The Guy I’m Talking to Thinks I’m Dating Lots of Men…but I am NOT? Is this projection, insecurity, or something else?

[Isismoonie]

I am glad that he thinks I have unlimited options, however it annoys me how we always voices this.

He often makes statements like, “You have been good without me,” “You got other guys,” and always “jokes” about me going to talk to someone else.

Clearly, he has misconstrued my words from a previous conversation and says I like to go out all the time (in hopes to meet other men) and likes to say that “I’m for the streets.”

Is this projection, insecurity, or something else? I am well aware that this is childish behavior but what the hell! It’s really aggravating.

[Finchie40]

It sounds like he has been hurt before or he is getting to much insight on social media , in todays world insecurities and doubts are rising and trusting someone isn’t easy today because of what we see and read and hear about all over social media , or another reason can be, is if he has been cheated on before by someone that he gave his heart to , that can be a reason he has a hard time trusting as well , it’s harder for people today to one another because of the way things are now , social media and cell phones I feel played a big part on damaging relationships, , mainly because how easy it is to enter into someone’s life , Girls from my past that I thought I would never see or hear from again have found me on social apps and started reaching out to me , even though I knew I wasn’t going to cheat on my partner , but in her eyes it was disrespectful , which I agree it is , why I pretty much took myself off of social apps and why so many relationships are failing and marriages turning to divorce , Most people have become selfish and compare their lives to others , from all the nonsense they see on social media , when things don’t go well in a relationship , instead of fixing it they turn to someone else to listen to them, Most people
can’t accept that they are wrong so they go to someone else to comfort them , The messed up thing is everyone has some sort of insecurity in them that they bury deep inside, whether they say they do or not , No one wants to be cheated on and nobody wants to have their heart shit on When we love someone with all our heart these days, sadly loving someone doesn’t matter anymore Because most people are selfish and only really care about themselves , My advice is if he is overly insecure you are probably best to move on from him , Only reason I say this is usually a person that is overly insecure is usually the one that will cheat first , if he is a little insecure then I wouldn’t sweat it , it’s only when someone is very insecure that should give you a red flag ,

[PJH359]

Some men implement what I consider to be a horribly obnoxious practice of annoyingly throwing out the question or an accusation of their girlfriends seeing other men. Some enunciate it in such form as to come across almost jokingly…attempting to open a door for themselves after the confident and secure woman tells him he’s basically an asshole for asking. The male tries to hide behind a wall of false humor, “I was only fucking with you babe…” That example represents insecurity. The next reason would similarly be immaturity. The last and most concerning would be projection. The male is engaging in the very practice he accuses the female of. It’s his way of “checking himself” or checking her to somehow justify his own bad behavior. Whatever the underlying cause, hearing it over and over can eventually provoke the receiving partner to leave.

[ZainabAli123]

He just sounds like a guy who’s super insecure and is trying to boost his own ego like he wants you to give your attention to him it’s not really a cute thing to do.. if a guy likes you or something they wouldn’t sit there and talk to you in that tone at all.. my best friend used to do this to me all the time he used say things like oh you aren’t good for me etc it was soo stupid I broke it off point is you need to know your self worth you need to understand that this is something that will continually happen

[Sincerly_KittyCat]

Okay and so what? It's a dating phase and if he hadn't expressed that he wants an exclusive relationship he needs to make a decision, shut up or keep it pushing. Until both of you want an exclusive relationship you have every right to date as much people you want. He sounds like he is doing what he is accussing you of doing maybe even is projecting. Run for the hills and dont waste your time.

[ManOnFire]

First we have a big problem here: "I am glad that he thinks I have unlimited options, however it annoys me how we always voices this."

