Why have guys always asked me to grab a coffee when meeting for the first time?

[Anonymous]

some women believe that it’s a low effort from a guy if he suggest coffee date.

[MrCommodore]

I'd prefer that if it's a first date, as really it's an interview. I think meeting for dinner/drinks is better on 2nd date

[Asker]

What do you mean interview lol?

[MrCommodore]

Usually if I'm going on a first date, it's more of an interview rather than a date, like we both are trying to figure out if the other person is relationship material or not.

[Asker]

What shows to you that girl is relationship material

[MrCommodore]

Her behaviour, particularly to other people like waiter etc, like if she seems like a genuinely nice woman it enhances her attractiveness.

Obviously there needs to be physical attraction too, but usually that was established when agreeing to go on a date.

[Asker]

What if you haven’t met her before, you’ve only seen her pics

[MrCommodore]

Well usually people share a few recent photos in advance to avoid shocks in person.

[Asker]

Well he has seen my pics. We were chatting for month before he really asked me out. Before that he was dropping hints that he wants to see me/ hang out. Why would he drop hints instead of just asking me out?

[MrCommodore]

He probably wanted to gauge whether you found him attractive too, men get nervous too you know 😊

[Asker]

I did like one of his old pictures on instagram I thought that showed that I found him attractive lol

[MrCommodore]

Men (Myself included) are not generally good at noticing subtle gestures such as you liking his picture, so you might need to be more obvious, as it might go over his head.

[Asker]

But by subtly hinting that he wants to see me how does that gauge my attraction to him though?

[MrCommodore]

Its him testing the water with you, to see if your repulsed by the idea or if you're open to it.

[jammcm]

Sincerity, do you really believe what you are telling me, or are you telling me what you think I want to hear. Someone who always agrees with me is not being sincere to them selves.

[Vegasrunner]

Hopefully because they are taking my advice. Coffee Dates are the only acceptable 1st dates a guy should take a girl on.

[Asker]

Why?

[Vegasrunner]

@asker there's an infinite number of reasons why.
1) Eliminates women looking for foody dates
2) Allows you to talk w/ your date w/ minimum interruptions. (Typically on dinner dates there's a waiter coming by every 5-10 minutes
3) Cheap way to look like a gentleman (First thing guy should do is offer to buy cup of coffee usually $5 - $10 max.
4) EZ to end or continue (Dinner dates can be awkward waiting to leave while a course is on its way or trying to stay when the meal is over
5) Very natural to go to another location from that spot (increases chances of getting laid)

[CarolinaJones]

To create a soothing atmosphere and have a nice chat.

[Asker]

by the way we were chatting for a month on instagram before he asked me out, bad sign?

[CarolinaJones]

It just means they want to know you better, and meet face-to-face. Perhaps this will move forward to a romantic, business-like, or friendlier relationship. Asking you out for a coffee is a good sign since he's willing to set some time for you. He considered your feelings, he didn't go full out and invited you to an extravagant and luxurious restaurant or place; therefore he wanted to make you feel comfortable.

[Asker]

What do you mean by ”he considered your feelings” I’m sure he suspects that I’m interested in him too

[CarolinaJones]

Doesn't want you to feel overwhelmed. It's like choosing between a rose and a diamond. You would feel overwhelmed and uncomfortable to have such a big gift; therefore you choose something as simple as a rose, for starters.

[richardcory]

I think coffee dates are intentionally low-stress. No romance. That may be good - if you don't get along well, its much easier to just not meet again, than if you were on a romantic date. IMHO, the 2nd date should be romantic

[aoihewgf]

Because gone are the days of the free meal offered as the defacto first date.

Guy can spend $100 or $0 on first date. doesn't matter one bit. Woman knows whether she going to sleep with him regardless.

[jammcm]

I think that you should be pleased that you are asked for a coffee date. These are the men who are trying to find a "real" relationship not just a "one night stand".

[Asker]

What shows that he want a ”real” relationship with me?

[jammcm]

Do you talk about real things or just surface things. A question I wold ask you is: Where do you want to be 20 years from now?

[LiamJHayden]

Because if you do not hit it off it is easy for either of you to leave early. Also, it helps weed out women who are dating primarily for free meals at nice places.

[Asker]

What’s leaving early to you? After 1h?

[LiamJHayden]

Depends. I am super low pressure so it is usually up to her, but if she ends up being rude then I will leave almost immediately.

[Asker]

What if the guy is shaky and seems kinda nervous and is on his phone during the date?

[spartan55]

What sort of effort is the woman putting into the first date?

[Anonymous]

To weed out the women who are egotistical enough to think that getting to know them should require a lot of effort and money.

[Asker]

Are guys later willing to put more effort after the coffee date?

[spartan55]

@asker
What effort are YOU putting in? Showing up?

[Opinion Owner]

What do you mean by "effort"?

[Asker]

Effort that guys put into girls to show that they like her etc

[Opinion Owner]

Give me some examples of what you consider an acceptable amount of effort

[Asker]

Initiating contact regularly, taking her out to eat, buying gifts, showing feelings etc

[Opinion Owner]

Ok. That's reasonable. What are some examples of acceptable effort from women?

[Anonymous]

Common sense. You call it low effort. We call it minimal risk investment. Any woman that is already critiquing a guy just off that can be dismissed she isn't going to get any better.

[KrakenAttackin]

Because men are tired of foodie calls.

[Asker]

What do you mean?

[KrakenAttackin]

What you call "low effort" we call "pre-screening".