Is Asking a Guy To Get Coffee The Same as Asking Him Out On a Date?

Question

I told this guy that I liked him months back, so he knows I'm interested. The thing is I know that he's Muslim and I know about how Muslims view dating. But although I didn't ask him, I ask if he wanted to grab some coffee from Starbucks with me next Thursday. He said sure and suggested a Starbucks 10 minutes away. But I suggested the one on campus and even offered to buy him a cup. He agreed to meet next week in the late afternoon.

So although I didn't directly ask him, is it the same as asking him out on a date or no?

Emogirl999 · Accepted Answer

I'd say it's not a date unless you both see it as a date. Anything even the most simple things like going for a walk can be a date if you want it to be a date, at the same time things that seem like they would be dates like going to the movies or getting dinner could be just that, it doesn't have to be a date if you don't want it to be a date.

FreyaRed · Accepted Answer

Not for me. I grew up among boys, hence I can be very collegial with men. Making a break in a cafeteria/bar with someone I work with isn't really a date, just killing of time. Of course it's not possible with some guys who tend to interpret things as wish think and I don't make any suggestion it could be more than a break with a college

RawIronhide · Accepted Answer

Sort of, it's a start think of it like you're getting to know each other to see if you want to date. Tecknically it's a date but not like a romantic date more of a friendly date but it's a good way to start.
I know nothing about muslum dating but generally people are similar.

RobT312 · Accepted Answer

I suppose yes, coffee is a casual date. It’s an invite, it’s a time to talk with the person.
a date doesn’t have to be fancy, sometimes the best dates aren’t fancy.

however most women I have dated expect a “date” to be something more special than Starbucks

WhatTheHeckkkk · Answer

My now boyfriend asked to grab a cup of coffee and talk… So I definitely consider it a date.

Anonymous · Answer

Whatever you CALL it, it will be what it will be... BUT you must understand that most people who belong to religions are more concerned with the appearances of a thing than the actual thing.

This is why some Christians only go on group dates (so everybody knows nothing naughty happened even though it's supposed to be between them and God).

Members of the LDS Church (Mormons) have this peculiar concept of "soaking" which is basically sex without moving, kinda karma sutra-esk, but the idea is that it APPEARS to God that they aren't actually doing what they are doing.

I don't have a lot of experience with Islam, but if they are anything like the rest, the devout are very serious and truly devout... "Letter of the law"... But the rest, 20-80% depending on the community are mostly held in line by the concern of how things will appear and the threat of loss of family/ community.

So coffee in the mid or late afternoon is very easily explained away as simply a couple of friends enjoying a hot beverage in a public place if he is questioned.

I do have to wonder how Islam views coffee, though, I know they have prohibitions on "strong beverages" which can be interpreted as JUST alcohol or can go as far as the LDS Church does and extend it to anything with caffeine. Additionally, what sect of Islam does he belong to? I'm sure they all have different rules on different issues and if you will be dating him, it would. be good to learn.

OpenClose · Answer

Eh, people get too hung up on labels and categorizing things.

Like nowadays that's probably called a "potential semi-demi-date leading into promise-friends-with-benefits" or something.

Like, you can go out, just grab coffee, chat, and sparks fly or they don't. We shouldn't have to expect sparks to fly by assuming it's romantic, or prevent sparks from flying because it was supposed to be non-romantic.

In Northern Europe, "getting coffee" is generally THE date. You both pay for yourselves and the whole thing is informal. Dinners are considered too big and with too many expectations.

Here in the US, we have like 50 specific stages before sex is allowed to be mentioned, and they all have to follow some specific sequence. Like, I've known people who started having sex after they got promise-engagement rings. Like seriously. It isn't a ring that says "I'm married" or an engagement ring that says "I'm promised to get married". It's a ring that says "I'm promised to one day be promised to one day get married at some point" and there's a specific ring for that and specific gems you're supposed to use. It's madness.

