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He will love it unless he's entitled or wary about your intentions. No one buys anything for men. On Valentine's day, weddings, birthdays, Christmas, etc., guys are always on the hook for buying gifts and meals for their loved ones. If they do receive something, it's usually a card or something small. Guys like to be appreciated too; they just never expect to be; so buying them expensive things tends to be more effective on them than it would be on a woman or child. That being said, if he does not want to be with you romantically and gets suspicious, he could take the gift the wrong way, and it could backfire. My hunch is that he'll love it though
Yeah I don’t like that guys are under appreciated and expected to just buy for us women all the time. I don’t have any intentions with giving him expensive things. Just to show him that I really care about him and appreciate him, and he deserves nice things. He’s the type of guy to help out people all the time, and so it’s good that someone gives back to him once in awhile. He has told me possibly in the future and he doesn’t know yet if we will become anything. He says to give it time and see where it goes. It makes me nervous that he says that, but that’s why I’m just making sure I treat him right and showing how much I care about him.
I hope so.. he has told me though that he doesn’t like when I buy things for him.. he says he doesn’t expect me to get anything for him.. and I told him I do because I care and he says “I know”.. I once bought him a piece for his truck that needed replaced and I had to fight him to let me buy it for him. Lol
That's just male pride talking. No man likes to be taken care of monetarily. It can undermine his sense of masculinity. We feel guilty when women drain resources on us. I know it sounds weird, but by discouraging you to provide for us, we're effectively giving you more resources than you otherwise would've had if you did go above and beyond to spoil us. It's a backdoor way of providing for you. Often, men see others providing for them as a failure to provide for themselves and draining the resources of those who care about them; so a lot of men don't see being spoiled as an act of appreciation. It's a guy thing. We have trouble being appreciated (and sometimes fight it) because it so rarely happens
Yeah I love spoiling people, and I definitely like to spoil a man that I have deep feelings for. I am not even talking/messing around with anyone since he became apart of my life more. I haven’t had sex or anything with anyone in over 6 months even though him and I aren’t exclusive or anything.
Just don't let the gifts manifest any sense of desperation. I guarantee that will put him off. . . like you're trying to buy his love/attention. Like I said originally, he may be wary of your intent if you have a child together, have sex, aren't exclusive, and are nervous about that fact. As long as your intent remains pure with no expectations, I think you're fine.
Okay thank you very much for all your advice! I don’t want him to think I expect him to get with me or anything. I’m just holding out for one day maybe he will want to be with me or at least take it to the next step.
"just friends and co-parenting our baby". That just escalated too quickly.
Is fishing his hobby, or does he like fishing?
Beef jerky and beer... "You're a man right? You like overpriced dried meat scraps and piss water, right?" He's gonna say thanks, but I just find it funny.
The stake dinner, now you got my attention.
Hahaha the man is confusing! And he likes to fish
Yes he will but why would you do that? A little extreme for not dating, just coparenting. Makes you seem desperate or something. To me as a man if I was him I’d think what’s the catch. What’s going on?
I just really like him and i don’t really know how he feels about me.. he’s kinda hard to read. But there’s Noo catch. Just like to show how much I care.
Kind of sad to me when I think k about it. But it’s your life I don’t know much about this whole situation. How did you two end up w a baby? I mean I get yes d into p but was this planned?
Why do you think it’s sad? We had a one night stand that ended up with me having a child. He sees his child every weekend and he helps me as much as he can with her.. we used to talk sexually and flirty with each other.. but then he got a surprise child out of it and says he wants to go slow.. I’m just not sure how much he likes me. He always hugs me when he leaves and he always looks at my Facebook stories.. we text a lot.. just confusing
It’s sad because you’re like that puppy in the window saying pick me. Taking it slow means we’re dating, see each other, maybe hold hands, kiss occasionally. Having a baby is not taking it slow. If he was really interested in taking it slow that baby would have came years from now. Where is he during the week? W some other girl I’m sure taking it slow.
