Guys, Why are a lot of guys so mean to women these days?

[TenderFantasy]

Ever since my break up in 2017 I've had the worst luck when it comes to finding a committed relationship! What gives? Guys just either use me for you know or they aren't even afraid to be jerks to me and act genetlemanly!

Help 😞

[dynamicyandere]

It’s possibly from the nice guys finish last mentality. Which, has some truth to it. But, some guys take it too far and want to stop being nice altogether.


Many men are afraid of being a nice guy because of that or being gentlemanly because it has been associated with men with no confidence, masculinity, and no spine.


I think there’s a nice balance people can achieve that is both confident and masculine, yet gentlemanly.


But yeah, in this day a lot of young men are lost and are trying to figure out what it means to be a man and how being a man should look like.


As for the guys you’ve been seeing, you may have just been seeing guys that aren’t looking for anything serious. Or, something you’ve said or done is causing them to not see you as wifey material.

[FilmGuy93]

Unfortunately, a lot of that comes from the larger dating culture. The guys you are dating now are used to being treated like trash by other women, so they are defensive when they approach you to protect themselves.

It's just hurt people hurting people in a never-ending cycle.

[TenderFantasy]

Yeah well that doesn't solve anything. Why punish ME for what a few or some bad apples have done? 😡

[FilmGuy93]

Modern dating is pretty much universally regarded as absolutely horrible.

[HighValue]

If you want someone that will value a relationship with you, go for a single father that doesn't care about having more kids.

Single childless guys that are good and want a family won't be interested because of your age.

Many of the single childless guys that do seem interested at first will likely be trying to use you for easy sex and leave.

I could say comforting lies that won't help and would be useless as advice, but this advice is more truthful and should help more.
I don't know of any other legitimate advice in this situation. Sorry.
Good luck.

[TenderFantasy]

Thanks. I was afraid of this might be a reason, not a nice reason, but a reason nonetheless.

My aunt was very lucky in that she met a single guy that still wanted children at 46 (he didn't have any before her). It was even her SECOND marriage and she had three kids with her first marriage already! The guy was even younger than her by a few years. They tried IVF once and for some wonderful stroke of luck, it worked and they now have two 9 year old boy and girl twins born in 2012!

[TenderFantasy]

By the way, I wouldn't mind having my own still (if it is still possible). I mean, why do others (just because they were impatient and just had a child with just anyone, hence now they are single!), be able to procreate and not me? Lol, what was so special about THEIR genes?

Also, I don't think I would want to date anyone with that kind of baggage (at least I didn't. My ex was divorced with a 9 year old already but he didn't have custody). Howcome, I have to accept someone else's baggage when they cannot accept mine? Tit for tat haha. But yeah, true love accepts, you're right.

[TenderFantasy]

It is so annoying how people are!

[TenderFantasy]

Also, I am only 38 not 48 so there is STILL a chance for me to get pregnant, though not as big obviously as a person in their 20's to early/mid 30's or something but there is still a chance! :-)

[MrOracle]

@TenderFantasy

"Howcome, I have to accept someone else's baggage when they cannot accept mine?"


Average SMV (Social Market Value), by age and sex

When you were last single, you were still in your 20s, and your SMV was incredibly high. Men who wanted to be with you had to accept whatever you brought to the relationship, because you had the higher SMV and could demand it. A decade later, and the situation is VERY different. It's now men who have the higher SMV (and, of course, not ALL men, but on average), and so it's men that can demand more and you who have to be more accepting if you hope to have a relationship.

You had INCREDIBLE leverage to find and lock down a great partner in your late teens and 20s, but at 38, that leverage is gone. That doesn't mean it's IMPOSSIBLE to find a man who would want a relationship with you, but that's going to be a man who is older, doesn't want children (or has some already), and it's almost certainly going to be a man that YOU would perceive as a "lower value" guy, because a higher-value guy can still get women in their 20s, and any guy who can, almost certainly will. He's probably a blue-collar guy. And even that guy is going to want a woman who can give him a PEACEFUL home. That's the most important thing you could offer a man at this point: making his home life peaceful and comfortable.

[TenderFantasy]

@MrOracle Okay if what you're saying is indeed true, then why WASN'T I able to land a good guy in my 20's/early 30's or whatever?

And that is NOT fair just valuing someone based on their fertile abilities! I know that's important. I also wanted my own children too like I mentioned earlier but I didn't want to just have it with any loser!

Back when I was in my 20's I wasn't very financially stable (not that I am any better right now unfortunately but I am truly getting there, I am almost getting my Bachelors!) In fact, if I want to continue, I might get my Masters too! Why can't guys actually VALUE those things like drive and intelligence instead of my egg count! Or how easily turned on I get down there!!! So immature!

[TenderFantasy]

@MrOracle At this rate, maybe I can just invest money to become a single mother somehow!..

"Sexual Market Value"... pshh, so cruel and immature!

That sounds like drama in and of itself by the way.. Telling me to keep things drama-free... pssh..! 😞

[MrOracle]

I know it's a harsh truth, but it's no less harsh to men. Look at men's value in their teens and 20s - it's NOTHING. Men are considered "disposable" and, unlike women, we start the game (which starts at puberty) at ZERO, and we're required to BUILD our value - except for the very few who are born exceptionally good-looking or charismatic.

