We made plans to go out. My friend is saying that it’s because I was pursuing/chasing him. Even if I pursued him why does she care?

My friend always makes it seem that I am chasing the guy that I’m talking to. She always ask about him and our conversations and if he says nice things to me she asks ” well what did you say to him first?”

I’m going out with him this week and she said ” wasn’t it first your idea to meet and grab a coffee?”

I did tell her earlier that he asked me out. Why is it so hard for her to understand that he ’s interested in me. Her comments make me doubt his interest in me…

Anonymous

(30-35)

The info you provided seems sort of vague, and not in a rude way. Sure she could be a jealous friend, but I think about myself speaking to a close/best friend and when I say things like that it’s just my outside perspective and feeling like my friend really pushed for those things to happen. Or maybe the guy isn’t putting as much effort as her or whatever, but she wants a relationship so much she isn’t aware of her missteps.

Asker

1 y
The thing is he suggested it first. I told her earlier about it. Still she asks me me weird questions ” wasn’t it your idea to go out”. Also I can’t make disinterested guy agree to go out with me lol

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Asker

1 y
My friend is the one who took back the guy who dumped her. The reason why he dumped her was because ”his feelings hadn’t grown for her”. Then he reached out to her after months after breakup. Now they are dating. Talking about standards….

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Opinion Owner

1 y
I definitely don’t think he’s disinterested, like if he suggested going out first then of course that’s good. She just might be looking at the situation from a different perspective than you, or noticing aspects that you may not since you’re actually in it, not her. Still, if she’s super off with her evaluations or whatever then I wouldn’t concern myself with her opinion. Because yes she may be looking at things differently than you, but it doesn’t mean she’s incapable of feeling jealous. Not so much of you, but if her dating life isn’t so great and her dating situations have failed, then she could feel bummed that things are working for you. It’s hard to clap for others when you can’t applaud yourself.

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Asker

1 y
Well she is dating a guy but he’s a guy that dumped her before and has more baggage than the guy that I’m talking to. I think maybe she’s not fully happy with the guy she’s with…

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Opinion Owner

1 y
Ugh yeah, that sort of dynamic she’s in rarely works out. I do get your position, as I’m in a similar one currently and my friend acts like yours. The most I can say is to just take her opinions with a grain of salt. When my friend shares her thoughts. I do consider them because I realize sometimes people on the outside see things that maybe I’m not noticing. But at the same time, since her dating situation is sort of trash, I know some comments come from a place of envy. Especially if you and the guy have had a relatively smooth road so far. Personally I’ve made the choice just not to share things with her, then there’s no negative feedback to get. You may want to consider a similar route.

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Asker

1 y
The guy now seem/ into her and is even talking about marriage with her but still if I was in her place it would be hard to forget that he dumped me before. Do you think her situation is trash tbh :D?

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Opinion Owner

1 y
Oh wow, wasn’t expecting that lol. Initially I felt like envy/jealousy had something to do with it Bc she wasn’t happy with her situation, but if he proposed then they must be doing well at least to an extent, so I can’t say it’s envy anymore. This guy you’re talking to, is he like a group friend? Or has hung around you guys, maybe even her boyfriend?

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Asker

1 y
Lol they are two different guys. My guy is 30yrs old turning 31 and her guy is 36 turning 37(she’s herself 31) . I’m 27 turning 28. he hasn’t proposed to her but they’ve been talking about marriage. They come from conservative background where people get married very quickly tho.
My guy hasn’t hung around with her. Before she used to say how she wanted to say hi to my guy and introduced herself to him as my friend when she saw him in public ( I always wondered why she said that when me and him weren’t item). That was before she got back with the guy who dumped her.

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Asker

1 y
Tbh my guy is very handsome and many girls are after him.

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Opinion Owner

1 y
Gotcha; I was mostly wondering if your guy has hung around your group or just in a position to where your friend has gotten to know him and doesn’t think he’s a great match for you. As for the marriage thing, I mean even talking about it is a pretty good sign. However talking and doing are two different things, so that may not even Pan out. It sounds like maybe you’re wondering if she has jealousy because this guy you’re talking to is handsome, and she just might, but regardless I would stop telling her things. Yeah it kinda sucks not to be able to share moments and vent to your friend but it feels pointless if she’s only going to say negative things.

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Asker

1 y
He’s very handsome and in her mind I know she thinks she’s a lot better looking than me. It’s very hard for her to understand how I got a date with him lol

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Opinion Owner

1 y
This must be a universal dynamic between two friends because me and mine are the same way lol, she feels like the hotter, more outgoing and loud one that gets all the guys. My current boyfriend is far more attractive than the guy she’s with now and I think she knows that. Her behavior has been super negative so I’ve made the decision just to step away from her a bit and not tell her anything about my relationship. You may come to a place where you feel the same, because it does get tiresome and pretty annoying!

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Asker

1 y
Wow feels like we’re in same situation. I feel like maybe that’s why my friend makes shady commenys and tries to make doubt myself. I was the one initially who reached out to him and she always strongly said don’t text him first etc. While in the past she messaged a man that had girlfriend lool. at least my guy was single. Now my guy is texting me first too and we have made plans to meet….

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Opinion Owner

1 y
Yep, very similar situations at the very least lol. I’d still advise not looking too much into what she says, because 9/10 she wants you to be just super cutthroat and savage about how you deal with men yet can’t even take her own advice. My friend acts the same, advising me to be so cold towards men, yet keeps going back to the bad ones or staying in situations that no longer serve her.

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DummBlonde_Sally

Xper 2 Age: 23

It’s often better to have the guy chase you a little first. Think about you. Dream about you. Get nervous around you. Then when gets you, there is more of an investment and he can understand your worth.
If you come across easy then he MIGTH just want to use for sex the. chase other things in life.
Not sure about your friend.
I hope he is happy with you regardless how you got together, wish you all the best!

Guy13

Master Age: 30

5.5K opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.

You women are so competitive. I know both men and women that do something like this. Mostly to create fear or make other feel unstable about relationship.