Well he just found out he was my baby’s dad in October of 2022. My baby is one years old. He missed the first year pretty much of her life.. and during the week he goes back home and works for the Air Force. He doesn’t get to retire for another 6 years. I’m just not sure he knows what he wants. He only gets to come home on the weekends and I let him have our daughter on the weekends. He hasn’t dated anyone in over 10 years.. he’s gotten hurt a lot. And I started out pushing him hardcore into a commitment with me and I think it pushed him away :(
How old is he? Older than you I’m assuming? He doesn’t have other kids? Never been married? I could be wrong but I don’t see a future in it for you. Unless he settles. But a lot of men usually won’t stay in a LTR w a girl who was a one night stand.
He’s 40 and I’m 27. He was married once.. and she ended up cheating on him when he was sent overseas.. and then he divorced her and later in life met someone else and he almost proposed, he got sent overseas and while he was there she called him to break up with him and got with another guy.. he has a son who is 21 with his ex wife. Him and I used to talk, and flirt.. send him pictures.. and then the baby being his kinda changed everything.. he wanted to go slow with me and also get to know his daughter since he missed out on the first year of her life.
I see. So he’s only known about her for a year than? Where did you meet him? Hopefully things work out for you the way you want it to.
He’s known of her for a year.. but just started his father/daughter relationship with her in Sept of 2022, so only about 4-5 months now. And I met him through one of my best friends. I’ve known him for about 4-5 years but never have really gotten to know him until we did paternity test and found out he’s my baby’s dad..
So what then if he decides he doesn’t want a relationship w you?
I’ll be upset but I’ll have to move on.. regardless he will always be in my life since we share a child
Yes that is true. I hope if things don’t work out that things at least stay cordial between you two. Have you two had sex since than?
We have kissed but mostly hugged.
When will you see him again?
Tomorrow
Maybe you should discuss w him what’s going on? Would you say you’re cute?
I already have and he says he doesn’t know when I ask him anything.. and yeah I’d say I’m good looking lol
Well if he doesn’t want to be w you I’m sure you’ll have no problem meeting someone. Would you want someone older or the same age as you or close in age to you?
I’ve always gone older. But honestly age is just the number. I have plenty of people interested in me.. I just don’t want to let this guy go. He’s the father of my child. I want my family together. But I just don’t know what to do.. I’ve already pushed him a lot.
To me it sounds as though he doesn’t want to be in a committed relationship ship. When was the last time he was in a relationship?
10 years ago give or take..
So if he really does have the much PTSD from past relationships after 10 years than he probably needs professional help. There’s no way he’s going to get into a committed relationship. He may be fucking other women wherever he’s at, he’ll he might even have a girlfriend that you don’t know about. But either way doesn’t sound like you’re who he’s thinking g of.
I just don’t understand why he hugs me when he sees me and tells me he doesn’t know when I ask him about a future.. I’ve asked him if he’s talking to someone and he said No he wasn’t
Well he may be hugging out out of respect as the mother of his child. Yes that may be true he may not be talking to someone else doesn’t mean he isn’t sleeping w someone else. I just think after this many years if he has t tried to get into a relationship there’s something serious there. I’m sure he’s had sex numerous times w different women for sure.
Yeah he’s had sex but not a relationship for years I believe.. but I don't know I just wish he wouldn’t leave me hanging onto him.. it’s like he doesn’t want me to move on. Should I play hard to get?
No I don’t think playing hard to get is going to help. I mean he’s already had sex w you, knocked you up. I don’t think that will work. It may just backfire.
I’m not sure.. he one time said he had feelings for me.. so I’m just unsure where I stand now.. but maybe I should just ask him even if it hurts me :(
Yes you should. I mean because how long would you wait for an answer? One year? Five years?
