I have a boyfriend but think my guy friend likes me? He knows I've a boyfriend but there is a lot of physical touch & he really looks into my eyes?

[ninaa125]

I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years, and we have been long distancing for the past 3 years. I am studying at university now and I met this guy that is a good friend and part of my friendship group so we hang out a lot. The first time we met I felt like the way he looked at me made me feel like he was attracted to me.

Over the course of being friends now, I notice he touches me a lot when we talk (putting his hand on my shoulder briefly, or grabbing my wrists gently or even just sitting really close to me). We have spent time alone and I always feel like he really looks into my eyes deeply when we talk at times, and once he even grabbed my face to point me to look at something. But then again sometimes if we are around friends and sitting too close he will slightly move away. He knows I have a boyfriend and occasionally asks about him, but not too much. Sometimes when we are out late he will text me to check if I have gotten home but then again maybe he is just being a caring friend and making sure I am home safe! I once had to stay at his place since after a party, and slept on a mattress on the floor next to his bed, and we were chatting now and then a lot through the night. How do I know if he has feelings for me/is crushing?

There are a lot of little things he does that I think indicate he likes me - mainly the physical contact and that we have spent time alone hanging out now and then, and I think he talks to me the most of our girl friends but he is also friendly with them but not exactly in the same way I think? But then again if he does like me I thought he would text me a lot more and initiate a lot of hanging out together, but then again he knows I am in a relationship so.. I don't know what to do!

[xColinx]

From what you described, I'd say there's a good chance he has stronger than just friendly feelings for you. But it sounds like he's been respectful of you being in a relationship and hasn't crossed the line.

What are YOUR feelings towards him? Hypothetically, if you were single would he be the type of guy you'd want to date?

I don't think there's anything you need to be concerned with as far as HIS actions, but depending on your thoughts/answer to the question I asked above, you might need to figure out how to change the dynamics of this friendship so that it doesn't start to impact the relationship with your boyfriend. Not saying it's your fault, but maybe it's becoming a distraction emotionally?

[ninaa125]

He is not someone I would normally go for if I was single at all, but I feel like I can trust him and he is one of my close friends. Recently I think because my boyfriend is just not around and we have a lot of uncertainty about our relationship, I feel less close to my boyfriend and closer to this friend of mine. I do feel like he is very respectful of the relationship and will not cross the line, but at the same time I just want to know if he does or not because it influences my behaviour around him - in that I feel like if I reach out to hang out with him or talk to him too much I am worried he would take it the wrong way for example, as opposed to if I knew he did not then I would not have to worry about how he interprets it.

But if I am being completely honest, some part of me is slightly crushing on him, just because he is there around me right now, and is there for me - whereas my boyfriend is not

[xColinx]

Yeah that makes sense... the first part that of course it'd be helpful to really KNOW what his exact feelings are towards you, so that you don't have to 'think' about how you act/talk with him. And then also the crushing part... sounds like it's more of an emotional thing, but even though it's a bit backwards of the normal 'physical attraction leads to emotional connection' maybe you'll find that your overall feelings toward him continue to evolve as you continue to spend time with him.

Back to your current relationship, tbh it feels like it's fizzling out. Forget about your friend for a moment... if he wasn't in the picture, do you think it's time to have a serious talk with your current boyfriend about whether it makes sense to keep trying to make the LDR thing work? I'm sensing that it's become a bit of a burden hanging over both of you, and even though there's nothing obviously "bad" with the relationship, it's run its course and could be holding both of you back. Am I reaching too far with those thoughts?

[ninaa125]

Yeah, and now once again he stayed at my place even after all our other friends left but he never made too many moves or anything, and when he leaves he gives me a hug (my other guy friends in the group don't do goodbye hugs) and when he walks away he always looks back up at my window briefly.. I really wanted to just yell back out to him and address it but I feel like he should/would make more moves etc. if he did really like me.

My relationship on the other hand, it;s tough being far apart and everything.. but we've been together for so long and our lives and families are also kind of connected so I don't think I could just end it like that, and I don't think I even want to? Honestly my whole head is a mess right now.. I wish I could just confront my friend but I don't want things to become awkward or for me to embarrass myself with him just denying it, or worse that he thinks less of me for having such a conversation when I am in a relationship..

[xColinx]

You could do the reverse psychology thing. I don't think that's the right term here but anyway... you could put yourself out there by bringing up the convo with him, by saying (in your own words obvi) "yo, this is pretty random but I feel so comfortable around you and closer than most of my other guy friends. have i been acting weird at all?"

And that puts the ball in his court. You wouldn't have to say anything too strong that would lead him on *too* much, but you could put the bait out there and see if he bites (or how he swims around the bait).

Not sure if that's a great idea, but if I was in his shoes I wouldn't think you were coming on too strong, and I wouldn't judge you for just sharing some natural feelings despite the LDR you're in, and all that stuff. Because he's probably not going to bring it up. He's in the awkward position of having an invisible boundary he basically knows he can't/shouldn't try to go past, so you if you really want to address the topic you'll have to nudge him closer to that middle gray area that isn't "bad" but is more than just a buddy-buddy convo.

