Why do men pretend like women they're not attracted to don't exist?

[Anonymous]

I've noticed this a lot that men ignore me. They won't make eye contact with me, they will never notice my presence, they will never talk to me and if I talk to them they barely say anything. A lot of other unattractive women has told me that the same thing happens to them.

I'm not even trying to get with them, and it's not that I'm always interested in them but they don't treat me like a normal human being and it hurts my feelings honestly.

I never thought that I was that unattractive. I mean I'm 5'4, I'm not underweight or overweight, I have good hygiene, I have long healthy well kept hair, I have a good posture and so on. But recently I've just came to the conclusion that I'm unattractive because my sisters and friends get attention from men all the time. I will walk with them and men will be staring at them. And when I'm alone no man even looks at me.

Why do men ignore women they are unattracted to? Even when I asked for a guy at my school for a pen (which isn't something romantic) he just ignored me and pretended like he didn't hear me. And the girl beside him ALSO asked for a pen and he gave it to her.

I just feel so disgusting and unwanted, and I want to know why men do this.

[VanillaSalt]

Ima say something you probably won’t understand or agree with.
Nobody owes you nothing. If they can’t see the value you bring they don’t want you. That’s true for all people. Even religious people that are everything about helping others do it to get good with god. True altruism does not exist. Even if your giving the homeless man a dollar… did you give it to help him or did you maybe do it because it makes you feel good to help others? So you helped him to make yourself feel good?


This is the real truth of the world. You haven’t seen the real world yet. Believe me when I say it’s going to fuck you up hard core if your this distressed about others not seeing you as equal.


Be beautiful. Being pretty takes work but anyone can go to the gym and work out and wear makeup. Be smarter. An hour a day for 6 months and you’ve learned a new language. 10,000 hours is what it takes to master something. Be confident. It’s not what people think about you but what you think of yourself that makes you confident. Be valuable. Opposite of confidence it’s not how you value yourself that gives you value but how others see you. We only have real value through others eyes. If you have nothing to contribute it really don’t matter how valuable you THINK you are… nobody will value you.


Build yourself to be beautiful, smart, strong, and confident… Then with that you will have value. You don’t have to be the prettiest, smartest, strongest, most confident… you just have to be.

[This_Is_My_Opinion8]

"True altruism does not exist."
This purely false. No I didn't gave money to the homeless person because it makes me feel better. Why would that make me feel better? I gave it to help someone in need.
If you don't feel empathy or sympathy, aka the drives to do something good, just because you make someone's day better you are a classified psychopath.

[Asker]

Thank you so much I really live this comment.

[VanillaSalt]

So do you help to help or because you feel good helping? Let’s take the most altruistic of the altruists. Religion. Never mind that most religious people fail completely at following their own principals. Catholics believe you should donate 10% of your income to help the less needy… If the Bible didn’t expressly tell them this was good and should be done… would they? If you do something for a benefit it’s not altruism. We strive to be but fail easily.

But enough of this conversation. From experience this is the way of the world.

[This_Is_My_Opinion8]

Religion is altruistic? When?
The lady that I pass by on my way to work feeding stray cats is more altruistic than any preach I have ever meet.

[VanillaSalt]

First off my initial comment was meant as a generalized statement. I’m sure if you look hard enough you can find an exception to damn near any rule but exceptions are not the rule.

That being said if you do something for even a good feeling that’s still not true altruism. If the lady feeds cats because she likes cats that is not altruism. Case in point… If people were truly altruistic then why do we pay police, fire fighters, social workers, etc… Hell the entire financial system is a big fat middle finger to altruism in itself.

[This_Is_My_Opinion8]

I know it was a generalization. And I keep what I said.
You can say that making good things for people make us feel good. Well of course they do, but you are flipping thing.
We do good things not because they make us feel good. We make good things because we want to make good things and feeling good is secondary. Again, if you don't feel any empathy or sympathy for others you have a mental illness. Psychopathy is considered a mental condition by the WHO. So yes normal people do good things simply because we as social animals are programed to care for each other.

I gave the example of the lady that feeds cats simply because of the religion argument. Never in history religion was altruistic.

Finally, police and fireman need to eat and live. Putting their lives on the line is their job.
When they take a child from a burning building at the cost of a few layers of skin that is altruism. When they rescue a cat from the tree not so much. It will depend on the moment and on the motive each person has.

[VanillaSalt]

I don’t see it. I see selfish people everywhere making choices that benefit them. I don’t see an issue with that considering everyone needs to benefit from situations or they won’t put forth real effort.