I just have already asked him many times if he sees a future with me and he gives me “possibly or he doesn’t know” his best friend says that I’m just too easy and I give him too much attention. That I need to give him a challenge.. say Noo to him and then he might notice me.
You could try it. I don’t think it’ll work. I mean did he clarify exactly what he had to think about as to what would or what would t make you a good partner.
No he hasn’t.. I just asked him a lot if he sees a chance with me down the line if I backed off and he always says “possibly.., maybe, or I don’t know”. But I’ve never asked him what he has to think about or what I need to do.. he’s just still in the military for 6 more years so I’m not sure he wants to get serious with anyone until he retires..
Well you can wait till then if you’d like but if he says no then you’ve lost 6 years of your life. Like I said I don’t think he wants to be in a relationship. I think he likes being able to sleep w random women. Just to bad that he k comes one of them up. A lot of times men don’t take a girl serious as far as having a one night stand w her. Makes you wonder as the man ok how many other times has she done this? Will she do it again?
No I don’t think he’s just hooking up with random women.. I just think he really doesn’t want a relationship because he’s been single for so long and he is stuck in his ways.. women have given him nothing but heartache and trouble.. I just have to somehow prove I’m different and then maybe I stand a chance. Who really knows.. I just know I really care about him and it’s hard for me to just move on and think he doesn’t care about me at all.
You had a chance to prove you were different by not having a one night stand w him. No man is going to go 10 years w out sleeping w women.
Well I know he’s slept with women.. just not sure he’s sleeping with someone currently
I see. I don’t think he’s interested in a relationship. It’s like instantly he had a family, not so sure he was ready for that even though he’s older.
Yeah I know.. I need to not push him and just see where it goes
It might be a good idea to work on yourself, to improve yourself so that your chances of him picking you would be better.
Yeah I know.. I really think that would be better in the long run too. I wasted a lot of time pushing him and blowing his phone up.. that I need to step back for awhile.
Yes I think so too. That shows you’re too needy. Almost makes me think someone who is crazy to be honest. That may be what’s pushing him away. Like you’re clingy.
Yeah he called me crazy a couple times.. I really made a mess that I have to change a lot before I think he would even consider taking me out again.. right now he just wants to coparent our daughter and not really hang out with me.
Have you ever had a relationship w someone?
Yes I just got out of an 8 year relationship and I think I just don’t really know how to be single. And so I wanted to cling to him. And I freaked him out.
So how did this one night stand happen? The man you were w before, was he older as well? Were you planning on it happening.
I made a bet with my friend that I could get that guy to sleep with me and she didn’t believe me.. I started flirting with him.. he was drinking.. it was NYE and it just sorta happened. We fell asleep together and then he woke up and we did it again. And the guy I was with before is 32.
This just sounds like trying to be w him is for all the wrong reasons. It was a game to you. Like trying to boost your ego. I think it’s going to be very hard to convince him to be w you. I think there’s some issues you need to figure out.
At first it was a game.. but not anymore.. I do have some self work to work on.. but Nooo I want to be with him because I like him and because he’s the father of my child and because I want my family together. I just can’t push this guy.
Ok but why isn’t it a game anymore? Because you had a baby w him? Again seems like you’re trying to do this for all the wrong reasons. Had he not knocked you up would you still try to be w him? Probably not because it would have still been a game
No I probably would have. I was crushing on him for a long time.. yeah the baby intensified my emotions.. but I also have gotten to know him more.
So if you were crushing on him for a long time why would you only look at him as a part of your game. To me that doesn’t show me or tell me that you’re really interested in me. To me when I think about it, you want me now because yes you’d like the baby’s father to be in your life but you need him to financially. Like it’s going to be too much for you alone.
Nope you have me all wrong buddy.. I geniunely like this guy a lot.. and I’d do anything for him. I don’t need his money.
That may be true but I’m looking at it from his POV. Everything that I’m saying is what would make me not want to be w you. There’s too many issues you have going on. Plus you only seen me as a game. Then pushing me too much like you’re obsessed. Then to think also why did you wait a whole year to say something. These are a lot of red flags in my eyes.