[ninaa125]

Hmm yes I suppose this is a good idea! Thanks :) Although I am worried that I will embarrass myself because maybe somehow I have gotten the wrong idea (but I really hope I have not). We end up spending time together alone quite a lot because maybe he sometimes hangs around at my house after most of our other friends leave, and I think that would be a good time to bring it up but then again we just kept the conversation light.

My boyfriend is coming to visit now and frankly I feel like it's such bad timing. I don't know if it is a good idea for them both to meet? On 1 hand how my friend behaves around my boyfriend might be telling and my boyfriend does pick up on if a guy likes me, but on the other I feel like if they meet it'll be super awkward? It's just so hard coz I just really wish he would speak openly with me but I guess he would be morally conflicted

[ninaa125]

However, we have had deep chats on many occasions about our flaws, our strengths etc. and about what our parents do etc. so I always enjoy those

[xColinx]

This part stuck out to me in your last comments...

"Although I am worried that I will embarrass myself because maybe somehow I have gotten the wrong idea (but I really hope I have not)"

Of course you don't want to end up in a situation that is awkward or embarrassing, I get that... but with that last part, are you saying that you really hope you don't have the wrong idea and that your friend truly is attracted to you beyond just friendly vibes?

I'm just curious, like if you could magically make all the pieces fall together perfectly, what would be the ideal outcome with all of this?

[xColinx]

Also, I went through a somewhat similar situation with a girl a couple years ago. I'm not sure how helpful it would be to what you're currently trying to sort out, but if you don't mind I can message you directly to explain more about it, how I handled it, and why I kinda wish I had acted differently.

[ninaa125]

I guess yeah, I do want it to be real from his side too, and I was pretty sure it was earlier but now I feel like my feelings are also evolving, especially since I am long distancing and things are more difficult with my boyfriend. And now ever since I have started enjoying the attention/crushing a small bit I have gotten insecure and feel like he doesn't feel that way towards me. Of all my friends he asks about my boyfriend the least but I don't want to read into that.

Yes sure though we could message me directly it would be easier :)

[xColinx]

I tried messaging you... you have to 'follow" me from my profile page for me to be able to message you

[xColinx]

How are things going? Anything happening lately to help you sort things out? :)

[ninaa125]

Hey! I followed you but unfortunately I'm not at the level 2+ to message you? But things are.. weird? I suggested hanging out and smoking up/chilling which he seemed down for and we spent about 5 hours together last night smoking up and chatting and walking which was really nice. He even surprised me and got little tiramisu cups and spoons for us to have by the river which was nice (I had paid for tiramisu before so I thought he was returning the favour and maybe it isn't too romantic?) and then we chilled/chatted at my place and he then left a little after midnight and we had a nice goodbye hug.. maybe just a tad longer than usual. There was some subtle physical contact when we passed the cigarette between us two and he sat quite close to me at my place but.. that was it. I feel really confused now.. because when I'm really not sure if it is platonic from his end still. He is a little different maybe when we are alone vs in a group.. but then at the same time he never texts me or initiates hanging out a lot but then again that's coz that;s what I normally do before others in the group.

[ninaa125]

But sorry for the huge story dump! I think I have a crush on him but I think it's just coz this is all so exciting and maybe not actually coz I like him? Mostly I feel a bit shitty as if I am being too keen and he is just hanging out w me like a friend.. I am thinking I need to just be less keen/initiating hanging out so that I can clear me head but also because I wish I could know if he would then try to meet me etc. so I know where he is at

[ninaa125]

Things with my boyfriend are also a bit weird as we both did agree we feel more distant/less close to each other but we haven't ended things and I know he doesn't want to. I don't think I should either.. and that all this w my friend is a phase. It's crazy how much this has turned. at first i was convinced he liked me and he would initiate hang outs more than me and now it's the other way round and I am so unsure if its all in my head or real

[spartan55]

Yeah, that won't end well. You know damn well he wants to bang you and are doing NOTHING to shut it down.

[ninaa125]

I mention something to do with my relationship everytime I feel like things are getting too much and I think that puts him off!

[spartan55]

Mentioning something in your relationship is NOT shutting it down... are you being serious? You love the attention obviously.

[Avicenna]

He probably does. As Long as he doesn’t act on it, it’s OK.

[ninaa125]

Some friends of mine suggested talking to him about it to clear the air and make sure there is not misunderstandings etc, but I don't know if that's a good idea.

[Avicenna]

I agree with them. If you aren't sure, talk to him.

[ninaa125]

But won't that make things really awkward? Especially if I got it all wrong

[MadClown]

What you see in his eyes is mirroring your feelings towards him.

and thats why girls can never be friends with men while they are in a relationship.

[ninaa125]

Hold up so you're saying he doesn't have feelings for me, but I have feelings for him and that's what I am seeing?

[MadClown]

All I’m saying is that you have feelings for him but I can’t know about him.

[Luckycharms12]

You know he wants to fuck you and sounds like you wouldn't mind it either

[ninaa125]

I am not attracted to him that way! But whenever he is around and it's just the 2 of us I feel like I get really shy and I don't understand why!! Is it him or me and all in my head

[Guy13]

Tell him no

[Anonymous]

Not end well

[ninaa125]

But we are close friends and he is very respectful