He says he wants to wait to have sex?

[Anonymous]

Been dating a guy just over a month. He wants to be gf bf but also says he wants to wait before having sex for a bit because previous relationships he rushed the sex part and it was just based on that.
Does he not find be attractive enough to want sex with me? Or is he genuinely being a good guy?
I don't know if he is learning from his past relationships or just telling me what he thinks I want to hear.
He's gone from asking me to stay over and making jokes about mild sexual stuff to saying he wants to be 'celibate' for a bit and wait til we;'re comfortable within the space of 2 days. Don't know what to think.
Any thoughts on this situation?

[TheWiseOwl]

He's had a change of mind.

I will make a girl wait for sex in my next relationship. The Tortoise beat the Hare and I am in no rush to make hasty decisions.

[Asker]

why is that just out of interest? :)

[TheWiseOwl]

Because I'm a virgin and I want to make sure I don't rush into a decision I'll regret. If the said girl takes umbrage with my wishes, then she is free to find someone else. Plus what's the rush? I mean it has been a month or so. I don't understand why everyone lives their lives at supersonic speed? I'm not knocking it, I just think people have a tendency to rush head long into things and it can backfire.

[Asker]

That's completely fair enough :) I'm a virgin too. But an unwilling one so at the back of my mind i'm thinking maybe to rush it so I just get it over with. but I also don't know if I physically can. may be a good thing he's taking it slow

[Asker]

but yeah I agree with people rushing things that's true

[TheWiseOwl]

Everyone's different, it's very much different strokes for different folks. :)

[Asker]

Variety is the spice of life haha :) Good luck with everything

[TheWiseOwl]

You too. :)

[Asker]

Thanks! :)

[Cole846]

It sounds like he is trying to be respectful towards you. He sounds like a very good guy to want to wait.

[Asker]

cool :) I didn't know whether it was just in regards to me or relationships in general. was kinda confused haha

[Cole846]

Don't worry, it is completely understandable.

[Asker]

thanks :)

[imbittered_punk]

Knee jerk reaction? This kid's struggling with his sexuality and might be a little gay.
But maybe he tried some hair removal cream or something and now his junk's all red and swollen.

[Asker]

I know he's not gay. haha what a theory lol

[Anonymous]

Probably trying to see if you're psycho or not, doesn't want to deal with a false rape accusation.

[Asker]

how would that be a good way to see if I'm a psycho? why would anything be a rape accusation?
I don't understand your answer at alll

[Opinion Owner]

It makes plenty of sense.

He doesn't want to fuck you before he knows whether or not you are a sane person. So he observes your behavior for a while to try and gauge whether or not you are someone he can trust. If you don't come off as someone with bipolar disorder, narcissism, or whatever other personality defect, you are likely a normal healthy person. Which means it's far less likely you'll file a false rape accusation than those other types (it could fuck up his life!).

A month isn't a long time--you don't really start getting to see someone's true behavior until at least three months or more, that's when true colors start showing through and the honeymoon period ends and you can be more objective about what you see.

Make sure a girl isn't a psycho before having sex. Psycho girls just are more likely to falsely accuse a guy of something. He may have had a bad experience in the past and is being cautious.

[Asker]

You do realise that statistically speaking the vast majority of rape accusations are real? And also that statistically very few claims end in conviction anyway?
Maybe some of the rape accusations you were thinking of really were rape. Just a thought but perhaps you might want to look into issues of consent a bit more and educate yourself.

Also someone with bipolar or a narssistic disorder isn't automatically a psycho whatever that means. They are normal people too. Lots of people have mental health issues eg anxiety or depression.

I really don't think the vast majority of girls or people for that matter go round throwing out false accusations. There's no reason to. So I severely doubt that's what he's worried about. I see your point about getting to know me better though.

Thank you for explaining your answer though.

[Opinion Owner]

Statistically unlikely isn't the same as impossible--it's a real thing to worry about. And frankly, a lot of statistics surrounding sexual crime are politically motivated and grossly calculated, so a reliance on them is not sound decision making.

As for those disorders, they are very, very much more likely to result in a false accusation. And while he may not be convicted, just an accusation alone often gets a guy fired from his work, ostracized by friends and family, and results in overwhelming legal fees.

I agree most people don't behave that way. But you need to avoid the ones who do, because the potential damage risked is just too high.

[Asker]

Right, thank you for explaining again. I do understand that false claims can have devastating impacts on someone's life.

[cooldudex]

i call bullshit on this one. dude may be gay.

[Asker]

really?

[cooldudex]

yes. who does that?

[Asker]

well my boyfriend apparently. to be fair, he's not putting off sex for months or anything. more like a couple of weeks or a month at the most I would guess.

[cooldudex]

you are in for a nasty surprise.

[Asker]

what dyou mean?

[cooldudex]

he is coming out of the closet soon

[Asker]

he's really not but okay.

[cooldudex]

time will tell.

[Anonymous]

All men want sex even gay men

[Asker]

He's not gay haha. And he does want sex he just wants to wait a bit

[Opinion Owner]

He wants to bang his side chick and drop her when you are ready

[Asker]

I'm not the one sayng I want to wait though he is. He's not seeing anyone else