Why am I not my type's type?

Question

I get asked out a lot. I get asked for my number and flirted with by strangers both online and in real life. Most of the guys I've been close to have confessed to have feelings for me.

I'm not showing off, but I'm kind of good looking and I'm very friendly. But I almost never get hit on by the guys that are actually my type? The men I like seem to never be interested enough to ask me out! Why is that so? And does that mean that I have to start dating people I'm not attracted to or what should I do?

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

Most women are most attracted to the kinds of guys who are least likely to make them happy long-term. These guys are hot, or sometimes just extremely charismatic, or wealthy, or have celebrity or artistic talent, but nearly all women want this very small group of men. These men represent the top 5% of men.

These men attract so many women, most of whom are so desperate to be with them that they will do anything just to get some attention from him. These men have endless options with women, and so they can very easily either hold out for top women (we're talking about Victoria's Secret models and similar), OR, they can simply use lower level women for a period of time, until he gets bored with them or until they become a hassle to him (such as, asking for a commitment). He can easily dump her and call one of the other 200 women in his phone and have a replacement within an hour.

Yet, most women, even knowing this, still believe they can get (and keep) a guy like this, even though there is no evidence to suggest that this is true. They believe so fiercely, because they have always been told that they deserve the best of everything, that they will ignore all evidence to the contrary.

Social media has only amplified this trend, and the top guys are taking full advantage of it, using their looks and often their money to attract women that they can use for a couple of months or just a weekend. Hopeful girls will see the last girl packing up and being shipped off and won't even question whether she will be in the same position in a week.

And it goes further - these guys quickly learn which girls are going to give them what they want easily, and which ones will fight for a commitment or hold out, and they cut ties with the latter girls almost immediately because they are a waste of his time and effort.

This is all a long way of saying that you are pursuing guys out of your league, and are attracted only to them because you have convinced yourself (with plenty of help from others gassing you up) that you deserve one of those guys. Your results prove that not to be true, but that's also fortunate, because those guys are almost always terrible relationship partners.

It's time to come back to reality and to accept that you aren't going to get one of those guys - no one really does, even those few who do. Once you accept that the fantasy isn't reality, it will be much easier to find men on your level attractive.

JamesDiaz11 · Accepted Answer

I don't know what you mean by your type, but let's assume you're talking about looks (objectively good looks).

To summarize- you get a lot of online attention (every average girl does), and the guys you have in your friendzone like you too.

The fact that the guys who are in your friendzone have signaled interest proves the issue with the friendzone- they're only your friends/ associates because you've put them in the category of "wouldn't date, but nice to talk to."

Regardless of how you view yourself (you think you're pretty), the best indicator of our attractiveness is the results we get- i. e. the people who are interested in you indicate how attractive you are. If I can only get a 5/10 to date me, chances are I'm a 5/10- no matter how good looking I think I am (or online people tell me I am).

Let's look at facts, the guys who you're interested in ("you're type") are not interested in you. Even if we adjust for individual preferences, if your type across the board is not interested in you you're probably not on their level. If you were on their level they would have indicated their interest in dating you (remember: very attractive guys will sleep with average girls, but that's just sex).

So, you ask if you should date people you're not attracted to- this is a question many women who are unsuccessful in dating eventually ask themselves. The answer depends on if you want to have a relationship? If you don't want a relationship, or don't want a relationship with anyone but someone who meets your inflated standards, then 'no,' you can remain single. If you do want a relationship, you may want to adjust the standards of what is "your type."

For example: if your type is only men over 6 feet, traditionally attractive, high earning, good job, fit, etc. and this example demographic has indicated (via disinterest in you) that you're not on their level you may want to consider what is a need on the list, and what is a want. Maybe adjusting the height requirement may garner more results? Maybe adjustment in income would garner more results.

Rosexøxø · Accepted Answer

I couldn’t properly guess with this info.

This- is your dilemma and a question at the beginning, and different one at the end.

