He showed interest in me first, flirted and suggested that we go out regularly but nothing happened, then I ignored him harshly because I thought he played me as he didn't suggest a day/time. After a few months of no contact I asked him out multiple times. He didn't reply when I asked him out but he was trying to get my attention. Then he was texting me first everyday regularly, and all the time, but didn't go out with me when I asked again. He suggested to meet in a group with my other female friend (he wasn't flirting with her but me) but I said I wanted only the two of us. Then nothing. Finally I got pissed and told him I have no more time to waste because he's indecisive so we either hang out or he can go waste time somewhere else. Now he treats me bad, started pursuing another girl, is mean to me and laughs at me when I apologize for saying it. He tells me I'm making things worse and tells me to enjoy my life and not waste my time. I thought he was shy, but now I'm not so sure. Is he doing it for revenge? Would he do it if he was interested? Did I really overreact? I had a reason to be pissed at him.
Why is my crush doing this?
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You didn't overreact at all. Your only mistake was by continuing to even try with him, especially when you went no contact for months and then decided to ask him out some more. When you went no contact the first time, that's where you should've left it for good. Never ever beg or keep trying with someone who is being wishy washy, responding only when they want to, or ignoring you entirely.
You weren't wrong to finally get pissed and tell him you have no more time to waste, but like I said you should've ultimately left him alone from the very beginning. He treats you bad now because he knows that his actions pissed you off, and because you apologized for saying so. He wants to be cruel to you now because of it. When a person who likes another person shows weakness, it pleases the other person and encourages them to want to be cruel to you.
So from this point on entirely I would stop talking to him altogether if I were you. And if he were to try to come back groveling later on, do not take this guy back. At all. The cycle will just repeat. I know this has all probably hurt you and given you a lot of anxiety, and I'm sorry for that, but that type of guy is seriously not worth it. This really is a case where you can do so much better than that.
I know I should just move on but it's not that easy for me. I keep blaming myself because he was a completely different person in the beginning, he was pursuing me, going where I was, suggested to hang out but with no plans. I think he may have been shy at first and took it as rejection when I ignored him but I did it out of anger because I thought he was stringing me along. So I think after these few months he's been breadcrumbing me for revenge.
I honestly think the guy is just probably not mature enough for you. Don't beat yourself too bad. When somebody is right for you things will be smooth and even, there will always be moments where they're not and one person is mad at the other, but most times a good relationship will not have all that conflict.
Regardless of how you feel things were in the beginning, how he is behaving now let's you know he's not a very mature guy for dating.
I agree with you. I just can't understand why he's so cruel now. He replied that he's not mad and he also laughed. He added that I think too much and I'm making everything worse. He told me to enjoy myself and not waste my precious time. Now he's ghosting my texts. Did I make everything worse by apologizing? That's ridiculous.
No. I think he's passive-aggressively trying to punish you for being pissed at him about his bullshit. I also think you should stop texting and contacting him entirely. By you reaching out to him and saying more about the situation, it only entertains him. He's trying to make it as if it's no issue for him but we can clearly see that it is, but it's not your problem and doesn't have to be.
Yeah. Now he's saying that I'm crazy after I told him about what he did and after I told him to admit he's not interested. He says he doesn't know what I'm talking about, that I'm nuts and that I should approach him in person if I have any problems and that he'd be extremely happy to hear what I have to say, and that he's not negative about me and doesn't have any issues with me. All of this after him saying I'm making matters worse. Honestly seems like a psycho himself.
Yeah, he's trying to manipulate you. He can see what's going on in your head, especially by you continuing to talk to him about the issue. He's hoping you're going to prove him right about it all.
We finally talked about it irl and I asked him if he wants to hang out as more than friends. He said no. He's more than likely gay but he knew exactly what he was doing all this time.
Lmfao. NOW he says he's gay? This guy is lame.
