Asking for advice?

[Anonymous]

So me and my partner have been together little over a year. He’s known from the start that I’m friends (PLATONICALLY) with guys for the most part (I only have 2 girl friends). He didn’t have any problems with it. I use a site called fetlife often and he started having problems with me making friends on there end of last year, his reasoning was because they’d seen my raunchy photos. So I understood that and stopped meeting people from fetlife. I’ve recently reconnected with an old friend from highschool and we were planning to hang out this weekend, but my boyfriend has a problem with it and won’t tell me why. When I try asking him why he shuts down the conversation and changes the subject. It’s really annoying me. He’s had no problems with who I’m friends with up until end of last year, and now it feels like I’m not allowed to make new friends or reconnect with old ones. Guys, what are your thoughts? Keep in mind my boyfriend has a lot of female friends so I don’t think it’s a case of he’s against me having guy friends.

[Anonymous]

Maybe try incorporating him more into these hangouts with other men. I totally get having had male friends prior, I had the same struggle with my boyfriend towards the beginning of our relationship. But I’m also not used to having an actual boyfriend (I’m usually just dating) to incorporate him into my life. That means changing the dynamic of how I interact with my male friends, and them understanding because I’m not single anymore. So if I want to hang out with them, I do invite him, then if he can’t go, I may still go but at least he was invited. Little things like that help give peace of mind, because you should want to give your partner that and vice versa.

[Asker]

We live together and he’s never been interested in hanging out with my friends. I’ve tried. He says they’re my friends so it’s not his job to be their friend.

[Opinion Owner]

Honestly I would emphasize that it’s not about him being their friend, but trying to make some sort of compromise. As you said — you were already friends with these people, they aren’t new, so asking you to cut them off all of a sudden is unfair. Especially if you aren’t asking that of him with his friendships. Clearly something has happened to give him this change of heart, whether he’s being insecure about his position in your life or getting the impression that a friend of yours may like you. Basically whatever the cause, he needs to communicate it to you. If you’ve already tried these things (along with whatever else) and this is still an issue for him, then maybe he needs to find a woman that he doesn’t feel the need to try and overhaul her life and control it. Because if you gave in about cutting off your friends, that opens the door to give in about everything that displeases him unless you want a constant argument, and no one has time for that.

[LazerBean]

Does he hang out one on one with his female friends?

[Asker]

Yes, just like I hang out one on one with my friends.

[LazerBean]

I guess he's just a hypocrite then.

[OlderAndWiser]

Have you considered asking him if he has been unfaithful to you?

[Asker]

I sincerely think he’s not the type to cheat. he's demisexual and his workplace is mostly full of women, and im friends with most of them, they’ve never mentioned him flirting with them or anything. He’s also very introverted and doesn’t get out much other than when we’re together or when he’s working. I come into his workplace everyday to see him for lunch so I know he’s not sneaking off anywhere, and I know he doesn’t sneak off at night because I stay up very late. I don’t think he’d have the chance to cheat even if he wanted to.