I don’t know what the guy looks like, where you know him from, or some interactions. It’s possible they could be gay or bi.

It’s possible they could be a certain type of hustler/worker who only meets girls at I don't know L. A. parties? Stuff like that

It’s possible he’s only into friends with benefits and one night stands, and maybe you seem innocent or hard working to him?

Maybe once or twice it was unlucky because one of them you met was more of a boob guy, and you have a bigger bum, or vice versa.

Maybe they’re looking for intelligent women like a student or something (I don't know), and they can’t tell if you’re that just by looking at you, or just from a pass by encounter.

The thing is, regardless of this true dilemma, we all experience the difficulty of liking others and not being liked back, as well as not liking others, while they absolutely like us. People have their vast preferences and sometimes we don’t match up 🤷‍♀️. Gotta stay hopeful and just focus on your goals, and let it happen naturally.

I can see this would be harder for a girl who has 9/10 or 10/10 looks because she would question why isn’t she getting every guy, when the difference in types is just always going to be a factor for serious adults, (not fxck buddies), and it’s easier for those with 7/10 looks or below, to understand this.

Also could be your display? Not to be self conscious, but possibly you give off a look like: “don’t mess with me.” ?

It’s fine because the guys with balls will always take the chance. Some guys just want a girl who seems easy to approach.

I’m just stating that, and that’s just what I heard (about the approach).

I don’t know what kind of guy or guys are involved here, but I recommend you don’t become overtly self conscious lol and instead, continue being yourself. Grow ofc, where needed, and develop understanding, but don’t drastically change the parts of yourself that have worked for you thus far 🤷‍♀️.

Best to you sis.

Keep hopeful and keep slaying 💃

SphynxUK · Accepted Answer

I’m not ashamed to say that I’ve always received lots of attention, and if I do get to know people, all want to date, become infatuated or fall in love 😂 and I hate it, as I am really reserved and not friendly like you lol. However, I am not attracted to 99% of them either.
Over the years I’ve tried to see if it will work and it never does. I quickly learnt to gracefully let them know I’m not interested, and to never settle. Im older and wiser and I overlook superficial stuff. I want intelligence and humour. This package doesn’t always come in someone who ‘looks’ like my usual type. That doesn’t mean I’ll settle, it just means I give more people (and myself) a fighting chance. If they have that something that makes me intrigued that’s great. If sparks don’t fly then I’ll keep looking until they do.
Sometimes I see someone who I am really attracted to and when they text, or open their mouth I see right away I will not gel with them. Just bide your time. Some of the best relationships I’ve had have been with those ‘not my type’.

coachTanthony · Answer

You just need to go after what you want. If you want a specific type and they aren't asking you out then you need to make yourself known a bit better. There type might be humor and looks so if you aren't funny they might just pass. Get up in there and mingle with em.

Weapon77 · Answer

I say never date people you aren't attracted to. I'm dealing with the same issue. I get a lot of attention from girls I don't like, and nothing more than friends with the girls I like.

So just in case you are the flipside of me, consider this: what if the guys who like you don't think you'd ever like them back? For that matter, what if they see you are pretty but have no idea if your personality is compatible with theirs? So you could start by doing what I have an make sure your personality is good and you don't have any red flags. Assuming you don't, you'll likely need to find ways to make your personality more apparent to these guys, or even better, start giving them some sort of signal of interest that they can take or leave. Too many girls just sit around assuming guys will hit on them if they like them, but it doesn't work like that. Most of the time, the respectful guys won't ask you out or anything if you look busy, tired, annoyed, etc. They will generally only ask you out if you've given them a reason to, like engaging in a cool conversation or something. Hope that helps

