Guys, why are you behaving so confusing?

[Anonymous]

When I didn’t have feelings for him, he came talk to me and being really nice to me, and send me messages about his life.

When I began to like him, and began to send him messages, he replies slow, and never initiates anymore.

Guys, if you don’t like me, why you play with me?

Updates

+1 y

I feel really sad because I really like him

[GallopAcrossEurope]

Because most guys think in the moment if they really want to hook up with you and give it their all to show their want for you. When he realizes he can't do that, he focuses on other things and simply doesn't have the time to respond.

[Asker]

No he doesn’t want to hook up with me I’m sure. He’s a colleague

[GallopAcrossEurope]

If he is a colleague he snapped out of it and realized that a relationship with you might not be the best thing. If that's the case, I am sorry

[MrCommodore]

Are you sure he is playing or messing you about?

[Asker]

Hm what do you mean?

[MrCommodore]

I mean are you sure he realises you like him now and have feelings for him? He might just assume he has been friendzoned and thus is less enthusiastic.

[Asker]

Maybe. Or he might think that I only see him as a good colleague (we are colleagues by the way). Or he might think that it’s not good idea to like me since we are colleagues. But I think he’s just a person doesn’t send too much messages, because now he’s replied a lot of texts when he had to explain things. Probably when not necessary he doesn’t text? I totally have no clue..

[MrCommodore]

Yeah he probably is just cautious about initiating messages if you are colleagues, he may like you, but is worried about messing things up.

Have you ever met him outside of work for coffee or any activities? Or do you interact with him much in messages outside of work?

[Asker]

No never did anything out of office. I even don’t see him much since we are in different departments. He used to come quietly to our rooms, I knew he was looking for me. I hid in a meeting room on purpose and he didn’t find me so he went away, so I could be sure he was looking for me. Then I came out of the meeting room, somehow he sensed me that I was behind him, and we chatted in the coffee room but about work. Afterwards we almost never see each other because he was on holiday and now he sprained his ankle during his holiday lol

[MrCommodore]

How did you get each others phone numbers if you don't really hang out outside of work? It sounds like helikes you from what you described.

[Asker]

We chatted via Teams. Because we chatted for too long so I worried if we could be monitored, so I suggested that we use WhatsApp, then we began to chat on WhatsApp.

Yeah I feel like he must like me. He told me just now that sometimes in the evenings he is busy with his second job, which is crypto related work. I ask him to show me the videos he has made, but he said that he can’t, he prefer to keep his second job and real life separated because it’s crypto is sensitive. Maybe one day he can show me but not now. I don’t understand why he said one day he might can show me. I asked why one day? But I’m not sure he answered me

[Asker]

I think he has never talked to a lot of people about his 2nd job, I’m pretty happy that he told me what he’s doing, I feel like he trust me..

[MrCommodore]

Yeah it definitely sounds as if he likes you, as he shares little details about his private life.

[Asker]

But if he cares that much about privacy and expressed clearly that he wants to separate 2 lives, is that an indication that he doesn’t want anything more from a colleague?

[Asker]

And I don’t understand why he said maybe one day he could tell me but not now

[MrCommodore]

No, to me it sounds like he wants you to be part of his life, but just wants to keep his 2nd job info secret for now.

[Asker]

Ah really? I’m so happy because I do really like him :D

[MrCommodore]

Yeah I think so, because he is making an effort to see you, that means more than you think.

[Asker]

Yeah but I sent him a message this evening at arbour 18:30, he didn’t reply me, it’s midnight already. And he has seen my message. Sometimes I feel he cares about me, sometime I feel he doesn’t like me or he doesn’t like me that much :(

[MrCommodore]

I can see how you find him confusing.

[Asker]

I know I’m behaving so childish that I’m using stupid texts to test if he likes me, he’s already 35, it’s normal he doesn’t pay attention to his phone. But that’s a sign that I don’t attract him much :( There is a guy also from work, he never said anything that he likes me nor does he send me any messages, but I’m just a magnet to him, he sits wherever I sit and try to talk to me and manages to find me all the time in the cafeteria or business desks, this is an obvious sign of a guy likes someone. But I don’t see this from him…

[Asker]

You can? 😆 Do guys do this all the time? Thanks s it because he doesn’t like me enough or he doesn’t know his feelings? Tbh from his personality I know of, I even wondered if he was not interested in girls. But on his Facebook page it says that he is interested in women so I stopped wondering about this part 😅 (we are not Facebook friends, I stalked him… And I don’t know him long though, only know him for about a month.

[MrCommodore]

Sure, guys don't all behave or react the same way to women, it depends on his personality type.
For example I'm not a guy that chases after girls, I'm more reserved and women have previously told me they couldn't determine if I was into them or not.

[Asker]

Ah haha, but you show signs to let them know that you are interested?

[Asker]

And from my experience, falling for someone can just make you out of control? For example you will want to talk to her unintentionally and always try to see where she is and maybe also want to contact her often?

[MrCommodore]

No, when I start to like a girl I usually start to create distance at first, I mean in a scenario where I like her before dating her. I won't text her more often and I won't try to see her more, its quite the opposite actually. I think its maybe a form of self preservation, like a fear that she might realise I like her and not like me back, so I have always had a strange approach.

[MrCommodore]

The signs that I like her are usually that I am always willing to help her, like if she needed help. And I would never be rude or hurtful to her.

[Asker]

Yeah that’s confusing… but would you send her messages? :p

[Asker]

Do you think this guy like me?

[Asker]

I still think he likes me, he also came talking to me and told me that if I need any help just ask. And I think that he doesn’t send many texts in general, because sometimes I stalk his online times on WhatsApp, he almost never online. But the fact that he didn’t reply my message is frustrating and confusing. Do you think that I’ve annoyed him by sending him texts 2 days in a row?

[Asker]

And if you create distance to that girl, how could your relationship with her progress? (Sorry for my many texts. Omg I’m doing it again 😳)

[MrCommodore]

Yes I think he possibly likes you, he maybe isn't a conventional guy in how he behaves in these situations. You need to work on it more, get to know him more and what he is most passionate about in his life. Then talk to him about what he loves.

[MrCommodore]

I would initiate messages the odd time, but from past experience girls would usually initiate most of the time. In fact it seems to make girls more keen. I'm not a womaniser type, I just mean that where my friends often chased after girls and struggled to get girls to commit to relationships, I found girls often would be contacting me more and were asking me to become their boyfriend.

[Asker]

Yeah most of the time I also fond of guys like your type. If the guy is not chasing after me, I would be curiouser and have more interest in that guy and gradually like him more and more.

by the way he just replied me in the morning, and asked me a lot of questions lol
I don’t know what he’s up to 😅 And I’m not sure what’s the best way to interact with him. I don’t want him to be annoyed

[Asker]

And to let the girl to make a lot of effort to keep in contact is not fun either. He just showed that he’s interested by initiating the first time about his private life, then I should do all the rest? 😂 Or maybe I just am not going to text him at all anymore. If I see him from the office then it’s fine, if not then just let it be