I hear in Scandinavia and the Netherlands, you basically get coffee, have sex, then see if you want it to be a long-term relationship. Some people get married as a celebration of 30 years together. It's all that informal.

Anonymous · Answer

Pretty much. What woman wants to go out for some coffee with a man on her personal time to talk 1 on 1. Every time a girl asks sit down next to her & “just chat” it’s usually her trying invite me inside of orifices. Or if she just wants to say “hi” it’s the same thing. Unless she does that at work or if she invites me to go out with her friends then it’s usually not a date or anything romantic or sexual. So he most likely knows. Enjoy wearing a hijab for your future husband I wish you two the best.

enousonca · Answer

a piece of advice here.
muslim men aren't so religious at early youth but they became more religious as they grow up.
so as their marriage ways work, it is a high chance that he may force his values upon you.
it is very common. just my advice.

InferiorElegy · Answer

Unless it's stated that it's a date, it's not a date. Also if the girl doesn't consider it a date, it's not a date. Also if she says "it's nice hanging out like this" and the check comes and you ask for it to be a split and then she calls it a date, it's still not a date.

Malgaran · Answer

I personally would not see this as a date. I would just interpret it as a friendly casual thing. But I would say it changes it a little if you already told him you like him, that he might see this as a date for example would not be weird, would not be weird for many, just me personally would not see it as such still.

SabinaV · Answer

Remember to just be yourself, you do not have to impress him. Be you.

For now it may be seen as a friendly meet up.

Usually you will feel in that moment if it still sparks your interest, or you can also see if he will be interested.

Just enjoy the moment let me know what happens next.

Dargil · Answer

No it is not. "Lets get coffee" is testing the water. You can also call it "the preliminary interview." A polite decline rarely hurts feelings and acceptance instills hope. This was the way it was in my great-grandfather's day. Baby steps. AKA "Courting".

Blonde401 · Answer

It’s a casual, low pressure way of asking someone to spend time with you. Not necessarily a date but it’s a friendly gesture that could lead to a date.

Yvng_Con · Answer

If you felt nervous asking them, chances are that it's a date. Also, if there was a formality to how it came about , rather than a spontaneous hangout — that can be a sign that it's more than just friendship.
Also anything is a date if its marked in your calendar since it's not spontaneous.

petitedollbabee · Answer

Depends on who it is. If I asked a stranger out for coffee, then I would consider that a date. But I regularly go out for coffee with my best friend and that’s not a date, it’s just hanging out.

Alyssa_11 · Answer

I know Muslims are “conservative” but a lot of us date lol. Just putting it out there. He might not care too much about avoiding dating. It’s sweet that you take this into consideration though.

Jaximus-Lion · Answer

No! Not in my dictionary. ''Get Coffee'' is more as a friendly gesture more than a date. I ask many many people to grab a coffee all the time and not even once any one translated to a ''date'' . It's more as socializing. If someone takes it as a date! Well, make sure they do understand it's not a date, just getting to know each other in a friendly way.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

No, I believe he sees it as just going to get a cup of coffee and keeping things at a medium key so who knows it could grow into something bigger when the time comes

TruthBringer · Answer

Yes, because usually when you ask someone to get some coffee with you outside of friendships or co-workers scenarios are indeed asking someone out on a date. And guys will surely interpret it that way.

TheAfrikan · Answer

If it was like a dinner date or a coffee date. That would sound like a real date. Maybe he accepted since you are offering a cup of coffee to him or her knows your intentions. you may never know what comes out of that date, all the best to you.
And since he is a true practicing Muslim guy, you might have got ya eyes on a real keeper so go for it @melaninqueen21

infp6w7male · Answer

That's sweet of you to make a first move! However, if you only want to be friends with him, do tell because he might think that it's a date. But I applaud you getting out of there and asking him for coffee.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, it's a date. These other guys here are delusional. Any guy/girl going "for coffee" is on a date, no matter how low key.

Fireguy17 · Answer

It is pretty low key, not much pressure on either party. Kind of like lunch dates.

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