So you are happy that he thinks this, but have a problem that he pokes at you about it. No.1, you confirm what I've even talked about concerning many women. No.2, you don't like it that it bothers him. Having said that, I don't think he's being entirely perfect in the situation either. He is definitely displaying feelings of insecurity and inferiority. Obviously he doesn't think he's very attractive or that he has an ability to have many options, so if he's with a girl who is happy knowing she has "unlimited options," that won't make him feel particularly good either. Even if you are assuring him that you're not for the streets and not talking to other guys.

One of the big problems with today's relationships is that so many women are bragging about all the dates they can go on, all the sex they can have "any time I want to," all the guys they can talk to, etc. and actually enjoy that men are either unhappy or feeling worthless about it. Women want men who are loyal and aren't man-whores, and they want men who are confident and not insecure about the things I described, but want to be able to brag to men about how they think all options are laid out and available for them.

I think both you and him need to talk a lot more about your situation. Neither of you are right.

[Isismoonie]

I’m not bragging about anything. The man is throwing up how he’s seen men interact with me in my face. It’s not like I’m entertaining them all. Clearly a lot of men today have a huge problem with women being confident and knowing their worth.

[ManOnFire]

Women get confidence mixed up with arrogance. Knowing your worth means being happy that your man knows you enjoy him thinking you have options and how it bothers him?

[Isismoonie]

How does multiple people being attracted to me make me arrogant? Especially if he’s the one saying it? You must be one of those insecure people like him.

[ManOnFire]

You said you were glad he thinks you have all these options. Is that not arrogance?

[Isismoonie]

No 💀 That’s not arrogance. Since I have to spell it out for you, it means I’m glad this person knows they will have to bring their a game and not expect me to be desperate in this situation.

[ManOnFire]

I'll call a mistrial on this one.

[DenizLikesTennis]

As everyone stated that it's a red flag and an insecurity, I'd fully agree with them.

Psychologically, this insecurity have been developed after a string of rejections and disappointments due to having unrealistic expectations. This person believes that people (lets not talk about girls/women only)... that people are like a pet they should obey him. Why am I saying this? Because you have the right to be/date/have a relationship whom you want with.

And don't be ashamed of it. Having many options is absolutely fine. It's not like you are being forced to eat something that you don't like the taste... as long as you don't offer a service and put a price for each option then that'd be something very different. But in this case it isn't.

So for me, he might be also very controlling which can lead to domestic violence.

You have asked us this question, we give you an answer (common sense), and your decision is at free will. Choose your partner wisely and have a nice day/evening 😊

[DenizLikesTennis]

Do you know what 2 traits are super duper important when it comes to this?

-Maturity and Intelligence. These are something that can't be seen physically/appearance.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Projection, insecurity, sexism - at the least.

I'd be done with this kind of insecurity immediately. It's such a turn off.

Why would you entertain a longer relationship if all this person does is doubt you and insult you? Personally, I'm not into that and I'd leave after harshly putting him in his place.

[kinggeorge007]

Probably he's still suffering from trauma from a past relationship. I think you should take him to therapy. That's the best gesture you can give. If he is still like this after therapy, then you can make a decision.

I think he needs help and you are the one in the best position to help. Kindness is the best thing you can give someone without expecting anything in return.

[Anonymous]

THIS tells me everything I need to know! "I am glad that he thinks I have unlimited options,". I would be willing to bet $1000 you have let him know this many times now too. Just put the poor bugger out of his misery and go find another sucker!

[Isismoonie]

I wish there was a “haha” option emoji on this app.

[Opinion Owner]

You can laugh about this all you want. I was DEAD SERIOUS about my comment. I don't have a misogynistic bone in my body! One thing I hate is a female that is so full of herself that she has to make sure her man knows she is doing him a favor by dating him. I don't know what is worse, you or this poor bugger that can't see through to what you really are?

[Isismoonie]

I absolutely am doing him a favor! 😊 that’s not what I am saying though, I’m saying I am glad he thinks I’m beautiful and have many men attempting to date me. Your partner should see you as hot and attractive dont you agree?