Again, I'm not saying that you can't find a man - but if you think you can have the kind of standards you had in your 20s, you're delusional. I *know* you were lied to and told that you could just go out and focus on your career and having fun in your 20s, and that you could find a mate in your 30s, but so many women are learning that that's largely a lie - it's particularly a lie for women who have spent their years COMPETING with men rather than COOPERATING with men - and here you have an advantage, because you were IN a relationship for a long time and presumably know how to live with a man. If you embrace your feminine characteristics and distance yourself from masculine characteristics, you have a far better chance of success, and may be the exception to the rule. But you're still going to have to make some compromises - you shouldn't be naïve about that.

You can't be mad when men have standards and want things given how direct and cruel women are in their 20s - completely dismissive of 80+% of men outright - when they are the ones with high SMV. You weren't taught that your 20s were critical to your relationship future, because women assumed they could always "trade up" later. They didn't count on men walking away...

[Anthony20108]

a lot of men at least in my personal opinion feel the same I've met a lot of woman who were terrible to me and I know a lot of guys who have similar experiences granted it might just be you've met genuinely rude people and I sincerely apologize about that but trust me if your a good person and your not super shallow you'll find a prone charming he may not have the looks of a God or the intelligence or Einstein but if whoever you meet treats you good and cares for you genuinely than I'd call It a win!

[TenderFantasy]

Dang that's supposed to be BASIC! Being nice and courteous (loving and supportive) to your partner is supposed to be ELEMENTARY! I gotta have a higher criteria than that though, I do thank you for your kind reply and wanting to be helpful. I appreciate this.

[Anthony20108]

Oh no worries at all and I totally understand so many guys definitely don't practice chivalry anymore lol but hey I gotta say there's still some people left who do it you just gotta find them c:

[Guardian45]

A lot of depressed men are angry and don't treat others well. Trying finding someone who is a happy person.

[TenderFantasy]

Hmm... maybe!

[Guardian45]

I'll bet you'll be happier

[Curiouslad123]

Sorry to hear that don’t give up there are good men out there. I think in general it’s hard to meet genuine people these days. The world has lost the plot 😬

[Anonymous]

I am not sure where you are looking. But some guys are just dbags while others have become dbags because they got burned bad themselves. They figure “if I can’t beat ‘em then join ‘em” when comes to being an asshole.

[Gent207]

Time to upgrade your standards and boundaries. Otherwise this cycle will keep repeating.

[DavidRaul]

I don't know if thats true. But i am experiencing the opposite, girls being mean all the time.

[TenderFantasy]

Are you barking at the 7-10/10s? If so, that may be why.

Take care.

[DavidRaul]

What does that even mean

[DavidRaul]

And no i am always very polite with everybody and they tend to behave mean all the time

[Adronicus]

Because that's what most women respond to when it comes to getting in her pants.

[Adronicus]

Being nice doesn't work so a change of tactics happened. I don't agree with it, but it's the truth. Want good men? reward them on a societal level.

[TenderFantasy]

I am only one person, I can't "reward them on a societal level" unless you meant sleeping with a lot of men, which I don't think is what you meant!

See, I'm not even promiscuous! Yet, I don't get past the chatting online stage even! Not anymore at least. Just because I don't have a make-up hobby and don't dress in skimpy outfits does NOT mean I can't be dateable! This is so frustrating and sad! 😞

[Adronicus]

Sorry, I didn't mean any offense, just explaining why. You're not alone & good men facing the same issue.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure I have a hard time finding a girlfriend who won't cheat

[Stevefiveo]

It's terrible. Guys just aren't raised right anymore.

[Zolly99999]

A lot of guys feel entitled these days ( women too).
Keep looking

[msc545]

What did you expect with the way you treat men? Your vagina will only take you so far.

[msc545]

The only thing women value men for is their money and their sperm. Not having it.

[Anonymous]

Men have grown tired of female entitlement and false victim mentality

[TheSpaceGnome]

Well where do you meet these guys?

[TenderFantasy]

Anywhere...

Unfortunately, maybe I might just have to give up on dating all together =( Might be easier on my self worth!

I've had guys reject me both online and offline. Sometimes, it's them that too picky for their own good and plenty of times (especially if it's online), they don't even give me a chance!

.. I guess it IS true =( guys DO judge on looks. ... But the thing is I'm not even fat! I would what you would call average in build! I was skinnier when I was younger but...

I don't even have baggage (in the physical sense of a child or a past marriage either), but I DID have 1 long-term relationship, and some casual ones (some that weren't intentionally non lasting if you know what I mean!). 😞

I just want SOME luck like my brother has had? He's not married (no children yet) but he married at 40 recently (and I am not far behind him in age as you can see...). He DID marry someone who was also Asian like us (but a different kind. Chinese. RICH Chinese. I don't even know if it's a true love marriage or just a marriage for the papers because the proposal and the dating was pretty fast if you asked me).

... Also, do you know why it seems that most people only marry within their own race? I find that rather close minded if you don't mind me saying!

[TenderFantasy]

And luckily not everyone thinks that way as my ex was white and I'm a filipina.

[RuthlessAggression]

ask trump

[TenderFantasy]

Only serious and helpful answer please thanks.