I told him that at this place I go to there is this old man who's well into his 80s. He always finds an excuse to rub my back or put his hand on my middle back.
I hardly know him we only talked maybe twice but this old man feels he knows me well enough where he can just touch me. I haven't seen him in a few months so I'm waiting for him to do it again so I can tell him not to touch me.
But I was telling my guy friend about it, I didn't get to go into great detail about it but I just said that this old guy rubs/touches my back. He looked pissed off and alarmed at first. Then he quickly changed and said, "Oh he probably thinks are you a young kid like below 18 and he's probably just treating you like some little kid." He found it harmless.
I thought it was messed up because it could harmless but at the same time I'm uncomfortable about it, I don't like it, I don't want some dude (even if he doesn't mean anything by it) to just touch me whenever he wants and make me uncomfortable.
I thought it was insensitive of him to come to that conclusion or say that. I was wondering if what he said is messed up or should I just drop it because he doesn't know what it's like to be a woman and get old men that try to take liberties.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
It’s arrogant at best, but I don't know if it’s worth being mad about. He’s not there to see this exchange go down so maybe he doesn’t understand how much it bothers you. But emotions aside, what can he really do or say? Maybe going forward you just don’t get into touchy topics like this with him, that way you don’t even have to worry about a lackluster or offensive response. I have a couple guy friends and I don’t discuss certain things with them that I do discuss with my female friends. There’s a barrier of understanding and maybe even some coldness that a woman won’t have.
Do you think this is a universal understanding between women? Like basically every woman out there knows what it feels like to be put in a uncomfortable position or to be hit on by a creepy guy/ dirty old man?
Oh for sure! Our ability to relate and be empathetic to one another is much different than men, they aren’t built like us. I’ve actually lost guy friends in the past for how upset I’d get over their obliviousness and cold reactions to things I’d share. It would be very hurtful and offensive. As I got older though I realized that a lot of dudes just can’t relate, and as a result I don’t share touchy things. I don’t even want to risk feeling embarrassed or gaslit as if I’m overreacting or overthinking an occurrence that to me was bad. I talk about it to my female friends and sister.
Well whether to were simply incapable of handling this easy situation appropriately yourself, why should he care enough to get all emotional?
You pinky swear you weren't just making a story up to create drama or try and get your guy friend to become emotional?
You didn't mention what this "place" you frequent was exactly
You say here too that you going back to the place for months so that you can have him touch you again and then you can tell him off"
" I haven't seen him in a few months so I'm waiting for him to do it again so I can tell him not to touch me"
Sounds like it's not all that serious then.
Maybe stop with the made up drama
God be with you