SnowedIn · Answer

Keep dating. You'll find someone who is your type. Or, change your type and just start looking for the traits that you like in someone instead of a type. But, let's say the whole type thing is a thing (I'm not convinced it is) -- not everyone is everyone's type. In fact, I'd say most are not. So, yeah, you have to interact with a lot of people to find your type. Here's the thing though: you talk about "most of the guys" confessing to having feelings for you. Sounds to me like the problem isn't that the right guys aren't asking you out/hitting on you, it's that you're not open to their advances.

snowboarder720 · Answer

You always want what you can’t have and you’d rather to be chased than to do the chasing.
It’s really impossible to have the best of both of those sayings.
Just be yourself and don’t change yourself for others because that’s where real problems begin.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

I have this problem. I get asked out a lot by sexy looking women, but they are all basic (no hobbies) religious (I'm atheist) women who want kids (I don't) and hate video games, science, sci-fi, anime, drawing, and everything else I like.

My type does not seem to notice my existence, and when they do, they are always taken or half my age, and it's infuriating.

Berethor · Answer

With how female hypergamy works it's not surprising, yea maybe lower your standards.

Anonymous · Answer

Are you serious with this question, just keep trying until you meet a guy that is your type, who also likes you too. There's billions of people out there.

I'm White and I like Asian women, but sometimes all I get are white women messaging me. It doesn't mean I'm gonna settle, I keep messaging Asian women until I get replies.

Twalli · Answer

Find out what are your requirements versus your preferences. You need to be flexible on what you prefer and firm on what you require. I originally preferred a neurotypical girl, figuring that we'd mesh well with me being on the spectrum. When I decided that it was merely a preference and not a requirement I decided to date the person who is my current girlfriend and will probably be my wife.

boggboss · Answer

Nothing really to say on the matter apart from thats how attraction works some people find u attractive others don't find someone that u find attractive and they like u back can be hard especially if all u are doing is waiting to be asked out

bamesjond0069 · Answer

My bet is on you either present as slutty and modern and want a traditional man. Or you present as more traditional and conservative and want a modern man.

Many women and men do this same thing too a lot. It's not just you. Modern people are attracted to modern people and traditional people to traditional people.

ChillaxingLove · Answer

You are a walking billboard, you attract whatever you are putting out. If you want to attract “your type” you must figure out what your type likes. If you don’t want to change we’ll then your type ain't really your type. 😊

Yayuyo · Answer

Everyone encounters this. The person I like doesn't like me. The person who likes me, I don't like back. This is the normal state until you find the right one.

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

You don't know until you ask them out. You might be their type.

DavidRaul · Answer

You can't do anything about it. Just keep looking until you find someone thats your type. there's always someone out there who shares the same vibe as yours

Carolus · Answer

Life doesn’t always give what you seek so, widen that scope of your typ

Fuentes · Answer

Maybe who you're attracted to has a vast majority of women they like too. I could write a women off just cause she don't got some sort of ass odv if she pretty she gotta have alil ass too or ill get bored, if I was ever gonna date. lol

Datboi65 · Answer

Newsflash, not everyone finds you attractive. Welcome to the real world.

Anonymous · Answer

Same with me guys that like me are either those that like one night stand or those that have autism, it’s so weird, i don’t get why I atract autist dude.

_Troian_ · Answer

Well.. what kind of men are you into? That matters.

AmeerX · Answer

I think you have same problem as me. I got hit on by girls I didn't like and got ignored by girls I really liked

Anonymous · Answer

Describe what "your type" is - - physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually if applicable.

Iron_Man · Answer

I don’t know what to tell you about that maybe don’t be so picky.

Whatisthatname · Answer

Because we can't control other people's feelings.

slatyb · Answer

What kind of guys are your type?

CoolCatMar1 · Answer

Hahhaa I don't know it's his preference

tenor55 · Answer

So I curious, what is your “type?”

Guy13 · Answer

He doesn’t trust you.

User3191989 · Answer

Why you think you're above anyone, i dk

Why am I not my type's type?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Which type am i?

Why am I not my type's type?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Which type am i?

We're glad to see you liked this post.