[Datboi65]

Or baggage? Projection means he's doing the same, and insecurity means he is afraid of it happening to him because he doesn't think he is good enough. However, I this has actually happened to him before, then you could be dealing with someone who has baggage. My best advice is to leave this guy alone, but you can always ask him directly rather than ask random strangers on the internet.

[DaveJord]

Sound like the guy has insecurities over trust issues... its a huge RED FLAG... I would cut my loses and move on. These type of things rarely fix themselves, and only escalate or evolve into more serious issues later. Its obviously some type of manipulation tactic.

Guy sounds like he is trying to guilt you into isolation, and is a serious processive and jealous type... which over time he may try to manipulate you into dysfunctional relationship.

[hahahmm]

Yes & no.. who's going to trust on day 1? They aren't even dating. She said they talk. Sure, most people don't verbalize why they don't trust but trusting on day 1 is foolish.

[hahahmm]

Most people aren't conscious of why they trust or don't trust tho so... on day 1 they aren't thinking any of the stuff the guy said. They also aren't making a marriage proposal!

[DaveJord]

@hahahmm Yeah on day one its too early to be letting that type of issue come out. Still suggest the guys has other possible issues...

[hahahmm]

Yes, he could have other issues.

[Lionman95]

Yes it sounds like a person that´s insecure and has a low self-confidence. He may judge that because you may seem beautiful to him and maybe also good at communicating that you have many options.
It´s an easy misconception that isn´t very uncommon in my view because I don´t know that I´ve fallen for that and others guys I know did that too.

[juniorJack]

Dump, get rid and move on.. if the question from the partner is untrustworthy you may well find in years to come you have less friends and fall in there lifestyle of what they want to do, trust your instincts and gut feeling, your already questioning it on here 👍🏼

[itsalyssaagain]

It’s probably a mix of all the above. Yes it’s your job to be loyal and good girlfriend etc but it’s not your job to heal other people’s insecurities. As long as you’re not acting shady, he needs to get over it.

[Anonymous]

Just tell him what's what and set your boundaries. Say something along the lines of 'I told you already Im not seeing other guys, that joke is getting stale. Can you not trust me enough to believe me in that? Because if so, maybe I SHOULD start trying to date someone else'Or whatever version suits you best.

[PatriceONeal]

He's just being rational. Look around at society. Open relationships, friends with benefits, dating apps. Guys are much more apprehensive than we were before at approaching, dating, and eventually trusting women. He's just being smart and hopes you're not full of hidden permiscuity. Don't blame him for it, its not personal.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

I'm not telling you to stop talking to this guy but that is a major red flag.

He's likely going to be critical of everyone you spend time with and always try to "catch" you.

Nothings worse than an insecure partner.

[ohshee]

What it is what it is is the guy is insecure is also control freak because he wants to hear you always say no baby it's only you I only want you I would walk away from that guy

[Isismoonie]

I’ve told him I only talk to him but it’s not enough clearly lol

[ohshee]

Yeah there are many guys like that the do this type of thing because of their fear of losing you or whatever they have no trust I guess even within themselves that's another reason why guys do this is because they are seeing multiple girls and they want to blame you first that way it takes the focus off of them like I said I'd be careful with this guy if I was you

[Isismoonie]

Definitely projection but he should be more honest

[ohshee]

This is true. But what guy is going to be honest with you , when he can't even be honest with himself

[virtue2332]

Why waste your time with nonsense like this. You clearly are at different stages in your development. You have to realize there are plenty of guys out there that are more capable of respecting you and taking care of your needs.

[slatyb]

It sounds like he feels like he is dating up, he is looking for constant reassurance from you that he is adequate. Have you told him that this is tiresome? How is he doing with the rest of his life: home, career, friends?

[petitedollbabee]

Insecurity by the sounds of it. I’ve met guys like that 🙃

[RSav4013]

Sounds like he's definitely lacking confidence, I'd move on. If you decide to be with him, chances are high that you'd be looking at a lot of jealousy induced baby rage conversations in the near future.