[This_Is_My_Opinion8]

Turn on the news and you will see nothing but pain and misery. Go to work and might see a completive environment where people try to fuck over each other daily. Doesn't mean that outside of that people aren't doing altruistic acts.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

I think it depends. But if it keeps happening to you, maybe it's because you don't feel comfortable in your own skin. When you haven't developed your personality enough, it rubs people the wrong way. They don't understand why exactly, but it bothers them.

Unfortunately, this is part of growing up. You're going to have to really pay attention to other people.

But here's something you should think about. You sound like a nice person who can work hard when they want to. You have value.

What kind of person won't even respond with a yes or a no when a classmate asks for a pen? He sounds like a fuckin weirdo.

When you stop caring what other people think and base your self worth on your own personal judgment, your presence gets bigger. Do things that make you believe in yourself, ask yourself hard questiins, do something out of your comfort zone every once in a while. You'll be a happy person and others will gravitate towards you.

[Asker]

Thank you, yeah I am a really insecure person, but I used to be very confident. I'm working in it.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

You got this 👍🏼

[Rose_84]

Good that you're ignored by wrong type of pigs.
Beautiful women have it worse because they chase her and then get bored with her after using her body and then cheat on with another new girl. Then the beautiful woman is traumatized for life. Average looking is a privilege, you'll have a guy who loves you for you, not for how you look!
Karma will do the same with them. It's disgusting that they can't even give you a pen or normally listen to you. It only proves that those faggots are sex hungry pigs. For them only beautiful women exist NOT because they love her but because they wanna use and throw her and then they jump onto next beautiful woman.

[Asker]

You're so right in my gosh, this makes so much sense.

[Asker]

oh my gosh *

[Rose_84]

Those men are NEVER the husband material if they judge a book by it's cover. Appearances are superficial. Even an ugly scum wants a 10/10 hot woman but he'll not dare look at himself in the mirror first. Those who want gorgeous babes are just hungry for body, nothing else.

[Rose_84]

I have always fallen in love with average looking men. Why? Because I thought they were caring or genuine from inside and I don't want to use them for their bodies. But those men who always wants the best looking girl are just players.

[Asker]

You're right!

[Pinay_ako]

Not all men will do this to you. Some boys will ignore you because they just don’t like you or not into you. But don’t take it too personal. You’re still growing and just focus on working on yourself. Smile and enjoy your youth

[Asker]

But I'm not a beautiful young woman.

[Pinay_ako]

That’s the problem. You don’t love yourself enough. What makes you think the others will?

[SiberFox]

Great comment right here @Pinay_ako

[Pinay_ako]

@SiberFox thanks 🙏

[Whatever2929292]

Are you talking about people you know or strangers? People you know and treating you like that is kind o rude.

But total strangers... I am sorry people are busy and if they don't know you even if you're the hottest woman on Earth or the ugliest. Most of the time most people keep to themselves if they don't know people and mind their own business.

I don't know why you think people who don't even know you are just going to give you all this attention...

Kind of rude to ignore you maybe he never heard you or maybe he knew the other girl though

[Asker]

I'm talking about both actually, but mostly strangers.

[Whatever2929292]

Well Asker... I don't know what to tell you. Most people are minding their own business and if you're showing out to get attention you're just going to annoy people. I pay more attention then most people.

So some people pay attention to others being more situationally aware. BUT... I notice most people are totally oblivious to whose around them.

If it is people you know ignoring you that is rude. But I think it's a little much to expect strangers to look at you who are out minding their own.

Trust me people are either oblivious and the ones who do see you don't know you so...

[normalice]

Two reasons:

1) it's hard to turn women down so if a girl we aren't attracted to approaches us we abruptly find ourselves in unfamiliar territory.

2) If she talks to a guy, other girls might think they are dating and so girls he actually does find attractive might back off thinking him unavailable, if not to encourage him for her sake.

[Asker]

Thank you, great explanation!

[ChrisMaster69]

While a teen being ignored can be hard, however you will find that once you hit college, working etc things will dramatically change.

At school guys pretty much suck, peer pressure often dictates who we can and cannot chat to.

just relax about it, things will change and hopefully you do not regret your words about not getting any attention, as often there is a huge amount of unwanted attention that a girl has to face simply travelling to work by public transport.

[Asker]

Thank you!!!

[ChrisMaster69]

@ Asker. No problem anytime

[Lionman95]

Because they wanna make sure that they are not sending mixed signals. Especially boys often don't know other ways to show a girl that they have no deeper interest in her.
Sure it's cruel and I kind of feel you because I experienced as a boy similar from girls. While women often "test" guys to evaluate their worth for a relationship guys single out their woman of interest and invest their money, time and energy in her.

