bullshit is because we want pussy.
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Dude I lived in a house with 9 boy's and shared a bedroom with 2 there isn't a whole lot of things a guy can do to make me judge them. I'm not prim and proper I ware sweatpants and get into fights to see who's stronger ( cough still me cough ) I don't do a whole lot of judging I spend too much of my time trying to hide from judgment
You live with 9 dudes, all of which would pound you in a heart beat if given the chance. Men do not make time in their life for women unless we want to fuck them.
Umm dude I'm related to all but 2 of those guys and no they really wouldn't one of which was engaged to be married and the other straight up hated me because I licked him when we were kid's
Well there you have it. You live with FAMILY and two of their buddies... these guys did not make time for you. They were obligated as family and friends if family.
Like I said, no guy will make time for a female (outside of family or forced obligations) unless they want to fuck her.
Still not true I have 2 male friends I used to hangout with all the time the only reason I don't anymore is because I moved 6 States away but we still talk all the time
Don't get me wrong your welcome to your opinion and maybe that is how you and people you know feel or think but doesn't mean it's true for everyone for every rule there's the exception.
You just havenāt met the right people yet. Maybe look for a club or group that share a common interest. Are you an animal person? Volunteer at a shelter and maybe you will meet men that want a friendship. Just be yourself and donāt give up.
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I've done ceramics I've been to coffee shops I've done cake decorating flying drones art classes psychology club science club volunteered at the library volunteered at the animal shelter handed out free snow cones to people in the park I work in the grocery store I don't think I could be more in the public if I tried. Don't even have to be guy friends couldn't care less about gender I'd settle for any friends just typically the few times someone talks to me it's normally a guy
Typically yes I'm unlikely to talk to you first unless I'm actively forcing myself to and normally feel like I'm going to puke when I do but I still try I invited 15 people to a water park that I'd pay for but nobody showed up so I went to the water park alone
Ok so you are shy. You sound well rounded and very nice. Inviting a group that large and willing to pay. Try maybe a smaller group to a smaller activity. Maybe a couple people over for a movie and pizza. Just give it time it will happen. I know loneliness and being by myself. It sucks but it gets better. If you like you can message me. I always up for chatting
Start small. Simple hello and introduce yourself. Ask people simple questions about themselves. And just take deep breaths. I know easier said than done. And always smile
I have been the lead cashier for 3 year's something about I'm so sweet and that the customers love me which I'm not surprised most of our customers are 60 Year old woman there obsessed with my hair for some reason
Yah I find that hard to believe considering my clothing of choice is PJs I'm overweight and built like a line backer men aren't dropping at my feet the only guy I went on a date with I had to ask him out
Not from what I seen most of them are chasing around the party girls on drugs I'm pretty tame I don't drink I don't do drugs and I don't smoke I just kinda do my own thing
Why does it have to be guy friends? Whatās wrong with girlfriends?
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I honestly don't care the gender male female trans I don't really care just men are more prone to talk to me than women are for every 6 guys there might be one girl that talks to me
Because he doesn't like the same things I like ceramics, horse's, cake decorating, monster's inside me, farming and video game here and there. He dislikes most of those things and plays video games mostly. Don't get me wrong we still do stuff together and have fun together but it be nice to have other friends who like some of the things I like I don't really care if they are Male or female
Okay; I understand. by the way, I read what you wrote in the thread with the other girl. I'm really, really sorry. I think I have a better idea now of why you need good friends in your life. I think you should take Changiis up on her offer. She's a good person. You can talk to me, too, if you want.
Okay. I'll be honest haha. My assumption was that you either a) weren't good at picking boyfriends and just got stuck with one who you're not compatible with, or b) were one of those people who uses different men for different things for your own selfish benefit.
