Girls, what makes submissive guys unattractive?

[Anonymous]

And I do not just mean in bed; I mean in a relationship. Men who let their woman make the big decisions, earn less money than her, is indecisive, would rather let her pay on a date, would rather be pursued, etc.

They don't need to do all of these things, he just needs to let her wear the pants to count as submissive. What about them makes them weak or unattractive?

[janvii]

A huge part of it comes down to how girls have been brought up.

Me? I am a girl with overprotective and very controlling parents. They forcefully make decisions in my life. It's how it has always been, they've always controlled everything in my life. So as a 18 year old now, I'm very indecisive myself. I find it hard to pick things or make decisions, because my whole life someone else has done that for me. It's not my fault, it's just faulty parenting.

So personally I prefer a guy who can take charge in the relationship and just guide me along. Not force decisions upon me, but guide me yes. Because on my own I'm not good at this at all. So when I have a partner who can fill in that void for me, I feel more satisfied. So I happen to like men who take the front seat more.

If a girl has been brought up independently, then she might like submissive guys more. I'm not saying that this is a rule, I'm just trying to give a possible explanation as to why girls usually tend to be more into dominant men. It's because they are usually the more controlled child in a family.

[LivDev]

This is a psychological question. The genders are predisposed to their "roles", regardless of nurture. Women statistically are more likely to marry up, they're more likely to fetishize male dominance in bed (up to the study of the potential evolution of the prevalent "raype~ fantasy") i. e. the popularity of 50 Shades and Twilight.

Men are clinically overrepresented in sadism (to include criminal, not just sexual) and aggression, their disagreeable temperment slightly better suited for the dominant role. They also don't have the tempermental flexibility we do, as rule. Men tend to do one thing like they do all things. So if you get with a man that is submissive and indecisive you, he's likely submissive and indecisive in all or most things. Which is a catastrophic partner to have as a woman.

Besides that, a passive, indecisive man is a pain and a detriment as a father. You might as well raise the kids alone. Matriarchies where the roles are reversed don't exist for a reason and the few "matriarchies" that do exist with not quite reversed roles are all 3rd world societies living safely and mostly undisturbed within a country considered a "patriarchy".

A female bird of paradise isn't told by her parents or bird society to be attracted to male's color and display. It's instinctual. We haven't outgrown that sort of thing as women, for the most part. We like our men dominant because that's what has worked before. And that can change one day, that day just doesn't seem like it's today or next week.

A better question to ask would be;

What use does a girl have for an indecisive and/or passive, and/or low achieving, and/or unprotective guy. Especially if she has to pursue him. ESPECIALLY if a decisive, dominant, financially safe man is also an option, and is likely to actively* pursue her instead (potentially this all falls under having realistic standards too.)

The answer is; not much.

Even in way more "accepting" circles like BDSM. In all the munches, shows and clubs I've gone to, male subs are the most overlooked and the most likely to have to buy their partners by the hour. The supply of them vastly overshoots their demands :T

Obviously, I'm not promoting the idea of ignoring effete men like the plague. I'm just explaining where the preferences come from... because I think that's what you asked.