Are my brother-in-law’s “jokes” abusive, or could he just be completely kidding?

[Anonymous]

My brother in law says things a lot that are insulting but he says them like jokes. Every time I’m back there his opener is always “how’s your boyfriend?” But I don’t have a boyfriend and have struggled with dating with my autism. I also don’t understand jokes usually. Once he made a joke and I didn’t laugh and then he goes “was that too advanced for you?” Other examples: I told him I was going on dates with multiple guys (not sleeping with them or anything like that!) and he goes “Slutttt!” Then he told me I’m past my prime. He says these all as “jokes” and everyone in my family laughs at them. Also once I lost my job and wasn’t working for a short period (but I was job seeking) and one day I said I was tired and he goes “aww did you just have a really busy day?” I was told it’s because he likes me and he wouldn’t play around with me if he didn’t. But I see this as enabling his abuse and treating me with impunity.

[spartan55]

I think abusive is a pretty big reach. Insensitive? For sure. Just tell him to go fuck off.

[Asker]

I’m not even going back for Father’s Day tomorrow. My dad will come visit me and I’ll take him to lunch next week.

[spartan55]

Sounds good.

[nolabels]

He's an asshole.

Tell him to shove it.

[chicken_nugget24]

He may just have a dark sense of humour. If he's making you uncomfortable, you gotta tell him

[Asker]

I have before. And he got all cold on me and awkward. And my family will back him up and frame me as sensitive and him as the poor victim just trying to be funny.

[chicken_nugget24]

Stay away from him then