No, he didn't say it. He just said he didn't want to be more than friends. However, many things point to him being gay in my opinion. I haven't seen him with girls, it's always his male friends, even on vacation. Or perhaps he's taken but I really doubt it.
Hmmmmmm. Interesting. He could be gay... or deep down he knows he's not very good with girls and doesn't have much confidence.
I don't know anymore. I just don't understand him at all. Why would he want to punish me? I only ignored him a few times because I was pissed.. I explained it to him, he didn't care. I explained everything to him, I asked why he acted interested in the first place. He was just pretending that nothing happened. How to stop blaming myself? If I meant something to him he would have forgiven me for what I said out of anger, especially after I asked him out multiple times..
Your last line is key: "If I meant something to him he would have forgiven me" He hasn't forgiven you. He has acted terrible and unfairly with you. I know it hurts you and you're disappointed but you really need to stop trying with him. As the saying goes: Stop caring about people who aren't caring about you. Walking away will make you feel so much better about yourself. You don't deserve to be treated the way he's treating you.
When you walk away he will feel your absence and most likely try to reach out again. DO NOT take the guy back. Stand up for yourself and keep walking, cuz there's another better guy out there you will meet who won't treat you like this.
But I think he might be doing this because he may have felt rejected by me in the past so he completely lost interest as a result. He told me once that I never liked him. When there was no contact between us (after I harshly ignored him because I felt played) on my birthday he posted things on his social media like "never trust people" or "people only regret when they lose someone". However, he never properly asked me out in the first place, he only suggested so there's no way to tell really.. I told him he doesn't want to consider putting himself in my position, I mean me asking him out a few times and him doing nothing.. He replied to that "you don't know what others are going through either".. I don't know what's that supposed to mean. The things he said/did were always one big mess.
You're trying to blame yourself for his shitty treatment towards you in the hopes that you can forgive him. This guy is manipulating you and he knows it, and he knows you're thinking all these things, which is what he wants.
So was all of it just one big manipulation and pretending? I don't get why someone would waste another's time like this for such a long time (a year or more) without having some kind of agenda. I mean would he do all of these things if he wasn't initially interested? Just for the fun of it? I don't think he would want to waste time like this. Maybe he was actually interested in the beginning because if not, would he bother to do/say all these things? What does he get out of hurting me like this? Is he hoping I will cry after him or what? I don't think he will feel my absence as he has a new object now. Maybe he thinks I deserve that treatment because in his twisted immature mind I hurt his ego in the past? These are my final questions and a big thank you for your answers.
I think the Why doesn't matter. None of the questions should at this point. Trying to make sense of it, figure it out, etc. is only going to bury you deeper into wonder and disappointment. The questions don't matter because his actions tell you everything.
You have already apologized. You have already tried talking to him. You have done everything and nothing else is required of you but to let go. It doesn't matter what he feels or what he perceived from you, he didn't need to act the way he has. He already shows you exactly what he is. Let that guy go and don't keep letting him control your mind and your feelings like this.
Wow, honestly I think you mishandled this whole situation from start to finish. First of all, why did you ask him out 'multiple times' after he: blew you off to begin with and didn't contact you for three months? I don't know why you think he was 'trying to get your attention' by not answering you at all? No honey, he was blowing you off AGAIN. Then, he starts messaging and you ask him out again, and (surprise surprise) he blows you off AGAIN.
I mean how many times does it take for this guy to show you he isn't interested? You girls are always pathologically worried about even appearing desperate. You are definitely coming off that way though. And apologizing to him for what you said? Girl, just stop. He doesn't gaf. He told you that from the beginning, you just didn't listen.
He didn't blow me off in the beginning. He chased me in the beginning and suggested to hang out regularly, I said yes to it but nothing happened. Then there was no contact and then I asked him out.
Yeah, you never went out on a date. He blew you off.
So why did he even suggest anything in the first place? It makes no sense.
Why does it matter? You are focusing on things that aren't important. Maybe after the he flirted with you and hung out a little he lost interest.