[Asker]

Thank you for the explanation! Thank you for the sympathy as well.
Also sorry you had to o though that.

[Lionman95]

You´re welcome. It´s been lesson worth learning so it wasn´t that bad in the review.

[RavVid]

Are you talking about boys your age or men in general? As you are under 18, a lot of men (myself included) would not want to be creepy. And you might look younger than your age too which you will be glad of later in life.

To be honest I don't want to tell a girl <18 to go out and flaunt. Better you don't and give yourself some time.

[Asker]

It's mostly guys my age. Both men older, my age and younger ignore me.

[RavVid]

At your age things change rapidly. When you clock over 18 it is different.

[driven159]

you need to tell us more about yourself there is something going on that you are not telling us I feel if I was in my early twenties I would have so many girlfriends because I would just pat attention to them there is something going on you are not the only woman to say that

[Asker]

What do you need to know about me?

[driven159]

like are you shy do you not want to be the center of attention do you have an unpleasing voice do you look down on people are you intimidating like me even though I try not to be if you are very smart of appear that way it can scare some guys off there is so many things to know to help you

[bootieclapper9000]

you women do not love us

so there is no point in dating or talking to you girls

the most I can say is to give you one chance for you to see and look into the truth

if you do not want it

you become a sex object

and thats about it

[Asker]

Makes sense.

[FilmGuy93]

My guess is that that's happening because other women have made it so unbelievably uncomfortable to be friendly to women in public, that if you aren't attracted to her, it's easier to just keep your eyes to the ground and go about your day.

[Asker]

This makes sense.

[Wsx2wsx2ws]

Apparently you never met me. I talk to everyone and treat them like old friends.

And I bet its because you are too attractive and its intimidating.

[Asker]

Haha I appreciate the kind words but trust me I am not attractive lol.

[Wsx2wsx2ws]

Well trust is the most important part of a relationship over attraction. So maybe you even better off then a super model.

[DoctorSex]

The same reason why women withhold sex even though they like the guy.

You withhold what the other person wants in order to maintain your personal power.

[Asker]

Alright thanks.

[jhl_x]

This is a stupid parameter to use to define yourself as unattractive. The world outside school is way different.

[Asker]

Wherever I go people avoid me or ignore me. Everyone. Men, women, people my age, elderly people, kids, everyone.

[jasco]

Why would someone want to notice someone they don't find attractive? I mean sure it isn't nice or respectful but thats what people do. A lot of it comes from social media and parenting, also from seeing other people do the same onto them

[Asker]

Yeah, you're right.

[notwoke]

men don't like to be around ugly women. We wish we could go somewhere where they didn't exist. It's worse than a person who smells or is unclean or is acting out loudly. Women feel the same way but less strongly, as they are less visual

[Asker]

Can't blame them lol. I'll just get surgery to become at least average looking.

[Sixgunsound]

I pretend the vast majority of men and women don’t exist.

[Asker]

WHy?

[Sixgunsound]

It’s not possible to process the sheer number of people in the world, and having a limited amount of time and energy every day I choose to focus on things that effect me day to day, and take the occasional time wasting break on phone or computer.

[Anonymous]

You may be attractive but you may not be their type.
I am not sure myself why guys pretend like the women they are not attracted to do not exist. I myself pretty much never did that so i can't tell.

[Asker]

Alright, well thanks!

[Opinion Owner]

Well that's just me however.
I love girls and i flirt with them. Rarely do they flirt back.

[constantine15]

Because you’re probably only looking at the cute boys. The ugly guys are likely noticing you, but you’re not noticing them.

[This_Is_My_Opinion8]

So it's a never ending circle.

[Asker]

No trust me the ugly boys ignore me too. I never go for guys out of my league

[RuthlessAggression]

Because why should we, right?

I mean, y'all are about "personality", but then when it comes time to say "are you attracted to me", what am I supposed to do?, righttttttt

[Asker]

You're right.

[Creampiekarl420]

Because when we’re going through puberty it’s really hard to not want sex 24/7 around the clock it’s just lust trust me you don’t want that attention or maybe you do I don't know

[Asker]

Alright thanks.

[Drumlin2001]

You're a child. Many men just won't want to go to jail

[Asker]

I'm mostly talking about guys my age.

[chad_champion]

It's not just men who do that. People ignore anyone they find unattractive. You think men usually get any attention from women?

[Asker]

You're right.