How Can You Tell If Someone Is Shy or Isn't Interested?

[Anonymous]

Heya, gents! Happy New Year! :)

So... I have a question regarding this new man I work with, who technically has more authority than I do, as I am a counseling therapist and he is one of the consulting doctors on the floor we both work on. He just started about two weeks ago. Most of my coworkers are questioning whether or not he's shy or may have a lack of social skills because he doesn't really talk very much, and comes off as kind of awkward at times.

I, myself, am a slightly shy, quirky redhead, who tends to compensate for nervousness by acting a little silly or laughing with my coworkers. I think I am in relatively good shape (132 lbs, thin waist, slightly larger chest, notable curves in good places, big eyes), have my good points as a person and try to be as kind and compassionate as I can towards others. I have often been told I look younger than I am. He's a little chubby, has the emo hair swoop, glasses, but, I find all of those traits amazing. I really like him and try to convey this by complimenting his work, thanking him for what he does for us. From what I know, he isn't married and is around the same age I am.

I just am not sure how to go about showing interest or flirting with him as he is a doctor who we answer to. Personally, I don't know his feelings about dating coworkers or underlings, or if he even finds me attractive. Or if he is absolutely not interested at all...

Please help?

[FilmGuy93]

I think I can tell based on their body language, but I've also had a number of shy people get cold feet and try to pretend like I misread their plain-as-day signals. So, in response, I don't really give a flying fuck about whether a shy person is interested in me anymore; regardless of what they feel, I'm not interested in them. They can get bent with their stupid self esteem problems. I hope they got good playing Frogger as a kid, because they'll have to dodge my Escalade as I drive top speed out of their lives.

[Guy13]

What’s your initial Psych Eval of him? You not messing around with Hannibal, right? I assume no ring or tan lines on his hands ⁉️

Something has to be up if self-description of red, small waisted, with sundress, big eyes, and picnic basket carrying on grassy plain J. Crew Cover is accurate. Quirky is hot….

[Asker]

I appreciate that. Honestly, I would either say in an initial evaluation that he is shy and maybe a bit awkward and hasn't had much luck with women due to the fact that he isn't Chris Hemsworth in appearance or that he has low self esteem even though he is a first year psych resident or maybe he has first year resident confidence and doesn't think I am pretty enough for him. As a redhead myself, I can be a lot to handle but, have enormous patience and will hold out as long as I need to, if he is interested and doesn't find me repulsive. 😂

[Guy13]

I think your intelligence is seductive too.

You haven’t seen him perturbed or handle stress yet…. hold off on the Fan Club drive.
It sounds like you have a case of first week of school starry eyed 🤩 student gaze going on…. like a hot little freshman or sophomore who got her first look at the RA or TA running the class. 🤔

[Asker]

Honestly, we've had first year residents working with us before. Maybe you are right and my opinion of him may change in the 6 months that he is there. I mean, I have seen him under pressure as we do work in a high stress part of the hospital (inpatient psych) and he seems to do okay for himself. Though, it's only been 10 days since he started. He did say hi to me in a way that sounded cheerful once and I had touched his shoulder once or twice in a kind gentle type of way. Maybe that's too much contact or it scared him...

Do you think his behavior is sending me a back off not interested signal? Or a, 'I don't know that someone's interested in me' signal?

[Guy13]

Since you are Red, working in “Central Prison” psych center and Mental Health staff….

Why don’t you try walking around speaking your thoughts aloud to the air like you’ve got no Stop button…. pause a second and a “But”then start talking back to the first points expressed.

One way or the other, that would move you to the top of my “Valentines” list. Red strawberry and “not right with both shapely ⏳ and 🧠 is a box of chocolates most guys would want to dive into.

How about this question or ice breaker standing beside home close enough to sway those hips into him bump….

“Now that COVID quarantine have passed, is one talking to his/her potted plants 🪴 still normal?” We need to get to the root of this matter. Valentines Day, get him a sun powered window or dashboard sitting potted plant with flower.

[Asker]

Isn't that a little forward or frightening?

[Asker]

Can't I just stand close to him and ask how his day is going or make a joke he might find funny or something?

[Guy13]

That was the point and if you tell him that “joke” Monday…. Some “crack” about crackpots, photosynthesis, and electrode stimulation etc…over next 3 weeks

By Valentines Day when the solar little plant pot arrives….
Your status at gift will likely be “intimate”.

And if not then after that gift the lip biting up to that point will begin to show itself from the lip blood 🩸 droplets and spots.

You’ll have him one way or the other, Doc….

[Asker]

Here's hoping. I kind of haven't actually had any feelings for a guy since my ex. At least, not like this and if he doesn't find me attractive, that would definitely suck. 😅😪

[Guy13]

ANY woman that can tell a joke or follow that line overtime to a guy ….

is equivalent to the glazed over woman’s look 👀 in eye that says, “I love him…he makes me laugh and is smart.”

[Vikkrram]

I think as an ahy girl you might sometimes also ignores him and in return he also does that. Is this game also going?

Like coz of shyness you tend to ignore him and he thought that you might not interested in him..

[slatyb]

Simple. Invite them to coffee or lunch or whatever. If they aren't interested, they will decline.

[Asker]

Isn't it a little soon to do that since I barely even know this man? He literally started working there 2 weeks ago and also I don't know if that would be something he doesn't like because he is old fashioned?

[Iron_Man]

If you’re a therapist you should know about peoples reactions and how they react if he’s not interested or if he’s just shy, look into the eyes

[Asker]

I do that on a daily basis because he has beautiful eyes, but it's not always that simple if someone is very good at guaging their emotions and not showing their own hand. I am really bad at trying to figure out men and I can't tell if he finds me super unattractive or thinks I am just a stupid kid. When I first saw him on the unit, he did a kind of double take to look back at where I was sitting and then, I said hi to him one day and it kind of sounded like an excited hi back to me. So, that gave me hope but then yesterday, he was very tightened up, by the book, not really friendly so... I'm confused.

[Iron_Man]

He probably doesn’t want to tip his hand he doesn’t want to be rejected

[Asker]

It's funny how guys are as bad at reading signals as girls because I would literally probably be thrilled for a hug from this guy and he has no clue. 😭

[Iron_Man]

I know it’s a shame I am shy myself

[Asker]

Just for the record, if a girl touches your shoulder or smiles at you or always says hi to you or compliments your work, she may be interested in buying you a coffee or having your children. 😂

[Iron_Man]

Yes, I think she would like me in that case

[Asker]

Why don't some men see that? Or would not responding to that mean totally not interested?

[Iron_Man]

Yes, they do need to see things and learn

[spartan55]

Bad idea.

[Asker]

Why?

[In_Trance]

Watch them

[Asker]

And, how would you suggest I interact with him or show him I am not just being overly nice?

[In_Trance]

talk to him, straight up

[Asker]

Good advice. Thank you