Why would guy ask me this during first date?

[Anonymous]

He asked me “ if you had kids would you like to stay at home or work?

I wasn’t expecting that question..

[ProbablyClueless]

He's trying to figure out if you're a good fit for him by asking your perspective and opinions on things. Figuring out how you view your role in a marriage/relationship is a huge part of that.

I'm surprised that you've never had a guy ask you something like that before?

[Asker]

I asked hin first what his future plans were I don't know if that was also bad question

He slso said earlier that he wants big family. When he asked if I would work or stay at home when I kids I told him when they’re older I would go back to work. I did also say that I want to further my studies and get better job. Maybe he got the impression I don’t want to have kids soon? I did told him I want big family too

[JeffersonA]

Well at our age kinda a good question... For latter bad first date question.

[Asker]

But why would he ask that though

[Asker]

I asked hin first what his future plans were I don't know if that was also bad question

[JeffersonA]

No yours was good his was way to soon in the relationship!
Did he show other red flags?

[Asker]

No but earlier he asked if I want big family

[Asker]

Like how many kids I want

[JeffersonA]

Probably wants a big one most girls don't!

[Asker]

When he asked if I would work or stay at home when I kids I told him when they’re older I would go back to work. I did also say that I want to further my studies and get better job. Maybe he got the impression I don’t want to have kids soon? I did told him I want big family too

[Asker]

After the date he told me our life goals are not aligned and we shouldn’t continue to see each other. When I asked what plans didn’t align he said just in general level they’re not align.

[JeffersonA]

Na sounds like he did not have a good time and used that lame excuse for it!
Your a smart woman he probably wanted a dumb stay at home girl.

[Asker]

Why do you think he made an excuse?

[JeffersonA]

Cause even if you both don't align most would go on a second date with a smart pretty woman if they had a good time.
Sounds like you might not have had the best time either.

[Asker]

We come from conservative culture where people see expected to get married within one year if they start talking to someone. Also no sex before marriage.

[Asker]

He sent me long paragraph. He said ” may god bless you in this life and the hereafter” Why is he acting like cares about me and has feelings for me?

[als24]

Is he financially comfortable? If so, he could be checking to see how willing you'd be in becoming a housewife while he is the sole provider.

[Asker]

I don't know what his stand but I told him I would stay at home when they’re little and after that go back to work

[als24]

Fair enough.

[Asker]

But after that he told me our life goals are not aligned and we shouldn’t continue to see each othet

[als24]

Ok so either he wanted you to say stay at home 100% or be at work 100%. If I was to guess, I'd say stay at home.

[Asker]

But why would a man want me to stay at home? He also said he wants big family

[als24]

So you can focus on raising the kids, cooking and taking care of the house while he's busy providing financially etc. The fact he said that makes me more sure he wants a very feminine woman who won't have a problem doing the above.

[Asker]

But I told him when they’re older I would go back to work. I did also say that I want to further my studies and got better job. Maybe he got the impression I don’t want to have kids soon? I did told him I want big family too

[als24]

Maybe he's not looking for that. Maybe he's looking for a woman who will stay at home for the rest of her life. Maybe but I don't know as I'm not him.

[Asker]

When I asked what plans didn’t align he said just in general level they’re not align. Why wouldn’t he tell me more..

[als24]

I think he didn't want to hurt your feelings by keeping it vague.

[Asker]

He didn’t want to say what exact plans didn’t align?

[als24]

Yeah.

[Asker]

He sent me long paragraph. He said ” may god bless you in this life and the hereafter” Why is he acting like cares about me and has feelings for me?

[als24]

Strange. Maybe he's trying to let you go gently?

[Asker]

Yeah but why? Was it hard decision for him?