I told him when I first got pregnant that I wasn’t for sure if it was his or not.. and he said he didn’t think it was because he didn’t think he did you know inside me.. and he was my Facebook friend and saw when I had her.. all the pictures.. and then one day I asked him if he wanted to find out for sure if she was his and he said Yeah.. he had plenty of options but I was also scared to let him in as well.. I really care about him and he knows this.. I just need to stop pushing and just focus on myself for now and just see where shit goes one day for us.
Yes you do. Like I said you need to work on yourself cause everything you’re telling me is saying stay away. You just said that you told him you didn’t know if it was his or not so that makes me think damn she’s a slut. How many other men has she been w? Does she have issues? Etc, etc.
I had just broken up with my boyfriend of 8 years and him and I had slept together a week before this new guy and I hooked up.
Again all the wrong reasons. A week later you slept w some dude playing a game. As the dude I’d think ok am I just the rebound or something. I hope things can work out for you but I’m just pointing out what I as a man would be thinking if this happened to me.
No he isn’t the rebound.. for sure. I do truly care about him.. and not wanting to push him anymore. I’d rather build a friendship with him and see where it goes.
Do you get where I’m coming from though when I put myself in his position knowing all this that you just said.
I do.. but I don’t think he thinks of me like that.. he knows I’m not sleeping with anyone.. I’ve told him many times that I’m not.. and that I’m waiting for him.. and I’ve been working on myself and backing off from him..
Ok. May I ask what you look like? Have you been to any therapy sessions?
Do you have Snapchat? And yes I’ve been going to counseling sessions.
No I don’t use Snapchat. Any other method I can see what you lol like
Instagram? What’s your name
Can you send pics on this forum? No I’m not really into all that stuff. I’m always very busy w a lot of things so I don’t have much time for those things.
No way to add picture
How can I find you on this forum n message you
Tell me your name and I’ll look for you and message
Ok. You can look me up under Youvella13. Hopefully you can find me quick. Looking forward to hearing from you.
Don’t know how to search for you
So what’s your name I’ll look for you
Hotgurl96
Look to see if I added you? I’m not sure if it’s the right one, it has a pic of a red shirt
Got it but can’t message you lol
Sounds like birthday gifts with something attached.
Not at all. I don’t want him to think that. I just like buying stuff for people I really care about. I’m not even sure what he thinks about me honestly.. he tells me to just give things time and see where it goes.
Well I hope not. I just want him to see how much I care about him.. and it’s technically for his birthday and Father’s Day since he’s the father of my child.
Well he and I hooked up one night when I broke up with this guy I was dating for 8 years and I got pregnant the first time we ever hooked up.. and then I also had slept with my ex of 8 years shortly before.. so I wasn’t even sure he was the father.. my ex and I ended up getting back together and he had agreed to not do the paternity test and he would just raise the baby as his.. well when my daughter came out, it just didn’t feel like it was my ex’s and I thought that my baby has the right to know who her real dad is.. well I ended up not doing the paternity test with the other guy until my baby was a year old, and so he just became part of the picture. It was all quite a big shock. He just found out he was her dad back in October of 2022.
The ex and I are still friends.. but he’s mad and upset he’s not the baby’s real dad.. because he raised her the first year of her life.. he really helped me when I was pregnant and really sick.. he felt like I did the paternity test to hurt him which was absolutely not the case at all..
Yeah so I’m thinking that’s why this guy hasn’t really wanted to take things to the next level yet.. and he’s still in the military..
No we just text and see each other on weekends when I exchange our child. He knows how I feel about him though.. I want to say he feels something for me but I just don’t know.. he gives me hugs and has never told me to just move on. we have gone on a couple dates.. we have had a lot of phone calls that lasted about an hour..
Yeah the guy in the military is the father.
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