[Anonymous]

Not sure. I'd have to hear some of the things you say to him to know if he's insecure or you're fostering insecurity in him.
a lot of women will cultivate distrust in a man then blame him for being insecure when the reality is the those women just don't understand HOW to have a healthy relationship.
When you truly care about your partner you don't want him or her to distrust you. And you'll make strides to ensure this. If not you're really not ready for a meaningful relationship.

[ImNoOne111]

Tell him "I am desperately seeking male attention and I have 10 dating apps installed", actually dont. it works the reverse way. Just tell him to stop acting like a child

[nachosaresexy]

Best case scenario: He's an insecure dude with trust issues.

More likely: He's an insecure dude who in the long run would be jealous, controlling, manipulative.

[spartan55]

It's probably a bit of both mixed together. Plus it's pretty strong indicator he is the jealous possessive type. That would be enough red 🚩 flags for me.

[Siegram173]

shut up u old hag

[spartan55]

Who you talkin to junior?

[Waldoe]

HE is insecure, it is his issue, you can never reassure him... it is his issue. Sorry no matter what you door say, he will think that you are hiding an affair or another man or... sorry

[jshm2]

He's just trying to get under your skin and gaslighting you so you'll stick with him out of spite, if not love.

Ditch his manipulating ass. He'll just be a douchebag partner in the future.

[Tina19]

Definitely insecure person i have dated such men who already assume that i will cheat in future they had been cheated in past

[Isismoonie]

He told me that the first woman he fell in love with cheated on him. But I didn’t think it would take him this long to get over it….

[Tina19]

It's not about getting over a person some people become paranoid after such experience and think it will repeat again everyone handles break up differently some people are mature handle it well where as some become so paranoid that they call the entire opposite gender to be same

[Isismoonie]

I mean I get the paranoia as an over thinker…I really do. But after he would say this like 2-3 times I got confused. It started off as cute little jokes and now it’s to the point where he’s never stopped.

[Tina19]

I have been loyal in a relationship where i was accused for cheating again and again where in reality i wasn't it's actually a defense mechanism that a person will already make opinion just in case something similar happens it's like punishment to the next partner and control them because your previous partner did something it's really not worth it to waste time over such people they are not emotionally intelligent

[Isismoonie]

I hear you. And honestly I’m not taking this guy serious because of this and other things he does that’s childish, but yeah this unacceptable behavior from an older man.

[Tina19]

Yes right

[Subarugirl]

He is projecting his insecurity, honestly a huge redflag…

[Siegram173]

Not a red flag. Tons of girls do this so it is safe to assume.

[Subarugirl]

@Siegram173 that would also be a red flag...

[Siegram173]

yes but being insecure of that isn't a red flag lol

[Subarugirl]

@Siegram173 it is if it means you can’t trust your partner..

[Siegram173]

Do you not understand that a lot of women do stuff like this? Its important that men become wary of this stuff.

[Subarugirl]

@Siegram173 do you understand that is still a red flag..

[Siegram173]

Do you not understand that a lot of women do stuff like this? Its important that men become wary of this stuff.

mutt iq in action

[Subarugirl]

@Siegram173 no one said that women don’t do that too, so what point are you trying to make?

[Siegram173]

that its not a red flag to be concerned about this stuff. problem?

[Subarugirl]

@Siegram173 did you fail English or are just an able to comprehend what’s written

[Siegram173]

I can read just fine. you just seem to be having a hard time accepting my opinion. come on ur supposed to be the adult here :(

[Subarugirl]

@Siegram173 because your opinion is wrong

[Isismoonie]

@Siegram173 it’s just like men realize that the best way for them to control a woman is through manipulation. Because they don’t truly believe a woman would decide to choose them. Wild concept lol

[Siegram173]

my opinion isn't wrong. there's nothing wrong with being concerned about this stuff

[Isismoonie]

It’s okay to ask and understand that when dating someone, you probably won’t be the only person they’re dating. What’s not okay, is to bring it up all the time.

