Should I nip this in the bud early?

[Anonymous]

So I’ve been talking to this guy for like 3 days. We are both around the same age (21,22) and I get the not wanting to text thing all day now. But I don’t. I approached him first. He is so cute. I am excited to get to know him but I don't know that he feels the same. He texts back in a timely manner very quickly when he wants to. But because we are texting in messenger it tells me when he is active. So today he has been active but has not respond for two hours now. Am I being overbearing or is this hun not showing interest? I’m not going to lie I turn my active status off because I scroll before I want to respond but not this long. Is he not interested? Am I jumping the gun?

[HollyK21]

For starters, as you date men in general you should not put too much behind texting, in fact you want to minimize it. The goal is to build a relationship in person, not by carrying on through texts all day.


Also, not every guy is big on text convos. I’ve dated guys who love to text all day and others (like my current boyfriend) where we mostly just check in with each other but mainly we are together all the time, which to me is better. So don’t apply the same logic to each guy.


Lastly, you have to keep in mind that just because you are available to date right now doesn’t mean he is. You approached him first, meaning you are in a place where you’re open to pursuing something. Him showing interest doesn’t necessarily mean he wants to take things any further than casual.


Now, I’m not sure how the online messenger works, and for all you know he could just have the app running in the background, hasn’t close it all day. But of course there’s the potential he’s talking to someone else, which was also something to consider before approaching. So maybe you should figure out what’s really bothering you, and what you need from a man to feel secure. Is it more attention? More interest? Asking you out already? If he’s not giving you these things then that is what’s the problem, not the slow messaging.

[spartan55]

Yes. Don't use online status as an indicator of anything. He could have been away and left that app logged in. Don't ever expect a guy to be as into messaging, social media etc, as you are. Because that just isn't realistic.

[spartan55]

And what do you mean by 'nip it in the bud'? So he has to communicate by your standards or you're out? Like I said, guys aren't into online communication. Learn to compromise on this.

[Asker]

It’s just that it could be deemed a red flag. Someone who is truly interested wouldn’t not want to talk to you I think. Even though it’s only been a couple days I’m trying to avoid being ghosted

[spartan55]

Apparently you didn't read my response. It's not about WANTING to talk to you. We don't care who it. Messaging online sucks...