Guys, How to respond when he pulls away?

[silvermoon84]

I’m unsure how to handle this. I met this guy who I’m really interested in, which hasn’t happened in a while because I’ve been hurt and was afraid to let anyone in. We were talking for a while and then decided to meet up. We went out three times, and I enjoyed every date (and I told him so. He said he did too). Now I sense him kind of pulling away, last time I heard from him was Monday. I tried reaching out to him the next day but heard nothing. I’m not sure if I should just pull back myself cold turkey or if I should wait until the weekend and send him a message saying “hey, haven’t heard from you. Hope all is okay” and just leave it at that and pull back. Guys, what should I do?

We have not had sex yet. He stated up front he wasn’t looking for that right away and neither was I.

[Effably]

Why do people keep thinking that pulling away and giving others time is a good answer? As far as we know he does not need a break from you. Even if he needs time for something it does not mean you're now a hindrance.

I would argue the exact opposite. Reach out directly. Be cute, funny, whatever you prefer that he will also enjoy. Show that you're the type who will be there if he needs it. And then, depending on what he needs, give time or support accordingly.

For all we know he might be pulling back to gauge how interested you are - because surely if you were truly into him you'd not just let him slip away without trying.

Nothing wrong with giving it a day or two. Or however long is normal for you two to not talk. But after that? You are supposed to notice. You are supposed to care. How you do it matters. Put him first and keep an open mind and I very much believe you'll have a positive outcome if he does like you because that is what we want people we like to do - care about us back.

[TheAfrikan]

Men always do pull away by our instincts dear. I guess it is Called the “RUBBERBAND” theory and if he has pulled away. All that you have to is, do nothing he will think through it and he will do return to you with more force of love like he is possessed once he misses ya love. So chill he is working out with his demons in his own man time. Let him have the space so no stress.

[silvermoon84]

Thank you so much! This was very helpful and makes a lot of sense. I’m not as bothered by it anymore as I was a few days ago, but I appreciate this.

[TheAfrikan]

That is the fact dear. Let him have his man time alone and you too have ya time. Once he fixes his rubber band stretch he will come back to you. No worries needed that is we men.

[Guy2809]

Could be he is busy, could be that he has lost interest. I usually have a 2 push rule for this kind of situation. A persona might be busy once and then forget to respond, a second time, I assume its intentional. Whatever you do, don't play games, meaning dont pretend indiference. If reaching out for a second time gives you peace, then do. If he does not respond, or acts indiferent (Even if he responds), then drop it and move on. Don't "act" indiferent, but actually try to understand that you don't want to waste time and if he is no longer invested, then you are not invested either.

[silvermoon84]

Thank you, I appreciate this

[ShiftingMonke]

I think that you should wait until the weekend also. That is more than enough time for him to send you even the most polite excuse. If you get nothing, I'm sad to say it's probably time to move on. I would still eliminate further contact, so that he cannot pick back up where he left off.

[loveslongnails]

You won't like this answer I don't think, but it's my opinion. You should do absolutely nothing in the way of contact, nothing at all. This message " “hey, haven’t heard from you. Hope all is okay", means nothing to him if he doesn't want to contact you, and it makes you sound weak. Do not send this, or any message.

The hard line is that even if there's something tragic going on, if a man has had 3 great dates with you and really likes/wants you, he'll be in touch. Not only just "be in touch", he'll let you know you're important to him.

Right now, it could be anything going on, but what's NOT going on is him communicating to you that he wants you. Because of that, you must NOT communicate to him because it simply won't make a difference. In your head, let him go. If he comes back, find out what took him so long and go from there.

[Dіldophobe]

If a guy pulls away, it’s important to take a step back and give him some space to process his feelings. It's also important to communicate your feelings openly and honestly.

Ask him what’s going on and let him know that you care about him and want to work through whatever is going on.

It’s also important to make sure you respect his boundaries and don’t push him too hard. I promise it will work just as good as I managed to revive @bean2k21 before we had our first time.

[MrCommodore]

I would give him until Tuesday (>7 days since last contact), then just message him and ask him what's up? Tell him you noticed him going cold, you'd like to know if something is wrong or if he is no longer interested.

[bowenw]

If he was interested he would be in contact with you.

[silvermoon84]

I have considered that he might have lost interest. Not the answer I hoped for, but thank you for the honesty. I appreciate it.

[bowenw]

I hope I'm wrong. Best of luck.

[twotofive]

Iv read one of your replies about abusive dad and childhood. I'm 34 and something triggered memories just recently. I struggle bonding because of it. O really would love to speak with you and tell you personal stuff. I need a women's opinion and reading your blog you would understand and help each other

[Jamie05rhs]

Honestly, that's a natural part of dating. People come and go. If you're looking for a real genuine relationship, then this will happen more often, and it is a necessary part of the elimination process.
Please do not lose heart.

As to this guy specifically, I would say don't give up prematurely. But if you sense that it's over, after making multiple attempts, I think it's totally okay to move on.

[nawtee_me]

You may still be moving to fast for him. I would give him to the weekend and see...

[silvermoon84]

Didn’t think of that. Thank you.

[nawtee_me]

You are welcome, If he has been hurt too he probably wants to take it slow and easy, maybe not sure of your intentions yet...

[Still-alive]

do nothing. you grant him his space. eventually he'll miss you and reach out.

[dolemite89]

what guys isn’t looking for sex in 3 dates? 🤔 he’s either a jesus freak, has a small dick, or isn't that into you. 🤣 just keeping it real

[Guardian45]

Give him time & space, then contact him. Could be something happening in his Life rn

[playerr]

Give some time, he might be busy.
You can also ask him.
Could you DM to talk.

[BarryLiverstone]

How frequently did you talk before this week?

[silvermoon84]

Quite frequently. We were texting almost every day.

[BarryLiverstone]

Text or call him tomorrow. Be sure to not just ask how he is but share something positive so that he can be happy to message back. Even if you are happy it’s the weekend :)