I’ve been using a ton of bullshit excuses to talk to the guy I like. How do I start an actual conversation so I can learn more about him?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been using a ton of half asses excuses or talk to this guy I’m crushing on. We’re talked but nothing beyond the plethora of I’ve made excuses despite him being pretty nice and use kinda making eyecontact a lot. honestly we’re high schoolers and going up to someone and he’s being like “hey what do you think about this and what do you like to do” is awkward. From the times we’ve talked he's really friendly but I also don’t wanna make him think I’m weird for continually trying to talk to him (which thank God he hasn’t commented on yet) how can I start a conversation in a slick way and actually get to know him?

(by the way I do not just wanna confess I wanna get to know him and at least develop a friendship before jumping in with a guy I think is funny yk)

[SteveSmith1985]

I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself here. I've got a solution for you. But first I need to old-man-ramble a bit.

To be honest, I've always found it really easy to start conversations with anybody (even girls I had crushes on) because I didn't overthink it.

So, your crush isn't oblivious, and is (at least partially) able to see that you're making a special effort to find excuses to talk to him. Since those little talks seem to have gone well, it's fair to say that he might possibly like you too. If someone doesn't like you, they're more apt to get annoyed by the extra attentions of someone who likes them. That's not what happened here. Keep this in mind. This guy is at least...'open' to your obviously-contrived efforts to find excuses to talk to him. (honestly, I kinda wish I could have watched you finding bullshit excuses to talk to him... that's always hilarious and obvious).

Alright, so, again, it's important to keep in mind that you've been receiving "positive feedback" from him so far. That should hopefully take some of the pressure off insofar as... it means "he's noticed you noticing him" and seems to be on the same-page (hopefully) so far. So... relax a bit, because he likes what he sees so far. Plus he's not sitting back judging you. He's equally worried about what YOU think of HIM.

There are two-parts that make-up the answer to your question "how do I start an actual conversation with him".

Part 1: The onus doesn't have to be all on you.

What I mean is: You have already done a lot of the difficult "leg-work" when it comes to "starting to talk" to this guy. Honestly, the hardest part was what you already did: finding bullshit excuses to talk to someone you like BUT DON"T KNOW AT ALL. That's the part that takes guts. You've already DONE all of that! (and it went well).

Now it's the time to "reap the rewards" from having done all that hard work and taken those emotional risks.

Unlike before, when you had to come up with bullshit reasons to talk to him... you DO know him a bit now. In other words... YOU NO LONGER NEED ANY EXCUSE to talk to him. You don't need an excuse to talk to somebody with whom you've had other (even bullshit excuses for) conversations with. He's not "a stranger" anymore. You don't need ANY reason to talk to him.

You can literally (LITERALLY!) walk-up to him, stand in front of him and say "what's up?" or "how's it going" and... wait for him to say something. Or you can go up to him and say ANYTHING random to start up a conversation. Anything at all really.

The important thing to remember is that... it's a two-way street. You're trying to impress EACH OTHER (assuming he's indeed on the same page... and he probably is... because he sees what you're doing). This is not a situation where you go out and have to impress him while he sits back judging what he sees. He has the same worry about what YOU might think about him.

But the real "good-shit" is:

Part 2: Questions about them.

I have always been an extrovert who finds friends everywhere. I have great conversations with all kinds of people from all kinds of "walks of life". I can tell you the secret to starting (and maintaining) a conversation with pretty much anybody is:

ASK THEM QUESTIONS ABOUT THEMSELVES.

This works with anybody and everybody who is "up for" having a conversation with you at all. It has the added benefit of allowing you to get to know someone better (because you're asking about them) plus... honestly... most people have no trouble talking about themselves.

This is something I've done for decades, and is something I do to this very day (I do it constantly in my GAG DM's for example). You can ask someone almost anything about "what they like" "how their life or childhood has been" "what their opinion is on this-or-that" etc.

And that can be stuff that's super-light and regular:

"What sports do you like" "What music, movies etc" to things that are way more "intimate and heavy". Asking about things like "how they felt about... such and such event or experience".

But even the light stuff. You can just fire off more-or-less random questions (while commenting on what he answers obviously). And sooner rather than later, you'll stumble upon some topic that he'll want to talk about at length (something he's 'into').

And even if he's into... I donno "fishing" and you give zero-fucks about fishing... you can still truly 'get to know someone' and 'learn what they're about' if you get them talking about something important to them. You get a glimpse into a lot of different aspects of them. Plus... you KNOW they find the conversation interesting.

Works EVERY TIME!

Good luck 🙂

[spartan55]

This is excellent advice! MHO this dude!

[summiter]

Just ask him out and see what happens.

[Asker]

I don’t wanna ask him out without getting to know him first. I’d much rather become friends and then think about something more.

[summiter]

Sounds like a good plan. Start by asking him some questions about work, school etc. Avoid politics of course. Maybe complement him on something.