Guys, Men who prefer to be left alone when you're feeling sad, lonely or depressed (if you were married). Why?

[Stressyalaire]

Inspired by this question

Guys, men, and married men, how do you want your wife to show you support when you are sad, lonely, and depressed?

You men were asked how you'd want your wife to support you when feeling sad, lonely or depressed. A surprising amount actually said that they wanted to be left alone.

Isn't it better to have us be with you, listen to you or at least hold you? If you're feeling lonely, wouldn't it be counterproductive to go and be alone instead of being with someone who understands or wants to understand you?

Thanks in advance, fellas!

[Guy13]

Being Present in others' emotional pain, much less his own, is circuit box overload for this kind of man or woman. The core of your issue is that there has never been the deep emotional bond that manifests itself in a love that is deeper than sex dependent.

The bottom line is you married an individual that leans towards emotionally unavailable. They have difficulty responding to their own needs and probably yours too as if you are interwoven-this will never happen. "They/You don't care about yours or my feelings or emotional health" is exactly correct... they didn't want to be like that though.

Now, as messed up as that is one like this will cheat in a heart beat in form of Vegas or one nightstand as there is no emotional connection but there is a doable emotional surge... then its done... like a Buzz. They could even be habitual cheaters.

[Sjoerd85]

If I am down, just let me be on my own for a while. I just need to recover without external input, which could just make it worse.

If I need company, I will say so. Nothing against you, but sometimes being alone for a while really works best.

[Stressyalaire]

I can get behind that, yh.

[Zandoval]

Nah. If I want to talk to you/be with you, I will come to you willingly. Unless I do, it is best if you leave me alone so I can work things out on my own, letting me know I can come to you if needed is enough.

[Stressyalaire]

How big would the problem be for you to want to be left alone?

[Zandoval]

It depends on the type of problem really rather than the size of the problem. With some problems, emotional/ physical support/ intimacy could help ease it quite a bit. With others, I'll need some time off to think through things and work on it on my own.

[Stressyalaire]

Thank you! I'm actually really glad that this site exists.

[Kinkyhubby]

Won't know, I really don't get sad, or depressed. I usually need 5 minutes to be left alone whe. I get passed off to clear my head. If there are things I can't not fix, or out I my control I forget about them and move on. If I was sad a bj or sex would cheer me right up though. I'm not a very mushy, look at me and my problems type of person

[TheSpaceGnome]

I'm following this because I don't understand it either. I've met women who want to be alone when upset, and I always found it weird for the same reasons you do.

[Stressyalaire]

Zandoval explained it well!

[TheSpaceGnome]

I'm more wanting to know why people think being alone makes problem solving easier or comfort better. So far the answers explain what is wanted/prefered, but not how that conclusion was drawn.

My conclusion is that having help problem solving makes things easier to figure out, because it reduces my workload, and that having good company reduces stress because love an affection and relatability feel good, and feeling good is the opposite of stress.

I'm trying to think of the benefits of the inverse situation, and I can't.

[Stressyalaire]

The being alone part when... feeling lonely sounds stupid to be honest

[TheSpaceGnome]

It does, it would be like starving yourself if hungry.

When feeling bad I'd need company even more than normal, isolation just sounds like self torture.

The only logical reason I can think of for wanting to be alone when upset, is that the person hates their spouse and can only tolerate them when in a good mood... but then why be married to them? Aren't they supposed to be the one person you go to to feel happy even when everything else is terrible?

[B4851]

Well, I'm not married and never have been. However, I do like a certain amount of alone time when I'm feeling stressed because it gives me an opportunity to contemplate different things.

[Stressyalaire]

But you do let her know, yes?
Is there anything your partner Can do?

[B4851]

I'd let her know. And she maybe able to do something, but I'll be a better communicator after I've had some time to gather my thoughts.

[Stressyalaire]

As long as she's not left guessing.

[B4851]

Right. Don't want her thinking it's something she did or didn't do.

[B4851]

And how would you like to help in that situation?

[Stressyalaire]

Make him tea, prepare a hot bath. Some little things to help him relax more.

[B4851]

That would be very helpful.

[B4851]

I know I'd appreciate those things.

[Stressyalaire]

Thanks 4 the help!

[B4851]

You're very welcome. Any time.

[JackCarter]

A hug from her is all I need! LOL