Guys, men, and married men, how do you want your wife to show you support when you are sad, lonely, and depressed?

[Anonymous]

guys, men, married men, how do you want your wife to show you support when you are sad, lonely, depress?

[SteveSmith1985]

Unfortunately I don't think that there's any one-size-fits-all answer to your question.

I think that the very fact that you're asking this; means that you're going to be supportive already. Before taking anyone's advice here. You're wanting to be supportive for your husband. You ARE already being supportive of him. I'll guarantee you that's true already. There is no way that the woman asking this question isn't already doing everything you can to be supportive. You're already doing it and don't really need our help.

I will say a few general things that might be good to keep in mind.

1. You cannot fix this.

No matter how supportive and amazing you are... you will not be able to make him happy if he is feeling depressed. At least, you will not be able to 'fix' his depression if that's what he's suffering from.

The reason it's so important to understand that, is because everyone feels like they SHOULD be able to fix their partner. Even if they don't consciously think about it that way. There's a back-of-the-mind thought that makes you feel like you've failed because he's still depressed. You HAVE to fight that feeling.

I can't help but feel this is behind your asking this here. You ARE being supportive... you just feel like "you should be able to do more" and so are asking for input. You're almost certainly already doing an excellent job of being supportive. The hard part is... you don't get to see much evidence of the effect of your support.

You're being supportive, but you don't see the response you're hoping for to tell you you're being supportive enough. He's not feeling any happier, or is still falling into deep-downs sometimes or however his depression is manifesting itself. It seems like you aren't doing something. But you really already are.

Nothing you do is going to give you the VISIBLE results you hope. A supported depressed husband is still depressed.

I know you know that. Just make sure your head/heart/whatever are all on the same page... and you aren't expecting yourself to pull off the impossible.

Other than that, I think the only things to suggest are things you're going to be damn-well aware of already.

Things like: Patience are going to be key. Being supportive would include having the patience to put up with a husband who is depressed when it comes to things like trying not to get frustrated as much as possible. It can be a frustrating thing to be supportive in this situation. If you can find a little extra patience... it'll serve you well.

Be understanding (I'm sure you already are. Common. Why am I even bothering. I don't know). Be understanding if he's distant. Be understanding if he feels like opening up. Be understanding if he doesn't feel like opening up. Just do your best to keep being as empathetic as possible.

I think the most important thing you can do, is to ask him how he would like you to be supportive for him during this time. He may say he doesn't know. And that's fine. You're already being a supportive wife. You're doing it already. That's why he doesn't know. But listen to what he has to say if he does have some way he'd like you to help. And let him know that you'd like to know if he thinks of something you can do to help in the future.

But... you're already doing everything major. I'm sure you are. You see this guy you love feeling really down, and you want to do everything you can to support him. Do you think you don't know how to do that already? Common... I bet you're doing so so so much already without even thinking about it. Without realizing it. Just instinctually because you feel how you feel IN REACTION to your husband being down.

I think you already got this. I just think you have to not expect you can pull off any miracles. And understand that supporting a depressed husband is work THAT DOESN"T SHOW RESULTS. But it HAS results. HUGE results. He would be in a way way darker place without you.

You'll never have any idea how much your support is actually helping him. But it DOES help him. It's a thankless task, but it's one you're better at than you realize. Keep doing what you're doing. Hang in there. Your husband is a lucky man to have you. Good luck 🙂

[JSmuve]

Question: if a guy is in a relationship and feels lonely, is the woman really doing her job?

Anyways, I'd want the woman to provide a safe, non-judgemental space for me to be vulnerable and open up. I'd want her to listen and not talk. Just be empathetic. Then offer to help if she can. After all this, I'd probably be pretty tired, so she could also cuddle me, give me a head scratch, and just make me feel cared for. After that, she could check in on me from time to time to see how I'm holding up.

Ugh, I can't believe I wrote all that. I'm off to go change my tampon.

