How do I stop being nice guy without overcompensation, I'm learning to be assertive but sometimes I'm an asshole and want to avoid the pendulum swing?

[Declan123]

[GreatBigCircles]

I think the problem is that you're misunderstanding what it means to be nice. Being nice is about how you relate to others, and having a desire to see them smile and feel good about themselves.

Assertiveness is also not about tearing down the ideas and actions of others, but being firm in your own ideas and actions, even if you decide to go with what someone else wants.

If you want to be a nice guy and not a yes man, work on learning to be mindful of others and empathetic to how they're feeling. If you want to be assertive, have conversations when a disagreement comes up; don't argue, but instead honestly lay out why you want to do something. If you end up changing your mind, that's okay too. The fact you do so because you had a change in how you thought instead of simply conceding out of fear of conflict is part of what separates confidence and assertiveness from being a stubborn asshole.

[nolabels]

What is the answer given to the guy that wants to know how to get to Carnegie Hall? Practice, man, practice!

That's what it takes to achieve what you're talking about. Practice.

You're going to make mistakes, count on it. You're human, subject to fault, as are we all. If you learn from the mistakes, future errors will hopefully be smaller ones, but not always.

Myself and much of the world's people struggle with this issue.

Conscientious practice is the only effective route that I've found.

Sincere apologies for transgressions can go a long way in repairing torn relationships.

I'm sure that there are books on the subject, if you're a reader.

I wish you the best of luck.

[kylee2437]

What accept less than what you want and remember being a nice guy does not mean that a woman owes you anything. If a woman or anyone isn’t giving you what you are looking for, you have a right to remove that person out of your life.

[kylee2437]

Don’t accept*

[Declan123]

Exactly why I cut off my ex entirely

[ValeriusDover]

There's no such thing as too much of an asshole. Girls prefer bad boys. Try putting other people down, it'll make you look better and they'll respect your audacity. Be a real man who doesn't take shit from anyone. Bully some people, encourage people you don't like to kill themselves, by striking at their insecurities when they're down. You won't even have to try to get girls if you're good enough.

[Declan123]

I disagree, someone who feels good about themselves doesn't need to put other people down to feel better. A woman I respect a lot said "a high quality woman with healthy self esteem would never settle for an asshole."