Yah I kinda figured that was the assumption. I'm not really capable of using people for anything I still feel sick to my stomach just to order my food with something altered about it. If someone yells at me I cry I just won't do it in front of them. Heck the first time I met my fiance in person after knowing online for 5 year's I hid behind a restaurant curtain and wouldn't even look at him for a good hour and even when I did look at him my head was firmly planted at the ground. I more mean life can throw whatever it wants at me because I don't really care anymore can nock me on my ass a thousand times more but I'm still going to get back up because I have a goal I'm trying to accomplish and I'm not going to let life rob me of my dreams because I've lived through to much crap to give up. And life hasn't been the kindest to me but I know someone else had it worse. I could have taken the easy route like everyone else trying to numb pain with drugs and alcohol but I didn't want to if you need those things to feel happy you're not really happy
I'm honestly just hoping my cousins get there shit straightened out I didn't work my tail off for them to copy our parents mistakes but it seems that's exactly what they are doing. I've been slammed into Walls to protect them and swam to the bottom of a frozen pond to save the youngest because he fell through the ice and didn't know how to swim just hurt's to watch them toss away there chance in life just to be a party animal
Don't get me wrong I wasn't the best care giver with them but I was like twelve trying to keep a 10 year old and a 6 year old alive. So I was the best they got as far as parental guidance went guess I didn't do a very good job huh considering there both always using pot smoking partying and drinking
I brought a book into work with me that I was going to read on my break and apparently the book I read is surprising to my coworkers saying they didn't take me for that kind of girl. So everybody kept picking up the book and looking at the cover and my manager picked up the book and read the back of it and asked if she could borrow it when I'm done and my other coworker said make sure to outline all the spicy bits for me and I'm sitting over here having an internal stroke while they're asking why I look embarrassed. Then when I was reading my book a different co-worker came into the break room and she goes oh that's why the door shut kathryn is reading her spices stories I wanted to disappear
I'm normally left alone I honestly didn't think anybody would notice I even had a book with me. One or two of my coworkers actually started googling the book to see how "dirty it was" I'm not going to live this down anytime soon
I honestly don't really care just didn't expect to be called out. I have worked at the store for 3 year's so I know most of my coworkers decently well. i get everyone I work with a Christmas present every year so I get to watch them be excited the day after Christmas when they come back to work. my manager still asking if she can borrow the book when I'm done not particularly found of that considering her just reading the back of the book made me turn red
I call her manager but she's not really she's like 4th down the chain of command and she only recently moved to the position because our other manager had a heart attack I'm only one step below her because I'm the lead cashier. But even my store manager I'm pretty comfortable with if I'm closing shift with her the last 10 minutes of the shift she likes to ask me a bunch of animal questions. My coworkers are the closest thing I have to friends
Yah she's ok now she is on medical leave because she also had to have a emergency hysterectomy because she was bleeding so much that it gave her an iron deficiency the day before her heart attack I told her she should go to the hospital because she looked really pale and weak she said no she's fine I said if you're not going to go to the doctor at least go eat some f****** steak or something the next day she apparently collapsed to the floor and hit her head on the counter at work
He just made my nose bleed a little bit when I got up I ran back up the stairs to kick his scrawny ass hung him on the coat rack by his underwear for the record were the same age so I'm not picking on a 13 year old or nothin
In my defense he did kick me in the face in my own house. My family is violent I'm typically not unless you attack me first at which point you better brace yourself. I have also only lost control once in my life granted I did break a few flower pots broke my toe murdered a bush but I didn't hurt nobody but me
I know I just wanted to clarify that I'm not immediately violent. God my fiance has decided to creep me out because he wanted to show me some 5 nights of Freddy
Well that was interesting a friend I text with asked if he could call and talk to me he hasn't talked on the phone with me in over a year. I haven't decided yet but I think I'm going to ask my coworker to get lunch with me
I'm actually pretty proud of myself I invited them to lunch and they said yes. Yeah originally I was just joking around rubing my co-workers back and she said holy shit grabed a different co-worker and said you have to try this and it just kind of continued like this and I wasn't sure how to make it stop
Not really I just have really goofy coworkers like one of my coworkers laid down on the floor and me and another co-worker dragged him around by his legs said we were talking him to the trash if he's going to lay down on the job
Their nice people they have their bad day's like everyone else but they nice like my coworker David he's 62 year's old and he likes trying every new flavor of Pop tart when it comes out so every time he buys a box of new Pop-Tarts he always gives me one of the Pop-Tarts to try with him
I remember at one point in time when the weather was really s***** he offered for me to stay in his basement for the night so I didn't have to do the drive home I live 30 minutes out of town.
As much as I like my coworkers every one of them were yelling at me today because I didn't eat today most of my coworkers are a good amount older than me and act like I'm a little kid at times like I don't ware a jacket or something
I'm not really in a reject a friend predicament if you want to hangout go bowling play in the park or need a friend when your dog died or you need a lift to work or something I'm done it's when you try to cross into boyfriend territory that we have a problem