[Stressyalaire]

I would ask what's wrong, listen and just hold them. But so many here want to be left alone, I don't get it. If you want to be left alone... Never mind I'm posting a follow up question.

[ariadneR]

Usaully I tell him I'm here if he wants to talk about it. I'll order his favourite food, and I'll leave him alone. When he's ready, he'll come find me

[coachTanthony]

A hot meal, some hot sex, and to be left alone for a while. You asked lol

[Asker]

how long you want to be keft alone? and what do you want to do or say while you want to be left alone

[coachTanthony]

No more than a day. After that it's just theatrics. Sometimes it takes a minute to get our thoughts together.

[ShiftingMonke]

Honestly, I want to be left alone. I don't care for her to see me when I'm down and out. Usually I isolate myself or do something alone to re-enter myself.

Then again, I am a man, so if she flashes me her chest, I am guaranteed to smile as well.

[Asker]

how long you would want to be keft alone?

[ShiftingMonke]

Until I felt back to normal; it's completely situational.

[Asker]

like how long or how many days you guess

[Asker]

and what do you want to do or say while you want to be left alone

[ShiftingMonke]

It varies entirely on what's got me down, and why. It could be only a few hours, it could be a day or two; it's completely subjective.

[Anonymous]

Honestly just don’t create more problems like trying to argue w me while I’m figuring things out. Most men like to be alone to figure out what we’re going to do. Is it healthy? Probably not. But as the man that’s what we do, at least most of us cause we’re supposed to take care of the family. So just let me be, let me figure out my thoughts. When I figure it out I will talk. But don’t bug continuously asking things. I know that probably makes you worry too because you’re not sure what’s going on, but most times that’s how we handle things. Just being there is good, let him know you’re here if he needs you.

[Asker]

nice what else advice you can give

[Asker]

do you want to be left alone and for how long?

[Opinion Owner]

Yes I like to think about how to fix whatever it is needs to be fixed. Just kind of depends on how long it takes to figure out what I need to do to figure it out

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend rarely comforted me when I was depressed, and that hurt so I didn't comfort her and now she's dead.

So if I ever get into a relationship again (which is doubtful) and start feeling depressed, then I'm either gonna do myself in too or get over myself and worry more about her. I'm not losing another one

[Anemone978]

This is actually a really good question, I didn't know how to comfort him and he would never tell me when he had issues...
And when I would have issues he would never comfort me even when I told him lol

[Asker]

lol did you what his issues are even he did not tell you?

[Anemone978]

I knew because the way he would act, I would know something was up, but he wouldn't tell me what it was even if I asked... Then once whatever was bugging him was better then he would let me about it.

[Batsy01010101]

maybe he just didn't want to start any altercations or fight or risk losing you or you getting mad at him and never speaking to him again that was always my fear with the woman i love

[OfMiceandMen]

Just be there to talk to, maybe share some snuggles, that always makes me feel better. She could make some tea and we could lounge together all day.

[Anonymous]

It depends on the nature of what I’m sad about. If I’m sad because I lost a family member or a job, I will probably just want to go out and have a meal with her and maybe a movie and probably no sex. If I’m upset about something semi-serious then sex is always good.

[mobiusforniner]

To be left alone, honestly. The last thing i want is to be showered with affection. Gimme some tools, let me be in my garage or let me play my piano without being nagged by the kids.

[ManOnFire]

Honestly I feel like it's sad that any woman would have to ask this. I guess I feel like a woman should show a man the same emotional support they want when they're sad, lonely, or depressed.

[Kinkyhubby]

How about just to learn to read our facial expression when we are passed and just give us a minute, instead of pushing us more. Men are simple creatures. Most of us show our mood in our face. We are very non-verbal.

[TheSpaceGnome]

If I had a wife, I would not be sad, lonely, or depressed.

I can't understand why anyone who marries a match would be any of those.

[RavVid]

Give me space to get over it.

[SunnyRS]

Just someone who can listen and don't judge

[Anonymous]

Don't make it worse, basically.