[Siegram173]

admiring your pfp

[Anonymous]

He really needs to work on his insecurities. He finally meets one of the few girls who doesn't meet multiple men to choose from on tinder and yet he still somehow complains? If you never cheated and he's the only guy you are committed to then he should be glad to be with you

Don't let toxic people take space in your head and just move on. Thank him for letting you know there are better options than insecure men who try to put made up stories in your mouth

[Anonymous]

He is insecure and wants to learn from you in a sneaky way by asking you such questions.
He shouldn’t be this annoying otherwise girls
Who like him will drop him easily.. if he does this often. Such a bad trait to have

[zoemarie14140]

I would leave... this will cause an issue later on... also if he does cheat he will probably end with him saying he did it because you were dating others... this just isn't good

[jasco]

Projection, could be but honestly more than likely its insurcities

[TommyMountainFigure]

Yep. I would say he is insecure because he has trust issues.

[lightbulb27]

It's a project for you both to get past his fear. The root of his fear remains unhidden.

[BraveRiver]

Sounds like an insecure guy probing you for info… he’s making the statement so you have the opportunity to correct him, if you don’t then he was right, if you do then he knows where he stands.

[Freyke]

Insecure he's creating these scenarios and doubts in his head and takes that as truth.

[Isismoonie]

And that’s on being psychotic!

[CallmeTheKnight]

Why are you still talking to someone that's saying that to you? You like being talked to like that and being disrespected? Where is your self worth?

[Ezure]

It's just him being insecure.. you guys can try sorting it out by having a proper conversation about it.. and you can tell him that you feel uncomfortable with him saying that.. Hopefully it will work..

[FilmGuy93]

Yeah, it's projection of insecurity and general shit-headdery

[exitseven]

It is insecurity. He thinks he has a reason to be jealous and it is making him look bad.

[Sam_The_Savage]

"I'm glad that he thinks I have unlimited options."

There is always a long que outside the public toilets.

[Jltakk]

Yep.

[MountAverage]

Severe projection and insecurities. This man is paranoid and immature to a toxic level. Huge red flag.

[noohair]

You can't fix him. Stay with him or move on. "I'm for the streets" is an insult.
If I was your dad I would advise you to move on.

[Staximus]

He's insecure, tell him to take a hike and you've had enough.

[SignedAutographs]

I think you are too. I think you're dating multiple men

[Djaay]

BC you have an open character and he's insecure to it. Although todays women... huh !

[Yucy_Gluttony]

What an insecure man.

[Siegram173]

tons of girls do this so its safe to assume.

[Yucy_Gluttony]

@Siegram173 Dating multiple people is too exhausting. One at a time is all I can handle

[Siegram173]

I understand but i am just saying that a lot of girls do this so there is nothing wrong with the man being concerned but of course the women here want to get upset at that and mock the guy for being insecure.

[888theGreat]

because women do, and say they don't

[driven159]

Immature move on find a grownup red flags waving

[In_Trance]

projection and insecurity

[Snakeyes7]

Insecurity is the likely case here.

[YourToy69]

Why is he thinking? Any hints from you?

[Isismoonie]

At first I was talking to other guys, because you know dating as a single woman, as time went on I wasn’t talking to many more guys because they suck. I told him this and he would claim he’d never believe me.

[YourToy69]

Well, in that case he doesn't believe you. You need to prove. Men are insecure

[Isismoonie]

But why does that matter if we’re not exclusive? And how do I prove that lol show him my phone

[YourToy69]

Men are insecure in general. What was the deal at the beggining? If the deal was no jealousy about the past, and he doesn't abide by, you can try some proof, but I think in this day and age does nobody rolls like that anymore. There are many ways to prove. Do you want that?

[KrakenAttackin]

You are posting as a man bro.

[Anonymous]

its reality lol
most women do that

[skyeee_]

insecurity