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Why would a narcissist say “love yourself first” after blocking and discarding you? I don’t understand.
If you loved yourself they would get what they want. I thought they want to get their way.
If you loved yourself they would get what they want. I thought they want to get their way.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
Unfortunately narcissism is more complex than that. Someone can certainly say these things to you, and still be a narcissist. There are, in fact, several different (very different) distinct types of "narcissist." Only one of the six (I think it's six) types are what people "commonly" think of as narcissism.
I urge you to do a little google research on the different types of narcissism, and some of their characteristics. That might help you put this in context. (and help you see how a narcissist might indeed say this to you).
I'll give you an example. You know the 90's sitcom "Friends"? The character Ross, is a narcissist. I can't remember the name of the type exactly. But it's something like "victim-role narcissist". Point is... that character is not what you'd think of as a typical narcissist. But there's at least one good paper arguing convincingly that he's actually an extreme narcissist. Just one of those other types people don't often think of as "a narcissist."
Definitely not Naricssism. More like high energy borderline.
Oh I have no idea if this dude is a narcissist or has whatever else going on. I have no idea. I was operating from the premise that this girl either suspected or believed this guy WAS a narcissist... and was wondering if saying this was at-odds with being a narcissist. I'm simply saying "it's not". I've got no clue about what might be going on with this dude though. Not even attempting to address that part of things. 🙂
Most of Narcissism is getting the partner to become co dependent. A high energy and personality person with borderline personality disorder essentially dwells on the manic state of mind. The cost of this mindset is their personality and attraction to a person or mindset can be like a light switch. If you repulse them. As with most BPD people the world is very Black and White. As a result its very easy to just quit loving someone they have been putting up on a pedestal. And instead of falling apart over breakups they feel like its a sigh of relief.
99.99% will never grasp how and why a high functioning BPD person can be so loving one second and the next be apsolutely repulsed and highly logical. And who the hell can manage to live with someone like that. Well what a high functioning BPD's learn is that the only types of people they can trust to handle with the intensity of which they love is if they find someone who has the same personality. Most borderlines however after one or two bad apple relationships they often go full hermit in terms of relationships as there's only so many times a high or low functioning hyper sensitive person can handle a relationship collapsing. and they end up societies worst nightmare often times as they lose their moral compass after a while.
As to the phrases "love yourself" and "It's You're Life" its Narcissism and more a borderline personality. Telling you its over, and in short to gtfo. And I'd say its a cold hearted SOB way of saying I hope to never see you again.
Less*
He was stalking, telling me to separate myself from my parents and have no contact with them, telling me to drop out of school and have a baby at 18 because that’s what good godly women do, telling me I have to put the phone to my stomach and let him hear my stomach growling to show him I need him for food, telling me that he’s going to take me where no one can hear me and put me a basement and make me give a dog oral sex for an orange, telling me I’m a dog, saying that I’m a whore for wanting to have an education, saying that if I want to be an individual and be happy and healthy that those things are not allowed in a relationship, and telling me that real women have no money or career, and they sit and wait for that. He also said that I disrespect him by being enrolled in a fashion school and accepting Christmas gifts from my mom, he expected me to walk with my head down in public, wanted me to ask permission to eat use the bathroom and shower, he would get upset if there wasn’t a new text message every minute LITERALLY he said he was like that because any minute that he doesn’t know what I’m doing I could be sucking dick, etc..
Ah one of the predatorial ones. Definitely good you got away. Trust me when I say its GOOD you ran.
@SteveSmith1985
oh this, this type of person is worse. BPD's they are crazy. there's a reason its hard to find a rational one.
Why was I called broke everyday? I know I’m not rich but still. One day he called me broke 151 times in 3 hours. I think he was punishing me for not agreeing to have a baby twice. I told him I was still in school and he doesn’t show me affection and I don’t see what he has to provide for the family. I think that’s why he said I was broke so much. He would accuse me of always bickering when all I would do is state a personal preference or opinion. He would curse at me for adding onto topics he was talking about. (For example, he was talking about onions helping to prevent hair loss, and I said that there are onion shampoos for those who don’t want onion breath; immediately he started raging and calling me a bitch and saying I’m simple minded. And he liked to have me grow out underarm hair and lick the sweat off. He would also say that he’s “taking back” nicknames he gave me and giving them to other girls.
He said he was going to leave me for the new year and get his ex pregnant because she wanted a baby for him and when I didn’t fight and beg him not to do it he punished me. He wanted to have a baby 2 weeks into knowing me. He said other girls let him treat them like this for at least five years, but I couldn’t do it because I’m immature and wicked. Anytime I expressed wanting to do well in life by staying in school and eventually having a good job he called me the illuminati for it. He said everything he did to me was my fault.
Holy. Shit. This is an extremely abusive guy. Extremely. This guy is like nothing but a collection of red-flags. Everything you just said here is fucked-up in the extreme. Any of these things INDIVIDUALLY would be enough for me to tell any woman to "run".
These things together, paint a picture of the worst kind of guy. The very worst. The type of guy that any woman worries about getting involved with. This guy is maybe the most obvious and over-the-top example of an abusive man that I've ever seen (and I've seen A LOT of fucked-up abusive guys).
This is someone you need to get away from. This is a dangerous man who will do you harm in ways you can't even imagine. It doesn't get worse than this type. His entire mindset and belief system are extraordinarily abusive and unhealthy.
This man will horribly abuse any woman unlucky enough to find themselves in "a relatioship" with him.
I know that (at least) a part of you is aware of that. Otherwise you wouldn't have listed all this abusive behavior the way you have. But holy shit girl... you need to get the fuck away from this man if you haven't already. There is no question about that. This man is more dangerous than you know. He will do you more harm than you have the ability to fathom right now.
You may not realize it, but this man is the most dangerous person you have ever met in your life. I don't care how crazy your life may have been. This is the most dangerous person you have ever met. Treat him accordingly.
No pressure... but I'd love to chat with you over dm if you're willing. This... is fucking concerning.
Part of moving on in these types of situations isn't to talk more about it. It's to move on and be aware of the red flags. There's little benefit in reliving the trauma.
@Pyrofox That's just not true man. I've actually got a ton of experience with this... and what you just said there is simply wrong.
@SteveSmith1985
wallowing in what is holding you back is only going to keep holding a person back what allows a person to move forward is accepting and letting go. Or your fear will be attributed to anyone with the same characteristics in which case ones fear will just spread and spiral. The past is ones past for a reason.
If all you do is focus on what the bad is your going to end up looking for those characteristics in the next person you attact. This is why women who start in shitty relationships fall for the same guys. Cause what their idea of good. Was never good to begin with. Its clear OP wasn't facing Narcissism its full blown stockholm syndrome.
@Pyrofox Ok dude. Sure. Clearly you've got it all figured out. I'm going to end our exchange then. And reiterate that I'd love to hear from the OP if she'd care to chat. 🙂
Its only logical if all you do is relive it and don't think about how to move forward and learn from it. Now your gonna just follow the same habits, and be stuck in a cycle of reliving it. And then the next time you end up in a similar toxic relationship and stuff goes sideways now you have only reinforced the trauma.
Hence you stop analyze what went wrong make notes of what red flags to watch out and you instead of going after whats familiar take a chance that is the most different possible and as such you. Have then the lowest variable chance of repeating.
Whereas dwelling in ones horrors and not learning eventually you logically like what a habit is you will be cursed then to repeat the habit/curse. Kinda like what happens if we don't document history and at least learn from the mistakes. And when I say learn I mean hopefully if it does happen again we can mitigate the fallout.
Maybe trying to be friendly with you no sure why do you think a narcissist for…?