Am I right to ignore his text?

[Anonymous]

I met a guy on a dating app over a week ago and he lives in a close by country. He said I was beautiful and we initially exchanged voice messages like once or twice a day.

Eventually he asked for my number to talk more but he was very slow at texting me. Like he would text me once a day.

I asked if he would call me, and he did the next day, and I was very attracted to him over the phone. I became interested for sure.

Since then he texted but he’s very slow. Like he would text me a once if barely a few times a day. It’s hard for me to know him at this rate.

I did tell him he takes a long time over the phone but he didn’t say anything, just laughed a bit. I’m looking for a serious relationship and I don’t want to end up with a broken heart again.

He answered my text today (after HOURS as usual). I’ve decided to ignore his text so he can get the hint. Do you think he will?

Updates

1 y

Guys I’ve decided to be an adult and ask him directly about us talking

Updates

1 y

He said he’s looking for a serious relationship and if we continue talking he will take me out on a date

[AmeerX]

Alyssa, you need to understand something about instant messaging. Like girls get annoyed sometimes guys also get annoyed. It is alright if he didn't message early.

You guys should try to message in long paragraphs instead of very short one liners. It is easier to do it this way.

Personally I really enjoy the idea of letters ✉️ 💌 then messages. Letters keep each other yearning for more of the mystery.

IM is like porn. Letters are like romance. Delaying gratification is key to relationship and lasting love

[Asker]

I’m gonna message you

[AmeerX]

I think it's going to be your happy relationship soon :)

[Asker]

Thanks!!! I hope so

[Hallix26]

Hard to say about right and wrong in these situations. It's up to you how to handle it but he probably won't get the hint until at least a week or two has passed. Much easier to just tell him you're displeased than ghosting without explanation because being lame back at someone lame, is still lame.

[Asker]

I think my ego is too big I can’t tell him 😂

[Hallix26]

Well then the predicament is on you 🤷‍♂️

[Hallix26]

I don't get how it's wounding your pride to tell him either.

[Asker]

I feel like if I tell him it shows I really care and I’m into him. And I want him to show me he’s into me first

[Hallix26]

That's a bit childish honestly. Love is a two way street. No one should wait for the other to 'prove' they like them. Both should engage in it equally. And if you do like someone you're supposed to show it, and either get into a relationship or get rejected and move on.

[Asker]

I think I get insecure. Something I can’t help

[Hallix26]

Perhaps you need to solve that with yourself before you can get into a good relationship.

[Asker]

Nobody’s perfect

[Hallix26]

It's not about that. There's a big difference between not being perfect and crippling hindrances. No one can build a solid relationship while dealing with fundamental insecurities.

[Asker]

I had a solid relationship a month ago. My boyfriend knew what I was insecure about and tried to make me feel loved as much as he could. It’s about compatibility. But I broke up with him because I didn’t want to be with him

[Anonymous]

Take is slow because it takes time to build up trust. Are you willing to have a long distance relationship where you won't see him half the time. Have you asked him his thoughts on speaking to a woman from another country? Maybe his heart isn't in it? Find someone in your country.

[Asker]

I want to ask him all these questions but it’s difficult when he hardly texts me

[FilmGuy93]

Why would he EVER understand your hint, in this situation? There's nothing about your behavior that's changed. The guy is a slow texter; he has a life outside of his phone.

[Hassan_8]

It depends on how long have you been talking, if a week it’s ok but if you’ve been talking for 3 or 4 weeks and he still doesn’t reply fast enough then probably that’s how he will always be

I’m the same as you I don’t have patience to wait for really slow conversations over days, I get bored and lose interest if there’s no flowing communication

[spartan55]

You said the phone call went great... so why not stick to that instead of trying to force the whole texting nonsense? It makes no sense.

[Asker]

I initiated the first phone call and I don’t wanna initiate it again especially if he’s taking ages to respond lol

[spartan55]

You seem very stubborn.

[JPresidente]

Just slow play him for a day or two and then if he doesn’t get the hint, move on from him. You seem like a pretty girl so a new guy should message you soon on the dating app.

[Asker]

Thanks loool

[JPresidente]

YW 👍

[Alex8736]

he has a funny way of showing it by stringing you along but at the end of the day the choice is your's but if someone was doing that to me i wouldn't chase but just replace

[Asker]

I spoke to him and he made his intentions clear. So we’re gonna talk for a bit and he will come here and take me out on a date

[Alex8736]

when?

[Asker]

He didn’t specify. I just asked him what he wanted out of this and this is what he said. He said he wants a serious relationship and he wants us to talk, see where it goes, then we meet one day

[Asker]

He also said if we get into a serious relationship he will move for me

[Alex8736]

as a friend i would tell you to also explore what else is out there as options while his delayed messages are few and far in between but that's just my own opinion

[Asker]

I will. Thank you

[Alex8736]

good. none of us are getting any younger

[Asker]

I know…I’m scared of wasting my time. I spoke to a guy for 3 months and we never met. He always said he would come see me and then he’d run away every time until I ended it

[Alex8736]

exactly you only live once

[Asker]

How long do you think I should give it with this guy? To wait for him to come and see me?

[Alex8736]

pm me if you want

[Asker]

Thanks I will

[CuriousMufuxka]

Your username fits your persistence! Again and again :)

[Asker]

Lol I like him can’t help it

[Twalli]

It's hardly even a hint, so he won't get it unless he can read your mind. If you don't text for a while, he will assume everything is fine, because, unlike you, he isn't anxiously waiting for texts.

[TallAnon]

No, he won't get it. Either talk to him about it or move on.

[Asker]

I already mentioned it and he hasn’t changed. I can’t mention it again because we’re not even dating

[TallAnon]

Time to move on then

[Asker]

Okay

[TallAnon]

Update: Give him a deadline

[Asker]

I don’t want to be too pushy but I was gonna give it 2 weeks

[TallAnon]

You don't have to tell him about the deadline, just be clear with yourself when you give up.

[Asker]

What do you think about 2 weeks?

[TallAnon]

2 weeks is pretty long for someone you don't really know, but it's up to you and how you feel about it.

[Asker]

I don’t like going on dates with someone I don't know at all. It’s scary as a woman. I’ve been in situations where the guy basically undressed me with his eyes. VERY uncomfortable

[TallAnon]

That makes sense, be careful and let someone know where you are going

[Asker]

Thank you I will

[standardguy]

Ignoring is never right
You tell him either he writes at times you two agree (like 1x morning 1x noon and in the evening longer) or you breakup.

[AimeeKyle]

I would just be honest and speak directly to him about your concerns.

[Tstrbrainer]

Are you considering an LDR?

[Asker]

Yes. He said he is ok with an LDR too because his goal would be for us to eventually live together

[Tstrbrainer]

So he's moving to your country or are you moving to his?

[Asker]

He will move if we get into a relationship in the future. That’s what he said

[Tstrbrainer]

Good. By the way I think you really like him, right?

[Asker]

I kind of do yeah

[Tstrbrainer]

I'm jealous, but still I wish you get into a great relationship

[Asker]

Thanks lol. I don't know. It’s not a great situation tbh.

[Shamalien]

Girls are nuts. Just fking chill and let him take his time

[Monalisa77]

Maybe he's busy?

[Dav1dTh0ma389]

No, you're not

[Dav1dTh0ma389]

Then why did you uppie me

[Asker]

I’m a nice person

[Dav1dTh0ma389]

Not at all

[Asker]

Fine by me 🤷🏻‍♀️