I told him I wanted to wait for sex and he got defensive, why?

[Anonymous]

We’ve already had sex. He got mad at me over and Instagram post, I didn’t even know. I don’t even know what I posted and he didn’t remember either when we talked about it. He just started ignoring me. I got so upset after a few days I told him I felt used and unwanted because I had no idea why he was ignoring me. He was really hurt that I told him I felt he used me because that’s all he could talk about when we spoke. We made amends after me trying to make it work. I went to his house a couple times and the most recent time he tried to have sex. I told him through text I’m not ready to have sex unless I’m in a relationship because that disagreement we had and how it was handled scared me. He got defensive and said that he didn’t want to kiss or hang out in the house anymore, he wanted to only hang out in public so I wouldn’t think he’s using me. I feel it was all a childish way to handle it. What is happening?

[DaySpring]

In my personally opinion he isn't ready for any serious relationship but
something that may help is to take a piece of paper and sit down and write out what kind of relationship you want. Write down exactly how you want it to be.
Write down how you want to be treated and how you want to treat the man.
Write out how you want the two of you to handle problems.
Write out how much time you want to spend together and doing what kinds of things. Write out whether you want serious or casual.
Write out how romantic it is or isn't.
Write out exactly how you see it in your head.

After you do that then think about your current situation.
The point is you'll know what you want and what to look for.
You'll have an objective and a clear written out one.
I'd write out what you want and not what you think this guy will agree too.

I personally think that would help you a lot.
You might find that this guy doesn't fit with the things you wrote.
Don't try to force it.
This exercise is more for you than it is for him.
If you find that you still want him then maybe you two can sit down and write out one together. I just see so many people waste time on people that don't fit.
I strongly suggest adding the quality of courtesy as one of the mottos you want.
Try to distinguish must haves and wishes.

We all have been dragged around by someone who just never comes around.
Know what you want and don't be afraid to walk away from someone who just wants something else for a relationship. A lack of Courtesy has no place in my relationship.
Anyone that doesn't harmonize with that belongs with someone else.
One should never compromise their must haves. But never make their must haves ridiculous either.

I didn't type that out as clear as I would like but I g2g study but I wanted to take giving you advice as a serious matter. I don't know you but I know you feel emotions and you're living this thing called life too. I wish you the best, I really do. Everyone deserves some happiness in this world.

[MrOracle]

You can't give something as important as sex and then take it away again. That would be like, oh, him giving you an engagement ring and then deciding that he's taking it back. It's a slap in the face - essentially telling him that he's not good enough.

Negotiations happen BEFORE a deal is made, not afterwards. Your chance to set boundaries and expectations was BEFORE you had sex together, not after.

Per your listed age, you are in your late 20s - it's hard to believe that you didn't understand this.

I hate to break it to you, but your relationship probably isn't going to survive this. There are only a couple of things you can do in a relationship that are the equivalent of dropping a nuclear bomb on it - and this is one of them.

Try to imagine that he took back your engagement ring - or told you that he had a threesome with your mom and sister. That would nuke your relationship, right? That's what you did here.

Ways to nuke your relationship with a man:

• withdraw sex after giving it to him, without a medical reason
• insult his dick or his performance in bed
• insult his ability to protect and provide for you

If you do any of those things, you shouldn't expect to recover from it.

[Berethor]

You told not ready to have sex, after you had sex in the past, you are the one who wrong here.

[Anonymous]

Lol that’s like the women who go out spreading their legs for every POS out there who treats them like shit. Then tells a good man she’s not having sex w him till they’re married lol

[misogynistic_pig]

The attractiveness gap in a couple predicts how long they will wait before having sex.

[nawtee_me]

move on...